2 years
My father was alive and well 2 years ago...seemed like all was well and would go on like that for much longer. The last few times I was home he and I went to get rocks for a shed he and my bro NC built. As I drove with him into bear canyon just north of canyonday he off loaded all the ills of the household, drama and midway through he paused and said "Sorry you gotta hear this sonny, I just gotta get it out or Ima burst!" In the midst of those recounts of dramatic stories I realized he wasnt talking to me as his son but as another man...so despite the drama I felt a great sense of pride knowing my dad acknowledged me in that indirect way.
I find often now that he and I have the same issues within, the same bouts but the edge I have is my pretty clean cut life thus far....I start to question that path I have walked, but I know that when I do that it only opens the door for that demon to creep in.....diyi or power as it is said among the apache is a strange thing that is constantly floating around it is neither good or bad but very powerful and can motivate or destroy. So I am careful about the power that can find you, I have lived my life to that concept for some time now and it has served me best.
I learned from all the examples around me that god is the number one power and cannot be bargained with, so I have offered all my prayers with that in mind since my teens...I know that is why my prayer has protected me and seen me through all the madness that is life.
I dont like the doubt that has crept into my heart, I dont like how it has the power to stir resentment up in an instant and how it slowly converts to a poison that ruins everything....yet it is there. I havent been wrong about its presence in the past so that is why I am very afraid its here now.....my mind races...its different now then when I felt this as a kid, I can bare it better now because of the rough road I have had to ride but it dont change the fact that it hurts.
Im aware of my shortfalls, know my half steps well. Having been through the wringer about all sorts of life things....No one is right when were all wrong....I miss my dad and the insight he had to situations like this...I could trust him with anything.....just gotta face this the best way I can and always press forward. I am balanced, my life is right, my prayer is strong, my power is the gift of insight and true compassion.....its all worth it and not worth losing for dramatics...but man its SOO fucking easy to run from problems....cept for me they catch up fast or in other ways...I cant bring that on others......Oh pops....I wish you were here but I know your better and wouldnt want to come back here after seeing the other side....One day we can talk.
Life is beautiful, use and spend it wisely. Happy Halloween!
I find often now that he and I have the same issues within, the same bouts but the edge I have is my pretty clean cut life thus far....I start to question that path I have walked, but I know that when I do that it only opens the door for that demon to creep in.....diyi or power as it is said among the apache is a strange thing that is constantly floating around it is neither good or bad but very powerful and can motivate or destroy. So I am careful about the power that can find you, I have lived my life to that concept for some time now and it has served me best.
I learned from all the examples around me that god is the number one power and cannot be bargained with, so I have offered all my prayers with that in mind since my teens...I know that is why my prayer has protected me and seen me through all the madness that is life.
I dont like the doubt that has crept into my heart, I dont like how it has the power to stir resentment up in an instant and how it slowly converts to a poison that ruins everything....yet it is there. I havent been wrong about its presence in the past so that is why I am very afraid its here now.....my mind races...its different now then when I felt this as a kid, I can bare it better now because of the rough road I have had to ride but it dont change the fact that it hurts.
Im aware of my shortfalls, know my half steps well. Having been through the wringer about all sorts of life things....No one is right when were all wrong....I miss my dad and the insight he had to situations like this...I could trust him with anything.....just gotta face this the best way I can and always press forward. I am balanced, my life is right, my prayer is strong, my power is the gift of insight and true compassion.....its all worth it and not worth losing for dramatics...but man its SOO fucking easy to run from problems....cept for me they catch up fast or in other ways...I cant bring that on others......Oh pops....I wish you were here but I know your better and wouldnt want to come back here after seeing the other side....One day we can talk.
Life is beautiful, use and spend it wisely. Happy Halloween!