Walks, Being Thankful, Being Present
In the beginning of July I started taking walks at work as breaks. For the first few weeks I would always go out with my super huge, colorful headphones on.
Therefore, it is usually easy to spot me when I am tromping around the Square. I would usually zone out to music when taking a brisk walk to get away from the cave of my cubicle. Sometimes, I would hit a spot where Ian and I had been, liked to go, or something that was a sparking point in our relationship and I would cry. Seeing a fast paced woman in huge, colorful headphones while crying is probably an odd site, I imagine.
My walking routes include the Square and the surrounding areas. The route I choose usually depends on the amount of time that I have available. When I am running short on time, I sometimes walk directly around the Capitol Building. One of the first all-day trips I took to Madison to hang out with Ian was wandering down State Street and around the Capitol. He told me about the cows that were sprinkled all over the city. I took pictures of so many of them. I even got him to pose in a couple of the photos. He has such a great smile.
One day while taking a quick walk around the Capitol I hit the spot where this cow was and I immediately broke down when reliving the memory.
A week later I was taking the same path and as I rounded that corner, about to walk by the very same location, I started having different thoughts.
I thought to myself, "You need to be thankful for the time that you had in his life and thankful for the time you shared together. All of it." Those two sentences resonated with me.
Yes, Ian is gone. Yes, I miss him dearly. Yes, he was also a pain in the ass when he wanted to be - which was pretty much a lot. But the time that we had together, that cannot be taken away by anybody. That will always be mine to hold on to. I am thankful for the laughs, the fights, the smiles, the pictures, and all of the love that we shared. I am thankful for the last dinner we shared on February 15th. I am thankful for the notes and gifts that he left me before he decided to leave us.
But most of all, I am thankful for the affect that he had on my life.
Thank you Ian.
Therefore, it is usually easy to spot me when I am tromping around the Square. I would usually zone out to music when taking a brisk walk to get away from the cave of my cubicle. Sometimes, I would hit a spot where Ian and I had been, liked to go, or something that was a sparking point in our relationship and I would cry. Seeing a fast paced woman in huge, colorful headphones while crying is probably an odd site, I imagine.
My walking routes include the Square and the surrounding areas. The route I choose usually depends on the amount of time that I have available. When I am running short on time, I sometimes walk directly around the Capitol Building. One of the first all-day trips I took to Madison to hang out with Ian was wandering down State Street and around the Capitol. He told me about the cows that were sprinkled all over the city. I took pictures of so many of them. I even got him to pose in a couple of the photos. He has such a great smile.
One day while taking a quick walk around the Capitol I hit the spot where this cow was and I immediately broke down when reliving the memory.
A week later I was taking the same path and as I rounded that corner, about to walk by the very same location, I started having different thoughts.
I thought to myself, "You need to be thankful for the time that you had in his life and thankful for the time you shared together. All of it." Those two sentences resonated with me.
Yes, Ian is gone. Yes, I miss him dearly. Yes, he was also a pain in the ass when he wanted to be - which was pretty much a lot. But the time that we had together, that cannot be taken away by anybody. That will always be mine to hold on to. I am thankful for the laughs, the fights, the smiles, the pictures, and all of the love that we shared. I am thankful for the last dinner we shared on February 15th. I am thankful for the notes and gifts that he left me before he decided to leave us.
But most of all, I am thankful for the affect that he had on my life.
Thank you Ian.