February Pain VS. August Pain
Last night I dreamt about Ian again. It was the first time since just before his birthday in June. We were out at an event or dinner somewhere and we were going through an actual conversation that he and I had before he died.
We were talking about the terms and circumstances under which we would both be comfortable "officially" getting back together. I asked him about how he was going to address it with his family and friends. I expressed my concern with the turmoil he and I had in previous years. It had soured my reputation with several people and I feared facing it. He told me "Don't worry, I already started the groundwork." That was straight out of a conversation that we had in after leaving Beer & Cheese Fest in January 2014.
We kissed towards the end of the dream. It was the same kiss from the Valentine's Day dinner, the Saturday before he died. I woke up still feeling his lips touching mine. I heard the contented sigh of happiness right before I woke up. It was the very same sound from that very same night.
Part of me wants to relive it over and over. And part of me feels haunted by it.
The death of Robin Williams.
So many people chiming in their opinion on suicide.
The dream last night.
This has undoubtedly been a tough year for me.
But this last month is like reliving the pain of February all over again.
Dear Ian,
I love you.
I miss you.
I hurt inside.
Love,
Meredith
We were talking about the terms and circumstances under which we would both be comfortable "officially" getting back together. I asked him about how he was going to address it with his family and friends. I expressed my concern with the turmoil he and I had in previous years. It had soured my reputation with several people and I feared facing it. He told me "Don't worry, I already started the groundwork." That was straight out of a conversation that we had in after leaving Beer & Cheese Fest in January 2014.
We kissed towards the end of the dream. It was the same kiss from the Valentine's Day dinner, the Saturday before he died. I woke up still feeling his lips touching mine. I heard the contented sigh of happiness right before I woke up. It was the very same sound from that very same night.
Part of me wants to relive it over and over. And part of me feels haunted by it.
The death of Robin Williams.
So many people chiming in their opinion on suicide.
The dream last night.
This has undoubtedly been a tough year for me.
But this last month is like reliving the pain of February all over again.
Dear Ian,
I love you.
I miss you.
I hurt inside.
Love,
Meredith