have i changed for the worse?
i know that i've definitely changed a lot since junior high and even since last year. but have these changes all been negative ones? iunno. it just seems like, in the eyes of others, i've become this terrible, selfish, obsessive person. your views on this subject are more than welcome by the way. it's just like, i feel that the ways i've changed are part of me, like they are another step closer to me actually being me. i know that i have changed in some ways that are bad. no, let me rephrase that. i know i have done some things lately that werent very considerate or nice and i feel bad for doing those things and if i could go back and undo them i would. but we all know i cant so im not the type of person to sit and regret all the things i've done because i'll never live a happy life if i'm always wallowing in the past. i've learned that all the mistakes i've made have helped to shape you i am today and i have learned from those mistakes and carried their lessons on with me. but i cant fix something until i know what i've done wrong. it hurts me to think that i may lose one of my best friends i've ever had because i neglected her and all this stuff. im not saying its not justifiable that she may like to be through with the depth of the friendship we'd have previously, it still hurts me that things may never be the same again. and i mean people are like, if she doenst want to help you fix things then its not worth it. but i mean i cant jsut turn my back on that friendship even if she might think i already have. iunno. its all just so dramatic. and i mean, i love my other friends too no doubt but i mean she was one of my best friends. iunno. it just really sucks but i dont wana be a drama queen about the whole thing cause i know i rag like hell on all them. but yeah. thanks to those that are offering support and such. gosh i make it sound lik im dying. but yeah, thank you.
and thank you for brightening my days it means the world to me :)
XOXO Lyss
p.s. shantel makes me smile <3