(no subject)
I was asked to put pen to paper on a 5 year goal, 3 year goal, and 1 year goal. I feel as if I don't even know where to begin and there is a layer of embarrassment as my 5 year goal should answer the question "What do I want to accomplish before I turn 36?".
This past weekend Cory got married - he looked so happy, so in love, and as if he is in the right place in life he should be. I remember him telling me at dinner one of the last times that he wanted to be married in 5 years, he wanted to start the foundation to a family. I remember knowing for certain at that moment we were not for one another in the end - we weren't on the same page. Fast forward from 2015 and he met his goal.
So when I think what do I want 5 years out, I am not event sure where to begin. What do I want from... my career, love life, family relationships, physical location, mentally, physically. Who do I want to be? I am that person now? Do I even truly know who I am at this moment?
It's a thread I have really never fully pulled, the "what do I want out of life" thread. I think that has deep roots in having a pre-set path laid out for me. I would go to school and get an undergraduate degree... that was about 4 years planned. Then I would get an advanced degree, another 2.5 years accounted for, then I was 26. Next step, get a stable and high paying job. Check. Which brings me to here. a month before my 31st birthday. Looking back I "accomplished" what I had set out. But in reality, how much of that did I truly set for myself? My parents always told me to get a PhD and not settled for less than 6 figures out of grad school.
Returning to the present moment, I need to pin point why I am so uncomfortable with trying to figure this out. It feels like a mental barrier and I wonder if I put it up because I am afraid I didn't make a "right" turn somewhere. But every turn I have made, right or wrong, has led to me where I am, and I am not disappointed by it, rather I am the opposite.
I know I don't need to have it all figured out now, but it's hard feeling I am one of the last few among the people I know that doesn't have a real direction in life. I feel I always played it safe and had a solid plan. Maybe it's time I didn't and just go for something.
This past weekend Cory got married - he looked so happy, so in love, and as if he is in the right place in life he should be. I remember him telling me at dinner one of the last times that he wanted to be married in 5 years, he wanted to start the foundation to a family. I remember knowing for certain at that moment we were not for one another in the end - we weren't on the same page. Fast forward from 2015 and he met his goal.
So when I think what do I want 5 years out, I am not event sure where to begin. What do I want from... my career, love life, family relationships, physical location, mentally, physically. Who do I want to be? I am that person now? Do I even truly know who I am at this moment?
It's a thread I have really never fully pulled, the "what do I want out of life" thread. I think that has deep roots in having a pre-set path laid out for me. I would go to school and get an undergraduate degree... that was about 4 years planned. Then I would get an advanced degree, another 2.5 years accounted for, then I was 26. Next step, get a stable and high paying job. Check. Which brings me to here. a month before my 31st birthday. Looking back I "accomplished" what I had set out. But in reality, how much of that did I truly set for myself? My parents always told me to get a PhD and not settled for less than 6 figures out of grad school.
Returning to the present moment, I need to pin point why I am so uncomfortable with trying to figure this out. It feels like a mental barrier and I wonder if I put it up because I am afraid I didn't make a "right" turn somewhere. But every turn I have made, right or wrong, has led to me where I am, and I am not disappointed by it, rather I am the opposite.
I know I don't need to have it all figured out now, but it's hard feeling I am one of the last few among the people I know that doesn't have a real direction in life. I feel I always played it safe and had a solid plan. Maybe it's time I didn't and just go for something.