(no subject)
My mom drove us past the ex's house.
There was a work truck blocking Common, so all traffic was having to take a side street to go around it. I wasn't paying attention to what street it was until after we turned and I saw that godforsaken green fence that's at the end of it. I tried my best to avoid looking at his house as we drove down his street, but couldn't avoid it given that we were heading straight toward it.
And I saw his truck in the driveway, and instantly felt myself heading into an anxiety attack.
But it didn't happen. I had anxiety, I freaked out (silently, secretly)about what I should do now that it's confirmed that he's in town, and . . . then I calmed down. Reminded myself how well it's been going now since he's been gone, reminded myself what type of torment I'd be bringing on myself if I tried to make any contact with him, and reminded myself that I've moved forward with my life and need to continue to do so. I'm still a bit anxious over it, only because I'm officially worried about accidentally running into him now, but overall I think I'm alright.
I've never had a 'zen' moment, but that's probably as close to one as I'm going to get.
There was a work truck blocking Common, so all traffic was having to take a side street to go around it. I wasn't paying attention to what street it was until after we turned and I saw that godforsaken green fence that's at the end of it. I tried my best to avoid looking at his house as we drove down his street, but couldn't avoid it given that we were heading straight toward it.
And I saw his truck in the driveway, and instantly felt myself heading into an anxiety attack.
But it didn't happen. I had anxiety, I freaked out (silently, secretly)about what I should do now that it's confirmed that he's in town, and . . . then I calmed down. Reminded myself how well it's been going now since he's been gone, reminded myself what type of torment I'd be bringing on myself if I tried to make any contact with him, and reminded myself that I've moved forward with my life and need to continue to do so. I'm still a bit anxious over it, only because I'm officially worried about accidentally running into him now, but overall I think I'm alright.
I've never had a 'zen' moment, but that's probably as close to one as I'm going to get.