(no subject)
Last we met, Jeremy had moved out of the barn, Abel was back, and Dean had a bad experience with a dresser from IKEA.
Sorry I was gone, I have a mental illness that doesn't let me enjoy any aspect of my life.
Title: That's My Brother.
Author: bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean,John/Mary/OFC OMCs OFCs Jared/Jensen
Rating :R
Words10,000/3,728,900
Warnings: Wincest
Summary: While helping Jeremy shop for his new house, Sam meets an old familiar face.
Notes:: AU, rest are here.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard
Jeremy's little house was kind of weird. It was nice, everything seemed in good working order, but Dean still thought it was super weird and he wasn't sure why. He was sitting on the sofa next to Sam watching Buster play with some toys they had laid out for him on a quilt because Dean didn't trust carpet, and thing were just weird. Sam didn't seem too bothered by anything. He was just sitting there watching Buster and occasionally looking at Jeremy who was in the kitchen fighting a losing battle with the fancy coffee maker Michael had bought him.
It had been about ten minutes since Jeremy offered to make coffee and Dean was still waiting and staring around the house. He had a perfect view of the entire kitchen, he could see the bathroom, and both bedrooms. There was a little table just outside the kitchen and Jeremy had a television of course, but that was about it. Dean was sure the lack of furniture or decorations was what was throwing him off, but in South Carolina, Sam treated the house like a fucking museum and there wasn't a lot of stuff. The lack of crap wasn't the problem, it took Dean another five minutes to figure out why the house was so weird, which he whispered to Sam to confirm.
"Sammy."
"What?" Sam asked as he looked over. "I should help him with the coffee."
"No." Dean whispered very quietly. "This house is smaller than our bedroom."
"You realize we live in an enormous house, right? Most bedrooms aren't as big as ours."
"But you could fit two of these houses in our bedroom at Lake George. I can't breathe in here."
"Stop tugging on your collar and be quiet."
Dean tugged on his collar twice more and then scooted over so he wasn't sitting so close to Sam and could have a little breathing room. The house was about half the size of the barn and the two bedrooms combined were a lot smaller than any of the kid's bedrooms at home. Dean got that Jeremy didn't have a lot of money and he probably wanted to use the money he had without asking for help, but it was downright claustrophobic.
"Here we go." Jeremy said as he walked over. "Dean, I made you half caf because you get a little rowdy sometimes and Sam this one is vanilla biscotti."
"Oooh!"
"Why does he get a fancy one!"
"Because you get rowdy."
"He's right Dean. Drink your coffee."
When Dean took the first sip of coffee, he nearly spit it back out, but he didn't want to spit hot coffee on Buster and he also didn't want to offend Jeremy. The coffee, what he could taste of it was pretty good, but it was the most sickeningly sweet thing Dean had ever put in his mouth, Sam's entire cock included. When Dean looked over Sam had a mouthful of coffee and seemed to be debating on how to get rid of it in a polite manner. When he finally swallowed, which was his natural instinct, his eyebrows folded down and Dean could have sworn he turned a little pale.
"It's good, right?" Jeremy asked as he got down on the floor with Buster. "You need more sugar?"
"No!" Dean yelled. "No, it'll make me rowdy and if I can't have more sugar neither can Sam."
"Michael bought that thing for me because he said it would save me a lot of money instead of going to Starbucks."
"Michael goes to Starbucks at least twice a day." Dean said. "But then he also has like 75 million dollars more than you."
"It's cool though, it'll make me tea at night."
"Well that's fun." Sam said. "And dad said he hung your shelves?"
"Assisted me. He was my assistant."
"Ah."
"So, Jeremy, how long do you..."
Dean was about to ask how long he had until classes started, but he stopped mid sentence when Sam glared the wrath of 10,000 Krakens into him. Before they arrived they had set up rules and Dean promised to follow them and he was going to. Sam wasn't so confident in his ability to be a big boy though and he was still glaring hard when Dean took another sip of a half caf sugar syrup.
They had mutually decided to not ask about Aaron, Max, or how long Jeremy was going to stay in New Haven. In fact Sam thought it was a pretty good idea to not ask any questions until Jeremy brought them up. That didn't leave much room for conversation, but they were just there to show their support and spend some time with their brother. Dean had plenty he wanted to ask, but Sam had already threatened swift vengeance against Ollie. He chose Ollie because Dean sort of liked being punished or slapped around or spit on, but Ollie did not like being punished especially when he didn't do anything. Fucking Sam was too smart for his own good and he chose Dean's only weakness and used it against him just like a bitch.
"How long do you have until school starts?"
"Next week."
"You excited?"
"I guess." Jeremy shrugged. "I mean it's not my first day, I've been to college before."
"But this is Yale." Sam said before setting down his coffee. "That's a big deal. Also, you need to use like a quarter of the amount of sweetner you put in this coffee. I love you, but I can't drink that."
"You are so picky!" Dean scoffed before attempting to gulp down his entire mug. "There's nothing wrong with the coffee...oh God, it's like sucking on a bee's ass!"
"It's not that sweet. It's just real sugar."
"Excuse me?"
"Real sugar." Jeremy said again. "Cheap white sugar."
"You..." Sam said before clearing his throat. "You knowingly gave me refined carbs?"
"I'm sorry, it's all I have."
"This is the fattest I've ever been and..."
"Sammy, sit down, it's the heaviest you've ever been. There's a difference, you've already packed on ten pounds of muscle."
"Oh." Jeremy said as he laid his face next to Buster's. "It must be fashion week."
"In a month. Sammy, you're fine."
Sam really wasn't fine. He had sort of kicked his diet and exercise program into overdrive. All he was eating was egg whites, protein shakes, and salmon. The shakes weren't bad, but Dean wanted real food for lunch, which Sam was still making he just wasn't eating it. As soon as breakfast was over he got dressed and went running before heading to Michaels house to use the gym. Dean estimated he was working out for about four hours in the morning and then another hour in the afternoon with Michael. Dean was never going to complain about the sweaty underwear Sam let him play with or how incredibly lean he looked, but it was getting a little out of hand.
"See your daddy has to stay looking nice so he can keep his job even though he has more money than Jesus. Who's Jesus? I'm glad you asked. He's your uncle Jason's baby's half brother. Technically he's some kind of cousin. The baby, not Jesus, but if we had a family reunion, a nice barbeque, Jesus would probably show up."
Buster looked very amused and smiled and giggled a little before rolling over onto his back. Dean was sure he looked as horrified as Sam did, because neither of them had really considered Jason's baby's own family tree which was getting mixed up with their own. That was just too much for Dean to think about so he chose to focus on Buster and more importantly on Jeremy, who was making him smile, coo, and giggle a little. He was so great with kids and yet he couldn't handle Max who was pretty easy to deal with.
Dean was just about to break the rules and say something about it when Jeremy's phone rang and he yanked it out of his pocket like it was on fire. Dean couldn't see who was calling, but there was such urgency to the way he answered it that he had to assume that Jeremy was waiting for a call, maybe one from Aaron, which made him want to stand up and eavesdrop like his life depended on it.
"Hey, I'm glad you got my message. Yeah, it's just until dinner. I'm sorry about the short notice, but my brother came into town with my nephew. Yeah, yeah, and my schedule is all sorted out so I can do everyday except lunch on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. No, no, it's no hassle at all, don't even worry about it. I'll see you tonight, thanks for calling."
When Jeremy put his phone back in his pocket, Dean squinted at Sam who gave a silent nod of approval that it was okay to pry. Dean already had a pretty good idea what the call was about but he wanted to make sure, if only to answer and possibly raise some more questions he had about everything that had happened over the past couple of weeks. Buster was kind of over Jeremy talking to him, and he just got more pissed off when Dean flipped him over onto his stomach and smacked his butt to encourage crawling.
"What was that about?"
"Oh, nothing." Jeremy said as he sat up. "Just trying to make sure I can stay on top of my deliveries."
"For?"
"My meal deliveries."
"Oh." Sam said. "You're still going to do that with school?"
"Yeah, I can get breakfast out before my first classes, then on Tuesday and Thursday I have a break in the middle of the day, and my last class ends in time for me to do the dinner rotation."
"Are you doing anything else?" Dean asked. "With volunteering?"
"Just calling into the center so they can patch the calls to my cell phone."
"How long do you do that?"
"Once school starts I figured I'd do six hours once I'm home for the day."
Dean groaned as quietly as he could and then not so discreetly pinched the bridge of his nose. Sam was basically sweating salmon everyday to get ready for fashion week, Aaron was obsessed with Max to the point where he was making Dean look like a deadbeat dad, and Jeremy was somehow managing to burn a candle from like seven ends at once. There was no question that Jeremy could pull off what he was attempting to do, but Dean wasn't so sure it was the right thing to do.
He loved that Jeremy was always trying to help, he hated the reason why he felt like he had to help, but he loved that he thought of others first. There came a point though that former demon with superpowers or not he was going to hit a brick wall. Even when Sam was at his very strongest and blowing up monsters and shit and killing the devil, he still got worn down. Sam, at that point, was a hell of a lot stronger than Jeremy, but even he had his limits.
"When are you supposed to study?" Sam asked. "Where does that fit in? When do you have time for us?"
"I'm not worried about studying."
"Because you're going to cheat your way through school like you cheated your way into school?"
"Excuse me?"
"Ann told us you just showed up in the school's files, no admission, no paperwork, no interview, you just did whatever you did and got in."
For someone who wanted a nice drama free visit, Sam sure as hell didn't have a problem dropping the damn truth all over the tiny little house. Jeremy was looking very defensive, and Sam had never and would never step down when he knew he was right. Dean knew that Jeremy could have gotten into Yale like everyone else had, but maybe not in the middle of the year and with real no real qualifications besides his degree from the tiny college in Westport.
"I shouldn't even have to go to school. I'm not going to learn anything I don't already know."
"But you're going to run yourself ragged." Dean said quietly. "And then it'll just get easier and easier to...you know?"
"What? Go all evil and kill everybody?"
"No one said anything about that."
"You didn't have to. I've got this. Besides, last time I checked Abel was gone."
At the mention of Abel's name, Sam very quickly excused himself to use to bathroom. If there was one thing everyone in the whole damned family agreed on it was to never under any circumstances mention Abel's name in front of Sam. If he wanted to talk about him it was fine, but everyone had agreed to not say that name unless Sam said it first.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Dean whispered. "Seriously?"
"I'm sorry, I just need you two to believe in me. Believe that I can be in control of myself and still do everything I want to do."
"I..."
"And you're not one to talk."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"You honestly think Cooper's assault to get those weapons went unnoticed? You think no one knows you have something extremely powerful and dangerous in the trunk of your car? The only reason Sam hasn't is because he gave up everything. What was your plan to get him out?"
"Go find him and save him."
"Why haven't you yet?"
"Because I'd open a door and God only knows what would come out with him. I'd rather Sam just grieve and mourn than open the door to a place worse than hell."
"That's where Maet is. That's where things you can't even imagine are. You should worry less about me and more about..."
When the door to the bathroom opened Jeremy seamlessly segued into the classes he was most excited about and taking some weekends off to spend time in Connecticut. Instead of sitting back down on the sofa, Sam grabbed his bag, which was in no way a purse and motioned for both of them to stand up. He didn't look upset, he hadn't been crying, but being reminded of Abel out of nowhere was always hard on him and when things got hard, Sam did what he did best.
"Dean, bundle the pumpkin up, Jeremy, get your coat. We're going shopping."
"For what?"
"I just dried my hands inside my jacket because you have no towels. There's no furniture, you clearly need measuring cups because I'm diabetic now from the coffee. I don't want to hear anything, I want to go shopping and have lunch."
"Okay." Jeremy said quietly. "I was going to head to IKEA this weekend and..."
"No! No! No!" Dean yelled as he scooped up Buster. "No! No!"
"Dean..."
"No, Sammy, you promised me when you published 302 that if you made enough money I'd never have to put together something from IKEA again! You promised me!"
"Wow, what's the trauma."
"We bought a chest of drawers and..."
"No! No!" Dean yelled as he gathered up Buster. "I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to think about it and..."
"Well, needless to say when we moved to the house in Westport Dean took the damned thing across the street and chopped it to death with a giant axe."
"I won't expose my baby to that. I won't do it, I won't look at that smug Swedish bastard's face ever again!"
"Okay." Sam smiled. "Let's get your coat and wrap Buster up nice and warm."
"Sam, I'm not doing it!"
Fifteen minutes later Dean was rushing from the parking lot and into IKEA with his sunglasses on and the hood from his jacket obscuring most of his face. He had Buster with him and while he was wanted to get him out of the cold, he was more concerned with what his sweet baby boy was about to put but through, because as far as Dean was concerned, there was hell, there was wherever Maet was, and then there was IKEA.
For the record Sam agreed with Dean that the Swedish were just pissed off about something and that why they made things impossible to put together. Sam fucking loathed putting together that chest of drawers as much as Dean did, but he didn't hold a grudge. No crap from IKEA was ever going to end up in his house, but he still liked looking and he especially liked buying stuff. Jeremy was going to have to put everything together by himself and maybe with some help from Michael or John, but Sam was more than happy to foot the bill for whatever Jeremy wanted. Because it was so cold out the store wasn't even that crowded which made Sam a lot more comfortable since he didn't want people mobbing him for selfies in which he wasn't in control of the lighting or filter choice.
While Dean hovered around the basket to keep Buster safe, Jeremy and Sam worked on a quick list of stuff they needed. He apparently did have towels but he hadn't done the laundry yet, so Sam suggested maybe a few more. He needed a bed, maybe a night stand and another chair for the living room. Sam thought a nice rug might brighten things up some and they had to get the second bedroom turned into a proper office so Jeremy could do his school stuff and still work with the center when he had time.
When Dean spotted the little bistro inside the store he took off like a bat out of hell. Not only could he find a nice warm corner to hide in, but he could feed Buster and of course probably get something to eat for himself. He didn't even say goodbye or wave, he just got the hell out of there. Sam kind of wanted all of them to spend time together but he wasn't a sadist and he knew Dean would be better off with Buster and all the crap he could eat.
"Hey, Sam?"
"Yeah?" Sam asked as he looked at a desk. "I like this one, but in black."
"Yeah, I like that one too. I'm sorry about before."
"Don't worry about that. It's no big deal."
Sam was telling the truth, he had made peace with Abel's death, but sometimes he just had days or these fleeting moments where it hit him a little harder to hear his name, especially coming from Jeremy. Sam knew that when it came to Abel, no one was on his side, no one was ever going to be on his side and that was okay. Abel was a monster, and regardless of what happened to him in hell he was always going to be a monster. Sam accepted that, there was no way to deny that there was no coming back from the things he had done, but at the same time there was no way to deny that he died a hero.
When Sam looked over at the little cafe Dean was having a very animated discussion with the woman behind the counter and seemed to be ordering a little bit of everything. Without Abel, Dean would have died, and worse than that he might have been sent to a place there was no way to come back from. For that Sam was more than willing to forgive. He wasn't dumb enough to forget, but he could forgive Abel and work on attempt to make amends with, basically the whole fucking world.
"What's it like?"
"Sam..."
"I just want to know. I've been to hell. What's worse than that?"
"I don't know. That's maybe a question for Gabe, I just know that Lucifer went to hell."
"Yeah."
"God sent Abel someplace worse and I know he's not alone. There are far worse things than a fallen angel, Sam."
Sam couldn't imagine what those things were, and quite frankly he didn't want to know and certainly didn't want to talk about Abel anymore. If there was anything to be done, Sam knew it would have been done already and it was just going to have to be one of those things he had to let go of. That wasn't an easy thing to do, and Sam could feel himself becoming upset. He couldn't do that right next to Jeremy and within Dean's line of sight, so he quickly finished off a bottle of water and then told Jeremy to look around while he ran to the bathroom.
Sam didn't have to pee, he just needed a moment to gather himself up again. That was what Carol always said when she got upset or emotional or overwhelmed. She needed to gather herself up and Sam always imagined her scooping herself up off the floor and trying to stick everything back where it belonged. He didn't know how to do that so he settled for splashing some water on his face.
The water was freezing cold, but it kind of gave Sam the jolt he needed. It felt good and he was reinvigorated and ready to fill Jeremy's house with crap that was impossible to put together. When he was splashing one last handful of frigid water against his skin, he heard the bathroom door opened and prayed it wasn't Jeremy or God forbid Dean coming to check on him. He still had water in his eyes so he couldn't see much, but he knew it wasn't either of them and he could see just enough to accept a couple of paper towels.
"Thanks."
"No problem. You okay, man?"
"Yeah." Sam nodded before he looked up into the mirror. "I'm..."
After a lifetime of impossibilities, there wasn't any real way for Sam to articulate how he felt when his eyes were clear and he was staring into the mirror. He went completely rigid first and he could feel his body temperature wildly fluctuating second by second. Every breath in and out was like swallowing down ice and breathing out fire and for the first time in his life he experience dread and terror like never before mixed with a happiness he had never experienced without Dean or one of the kids there to share it with him.
"Turn around."
"No." Sam laughed as he shook his head. "I've done this before. I turn around and you're not there. I'm just crazy again, it happens sometimes."
"Sam."
"I'm not turning around."
"Come on."
When Sam felt warm and gentle fingers on his shoulder he tried to stay facing the mirror, and he could have, he was physically stronger, but he was also pretty scared of being crazy again, so against his better judgment he turned and stood two feet away from a very familiar face. One he had said goodbye to, one that he thought of all the time, a person that he talked to almost as much as he talked to Dean or John. A person buried under a rose bush in his backyard.
"Abel?"
"Yeah, Sam, it's me. I promise it's me."
Sam nodded cautiously, but he still kept his distance, if things got dicey he had nothing to protect himself with. He was finally free of the burden of his many gifts and all he had was brute strength which didn't really help out much when dealing with a demon. When Abel got out of hell, he set up shop in some racist nazi fanboy who was covered in tattoos and had a completely bald head. All the tattoos were hidden under clothes or covered up and Abel's head had a fine dusting of very short, very blonde hair that just barely hid the shine of his scalp.
"You're blonde."
"I think they call it Aryan."
"Your eyes are lighter than Michael's."
"He's not bad looking I guess." Abel said as he approached the mirror. "I don't think I can make it through summer wearing turtle necks and long sleeves though."
"Why?"
"Because it's hot. I'm covered in swastikas and someone's name on my ass that I can't even read."
"Just make them go away."
"You gonna foot the bill?"
"No." Sam said. "I meant just...do your thing and..."
"Sam, I'm human."
When Sam dropped his guard he felt like a thousand pounds fell off his chest. He didn't notice it at first, at least not in a obvious way, but there was something very different about Abel. He moved differently, his voice was different and he didn't seem quite so intimidating. Since Sam's sanity was still in question he didn't move or say anything, he just stayed perfectly still while Abel moved closer and carefully studied his face.
"You look thin."
"You look remarkably well for someone I buried in two pieces."
"That was really decent of you both. I appreciate that, you don't know how much I appreciate that or all the time you spent out there with me."
"How are you back?"
"Oh, it's a long story." Abel sighed. "I guess God had been listening to prayers for so long they just became white noise. Gabe started listening when he took over and one voice was louder than them all. People with kids they couldn't feed, people dying way too young, people looking for miracles and one voice drowned them all out. Of course he's also in love with you so maybe he was paying a little more attention to what you wanted."
"When did this happen?"
"Christmas day."
"It's the middle of January." Sam said as he finally moved from where he was standing. "You've been back all this time and you fucking ambush me in IKEA?"
"I was going to leave, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't push my family out of my head and then I was pretty much stalking you and...yeah. Didn't want to be a stalker."
"Oh."
"Sam, I gotta tell you this is a little anti climactic for me."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm back, I'm not evil, no consequences, I know I don't just start hanging around, but I'm back, I'm...I'm free from that place because of you."
"There's no such thing as no consequences."
Sam wanted to be happy, he wanted to hug Abel and properly thank him for saving Dean, he wanted to know everything he could and have all his questions answered, but they did not live in a world without consequences. Sam needed proof that Gabe had brought him back and that Abel was just a regular old neo nazi. He needed that proof more than anything, but even when he was a demon Abel only wanted to be a part of the family and Sam could never see that happening. He was too much of a reminder for Jeremy, Dean was never going to trust him, John was never going to be his father. That was just the tip of the iceberg.
"I thought this is what you wanted."
"It is." Sam said as he sucked up his breath. "I just...there's no room for you."
"I know that, I know I have to earn everyone's trust and make up for everything, but I'm not there anymore. You saved me, Sam. You saved me."
"You gotta go." Sam said as he shook his head. "You can't let them see you here."
"Okay."
"Just take this and you have my number, just don't call."
Sam reached into his wallet and pulled out all the cash he had and handed it over. For a second his fingers touched Abel's and he felt so familiar, he felt just like Dean or Jeremy or Aaron, he felt like family, but it was too complicated. He might have been human, but Jeremy wasn't and there was no way they could have a public confrontation without a lot of collateral damage. As he took the money and shoved it in his jacket he nodded and started to turn away before he stopped with one hand on the bathroom door.
"I heard you talking to me."
"You did?"
"Everything." Abel smiled. "Did you mean it?"
"Every word."
Abel nodded and checked to make sure he had a path out of the store before he left. As soon as the door shut, Sam went into what he knew was a full blown panic attack. His heart was pounding and his legs were weak, his head throbbed and his stomach was twisting itself back and forth like a balloon animal. Sam had felt that way before, plenty of times when he was on his own in that old apartment, and he didn't like it one bit. He felt like someone was squeezing him and crushing him, but instead of calling for help, or praying for it, he pushed himself upright and ran out of the bathroom.
Dean was right where Sam had left him and he was warming up a bottle for Buster. Jeremy had moved on to another furniture setup and seemed to be giving it very careful consideration. Dean was completely occupied and would be for a while, Jeremy wasn't going to just stand around looking at furniture without wondering where Sam went, but he'd check the bathroom and then probably go looking for him in another section of the store.
Despite his size, Sam was still pretty good at sneaking around and managed to avoid both Dean and Jeremy before he slipped out the exit and took off running. It was so cold outside that the wind actually stung Sam's face, but Abel had only made it about halfway through the parking lot. Sam had no idea where he was going, but there weren't any cars around and there was no way he was going to walk back to Westport.
"Stop!" Sam yelled as he got closer. "Stop!"
"Sam? What the hell are you doing?"
"I can't get send you away."
"You don't have many choices here, Sam. I go back in there and Jeremy will level the building and probably kill all of us in the process."
"He's not that strong."
"He's strong enough to kill me, more importantly you're not strong enough to stop him."
"Where are you even going?"
"The bus stop." Abel said before moving closer. "Breathe deep from down here and exhale slowly."
Abel put his palm flat against Sam's stomach about an inch below his sternum. Sam was still taking short panicked breaths from the tip top of his lungs, but he knew that was the worst thing he could be doing. Abel led by example and drew in big deep breaths that seemed to fill his entire midsection. Sam tried it, but he was still faltering and it still hurt to breathe. After about thirty seconds of trying, Sam finally managed to breath in cold fresh air from way down in his stomach, and when he exhaled Abel gently pushed helping him exhale.
"There you go. Hold it for a second and let it out. Real slow though."
"What are you doing?"
"Teaching you how to breathe, apparently. Just keep going."
"How do you know how to do this?"
"I got gumbo in my head." Abel laughed. "Little of me, little of Jeremy, little of our Nazi friend, who really doesn't like black people or avocados."
"What about you?"
"I would gladly share an avocado with a black person."
"I meant how much of you is you."
Sam wasn't sure he phrased that as well as he could have, but Abel understood. He was one person, who had spent a lot of time inside of Jeremy and that was bound to leave an imprint. He had spent considerably less time with the Nazi, but apparently he was retaining memories or feelings. It must have been pretty much mush inside of his head, but Sam was pretty sure the dominate personality was actually Abel, who unfortunately they knew a lot about while actually knowing nothing about him at the same time.
Outside in the daylight, which Sam continued breathing slowly, he got a really good look at Abel or at least the container he had shoved himself into. He was attractive, maybe even handsome, but he had obviously done some hard living. He looked a little tired, his nose was slightly crooked from a break that never bothered to get fixed and his left eye was slightly squinty like maybe he had gotten in a fight and there was some damage there. Sam saw all the pain he had been through before Abel set up shop, but he also took notice of how dense his closely cropped hair was, the nearly perfect right angel his jaw formed, and his completely perfect white teeth. They was all in place, all nice and shiny white, and that seemed very suspicious for anyone who had ever taken a punch.
"What's wrong with your teeth?"
"Excuse me?"
"You've been beat up pretty bad before, how are your teeth so straight and white?"
"It's weird, right?"
"Yeah."
"He had braces. I can't really remember much else, I don't like to go digging around back there."
"Probably a good idea."
"It's weird."
"What is?"
"Well." Abel said before he sighed. "Demons they kill, they deal, and they murder and torture, but it's indiscriminate. Sure I had preferences and some pretty severe daddy issues, but I never hated someone because of the color of their skin or their religion. Black people are cool right?"
"Avocados too."
"Yeah."
"Listen uh..." Sam said before a long pause. "I need to know what you want, tell me the bare minimum, then tell me what you really want."
Abel immediately withdrew his hand from Sam's stomach and stayed quiet for an almost uncomfortable amount of time. He tried to pretend like he was thinking, but Sam wasn't stupid. He knew that Abel knew exactly what he wanted. He just didn't want to appear too eager or desperate, which Sam got, but it was really fucking cold and there was no telling how much time they had before Dean or Jeremy got curious and stuck their heads outside.
"Bare minimum, you know I'm okay, I'm out of that place and you stop blaming yourself and stop lying to yourself about me being some hero just because I saved Dean."
"But you did do that."
"Sam, I didn't do that for you, or for him, I did that to keep this world turning. We both know you would have gotten yourself into a war that neither side was going to win if he died."
"Okay." Sam nodded. "That's fair. Now what do you really want?"
"Everything." Abel smiled. "Birthday parties, Christmas morning...John. I want him so bad I want to know my family and make things better. Sam, this hurts so much. Knowing what I did, that was Jeremy, that was me. He puts himself through so much for something that he had nothing to do with. I need this love and this light to make me forget where I was, but I can't have that. I know that."
"Why dad?"
"That's a really stupid question to ask."
Sam couldn't remember the last time he was so heartbroken, but it had be to when Buster was born and he had to stay strong and watch what Dean was going through. Abel's beautiful blue eyes were all wet and glossy and when he sucked up his breath tears rolled down his cheeks. His mother was gone, he knew, as well as Sam did, that he was realistically never going to sit with them around the dinner table, but he had faith that he'd have a dad because John fucked up, he did stupid shit, he was stubborn as a mule and selfish sometimes, but he was never going to turn his back on his family.
"I have to tell Dean."
"I know."
"I can't be responsible for who he tells or what he does."
"I know that too, Sam."
"Go buy something nice to wear. Get something to cover up all those tattoos. Real makeup, not that Wet N Wild shit you've got smeared on your neck."
"Why?"
"Because your big brother's coming to see you and you need to put as much difference between who you are now and who we buried in the backyard."
Instead of a hug or a handshake Sam and Abel merely nodded at each other and then he kept walking towards the street. Sam stayed outside for a second just in time to watch him get on the bus that was going to take him back home, whenever that was. Sam had no idea where he was staying but he assumed it was close to the house, probably in that shitty motel everyone loved so much.
Once he was back inside the store, Sam realized just how freezing it was outside. He knew his cheeks were going to be red and he was going to be shivering for quite a while, but just following Abel outside was keeping too much for Dean. Sam could have waited to warm, but he didn't see the point. He was always one of those rip the band aid off kind of guys and he was not one of those keep shit from Dean guys. They had tried that before and it never worked out.
"Sammy, you look frozen solid. Were you outside?"
"Yeah." Sam said as he sat down. "Where's Jeremy?"
"He went to look at beds. Said he couldn't find you. Why were you outside?"
"You need to stay calm and quiet and not do or say anything around Jeremy."
"You're scaring me, Sammy."
"Abel's back."
Sam was sitting across the table from Dean feeding Buster his bottle and he went as stiff as a statue. He looked pale and scared, but not really all that worried or upset. Sam expected him to blow up and go crazy, but Dean just froze and then adjusted Buster's bottle a little and gave him a kiss on the head.
"Demon?"
"Human."
"How?"
"Gabe."
"Gabe?" Dean laughed. "He explicitly warned me to stop trying to get Abel out of that place."
"When did you see Gabe?"
"It doesn't matter. We're done talking about this."
"Dean..."
"Done." Dean said with a frightening note of finality. "We're done."
Sam barely had time to lean back in his chair and sigh before Jeremy snuck up on him and pulled him to his feet. He had found what he thought was the perfect desk and needed Sam's opinion on it. Sam smiled and followed him back into the depths of the store, but not before he snuck a look back in Dean in the little cafe, who was blankly staring at nothing at all.
Dean was driving, he was always drove, but he thought it was kind of like a special occasion thing when he got to drive the Impala, no kids, no noise in the backseat, just Sam next to him and then sun setting in the distance. There was no music playing just faint static from a radio station that wasn't on the air anymore. Dean could have easily turned the radio off or adjusted the frequency, but the static was soothing and he really needed some fucking soothing.
After spending the day with Jeremy and being bested by the fucking filthy Swedish bastards at IKEA, Dean went straight home, dropped off Buster, saw the rest of the kids and then got in the Impala with Sam so they could leave again. Sam was saying things, he was saying a lot of things, probably too many, but Dean ignored him, he listened, he just chose not to respond. Eventually, right before they left the house he gave Sam the option of staying behind, which effectively shut him up. Dean wasn't mad at him, he was just in that rare mood where he couldn't be bothered by anything until he handled his business.
Dean had a hunch and when he pulled up at the shitty motel just outside of town he knew, as always, his hunch was going to be right. Sam started to argue again, but Dean just let him become white noise as they exited the car and strolled right into the office. There was a vacancy sign up, there always seemed to be a vacancy and there was a very young, very cute, girl behind the counter. She couldn't have been older than fourteen and Dean didn't like that she seemed to be alone.
"Good Evening, Mr. Winchester."
"Evening. Are you here alone?"
"Just for a little bit. Daddy went to get us some dinner." The girl said. "You don't worry about me though, it's quiet. What can I help you gentlemen with?"
"I'm looking for someone, about me height, really short hair, tattoos."
"No tattoos." Sam said quickly. "Really blue eyes."
"Mr. Abel?"
"Yeah." Dean nodded. "What do you think about him?"
"Been here a while, quiet, doesn't like anyone in his room. Oh, he brought us donuts the other day."
"He's nice then?"
"He's quiet, but he seems like a nice guy, kind of..."
"Kind of what?" Sam asked. "Angry?"
"Sad." The girl said. "He's in room five, but I didn't tell you."
"Deal." Dean smiled. "You look pretty in that dress."
"Thank you, Mr. Winchester!"
When Dean walked out of the office he went straight for the trunk and pulled out his weapon of choice, one he hadn't used yet, really wanted to use, and doubted he'd be able to. Sam had never seen it before and his eyes went wide and for the first time in his life he was at a complete loss for words. Dean still wasn't sure what the weapon was exactly, but he had kind of settled on calling it a sickle. It was clunky and primitive and honestly very difficult to handle, but Cooper had found it for him and Gabe had given explicit instructions on what it did. It was really more of a scare tactic, because Dean tucked a gun into the back of his jeans and handed Sam a dagger which he promptly threw back into the trunk.
"What the fuck is that?"
"Don't know. It was a gift from Cooper for that time we watched Bubble."
"It's got teeth and amulets hanging from it, Dean."
"Yeah, and it's heavy as hell, so pick the dagger up, stuck it against your ass like old times and back me up."
"No."
"Sam, I'm not fucking around with this."
"And I'm not the little brother who had to take orders from you anymore. 50/50, right?"
"Fine, be the good cop."
When Sam slammed the trunk closed Dean knew they'd both be going to bed angry, but he really didn't care. All he cared about was that less than three miles from his house was the monster who tortured Jeremy for years, violated thousands of people and then violently killed them. Sure, he had come back, and yes he had helped and Dean remember him saving his life, but there was no way in hell he was going to let anyone who had committed countless atrocities be so close to his family and friends.
When Dean knocked on door number five he did it with the end of sickle. The sharp tip of the blade made an unsettling scratching noise and the teeth and amulets jingled. Over that Dean could hear the sound of scurrying inside and the television being shut off or muted. It sounded like Abel was about to attempt to hide or run for cover. There were windows in the bathrooms, but Dean didn't think he was stupid enough to run. He opened the door a second later and practically leapt across the entire room when he saw what Dean was quite proudly brandishing.
Sam had said the tattoos were gone, but Dean saw all of them peeking out from Abel's plain black under shirt. He also took a quick note of the clean room and the foggy mirror outside of the bathroom. He had just gotten out of the shower and immediately pulled on a shirt that he buttoned all the way up to hide the hate inked all over his skin.
"Why does everyone end up at this shitty motel?" Dean asked as he swung the sickle and dragged the blade against the carpet. "Not the shittiest I've seen, but close."
"Dean."
"Abel."
"I'm glad you came."
"Really? Because you look like you're about to shit yourself."
"How do you have that?"
"What is it?" Sam asked. "He just pulled it out of the trunk when we got here."
"It's a sickle."
"Absolutely right!" Dean smiled. "A clunky, archaic, primitive sickle that not only can kill, it can make anyone or anything go away forever. No second chances, no escaping, no being rescued. You're just gone."
"Dean." Sam said. "Put it down. You're scaring him."
"Fine. You're the boss, Sammy."
Dean let the sickle fall sideways so it was leaning against the wall, but Abel still looked terrified, he looked even worse when Dean crossed the room and rather roughly grabbed him by the jaw. He turned his head from left to right and then stared as deep into his eyes as he could. To Dean's utter surprise he saw that Abel was actually mere seconds away from crying. He didn't pull away though, he didn't try to lock himself in the bathroom, and he made no attempt to run and hide behind Sam. Dean respected that. He respected the hell out of that.
"So how does this work?" Dean asked. "You left your mark on Jeremy, this guy was a fucking potato when you shacked up in him, you're were a demon, then a reformed helpful demon, and now you're just...who?"
"I don't know."
"He's a good looking son of a bitch isn't he, Sammy?" Dean asked before lightly slapping Abel across the face. "Not like us, though."
"Dean, stop."
"Stop what?"
"You're bullying him. Abel, come over here."
Dean watch with quite a healthy dose of skepticism when Sam had the audacity to hold out his hand and beckon Abel towards him. He was hesitant at first because to get to Sam, he had to cross Dean, who took the opportunity to sit down on the edge of the bed. After a few seconds of consideration Abel took Sam's hand, went to the other side of the room and actually cowered. Sam sat him down in a chair and then had the absolute nerve to take what Dean was pretty sure was a defensive stance. Sam was right, he wasn't the little brother anymore, and though Dean knew first hand just big his balls were, they must have been fucking massive in that moment.
"Wow." Dean laughed. "I mean I can compete with Auden and fucking God, but this is going to be a challenge."
"Will you knock it off?" Sam asked. "You're scaring him, you're bullying him, and whether you like it or not, in some fucked up twisted way he's your brother."
Dean wasn't stupid, he had been playing games with people since he was eight years old. He had put on the tough guy act, he had brought his WMD and he was as intimidating as he could possibly be. He didn't trust Abel, he didn't like him, he sure as hell didn't like the way Sam was treating him, but he knew fear all too well. Abel was scared, he was scared for his life and scared of pain. Dean could feel that rolling off of him in waves. The bad guys didn't scare easy, most weren't afraid of death and for the most part they enjoyed a little pain every now and then. Dean wasn't positive that Abel was telling the truth and that he was pure grade human, but he didn't see him as much of a threat either.
"You're right. Abel, I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
"For what exactly?"
"I don't want you two fighting because of me."
"Oh please, he'll punish me later on and it'll all be said and done."
"Don't be so sure of yourself."
"Okay." Dean shrugged before he got up and moved closer. "What's the deal?"
"What do you mean?"
"Gabon. You get hit with God's +12 lightening ball, thank you, by the way, Gabe kills God, Sam goes unleaded, what happens next?"
"Jesus Christ, Dean."
Dean just wanted to quickly and concisely make sure everyone was on the same page. If memory served, and it did, Sam killed the giant monster Dean still had nightmares about, God then showed up and killed Abel before Gabe showed up and killed him. After that it was a quick burial, Sam gave up all the power in the world, and Gabe disappeared. As far as Dean knew Sam hadn't seen Gabe since. Dean had seen him when Cooper raided the collection of artifacts in Paris looking for a way to get Abel back. Gabe warned against that and Dean decided to do as he said, which was where things didn't add up. Gabe wanted Abel where he was, but he just plucked him out of there, set up all human like and then disappeared again. Dean wanted to know exactly what had happened and he wasn't leaving until he got some answers. Sam didn't want to hear about it, Abel didn't want to talk about it, but unfortunately for them, Dean was the oldest.
"I remember Gabon. Then it was dark, it was quiet. I knew I wasn't alone and it hurt."
"Not being alone?"
"No." Abel laughed weakly. "It hurt all the time. Every second was a lifetime, ever minute was eternity of nothing but dark and quiet and cold. I don't know how long it was, it could have been decades, centuries, before I heard Sam."
"It was seconds." Sam said as he stared across the room. "It was seconds after you were in the ground."
"It was lifetimes. Lifetimes went by again and again and every so often I'd hear him talking to me. I heard you too."
"You what?" Sam asked. "Who?"
"Dean. I heard everything you said."
Dean had never sat and sulked and mourned like Sam had, but there was more than one occasion where he sat down and talked to Abel. He did it privately, when he knew Sam wasn't around. They weren't long conversations, but promises were made, promises Dean had intended on making good on, promises he hoped Abel was smart enough to keep to himself.
"What did you talk to him about?"
"Stuff." Dean said quickly. "You mostly."
"I don't deserve anything." Abel said. "I know that. I just wanted a chance."
"You can't have one."
"Dean."
"Sammy, be realistic here. Abel, I feel for you, I really do. Maybe we can talk to dad, maybe we can explain something to him, but there's nothing in this world you could do that would make me bring you into my home and sit you down for dinner across the table from Jeremy. I'm sorry, but all three of us know that, you can pretend all you want, but Jeremy and Aaron aren't going to ever be okay with you and I'm not willing to lose them."
"For me."
"I don't know you. I don't know who you are or what you are for that matter. You don't seem to either."
Dean hated himself for making anyone look so upset, but he was a realist, there was no way to have Abel become a part of the family and keep the family intact. Things were strained enough with Aaron and Jeremy, Dean knew that if they just brought Abel into the mix the entire family would explode. He could maybe see what John thought in a roundabout way, but even that seemed wildly optimistic.
Worse than the look on Abel's face was the look on Sam's. For their entire life Dean had been expected to fix everything and for the most part he thought he was doing a pretty good job, but there was nothing he could do, there was nothing anyone could do. Abel was the puzzle piece that just didn't fit. Him and Sam could try to have some kind of relationship with him, but the problem with that was that they'd be keeping him a secret from everyone else and that wasn't fair to Abel. It also wasn't realistic for that to be enough for Sam.
"Okay." Dean sighed. "Let's make a plan then."
"What?"
"Come on, Sammy. Let's make a plan to make this work."
"You just said it couldn't."
"Then we'll play your favorite game of prove Dean wrong. Abel, you're suquestered in this motel room. You stay within a five block radius and you only go out at night, got it?"
"Okay."
"Plenty to eat." Dean said as he dug in his wallet. "Here's money for food whenever you want to go. Whatever you want to do on this side of town, after it's dark."
"Dean, where did you get that money from?" Sam asked as he picked it up. "This is..."
"Sammy, I don't know how much money that is."
"It's ten thousand dollars. You took this out of the safe?"
"Do you need more than ten thousand dollars?"
"No." Abel said awkwardly. "There's nothing but fast food around here."
"Then this works out. I'll come get you Monday morning and I'm taking you to the doctor, and it's going to hurt like a motherfucker."
"Why, exactly?"
"You're covered in swastikas. It's not a good look. I don't like looking at you, which means no one else will."
"Okay."
"We'll work on those with the doctor, Sammy and I will..."
"I'll do it." Sam said. "I'll tell dad."
"And James. Then the four of us sit down and decide where we go from there. You understand the rules?"
"Yes."
"Yes, what?"
"Yes, Dean?"
"Motherfucker isn't going to call me sir." Dean laughed. "So we'll be going and brother or not I see you anywhere near my kids and this thing is going into your heart."
Dean shook his head, grabbed the sickle and walked out of the room and back to the car. Sam stay inside the motel room for what seemed like an uncomfortable amount of time, but eventually he emerged just as Dean was slamming the trunk of the car and leaning against it. He thought things went pretty well, all things considered until Sam socked the shit out of him right in the jaw. He didn't have his powers anymore, but that bitch was strong and it fucking hurt.
"What the fuck!" Dean yelled as he grabbed his jaw. "I taste blood!"
"I am not your bitch. I'm not a little boy who listens to whatever you say. I'm a grown ass man and you don't ever tell me what to do again."
Dean shrugged and did something he never thought he'd actually ever do again. He cocked back and punched Sam in his jaw. Now while Sam was plenty strong and could throw a punch, he couldn't take one as easily. He stumbled backwards some and then immediately put his hand over his face. That was when Dean realized not only had he hit Sam back, but he hit him back just in time for fashion week.
"You can't hit me!"
"Looks like I just did." Dean said as he grabbed Sam by his coat. "Now you listen me to and pay attention. You are my bitch, and you will do whatever the hell I tell you to do when it comes to him. If I want you to put a bullet in his head you're going to do it and not ask any questions."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes you are, because you're blind, Sammy. You're blind when it comes to him. I get it, trust me, if someone saved your life I'd fucking move heaven and Earth to thank them, but you need to keep your distance."
"Why?"
"Gabe rescued him for you. Because it's what you wanted. I don't want to think about how he's going to thank you."
"He's human, what could he possibly do?"
"Wow." Dean scoffed. "You've forgotten who the real monsters are. Please, if you're so inclined, will you get in the car so we can get back home?"
"Fine."
"Thank you."
Dean sort of expected Sam to ignore him and walk home while sulking, but instead he walked to the passenger side and got back in the car. Dean sighed a little bit too loudly and then dug out his keys and got behind the wheel. As soon as he sat down, Sam punched the shit out of him again, hitting him so hard that the back to Dean's head smacked into the trim around the window. It hurt like a motherfucker and Dean was pretty much over getting punched in the face.
"What the fuck Sam!"
Without saying a word Sam grabbed Dean by the back of his head and roughly pulled him closer. When their lips met Dean tasted dark red copper and felt the blood and spit falling from their bruised and bloody mouths. The motel was mostly empty and the windows were quickly fogging up, but Dean still wasn't entirely comfortable with doing anything in public which was clearly what Sam was aiming for.
Before Dean could voice any concerns, Sam had flipped him over and has his face pressed up the window again. Without even undoing his belt, Sam yanked down the back of Dean's jeans and then fumbled with his own. There was no foreplay past the fighting, no prep work, and Sam didn't even bother to spit, he drove his way in as hard as he could and very roughly pulled back in Dean's hair to get in a little deeper.
Sam didn't last more then ten or so rough pumps and Dean came without even touching himself about halfway through. When Sam was done, he collapsed on top of Dean, still hard inside of him, with his hot breath heaving into his ear. Dean couldn't remember the last time, if ever there was a time, when sex was that incredibly painful, but he didn't complain, he just tried to catch his breath, while Sam wrapped one hand around his jaw and yanked it sideways so they were looking at each other.
"You don't forget." Sam whispered. "You're the bitch."
When Sam spit on his face Dean's cock twitched and erupted again. He felt like he was in the middle of dream, but then the pain came back and Dean realized he was very much awake, and he had just been violated, abused and used by Sam. When Sam pulled out and crammed himself back into his jeans, Dean did his best to pull his own jeans up, but his belt was too tight and his ass was too big. He had no idea how the hell Sam had gotten his jeans down, but of course he had, because he always got the job done.
As they pulled out of the parking lot with the car reeking of sweat, blood, spit, and cum, Sam offered his left had and Dean took it with his right keep one hand on the wheel. He kissed Sam on his knuckles and then together they laughed as they drove off into the night and back home to the kids.
Sorry I was gone, I have a mental illness that doesn't let me enjoy any aspect of my life.
Title: That's My Brother.
Author: bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean,John/Mary/OFC OMCs OFCs Jared/Jensen
Rating :R
Words10,000/3,728,900
Warnings: Wincest
Summary: While helping Jeremy shop for his new house, Sam meets an old familiar face.
Notes:: AU, rest are here.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard
Jeremy's little house was kind of weird. It was nice, everything seemed in good working order, but Dean still thought it was super weird and he wasn't sure why. He was sitting on the sofa next to Sam watching Buster play with some toys they had laid out for him on a quilt because Dean didn't trust carpet, and thing were just weird. Sam didn't seem too bothered by anything. He was just sitting there watching Buster and occasionally looking at Jeremy who was in the kitchen fighting a losing battle with the fancy coffee maker Michael had bought him.
It had been about ten minutes since Jeremy offered to make coffee and Dean was still waiting and staring around the house. He had a perfect view of the entire kitchen, he could see the bathroom, and both bedrooms. There was a little table just outside the kitchen and Jeremy had a television of course, but that was about it. Dean was sure the lack of furniture or decorations was what was throwing him off, but in South Carolina, Sam treated the house like a fucking museum and there wasn't a lot of stuff. The lack of crap wasn't the problem, it took Dean another five minutes to figure out why the house was so weird, which he whispered to Sam to confirm.
"Sammy."
"What?" Sam asked as he looked over. "I should help him with the coffee."
"No." Dean whispered very quietly. "This house is smaller than our bedroom."
"You realize we live in an enormous house, right? Most bedrooms aren't as big as ours."
"But you could fit two of these houses in our bedroom at Lake George. I can't breathe in here."
"Stop tugging on your collar and be quiet."
Dean tugged on his collar twice more and then scooted over so he wasn't sitting so close to Sam and could have a little breathing room. The house was about half the size of the barn and the two bedrooms combined were a lot smaller than any of the kid's bedrooms at home. Dean got that Jeremy didn't have a lot of money and he probably wanted to use the money he had without asking for help, but it was downright claustrophobic.
"Here we go." Jeremy said as he walked over. "Dean, I made you half caf because you get a little rowdy sometimes and Sam this one is vanilla biscotti."
"Oooh!"
"Why does he get a fancy one!"
"Because you get rowdy."
"He's right Dean. Drink your coffee."
When Dean took the first sip of coffee, he nearly spit it back out, but he didn't want to spit hot coffee on Buster and he also didn't want to offend Jeremy. The coffee, what he could taste of it was pretty good, but it was the most sickeningly sweet thing Dean had ever put in his mouth, Sam's entire cock included. When Dean looked over Sam had a mouthful of coffee and seemed to be debating on how to get rid of it in a polite manner. When he finally swallowed, which was his natural instinct, his eyebrows folded down and Dean could have sworn he turned a little pale.
"It's good, right?" Jeremy asked as he got down on the floor with Buster. "You need more sugar?"
"No!" Dean yelled. "No, it'll make me rowdy and if I can't have more sugar neither can Sam."
"Michael bought that thing for me because he said it would save me a lot of money instead of going to Starbucks."
"Michael goes to Starbucks at least twice a day." Dean said. "But then he also has like 75 million dollars more than you."
"It's cool though, it'll make me tea at night."
"Well that's fun." Sam said. "And dad said he hung your shelves?"
"Assisted me. He was my assistant."
"Ah."
"So, Jeremy, how long do you..."
Dean was about to ask how long he had until classes started, but he stopped mid sentence when Sam glared the wrath of 10,000 Krakens into him. Before they arrived they had set up rules and Dean promised to follow them and he was going to. Sam wasn't so confident in his ability to be a big boy though and he was still glaring hard when Dean took another sip of a half caf sugar syrup.
They had mutually decided to not ask about Aaron, Max, or how long Jeremy was going to stay in New Haven. In fact Sam thought it was a pretty good idea to not ask any questions until Jeremy brought them up. That didn't leave much room for conversation, but they were just there to show their support and spend some time with their brother. Dean had plenty he wanted to ask, but Sam had already threatened swift vengeance against Ollie. He chose Ollie because Dean sort of liked being punished or slapped around or spit on, but Ollie did not like being punished especially when he didn't do anything. Fucking Sam was too smart for his own good and he chose Dean's only weakness and used it against him just like a bitch.
"How long do you have until school starts?"
"Next week."
"You excited?"
"I guess." Jeremy shrugged. "I mean it's not my first day, I've been to college before."
"But this is Yale." Sam said before setting down his coffee. "That's a big deal. Also, you need to use like a quarter of the amount of sweetner you put in this coffee. I love you, but I can't drink that."
"You are so picky!" Dean scoffed before attempting to gulp down his entire mug. "There's nothing wrong with the coffee...oh God, it's like sucking on a bee's ass!"
"It's not that sweet. It's just real sugar."
"Excuse me?"
"Real sugar." Jeremy said again. "Cheap white sugar."
"You..." Sam said before clearing his throat. "You knowingly gave me refined carbs?"
"I'm sorry, it's all I have."
"This is the fattest I've ever been and..."
"Sammy, sit down, it's the heaviest you've ever been. There's a difference, you've already packed on ten pounds of muscle."
"Oh." Jeremy said as he laid his face next to Buster's. "It must be fashion week."
"In a month. Sammy, you're fine."
Sam really wasn't fine. He had sort of kicked his diet and exercise program into overdrive. All he was eating was egg whites, protein shakes, and salmon. The shakes weren't bad, but Dean wanted real food for lunch, which Sam was still making he just wasn't eating it. As soon as breakfast was over he got dressed and went running before heading to Michaels house to use the gym. Dean estimated he was working out for about four hours in the morning and then another hour in the afternoon with Michael. Dean was never going to complain about the sweaty underwear Sam let him play with or how incredibly lean he looked, but it was getting a little out of hand.
"See your daddy has to stay looking nice so he can keep his job even though he has more money than Jesus. Who's Jesus? I'm glad you asked. He's your uncle Jason's baby's half brother. Technically he's some kind of cousin. The baby, not Jesus, but if we had a family reunion, a nice barbeque, Jesus would probably show up."
Buster looked very amused and smiled and giggled a little before rolling over onto his back. Dean was sure he looked as horrified as Sam did, because neither of them had really considered Jason's baby's own family tree which was getting mixed up with their own. That was just too much for Dean to think about so he chose to focus on Buster and more importantly on Jeremy, who was making him smile, coo, and giggle a little. He was so great with kids and yet he couldn't handle Max who was pretty easy to deal with.
Dean was just about to break the rules and say something about it when Jeremy's phone rang and he yanked it out of his pocket like it was on fire. Dean couldn't see who was calling, but there was such urgency to the way he answered it that he had to assume that Jeremy was waiting for a call, maybe one from Aaron, which made him want to stand up and eavesdrop like his life depended on it.
"Hey, I'm glad you got my message. Yeah, it's just until dinner. I'm sorry about the short notice, but my brother came into town with my nephew. Yeah, yeah, and my schedule is all sorted out so I can do everyday except lunch on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. No, no, it's no hassle at all, don't even worry about it. I'll see you tonight, thanks for calling."
When Jeremy put his phone back in his pocket, Dean squinted at Sam who gave a silent nod of approval that it was okay to pry. Dean already had a pretty good idea what the call was about but he wanted to make sure, if only to answer and possibly raise some more questions he had about everything that had happened over the past couple of weeks. Buster was kind of over Jeremy talking to him, and he just got more pissed off when Dean flipped him over onto his stomach and smacked his butt to encourage crawling.
"What was that about?"
"Oh, nothing." Jeremy said as he sat up. "Just trying to make sure I can stay on top of my deliveries."
"For?"
"My meal deliveries."
"Oh." Sam said. "You're still going to do that with school?"
"Yeah, I can get breakfast out before my first classes, then on Tuesday and Thursday I have a break in the middle of the day, and my last class ends in time for me to do the dinner rotation."
"Are you doing anything else?" Dean asked. "With volunteering?"
"Just calling into the center so they can patch the calls to my cell phone."
"How long do you do that?"
"Once school starts I figured I'd do six hours once I'm home for the day."
Dean groaned as quietly as he could and then not so discreetly pinched the bridge of his nose. Sam was basically sweating salmon everyday to get ready for fashion week, Aaron was obsessed with Max to the point where he was making Dean look like a deadbeat dad, and Jeremy was somehow managing to burn a candle from like seven ends at once. There was no question that Jeremy could pull off what he was attempting to do, but Dean wasn't so sure it was the right thing to do.
He loved that Jeremy was always trying to help, he hated the reason why he felt like he had to help, but he loved that he thought of others first. There came a point though that former demon with superpowers or not he was going to hit a brick wall. Even when Sam was at his very strongest and blowing up monsters and shit and killing the devil, he still got worn down. Sam, at that point, was a hell of a lot stronger than Jeremy, but even he had his limits.
"When are you supposed to study?" Sam asked. "Where does that fit in? When do you have time for us?"
"I'm not worried about studying."
"Because you're going to cheat your way through school like you cheated your way into school?"
"Excuse me?"
"Ann told us you just showed up in the school's files, no admission, no paperwork, no interview, you just did whatever you did and got in."
For someone who wanted a nice drama free visit, Sam sure as hell didn't have a problem dropping the damn truth all over the tiny little house. Jeremy was looking very defensive, and Sam had never and would never step down when he knew he was right. Dean knew that Jeremy could have gotten into Yale like everyone else had, but maybe not in the middle of the year and with real no real qualifications besides his degree from the tiny college in Westport.
"I shouldn't even have to go to school. I'm not going to learn anything I don't already know."
"But you're going to run yourself ragged." Dean said quietly. "And then it'll just get easier and easier to...you know?"
"What? Go all evil and kill everybody?"
"No one said anything about that."
"You didn't have to. I've got this. Besides, last time I checked Abel was gone."
At the mention of Abel's name, Sam very quickly excused himself to use to bathroom. If there was one thing everyone in the whole damned family agreed on it was to never under any circumstances mention Abel's name in front of Sam. If he wanted to talk about him it was fine, but everyone had agreed to not say that name unless Sam said it first.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Dean whispered. "Seriously?"
"I'm sorry, I just need you two to believe in me. Believe that I can be in control of myself and still do everything I want to do."
"I..."
"And you're not one to talk."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"You honestly think Cooper's assault to get those weapons went unnoticed? You think no one knows you have something extremely powerful and dangerous in the trunk of your car? The only reason Sam hasn't is because he gave up everything. What was your plan to get him out?"
"Go find him and save him."
"Why haven't you yet?"
"Because I'd open a door and God only knows what would come out with him. I'd rather Sam just grieve and mourn than open the door to a place worse than hell."
"That's where Maet is. That's where things you can't even imagine are. You should worry less about me and more about..."
When the door to the bathroom opened Jeremy seamlessly segued into the classes he was most excited about and taking some weekends off to spend time in Connecticut. Instead of sitting back down on the sofa, Sam grabbed his bag, which was in no way a purse and motioned for both of them to stand up. He didn't look upset, he hadn't been crying, but being reminded of Abel out of nowhere was always hard on him and when things got hard, Sam did what he did best.
"Dean, bundle the pumpkin up, Jeremy, get your coat. We're going shopping."
"For what?"
"I just dried my hands inside my jacket because you have no towels. There's no furniture, you clearly need measuring cups because I'm diabetic now from the coffee. I don't want to hear anything, I want to go shopping and have lunch."
"Okay." Jeremy said quietly. "I was going to head to IKEA this weekend and..."
"No! No! No!" Dean yelled as he scooped up Buster. "No! No!"
"Dean..."
"No, Sammy, you promised me when you published 302 that if you made enough money I'd never have to put together something from IKEA again! You promised me!"
"Wow, what's the trauma."
"We bought a chest of drawers and..."
"No! No!" Dean yelled as he gathered up Buster. "I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to think about it and..."
"Well, needless to say when we moved to the house in Westport Dean took the damned thing across the street and chopped it to death with a giant axe."
"I won't expose my baby to that. I won't do it, I won't look at that smug Swedish bastard's face ever again!"
"Okay." Sam smiled. "Let's get your coat and wrap Buster up nice and warm."
"Sam, I'm not doing it!"
Fifteen minutes later Dean was rushing from the parking lot and into IKEA with his sunglasses on and the hood from his jacket obscuring most of his face. He had Buster with him and while he was wanted to get him out of the cold, he was more concerned with what his sweet baby boy was about to put but through, because as far as Dean was concerned, there was hell, there was wherever Maet was, and then there was IKEA.
For the record Sam agreed with Dean that the Swedish were just pissed off about something and that why they made things impossible to put together. Sam fucking loathed putting together that chest of drawers as much as Dean did, but he didn't hold a grudge. No crap from IKEA was ever going to end up in his house, but he still liked looking and he especially liked buying stuff. Jeremy was going to have to put everything together by himself and maybe with some help from Michael or John, but Sam was more than happy to foot the bill for whatever Jeremy wanted. Because it was so cold out the store wasn't even that crowded which made Sam a lot more comfortable since he didn't want people mobbing him for selfies in which he wasn't in control of the lighting or filter choice.
While Dean hovered around the basket to keep Buster safe, Jeremy and Sam worked on a quick list of stuff they needed. He apparently did have towels but he hadn't done the laundry yet, so Sam suggested maybe a few more. He needed a bed, maybe a night stand and another chair for the living room. Sam thought a nice rug might brighten things up some and they had to get the second bedroom turned into a proper office so Jeremy could do his school stuff and still work with the center when he had time.
When Dean spotted the little bistro inside the store he took off like a bat out of hell. Not only could he find a nice warm corner to hide in, but he could feed Buster and of course probably get something to eat for himself. He didn't even say goodbye or wave, he just got the hell out of there. Sam kind of wanted all of them to spend time together but he wasn't a sadist and he knew Dean would be better off with Buster and all the crap he could eat.
"Hey, Sam?"
"Yeah?" Sam asked as he looked at a desk. "I like this one, but in black."
"Yeah, I like that one too. I'm sorry about before."
"Don't worry about that. It's no big deal."
Sam was telling the truth, he had made peace with Abel's death, but sometimes he just had days or these fleeting moments where it hit him a little harder to hear his name, especially coming from Jeremy. Sam knew that when it came to Abel, no one was on his side, no one was ever going to be on his side and that was okay. Abel was a monster, and regardless of what happened to him in hell he was always going to be a monster. Sam accepted that, there was no way to deny that there was no coming back from the things he had done, but at the same time there was no way to deny that he died a hero.
When Sam looked over at the little cafe Dean was having a very animated discussion with the woman behind the counter and seemed to be ordering a little bit of everything. Without Abel, Dean would have died, and worse than that he might have been sent to a place there was no way to come back from. For that Sam was more than willing to forgive. He wasn't dumb enough to forget, but he could forgive Abel and work on attempt to make amends with, basically the whole fucking world.
"What's it like?"
"Sam..."
"I just want to know. I've been to hell. What's worse than that?"
"I don't know. That's maybe a question for Gabe, I just know that Lucifer went to hell."
"Yeah."
"God sent Abel someplace worse and I know he's not alone. There are far worse things than a fallen angel, Sam."
Sam couldn't imagine what those things were, and quite frankly he didn't want to know and certainly didn't want to talk about Abel anymore. If there was anything to be done, Sam knew it would have been done already and it was just going to have to be one of those things he had to let go of. That wasn't an easy thing to do, and Sam could feel himself becoming upset. He couldn't do that right next to Jeremy and within Dean's line of sight, so he quickly finished off a bottle of water and then told Jeremy to look around while he ran to the bathroom.
Sam didn't have to pee, he just needed a moment to gather himself up again. That was what Carol always said when she got upset or emotional or overwhelmed. She needed to gather herself up and Sam always imagined her scooping herself up off the floor and trying to stick everything back where it belonged. He didn't know how to do that so he settled for splashing some water on his face.
The water was freezing cold, but it kind of gave Sam the jolt he needed. It felt good and he was reinvigorated and ready to fill Jeremy's house with crap that was impossible to put together. When he was splashing one last handful of frigid water against his skin, he heard the bathroom door opened and prayed it wasn't Jeremy or God forbid Dean coming to check on him. He still had water in his eyes so he couldn't see much, but he knew it wasn't either of them and he could see just enough to accept a couple of paper towels.
"Thanks."
"No problem. You okay, man?"
"Yeah." Sam nodded before he looked up into the mirror. "I'm..."
After a lifetime of impossibilities, there wasn't any real way for Sam to articulate how he felt when his eyes were clear and he was staring into the mirror. He went completely rigid first and he could feel his body temperature wildly fluctuating second by second. Every breath in and out was like swallowing down ice and breathing out fire and for the first time in his life he experience dread and terror like never before mixed with a happiness he had never experienced without Dean or one of the kids there to share it with him.
"Turn around."
"No." Sam laughed as he shook his head. "I've done this before. I turn around and you're not there. I'm just crazy again, it happens sometimes."
"Sam."
"I'm not turning around."
"Come on."
When Sam felt warm and gentle fingers on his shoulder he tried to stay facing the mirror, and he could have, he was physically stronger, but he was also pretty scared of being crazy again, so against his better judgment he turned and stood two feet away from a very familiar face. One he had said goodbye to, one that he thought of all the time, a person that he talked to almost as much as he talked to Dean or John. A person buried under a rose bush in his backyard.
"Abel?"
"Yeah, Sam, it's me. I promise it's me."
Sam nodded cautiously, but he still kept his distance, if things got dicey he had nothing to protect himself with. He was finally free of the burden of his many gifts and all he had was brute strength which didn't really help out much when dealing with a demon. When Abel got out of hell, he set up shop in some racist nazi fanboy who was covered in tattoos and had a completely bald head. All the tattoos were hidden under clothes or covered up and Abel's head had a fine dusting of very short, very blonde hair that just barely hid the shine of his scalp.
"You're blonde."
"I think they call it Aryan."
"Your eyes are lighter than Michael's."
"He's not bad looking I guess." Abel said as he approached the mirror. "I don't think I can make it through summer wearing turtle necks and long sleeves though."
"Why?"
"Because it's hot. I'm covered in swastikas and someone's name on my ass that I can't even read."
"Just make them go away."
"You gonna foot the bill?"
"No." Sam said. "I meant just...do your thing and..."
"Sam, I'm human."
When Sam dropped his guard he felt like a thousand pounds fell off his chest. He didn't notice it at first, at least not in a obvious way, but there was something very different about Abel. He moved differently, his voice was different and he didn't seem quite so intimidating. Since Sam's sanity was still in question he didn't move or say anything, he just stayed perfectly still while Abel moved closer and carefully studied his face.
"You look thin."
"You look remarkably well for someone I buried in two pieces."
"That was really decent of you both. I appreciate that, you don't know how much I appreciate that or all the time you spent out there with me."
"How are you back?"
"Oh, it's a long story." Abel sighed. "I guess God had been listening to prayers for so long they just became white noise. Gabe started listening when he took over and one voice was louder than them all. People with kids they couldn't feed, people dying way too young, people looking for miracles and one voice drowned them all out. Of course he's also in love with you so maybe he was paying a little more attention to what you wanted."
"When did this happen?"
"Christmas day."
"It's the middle of January." Sam said as he finally moved from where he was standing. "You've been back all this time and you fucking ambush me in IKEA?"
"I was going to leave, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't push my family out of my head and then I was pretty much stalking you and...yeah. Didn't want to be a stalker."
"Oh."
"Sam, I gotta tell you this is a little anti climactic for me."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm back, I'm not evil, no consequences, I know I don't just start hanging around, but I'm back, I'm...I'm free from that place because of you."
"There's no such thing as no consequences."
Sam wanted to be happy, he wanted to hug Abel and properly thank him for saving Dean, he wanted to know everything he could and have all his questions answered, but they did not live in a world without consequences. Sam needed proof that Gabe had brought him back and that Abel was just a regular old neo nazi. He needed that proof more than anything, but even when he was a demon Abel only wanted to be a part of the family and Sam could never see that happening. He was too much of a reminder for Jeremy, Dean was never going to trust him, John was never going to be his father. That was just the tip of the iceberg.
"I thought this is what you wanted."
"It is." Sam said as he sucked up his breath. "I just...there's no room for you."
"I know that, I know I have to earn everyone's trust and make up for everything, but I'm not there anymore. You saved me, Sam. You saved me."
"You gotta go." Sam said as he shook his head. "You can't let them see you here."
"Okay."
"Just take this and you have my number, just don't call."
Sam reached into his wallet and pulled out all the cash he had and handed it over. For a second his fingers touched Abel's and he felt so familiar, he felt just like Dean or Jeremy or Aaron, he felt like family, but it was too complicated. He might have been human, but Jeremy wasn't and there was no way they could have a public confrontation without a lot of collateral damage. As he took the money and shoved it in his jacket he nodded and started to turn away before he stopped with one hand on the bathroom door.
"I heard you talking to me."
"You did?"
"Everything." Abel smiled. "Did you mean it?"
"Every word."
Abel nodded and checked to make sure he had a path out of the store before he left. As soon as the door shut, Sam went into what he knew was a full blown panic attack. His heart was pounding and his legs were weak, his head throbbed and his stomach was twisting itself back and forth like a balloon animal. Sam had felt that way before, plenty of times when he was on his own in that old apartment, and he didn't like it one bit. He felt like someone was squeezing him and crushing him, but instead of calling for help, or praying for it, he pushed himself upright and ran out of the bathroom.
Dean was right where Sam had left him and he was warming up a bottle for Buster. Jeremy had moved on to another furniture setup and seemed to be giving it very careful consideration. Dean was completely occupied and would be for a while, Jeremy wasn't going to just stand around looking at furniture without wondering where Sam went, but he'd check the bathroom and then probably go looking for him in another section of the store.
Despite his size, Sam was still pretty good at sneaking around and managed to avoid both Dean and Jeremy before he slipped out the exit and took off running. It was so cold outside that the wind actually stung Sam's face, but Abel had only made it about halfway through the parking lot. Sam had no idea where he was going, but there weren't any cars around and there was no way he was going to walk back to Westport.
"Stop!" Sam yelled as he got closer. "Stop!"
"Sam? What the hell are you doing?"
"I can't get send you away."
"You don't have many choices here, Sam. I go back in there and Jeremy will level the building and probably kill all of us in the process."
"He's not that strong."
"He's strong enough to kill me, more importantly you're not strong enough to stop him."
"Where are you even going?"
"The bus stop." Abel said before moving closer. "Breathe deep from down here and exhale slowly."
Abel put his palm flat against Sam's stomach about an inch below his sternum. Sam was still taking short panicked breaths from the tip top of his lungs, but he knew that was the worst thing he could be doing. Abel led by example and drew in big deep breaths that seemed to fill his entire midsection. Sam tried it, but he was still faltering and it still hurt to breathe. After about thirty seconds of trying, Sam finally managed to breath in cold fresh air from way down in his stomach, and when he exhaled Abel gently pushed helping him exhale.
"There you go. Hold it for a second and let it out. Real slow though."
"What are you doing?"
"Teaching you how to breathe, apparently. Just keep going."
"How do you know how to do this?"
"I got gumbo in my head." Abel laughed. "Little of me, little of Jeremy, little of our Nazi friend, who really doesn't like black people or avocados."
"What about you?"
"I would gladly share an avocado with a black person."
"I meant how much of you is you."
Sam wasn't sure he phrased that as well as he could have, but Abel understood. He was one person, who had spent a lot of time inside of Jeremy and that was bound to leave an imprint. He had spent considerably less time with the Nazi, but apparently he was retaining memories or feelings. It must have been pretty much mush inside of his head, but Sam was pretty sure the dominate personality was actually Abel, who unfortunately they knew a lot about while actually knowing nothing about him at the same time.
Outside in the daylight, which Sam continued breathing slowly, he got a really good look at Abel or at least the container he had shoved himself into. He was attractive, maybe even handsome, but he had obviously done some hard living. He looked a little tired, his nose was slightly crooked from a break that never bothered to get fixed and his left eye was slightly squinty like maybe he had gotten in a fight and there was some damage there. Sam saw all the pain he had been through before Abel set up shop, but he also took notice of how dense his closely cropped hair was, the nearly perfect right angel his jaw formed, and his completely perfect white teeth. They was all in place, all nice and shiny white, and that seemed very suspicious for anyone who had ever taken a punch.
"What's wrong with your teeth?"
"Excuse me?"
"You've been beat up pretty bad before, how are your teeth so straight and white?"
"It's weird, right?"
"Yeah."
"He had braces. I can't really remember much else, I don't like to go digging around back there."
"Probably a good idea."
"It's weird."
"What is?"
"Well." Abel said before he sighed. "Demons they kill, they deal, and they murder and torture, but it's indiscriminate. Sure I had preferences and some pretty severe daddy issues, but I never hated someone because of the color of their skin or their religion. Black people are cool right?"
"Avocados too."
"Yeah."
"Listen uh..." Sam said before a long pause. "I need to know what you want, tell me the bare minimum, then tell me what you really want."
Abel immediately withdrew his hand from Sam's stomach and stayed quiet for an almost uncomfortable amount of time. He tried to pretend like he was thinking, but Sam wasn't stupid. He knew that Abel knew exactly what he wanted. He just didn't want to appear too eager or desperate, which Sam got, but it was really fucking cold and there was no telling how much time they had before Dean or Jeremy got curious and stuck their heads outside.
"Bare minimum, you know I'm okay, I'm out of that place and you stop blaming yourself and stop lying to yourself about me being some hero just because I saved Dean."
"But you did do that."
"Sam, I didn't do that for you, or for him, I did that to keep this world turning. We both know you would have gotten yourself into a war that neither side was going to win if he died."
"Okay." Sam nodded. "That's fair. Now what do you really want?"
"Everything." Abel smiled. "Birthday parties, Christmas morning...John. I want him so bad I want to know my family and make things better. Sam, this hurts so much. Knowing what I did, that was Jeremy, that was me. He puts himself through so much for something that he had nothing to do with. I need this love and this light to make me forget where I was, but I can't have that. I know that."
"Why dad?"
"That's a really stupid question to ask."
Sam couldn't remember the last time he was so heartbroken, but it had be to when Buster was born and he had to stay strong and watch what Dean was going through. Abel's beautiful blue eyes were all wet and glossy and when he sucked up his breath tears rolled down his cheeks. His mother was gone, he knew, as well as Sam did, that he was realistically never going to sit with them around the dinner table, but he had faith that he'd have a dad because John fucked up, he did stupid shit, he was stubborn as a mule and selfish sometimes, but he was never going to turn his back on his family.
"I have to tell Dean."
"I know."
"I can't be responsible for who he tells or what he does."
"I know that too, Sam."
"Go buy something nice to wear. Get something to cover up all those tattoos. Real makeup, not that Wet N Wild shit you've got smeared on your neck."
"Why?"
"Because your big brother's coming to see you and you need to put as much difference between who you are now and who we buried in the backyard."
Instead of a hug or a handshake Sam and Abel merely nodded at each other and then he kept walking towards the street. Sam stayed outside for a second just in time to watch him get on the bus that was going to take him back home, whenever that was. Sam had no idea where he was staying but he assumed it was close to the house, probably in that shitty motel everyone loved so much.
Once he was back inside the store, Sam realized just how freezing it was outside. He knew his cheeks were going to be red and he was going to be shivering for quite a while, but just following Abel outside was keeping too much for Dean. Sam could have waited to warm, but he didn't see the point. He was always one of those rip the band aid off kind of guys and he was not one of those keep shit from Dean guys. They had tried that before and it never worked out.
"Sammy, you look frozen solid. Were you outside?"
"Yeah." Sam said as he sat down. "Where's Jeremy?"
"He went to look at beds. Said he couldn't find you. Why were you outside?"
"You need to stay calm and quiet and not do or say anything around Jeremy."
"You're scaring me, Sammy."
"Abel's back."
Sam was sitting across the table from Dean feeding Buster his bottle and he went as stiff as a statue. He looked pale and scared, but not really all that worried or upset. Sam expected him to blow up and go crazy, but Dean just froze and then adjusted Buster's bottle a little and gave him a kiss on the head.
"Demon?"
"Human."
"How?"
"Gabe."
"Gabe?" Dean laughed. "He explicitly warned me to stop trying to get Abel out of that place."
"When did you see Gabe?"
"It doesn't matter. We're done talking about this."
"Dean..."
"Done." Dean said with a frightening note of finality. "We're done."
Sam barely had time to lean back in his chair and sigh before Jeremy snuck up on him and pulled him to his feet. He had found what he thought was the perfect desk and needed Sam's opinion on it. Sam smiled and followed him back into the depths of the store, but not before he snuck a look back in Dean in the little cafe, who was blankly staring at nothing at all.
Dean was driving, he was always drove, but he thought it was kind of like a special occasion thing when he got to drive the Impala, no kids, no noise in the backseat, just Sam next to him and then sun setting in the distance. There was no music playing just faint static from a radio station that wasn't on the air anymore. Dean could have easily turned the radio off or adjusted the frequency, but the static was soothing and he really needed some fucking soothing.
After spending the day with Jeremy and being bested by the fucking filthy Swedish bastards at IKEA, Dean went straight home, dropped off Buster, saw the rest of the kids and then got in the Impala with Sam so they could leave again. Sam was saying things, he was saying a lot of things, probably too many, but Dean ignored him, he listened, he just chose not to respond. Eventually, right before they left the house he gave Sam the option of staying behind, which effectively shut him up. Dean wasn't mad at him, he was just in that rare mood where he couldn't be bothered by anything until he handled his business.
Dean had a hunch and when he pulled up at the shitty motel just outside of town he knew, as always, his hunch was going to be right. Sam started to argue again, but Dean just let him become white noise as they exited the car and strolled right into the office. There was a vacancy sign up, there always seemed to be a vacancy and there was a very young, very cute, girl behind the counter. She couldn't have been older than fourteen and Dean didn't like that she seemed to be alone.
"Good Evening, Mr. Winchester."
"Evening. Are you here alone?"
"Just for a little bit. Daddy went to get us some dinner." The girl said. "You don't worry about me though, it's quiet. What can I help you gentlemen with?"
"I'm looking for someone, about me height, really short hair, tattoos."
"No tattoos." Sam said quickly. "Really blue eyes."
"Mr. Abel?"
"Yeah." Dean nodded. "What do you think about him?"
"Been here a while, quiet, doesn't like anyone in his room. Oh, he brought us donuts the other day."
"He's nice then?"
"He's quiet, but he seems like a nice guy, kind of..."
"Kind of what?" Sam asked. "Angry?"
"Sad." The girl said. "He's in room five, but I didn't tell you."
"Deal." Dean smiled. "You look pretty in that dress."
"Thank you, Mr. Winchester!"
When Dean walked out of the office he went straight for the trunk and pulled out his weapon of choice, one he hadn't used yet, really wanted to use, and doubted he'd be able to. Sam had never seen it before and his eyes went wide and for the first time in his life he was at a complete loss for words. Dean still wasn't sure what the weapon was exactly, but he had kind of settled on calling it a sickle. It was clunky and primitive and honestly very difficult to handle, but Cooper had found it for him and Gabe had given explicit instructions on what it did. It was really more of a scare tactic, because Dean tucked a gun into the back of his jeans and handed Sam a dagger which he promptly threw back into the trunk.
"What the fuck is that?"
"Don't know. It was a gift from Cooper for that time we watched Bubble."
"It's got teeth and amulets hanging from it, Dean."
"Yeah, and it's heavy as hell, so pick the dagger up, stuck it against your ass like old times and back me up."
"No."
"Sam, I'm not fucking around with this."
"And I'm not the little brother who had to take orders from you anymore. 50/50, right?"
"Fine, be the good cop."
When Sam slammed the trunk closed Dean knew they'd both be going to bed angry, but he really didn't care. All he cared about was that less than three miles from his house was the monster who tortured Jeremy for years, violated thousands of people and then violently killed them. Sure, he had come back, and yes he had helped and Dean remember him saving his life, but there was no way in hell he was going to let anyone who had committed countless atrocities be so close to his family and friends.
When Dean knocked on door number five he did it with the end of sickle. The sharp tip of the blade made an unsettling scratching noise and the teeth and amulets jingled. Over that Dean could hear the sound of scurrying inside and the television being shut off or muted. It sounded like Abel was about to attempt to hide or run for cover. There were windows in the bathrooms, but Dean didn't think he was stupid enough to run. He opened the door a second later and practically leapt across the entire room when he saw what Dean was quite proudly brandishing.
Sam had said the tattoos were gone, but Dean saw all of them peeking out from Abel's plain black under shirt. He also took a quick note of the clean room and the foggy mirror outside of the bathroom. He had just gotten out of the shower and immediately pulled on a shirt that he buttoned all the way up to hide the hate inked all over his skin.
"Why does everyone end up at this shitty motel?" Dean asked as he swung the sickle and dragged the blade against the carpet. "Not the shittiest I've seen, but close."
"Dean."
"Abel."
"I'm glad you came."
"Really? Because you look like you're about to shit yourself."
"How do you have that?"
"What is it?" Sam asked. "He just pulled it out of the trunk when we got here."
"It's a sickle."
"Absolutely right!" Dean smiled. "A clunky, archaic, primitive sickle that not only can kill, it can make anyone or anything go away forever. No second chances, no escaping, no being rescued. You're just gone."
"Dean." Sam said. "Put it down. You're scaring him."
"Fine. You're the boss, Sammy."
Dean let the sickle fall sideways so it was leaning against the wall, but Abel still looked terrified, he looked even worse when Dean crossed the room and rather roughly grabbed him by the jaw. He turned his head from left to right and then stared as deep into his eyes as he could. To Dean's utter surprise he saw that Abel was actually mere seconds away from crying. He didn't pull away though, he didn't try to lock himself in the bathroom, and he made no attempt to run and hide behind Sam. Dean respected that. He respected the hell out of that.
"So how does this work?" Dean asked. "You left your mark on Jeremy, this guy was a fucking potato when you shacked up in him, you're were a demon, then a reformed helpful demon, and now you're just...who?"
"I don't know."
"He's a good looking son of a bitch isn't he, Sammy?" Dean asked before lightly slapping Abel across the face. "Not like us, though."
"Dean, stop."
"Stop what?"
"You're bullying him. Abel, come over here."
Dean watch with quite a healthy dose of skepticism when Sam had the audacity to hold out his hand and beckon Abel towards him. He was hesitant at first because to get to Sam, he had to cross Dean, who took the opportunity to sit down on the edge of the bed. After a few seconds of consideration Abel took Sam's hand, went to the other side of the room and actually cowered. Sam sat him down in a chair and then had the absolute nerve to take what Dean was pretty sure was a defensive stance. Sam was right, he wasn't the little brother anymore, and though Dean knew first hand just big his balls were, they must have been fucking massive in that moment.
"Wow." Dean laughed. "I mean I can compete with Auden and fucking God, but this is going to be a challenge."
"Will you knock it off?" Sam asked. "You're scaring him, you're bullying him, and whether you like it or not, in some fucked up twisted way he's your brother."
Dean wasn't stupid, he had been playing games with people since he was eight years old. He had put on the tough guy act, he had brought his WMD and he was as intimidating as he could possibly be. He didn't trust Abel, he didn't like him, he sure as hell didn't like the way Sam was treating him, but he knew fear all too well. Abel was scared, he was scared for his life and scared of pain. Dean could feel that rolling off of him in waves. The bad guys didn't scare easy, most weren't afraid of death and for the most part they enjoyed a little pain every now and then. Dean wasn't positive that Abel was telling the truth and that he was pure grade human, but he didn't see him as much of a threat either.
"You're right. Abel, I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
"For what exactly?"
"I don't want you two fighting because of me."
"Oh please, he'll punish me later on and it'll all be said and done."
"Don't be so sure of yourself."
"Okay." Dean shrugged before he got up and moved closer. "What's the deal?"
"What do you mean?"
"Gabon. You get hit with God's +12 lightening ball, thank you, by the way, Gabe kills God, Sam goes unleaded, what happens next?"
"Jesus Christ, Dean."
Dean just wanted to quickly and concisely make sure everyone was on the same page. If memory served, and it did, Sam killed the giant monster Dean still had nightmares about, God then showed up and killed Abel before Gabe showed up and killed him. After that it was a quick burial, Sam gave up all the power in the world, and Gabe disappeared. As far as Dean knew Sam hadn't seen Gabe since. Dean had seen him when Cooper raided the collection of artifacts in Paris looking for a way to get Abel back. Gabe warned against that and Dean decided to do as he said, which was where things didn't add up. Gabe wanted Abel where he was, but he just plucked him out of there, set up all human like and then disappeared again. Dean wanted to know exactly what had happened and he wasn't leaving until he got some answers. Sam didn't want to hear about it, Abel didn't want to talk about it, but unfortunately for them, Dean was the oldest.
"I remember Gabon. Then it was dark, it was quiet. I knew I wasn't alone and it hurt."
"Not being alone?"
"No." Abel laughed weakly. "It hurt all the time. Every second was a lifetime, ever minute was eternity of nothing but dark and quiet and cold. I don't know how long it was, it could have been decades, centuries, before I heard Sam."
"It was seconds." Sam said as he stared across the room. "It was seconds after you were in the ground."
"It was lifetimes. Lifetimes went by again and again and every so often I'd hear him talking to me. I heard you too."
"You what?" Sam asked. "Who?"
"Dean. I heard everything you said."
Dean had never sat and sulked and mourned like Sam had, but there was more than one occasion where he sat down and talked to Abel. He did it privately, when he knew Sam wasn't around. They weren't long conversations, but promises were made, promises Dean had intended on making good on, promises he hoped Abel was smart enough to keep to himself.
"What did you talk to him about?"
"Stuff." Dean said quickly. "You mostly."
"I don't deserve anything." Abel said. "I know that. I just wanted a chance."
"You can't have one."
"Dean."
"Sammy, be realistic here. Abel, I feel for you, I really do. Maybe we can talk to dad, maybe we can explain something to him, but there's nothing in this world you could do that would make me bring you into my home and sit you down for dinner across the table from Jeremy. I'm sorry, but all three of us know that, you can pretend all you want, but Jeremy and Aaron aren't going to ever be okay with you and I'm not willing to lose them."
"For me."
"I don't know you. I don't know who you are or what you are for that matter. You don't seem to either."
Dean hated himself for making anyone look so upset, but he was a realist, there was no way to have Abel become a part of the family and keep the family intact. Things were strained enough with Aaron and Jeremy, Dean knew that if they just brought Abel into the mix the entire family would explode. He could maybe see what John thought in a roundabout way, but even that seemed wildly optimistic.
Worse than the look on Abel's face was the look on Sam's. For their entire life Dean had been expected to fix everything and for the most part he thought he was doing a pretty good job, but there was nothing he could do, there was nothing anyone could do. Abel was the puzzle piece that just didn't fit. Him and Sam could try to have some kind of relationship with him, but the problem with that was that they'd be keeping him a secret from everyone else and that wasn't fair to Abel. It also wasn't realistic for that to be enough for Sam.
"Okay." Dean sighed. "Let's make a plan then."
"What?"
"Come on, Sammy. Let's make a plan to make this work."
"You just said it couldn't."
"Then we'll play your favorite game of prove Dean wrong. Abel, you're suquestered in this motel room. You stay within a five block radius and you only go out at night, got it?"
"Okay."
"Plenty to eat." Dean said as he dug in his wallet. "Here's money for food whenever you want to go. Whatever you want to do on this side of town, after it's dark."
"Dean, where did you get that money from?" Sam asked as he picked it up. "This is..."
"Sammy, I don't know how much money that is."
"It's ten thousand dollars. You took this out of the safe?"
"Do you need more than ten thousand dollars?"
"No." Abel said awkwardly. "There's nothing but fast food around here."
"Then this works out. I'll come get you Monday morning and I'm taking you to the doctor, and it's going to hurt like a motherfucker."
"Why, exactly?"
"You're covered in swastikas. It's not a good look. I don't like looking at you, which means no one else will."
"Okay."
"We'll work on those with the doctor, Sammy and I will..."
"I'll do it." Sam said. "I'll tell dad."
"And James. Then the four of us sit down and decide where we go from there. You understand the rules?"
"Yes."
"Yes, what?"
"Yes, Dean?"
"Motherfucker isn't going to call me sir." Dean laughed. "So we'll be going and brother or not I see you anywhere near my kids and this thing is going into your heart."
Dean shook his head, grabbed the sickle and walked out of the room and back to the car. Sam stay inside the motel room for what seemed like an uncomfortable amount of time, but eventually he emerged just as Dean was slamming the trunk of the car and leaning against it. He thought things went pretty well, all things considered until Sam socked the shit out of him right in the jaw. He didn't have his powers anymore, but that bitch was strong and it fucking hurt.
"What the fuck!" Dean yelled as he grabbed his jaw. "I taste blood!"
"I am not your bitch. I'm not a little boy who listens to whatever you say. I'm a grown ass man and you don't ever tell me what to do again."
Dean shrugged and did something he never thought he'd actually ever do again. He cocked back and punched Sam in his jaw. Now while Sam was plenty strong and could throw a punch, he couldn't take one as easily. He stumbled backwards some and then immediately put his hand over his face. That was when Dean realized not only had he hit Sam back, but he hit him back just in time for fashion week.
"You can't hit me!"
"Looks like I just did." Dean said as he grabbed Sam by his coat. "Now you listen me to and pay attention. You are my bitch, and you will do whatever the hell I tell you to do when it comes to him. If I want you to put a bullet in his head you're going to do it and not ask any questions."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes you are, because you're blind, Sammy. You're blind when it comes to him. I get it, trust me, if someone saved your life I'd fucking move heaven and Earth to thank them, but you need to keep your distance."
"Why?"
"Gabe rescued him for you. Because it's what you wanted. I don't want to think about how he's going to thank you."
"He's human, what could he possibly do?"
"Wow." Dean scoffed. "You've forgotten who the real monsters are. Please, if you're so inclined, will you get in the car so we can get back home?"
"Fine."
"Thank you."
Dean sort of expected Sam to ignore him and walk home while sulking, but instead he walked to the passenger side and got back in the car. Dean sighed a little bit too loudly and then dug out his keys and got behind the wheel. As soon as he sat down, Sam punched the shit out of him again, hitting him so hard that the back to Dean's head smacked into the trim around the window. It hurt like a motherfucker and Dean was pretty much over getting punched in the face.
"What the fuck Sam!"
Without saying a word Sam grabbed Dean by the back of his head and roughly pulled him closer. When their lips met Dean tasted dark red copper and felt the blood and spit falling from their bruised and bloody mouths. The motel was mostly empty and the windows were quickly fogging up, but Dean still wasn't entirely comfortable with doing anything in public which was clearly what Sam was aiming for.
Before Dean could voice any concerns, Sam had flipped him over and has his face pressed up the window again. Without even undoing his belt, Sam yanked down the back of Dean's jeans and then fumbled with his own. There was no foreplay past the fighting, no prep work, and Sam didn't even bother to spit, he drove his way in as hard as he could and very roughly pulled back in Dean's hair to get in a little deeper.
Sam didn't last more then ten or so rough pumps and Dean came without even touching himself about halfway through. When Sam was done, he collapsed on top of Dean, still hard inside of him, with his hot breath heaving into his ear. Dean couldn't remember the last time, if ever there was a time, when sex was that incredibly painful, but he didn't complain, he just tried to catch his breath, while Sam wrapped one hand around his jaw and yanked it sideways so they were looking at each other.
"You don't forget." Sam whispered. "You're the bitch."
When Sam spit on his face Dean's cock twitched and erupted again. He felt like he was in the middle of dream, but then the pain came back and Dean realized he was very much awake, and he had just been violated, abused and used by Sam. When Sam pulled out and crammed himself back into his jeans, Dean did his best to pull his own jeans up, but his belt was too tight and his ass was too big. He had no idea how the hell Sam had gotten his jeans down, but of course he had, because he always got the job done.
As they pulled out of the parking lot with the car reeking of sweat, blood, spit, and cum, Sam offered his left had and Dean took it with his right keep one hand on the wheel. He kissed Sam on his knuckles and then together they laughed as they drove off into the night and back home to the kids.