Fandom: Doctor Who/House MD
The Doctor makes a House call
Okay, I’ll admit, the title is amusing. Doctor Who/House M.D. crossover.
SUMMARY: 10th Doctor and Rose make a housecall to Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital and meets Doctor Gregory House.
*deadpan* Ha. Ha Ha
A/N Okay something within me was just begging me to write a Doctor Who and Doctor House crossover story.
And I’m begging you not to.
I am not sure how great this will turn out
Reassuring.
but I thought that these two doctors really should meet each other. If for nothing else, then just for all the witty combacks these two could have.
Now, if that had been cumbacks, the typo would’ve been even more hilarious.
I do not own Doctor House M.D. or Doctor Who
Thank God.
XXXXX
Chapter 1
Lisa Cuddy smiled at the new doctor that she had hired for the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.
Just incase you missed the setting in the summary.
“I am sure you’ll do well here, Doctor John Smith. Oh but don’t mind….”
Okay, first off, how many times do you address people by their full names?
The Doctor raised his eye
I want see that!
for a moment when in walked a man who limped in with a cane.
Is he walking or limping?
“Cuddy are you going behind my back again?”
Start right in with a stupid question, House.
Cuddy looked annoyed for a moment,
It starts. For a moment, a bit, slightly, lightly continue ad nauseam from this point on.
“House, I hire doctors for our hospital.
Are we just throwing canon out the window? Just checking.
Just because you don’t like them doesn’t mean you can come in and complain before they even start there first day.
That’s never stopped him before.
Anyway it’s good you’re here, House I want you to meet Doctor John Smith.”
Why should House care who gets hired? Not only does a hospital employ doctors, it also has others associated with it.
The Doctor smiled and put forth his hand, “Hello….”
How do you do? I’m the Doctor.
House snorted, “John Smith…oh you have got to be kidding me.
House, you lost your question mark!
Did your parents decide that after they had you they couldn’t think of anything better but the name John?”
That’s the best you can come up with?
The Doctor smiled, “I wouldn’t know actually. I never had what you would consider parents.”
That’s only true if you’re going by book canon not TV canon. Oops! Canon is out the window!
“An orphan. Then I feel sorry for the adopted parents that must of out of sheer bordem decided that was what they should name you.”
*eyeroll*
The Doctor frowned a bit and House walked out.
Oh, I guess he got over that limp.
The Doctor looked at Cuddy and Cuddy sighed, “Don’t mind House, he’s just jealous that you’re stepping on his turf.”
How? No, never mind, you might tell me.
The Doctor chuckled, “Actually I have met much worse. Anyway...what do you want me to do right now?”
Depends on what you were hired for, doesn’t it? Reporting to your department might be good.
“Well you have met House. I suppose I should introduce you to the rest of the staff.
The whole hospital staff? Isn’t that overkill?
It’s lunch time they should be in the cafeteria, except House, he prefers to be in his office by himself.”
Lunch time already? Wouldn’t it have been better for the new arrival to start first thing in the morning?
The Doctor smiled as Cuddy led him into the Cafetria. The Doctor grabbed a tray and smiled as he saw Rose dish out a plate of food. She gave him a look that had daggers to it. “How come you get to ‘play’ Doctor and I get stuck once again serving lunch?”
Because the author couldn’t think of another menial task to give you, like housekeeping.
The Doctor grinned, “Hey don’t blame me, Capatain Jack said that there was some unusual activity going on around New Jersey. He couldn’t bother sending a Torchwood agent here. Soooo here we are sweetheart.”
GAH! Woah! Continuity Error! The Doctor knows nothing of Captain Jack being with Torchwood until after Rose is gone!
Rose rolled her eyes and the Doctor moved on.
Continuing until he was out of this fic entirely.
He took a seat around a group of other doctors
Gee, doctors in a hospital cafeteria. Amazing.
and Cuddy introduced him to each one.
Was she oblivious to the conversation he had with Rose?
“Doctor John Smith this is Doctor James Wilson, he’s in Oncology.”
Yeah, yeah.
The Doctor smiled and said, “Hello...”
We’re having the whole casting call, aren’t we?
“So I have heard you have been assigned to work with House. House is allright but just to warn you, he’s very unconventional.”
Wilson, you seem to’ve lost your ability to use contractions. You should see a doctor about that.
The Doctor smiled, “Really? Then we should get along really well.”
Oh, jolly good! *groan*
“You might think you’re unconventional but House really takes the cake for unusual and unconventional.”
Get on with the introductions, will you!
The Doctor grinned, “Oh I don’t know….I have been known to be really unconventional myself.”
That’s the understatement of the millennium.
Wilson shook his head a bit he wondered a bit about this new doctor, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
A bit.
The Doctor ate a few chips
French fries, please. He’s in New Jersey.
and Cuddy introduced him to Doctor Forman. “Doctor Eric Foreman, this is Doctor John Smith.”
Who had been impatiently waiting while the Doctor chatted with Wilson.
Forman gave the Doctor a good firm handshake, “So where did you work at John?”
Did he stand up, too?
“Well I have worked in San Fransico under Doctor Grace Holloway.”
Under. *snicker* Oh, the comments I could make.
Foreman nodded, “I have heard of her, she’s in Cardiology, right?”
Why would you have heard of her? You’re not a cardiologist?
The Doctor nodded.
She also killed me, but I got better.
Foreman then said, “Well it will be good to have a decent cardiologist under us.”
Don’t say it! Don’t say it! Don’t say it!
Cuddy then introduced the Doctor to Doctor Allison Cameron and Doctor Robert Chase as they came into the room and sat down with lunch,
Considering the number of physicians in this thing, it would be easier if you used Dr. instead of spelling it out.
“Doctor Alison Cameron and Doctor Robert Chase, this is Doctor John Smith,
You don’t have to say Doctor before their names! They have lab coats and ID and stuff!
I have hired him to work with you and Doctor House.”
Oh, finally we learn why House is all bent out of shape. This would’ve been helpful information at the beginning.
Chase spoke first, “You’re pretty young looking for a doctor.”
Look who’s talking.
The Doctor grinned, “Oh I have had lots and lots of practice being a doctor. But you look pretty young yourself.”
Chase chuckled, “Fair enough.”
Whatever.
Cameron looked at the Doctor, “Word of advice, House is….”
A real jackass.
The Doctor finished her sentence, “Unconventional.”
No, no, he’s a jackass.
“More than that, he’s irrational and borderline psycotic.”
And you like working for him because…?
“Great, then we should get along just fine.”
Yeah, you’ll get on like gangbusters.
Cameron looked at the Doctor as if he was nuts, “You say that now but, just wait till you have to work with him.”
Oh, this sparkling dialogue. ZZZZZzzzzzzz
***
A/N Okay this is a really short chapter.
Yea!
But I had to have some fun getting House and the Doctor to share some really rather heated discussion.
It would’ve been nice if you’d shared those with the rest of the class.
After all both of them seem so very similar.
Um…the Sixth Doctor, certainly. The Tenth Doctor…um, not so much.
XXXX
Chapter 2
The Doctor wandered the halls of the hospital. Something unusual in New Jersey, Jack had told him.
So out of the whole state, he settled on Plainsboro because…?
“We are not exactly sure what it is, but we believe it might cause a medical crisis. All we know is that our satellites picked up the activity and that it was headed towards New Jersey. Rose had complained as usual, saying, “Oh that’s helpful. A medical crisis and you don’t even know what it is.”
Thank you, Rose, for being the voice of reason, despite the fact that you’re not supposed to know about Jack and Torchwood.
The Doctor smiled softly
Um…
he was suppose to help out in the clinic and he began to walk over to the clinic and House came walking by on his cane,
Now, if he had been without his cane, it would’ve been noteworthy.
“Orphan….didn’t you get the page? I need you along with everyone else.”
Oh, Doctor! You get a cute nickname!
The Doctor looked a bit annoyed, everyone called him Doctor, or John Smith, this human clearly had a habit of either ignoring the blatenly obvious or he was going out to be rude.
I should point out that the Doctor does the same thing all the time.
“I never carry a pager on me. I don’t like being paged. Something about that annoying buzzing sound really gets on my nerves and I prefer to get information first hand.”
No, that’s not it. You just love ignoring the rules.
House paused for a moment looking down at his own pager for a moment and then ripped it off and chunked it into a nearby bin. “Hmm intresting idea, Orphan. I am not fond of it either.”
*eyeroll*
The Doctor grinned a bit, he didn’t understand what all these humans were all worked up about on this guy. He seemed pretty rational to him. There was only one thing that annoyed the Doctor, “House, do you mind not calling me Orphan.”
And while you’re at it, would you add a question mark?
“Oh a touchy subject. Did you have a bad life with your adopted family?”
Welcome to Tedious Dialogue Land.
The Doctor paused for a moment and thought about it, “Actually, I really don’t want to talk about it.”
He has to think about it?
House twirled his cane a bit, “That bad.”
*throws question marks at fic*
“No, I just don’t want to talk about it.”
You know that’s just going to egg him on, don’t you?
House smiled a bit,
Christ! Can’t they just smile a lot and have done with it?
“People who don’t talk about their past generally have something bad in it. What ever happened to you Oprhan, must have been a doozey.”
*groan* Weren’t you paging your team for something, House?
The Doctor had had just about enough of it and he decided to turn the tables on this guy, “I don’t hear you volunteering your past, so I suggest you stay out of mine.”
Oh, such a snappy comeback. They’ll be giving each other cooties in a minute.
The Doctor sped off
Was he in a golf cart?
and House began to walk after him. But before he managed to get two inches he heard Cuddy.
Two inches? This would’ve been more effective if it were steps.
“House, stop pestering the new doctor.
Shame on you! Get back out character!
He came very highly recommended and I don’t want you to chase away every new doctor that I manage to hire.”
He hasn’t chased away his team yet. At least, not when this drivel was written.
House looked at Cuddy, “Oooh so he’s highly recommended. He must have graduated top of his class. Teacher’s pet and all that academic nonsense you put so much faith in. Don’t worry Cuddy, I like him. And I can assure you it’s not for the same reason why you decided to hire him.”
*drums fingers on desk*
House went limping off to meet his group of doctors.
I wish I could go limping off, but my brains seem to be leaking out my ears just now.
***
A/N: Thanks for the reviews this is actually turning into something intresting.
It is?
I am still not sure where this is headed.
Oh, swell.
But being sick right now myself ceretaintly hasn’t limited my creativity.
Wanna bet?
XXXX
Chapter 3
House entered the room and scanned around looking at all the doctors that were gathered.
Then he turned around and left. The End.
Foreman, sat down waiting, Cuddy sure had made a mistake putting him in charge lately.
Did that make sense to anyone? Anyone at all?
Chase and Cameron were talking amongst themselves,
Amongst? Don’t you mean between?
smiles on both their faces and House shook his head, “Get a room….”
For smiling? Maybe they were just passing notes.
He then turned his focus on his whiteboard and frowned, in black marker was written:
A banana a day keeps Doctor House away
It would’ve had more punch if you’d used the apple joke from “Kinda.”
He frowned and then began to look for the guilty party. He turned his gaze at Forman who had a slight smile on his face.
A slight smile? Not a bit of one?
“Forman is this your idea of a joke.”
*Throws more question marks at fic.*
Forman replied calmly, “House I don’t pretend to understand you so why would I write something like that ?”
Because you’re a big a jerk as he is.
Chase and Cameron were smirking lightly to themselves and House turned to find the Doctor sitting down very calmly eating a banana and a slight grin on his face.
It seems that “a bit” has been replaced by “slight” at this point in the story.
“Orphan would you refrain from writing comments on my board.”
Only if you’ll refrain from asking questions ending in a period.
The doctor got up and placed the peel on the edge of the white board, “Why?”
Like you don’t know.
House looked at the Doctor, debating on whether to take his cane and do something violent with it or see if he could match wits with this new guy. He then wacked his cane on a table nearby. “Well for starters it’s an apple a day.”
That’s what I said.
The Doctor smirked, “Oh but apples are so boring and ordinary. Bananas, on the other hand are a good source of postassium, not to mention a wonderful conversation piece. And if you can pleae call me John Smith or Doctor, not necessarily in that order, then maybe I’ll actually consider not writing on your stark white and very ordinary board.”
I’m sure that at some point a single plot point is going to make an appearance, she said hopefully.
House cleaned the board. Meanwhile the other doctors were snickering lightly,
Gad, please tell me that was a typo.
had House actually met his match. Maybe this new doctor could actually handle House better than they could.
ANYBODY can handle House better than they could!
House paused for a moment, “Fine, Doctor Smith. But I did so much like calling you Orphan.”
Please keep your hands in the car as we continue through Tedious Dialogue Land.
“Why?”
Because he’s an abrasive jerk who likes to provoke people.
“Because everyone knows that orphans are not wanted by their parents.”
See?
Cameron finally spoke up,
OMG, something in character! Oops…Sorry, carry on.
“House, you know that’s not true. There are so many orphans out there that have either lost their parents or other parents out there through no fault of their own can not keep their children. That doesn’t mean that they are not wanted or loved by them.”
Like he cares what you think, you bleeding heart, you!
She placed a hand on the Doctor’s sholder and he smiled lightly at her,
Shit, it wasn’t a typo.
he had intended a snappy compback at this arrogant human, but she spoke up in his defense.
I want to know what the compback was, dammit!
“Cameron, always coming to the defense of the weak and little puppy dogs. Name one parent who gave up their child who actually wanted them?”
That’s it, House, go for the jugular!
Cameron could not come up with an answer and House smiled, “I rest my case.”
Is there a plot anywhere in out future? This is the THIRD Chapter!!!
He twirlled his cane and the Doctor rolled his eyes a bit.
A bit. Oh, how I’ve missed you…slightly.
This human really needed to be taken down a peg or two, maybe even three.
I would like to point out that the Doctor, as condescending as he can be, does not think of us, the Earth dwelling species, as “humans.”
House then turned towards Foreman, “Forman, what have we got?”
I don’t know about you, House, but I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
Foreman looked at the file he had pulled up and he read the case,
And FINALLY…THE PLOT. *dramatic music*
“Fifteen year old adolscent, name: Julie Williams.
Excuse this interruption. I want to draw attention to the patient’s name, because it will be changing it’s spelling throughout the fic.
She was biking with her friends on the outskirts of town by an old woods.
As opposed to a new woods?
Julie and her friends believed they heard something in the woods and they left there bikes by the edge of the road and went exploring after it. They accidently got split up but later on they found Julie with a rash on her body, passed out, and not breathing. One of the girls knew CPR and was able to keep her going till the abulance arrived. She has been put on Epinephrine but that has seemed to make the problem worse. She’s gone into a coma and has been unresponsive.”
Why would you put her on Eppy if you don’t know the problem?
Chase spoke, “It’s a classive allergic reaction. Probably from stinging nettles, Posion Ivy, Sumack or even Oak.”
Brilliant! Put her on Benydril and knock off for the rest of the day.
Cameron suddenly spoke up, “But she should be responding to Epinephrine, she should be awake and not in a Coma..”
You don’t still have her on Eppy, I hope. That could induce a heart attack. Geez, call yourself a doctor!
Forman quickly added, “But the report states that Juile was nowhere near any plants that would have caused her to have an allergic reaction.”
She was in the woods! She could be allergic to anything! Ever heard of spores?
The Doctor smiled lightly, humans were so brilliant at times, although even they could be stumped by even the smallest thing. “What about spores? They are airborn and can cause allergic reactions and cause respitory problems.”
Hey, Doctor, I got that one before you. Nah!
Cameron looked at the Doctor and then added. “But spores are generally active only during certain times of the year, usually during the spring or early to late fall. It’s summer And it doesn’t explain why her friends haven’t been affected as well.”
They didn’t go near whatever shot the spores at her, dope!
The Doctor was about to add, maybe on this planet, but he decided not to add that possibility just yet, he didn’t want to alarm the humans. Maybe just maybe, there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. The Doctor then said, “Who said they haven’t? Has anyone checked to see if they have?”
*eyeroll* These constant “humans” references are starting to grate on me!
Meanwhile House was writing on his board.
ACTION!
Allergies.- Allergic reaction
Spores??
House then turned to his group, “Okay so Julie has an allergic reaction to something in the woods that causes her to pass out and have a rash. She’s not responding to the standard treatment, in fact she’s gotten worse. So now we have to determine if it’s….”
A legitimate plot point or just a reason to slow the fic down more.
He turned and wrote on the board.
Animal
Vegtable
Mineral
The Doctor looked on at House, this guy was not bad.
Unlike this fic they’re trapped in.
Despite the fact he was an arrogant as….well he couldn’t think of what he was as arrogant as, maybe this guy thought he was so brilliant that he defied even his own idea of what arrogant could be. But at least he was wittling down the possibilities.
Come on, Doctor, you could compare him to hundreds of others in a heartsbeat. (No, that’s not a typo on my part.)
“Animal. That means anything out there in the woods, to Juile’s parents, and even her friends.”
It was the wily grey squirrel, I just know it!
“Cameron, Chase you go talk to the parents and her friends. Test them even to see if they might have something that might be causeing the problem.”
Then we might get this story moving.
“Doctor Smith, you seem like a nature lover to me. Go out in the woods
And stay there till we call.
and look for any green stuff or ground stuff that might be causing the problem, as well as any forest life.”
But, that would be under animal! I object!
“Foreman run some tests on that girl from top to bottom. Take skin samples, hair samples, blood samples. And see if we can find any foreign matter that may be causing this girl problems.”
Wow, House, why didn’t we think of that!?
House then added, “Have fun….” The doctors then got up and went off to preform their established tasks.
Except for the Doctor himself, because his name is always capitalized.
The Doctor still hung around
See!
and House frowned, “So Doctor Smith is still around to bug me. Why don’t you take your banana peel and split?”
A small attempt at humor. So why am I not laughing?
House reached into his pocket and took out a pill bottle filled with Vicodin and opened it and put a few pills into his hand and began to crunch down on them.
Wouldn’t it have been simpler to say he took out some Vicodin and popped them?
The Doctor frowned and looked breifly at his leg.
Whose leg? House’s or his own?
Clearly what ever this guy’s problem was he was clearly in a lot of pain. That might explain his acidic nature towards everyone. He then added, “House, I think we are dealing with a problem that’s more than an allergic reaction.”
So just ignore the observations and return to the plot. Doctor, I love you.
House nodded, “Really? And what would that be Sherlock?”
Oh, how droll! Especially coming from you Holmes…eh, House.
The Doctor sighed, this guy was really getting on his nerves ever time he tried to talk seriously with him, he added a sarcastic and acidic comment. “Never mind…”
Um, that was a dismissive comment.
The Doctor turned and walked off and House caught up with him, “No, wait…what do you think the problem is?”
Suddenly he’s interested?
The Doctor looked at House, he doubted that this guy would believe him and he said, “Aliens.”
Doctor, nobody ever believes you. Why would this time be any different?
House threw up his head and laughed,
I’m laughing too, but I don’t think it’s for the same reason.
“Oh that’s great. Cuddy has hired a nut case. Honestly, you’re just as bad as Chase at times. That’s all I need another doctor who believes in little green men. Go on Doctor smith, go find little green plants, maybe they’ll explain why our patient is comatose and not responding to normal treatment.”
He said aliens, not little green men!
The Doctor sighed, he figured that this arrogant pompous windbag wouldn’t believe him and he shook his head and wandered off.
Arrogant, pompous, windbag…hmmm, sounds like the Sixth Doctor to me. Having an acid flashback, Doctor?
XXXX
A/N so what do you think?
It still sucks.
And for those that don’t know Chase believes in aliens, or at least did at some point in time, so I am so going to exploit that fact in later chapters.
We sort of figured that out from the excruciating text.
A/N Thanks for all the postive reviews, except one naysayer. I have my reasons for how things are. If you can’t deal with it that way then stuff it. This is my writing not yours, if you’re not happy with it write your own piece.
I have, actually. And if I do say so myself, it’s a hell of a lot better than this crap.
And yea, that’s pretty much my attitude for every naysayer who says something about my writing. I know it’s not perfect, room for improvement, but the stories will continue.
Continue as a crapfic, or actually improve?
XXXX
Chapter 4
The stillness of the woods was broken by an unfamilar sound.
Unfamiliar to whom?
Birds stopped chirping. And a deer rose it’s head from a nearby stream as the TARDIS suddenly demateralized.
*Facepalm* No, it materialized, as in appeared.
The Doctor popped his head out to make sure it was safe and then he poped his head back in and said, “It’s okay Rose, you can come out.”
Why didn’t he just use the scanner?
“I still can’t stand that ungratefull prick.
Sorry, that is not a word I can ever hear the Doctor using. Ever.
The nerve of him calling me, ME, The Doctor an orphan and then basically advertising it infront of everyone else.
When the hell did you get so thin skinned?
I mean I don’t mind being called The Oncoming Storm, or The Lonely God, or Lonely Angel, or even Ka Faraq Gatri.
We pause while the author attempts to show how much canon they know, overlooking the fact that "Ka Faraq Gatri" means The Oncoming Storm!
But even I have limits to my patience,
So do we, cried the poor tortured reader.
Rose. To be called an orphan, why it’s insulting and degrading. If I wasn’t a peace loveing Time Lord, why I’d go back in time and break his other leg.”
Spare me the adolescent tirade.
“I know…Doctor. I know, I have been hearing it for the last half an hour now.”
There, there, Mummie make it all better.
“He’s arrogant, rude, conceited. He must think the world revolves around him.”
Gee, imagine that.
Rose smirked, “Sounds familiar actually….”
“Who?”
Exactly.
Rose looked at him for a moment and was quiet.
Give him “the look,” Rose!
“Huh?”
That would be “Sorry?” The Doctor’s more British than British!
Rose snickered lightly, “Oh God, you really are full of it.”
Ditto for this fic.
The Doctor coughed, “I beg your pardon, Rose Tyler, but the world does revolve around me and I am not arrogant or….”
True. That would be the universe revolving around you.
Rose cut him off laughing and the Doctor sighed, “Allright allright
Please excuse this interruption. As one word, it’s “alright.” As two words it’s “all right.” Please do not jam the latter together in an attempt to form the former.
you made your point Miss Rose-of-my-life Tyler. But I still think I am a lot better than he is. At least I don’t go around being Mr. Negativity nor do I try to swallow my pain away in a bottle full of pills.”
Mr. Negativity. You know, I am getting more and more convinced that this would’ve worked better as a Sixth Doctor fic. House would hate perky Mel with a passion.
Rose put a hand on the Doctor’s arm, “No, but you have to feel sorry for him just a little bit, Don’t ya? I mean think about it, he’s in constant pain with his leg.
Rose, meet Cameron. Cameron, Rose.
You’re in pain too, Doctor. You have lost your home, your family, everyone you knew and you have to live with the fact that you destr….”
No, Rose! Don’t turn on the angst factory!
The Doctor nodded a bit sadly, and quickly cut her off
At the waist.
when she was about to mention the fact that he had ended up destroying his own world and his people,
Because the fans are still arguing over that one. Time War or Book canon? Which to choose?
“I suppose you’re right, Rose. Maybe I was being a bit snotty with that whole banana thing, but….”
No, you were being yourself.
He grinned, “I did so much enjoy making that arrogant git squirm just a bit and you know what, all those other doctors enjoyed it just as much as I did. I think they are scared of him, Rose. They are afraid that if they don’t do what he tells them to that he can crush their sprits with acidic words.
But that’s what House does best!
So if I gave those other doctors the courage to survive under him, then I am not one bit sorry.”
And here I thought we’d left Tedious Dialogue Land.
Rose sighed and shook her head, at times the Doctor sounded like a spoiled brat. But she loved him, regardless of all his faults. “So Doctor, what exactly are we looking for?”
Look who’s talking, whiny ass bitch.
“Well I didn’t get a chance to get a skin or blood sample. Foreman was doing that. I may have to peek in on him and see what he’s found out later. But in the idea of what we are looking for, we are looking for non-Earth vegetation. Maybe a seed, a flower, pollen, spores, anything like that. Then again….”
OMG! Are we finally returning to the plot?
Rose rolled her eyes, “What?”
“It could be animal life too. It could be a little cute fuzzy-wuzzy non-Earth animal.”
It’s Scrat!
Rose rolled her eyes, “I really need to get you a pet. Maybe…..”
He had a cat named Wolsey and a Vortisore named Ramsey once.
She looked thoughtfull for a moment, “How about a…cat.”
How about a question mark?
”Not on your life, Rose Tyler. If you ever bring up the idea ever again, why I’ll dump you ten secounds flat back at the Powell Estates. Besides….I already have a pet.”
Great, let’s insert the British “u” in a word it doesn’t belong in.
He grinned lightly and patted Rose gently on the head, “Good Rose. Good Rose. Go fetch the Doctor some non-Earth plant life.”
Bite him, Rose. I dare you.
Rose groaned a bit at the Doctor’s really bad joke. “I am not your pet, Doctor. But…”
I would like to get this author a Thesaurus.
She sighed and then as if she couldn’t help herself she gave him a light peck on the cheak. “I still love ya just the same.”
Now who didn’t see that coming?
The Doctor smiled thoughtfully and then said, “Let me see…according to the reports I managed to get from the police and at the hospital, Julie was found here. So….do me a favor Rose. Get a sample of that water for me. There might be something in that we need to test. Meanwhile, I am going to do some looking about.” And he pointed towards the stream.
Doctor, you should have been doing all that while you were gabbing away. You can do more than one thing at a time.
The Doctor began to look around the woods for anything that might have anything that looked non-terrestrial in orgin.
I am so not touching that.
XXXX
House came into Cuddy’s office. She was busy looking over a bunch of files. “House, this is not a good time. I have a meeting with the board of directors soon.”
Like he cares.
“I am sorry I have to spoil your fun. But that new doctor you hired. I really wish you’d ship him back wherever he came from.”
I should think by his accent you would assume he’s a Brit.
Cuddy frowned, “Not now House, I am busy.”
I’m looking for everyone’s contractions.
House wacked his cane on her desk and Cuddy looked up from her paperwork. “I suppose he’s done something you don’t like?”
Did he say that or did she?
”No, I just think he’s a Grade A, moron and you should ship him back to the funny farm where he came from. He thinks that this case we are working on has aliens in it.”
It stole the contractions and question marks, that wily alien!
Cuddy chuckled lightly, “So did Chase at one time, if I remember correctly.”
House snorted, “The man is obviously a delusional wackjob.”
Sounds like you a lot of the time, House.
Cuddy sighed, “You still have Chase, you didn’t ask me to get rid of him?”
Yeah, but Chase is a suck up.
“No, but this guy’s different. Chase maybe deluded at times but this guy came right out and told me that he thought our patient was being plagued by an alien. If that isn’t cause to dismiss him…”
Cuddy smiled lightly and took a sip from a cup of coffee, “If this has something to do with bananas, House. I am not going to fire a guy because he managed to embrass you around Foreman and all the others.”
Embrass? I don’t know what that is, but it sounds dirty.
House snorted, “It has nothing to do with that.”
Yes, it does!
”Not what I heard from Cameron. And from what I heard, you were acting like an ass, like you normally do. Doctor Smith had every right to do what he did.”
But Mooooommm!!
House sighed, “I see, take Doctor Smith’s side because little moralist Cameron had to butt her way into it.”
Bingo! Canon trait! From this point on, we take a shot of something strong and alcoholic whenever a canon trait actually appears.
Cuddy sighed, “No, I just happen to believe that Cameron had a point.
Really?
Now I really need to get to my meeting and you, House...” She looked at her watch, “Shouldn’t you be in the clinic?”
No, he should be treating his patient.
House groaned, “Damn it, how many times have I told you Cuddy, that I hate going into that clinic where probably some idiot managed to hammer his finger to a board with a nail.”
As opposed to hammering his finger to a board with what else?
Cuddy said, “I just better find you there after my meeting, House or I’ll drag you there myself.”
He’ll look forward to that.
She then walked out.
Yes, run. Run like the wind! Don’t think about us, save yourself!
XXXX
“Rose I found it….I found it.”
Eureka!
Rose turned to find the Doctor crouched over a spot.
Man, Doctor, couldn’t you’ve gone before we got out of the TARDIS?
“What is it Doctor?”
And we end with the companion tag line of all time.
XXXXX
A/N: Untill next time…. Hehe
I could wait all of eternity.
I’ll just leave you pondering over what it might be.
I don’t care.
A/N: (Scowls a bit)
OMG! Even in the Author’s Notes!
I wrote part of those last chapters in a notebook while I was in bed trying to recover from really bad hayfever. It might explain some of the basic mistakes as I was transcribing from notebook to MS Word. Also I really stink at writing medical stuff and making this sound like professional medical stuff. So bear with me.
A good beta reader might help. Or an education.
Other note: Don’t hurt me if Cameron, Chase and Foreman sound kind of bland in this story. I am really, really, not too good at writing their characters.
Then why are you doing this story at all?
XXXXX
Sorry, that’s a much of this as we can take. There are 21 chapters of this wank. Jim started fading at Chapter one and has passed on, all his brains having leaked out of his ears. I’m going to join Julie in her coma.
Okay, I’ll admit, the title is amusing. Doctor Who/House M.D. crossover.
SUMMARY: 10th Doctor and Rose make a housecall to Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital and meets Doctor Gregory House.
*deadpan* Ha. Ha Ha
A/N Okay something within me was just begging me to write a Doctor Who and Doctor House crossover story.
And I’m begging you not to.
I am not sure how great this will turn out
Reassuring.
but I thought that these two doctors really should meet each other. If for nothing else, then just for all the witty combacks these two could have.
Now, if that had been cumbacks, the typo would’ve been even more hilarious.
I do not own Doctor House M.D. or Doctor Who
Thank God.
XXXXX
Chapter 1
Lisa Cuddy smiled at the new doctor that she had hired for the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.
Just incase you missed the setting in the summary.
“I am sure you’ll do well here, Doctor John Smith. Oh but don’t mind….”
Okay, first off, how many times do you address people by their full names?
The Doctor raised his eye
I want see that!
for a moment when in walked a man who limped in with a cane.
Is he walking or limping?
“Cuddy are you going behind my back again?”
Start right in with a stupid question, House.
Cuddy looked annoyed for a moment,
It starts. For a moment, a bit, slightly, lightly continue ad nauseam from this point on.
“House, I hire doctors for our hospital.
Are we just throwing canon out the window? Just checking.
Just because you don’t like them doesn’t mean you can come in and complain before they even start there first day.
That’s never stopped him before.
Anyway it’s good you’re here, House I want you to meet Doctor John Smith.”
Why should House care who gets hired? Not only does a hospital employ doctors, it also has others associated with it.
The Doctor smiled and put forth his hand, “Hello….”
How do you do? I’m the Doctor.
House snorted, “John Smith…oh you have got to be kidding me.
House, you lost your question mark!
Did your parents decide that after they had you they couldn’t think of anything better but the name John?”
That’s the best you can come up with?
The Doctor smiled, “I wouldn’t know actually. I never had what you would consider parents.”
That’s only true if you’re going by book canon not TV canon. Oops! Canon is out the window!
“An orphan. Then I feel sorry for the adopted parents that must of out of sheer bordem decided that was what they should name you.”
*eyeroll*
The Doctor frowned a bit and House walked out.
Oh, I guess he got over that limp.
The Doctor looked at Cuddy and Cuddy sighed, “Don’t mind House, he’s just jealous that you’re stepping on his turf.”
How? No, never mind, you might tell me.
The Doctor chuckled, “Actually I have met much worse. Anyway...what do you want me to do right now?”
Depends on what you were hired for, doesn’t it? Reporting to your department might be good.
“Well you have met House. I suppose I should introduce you to the rest of the staff.
The whole hospital staff? Isn’t that overkill?
It’s lunch time they should be in the cafeteria, except House, he prefers to be in his office by himself.”
Lunch time already? Wouldn’t it have been better for the new arrival to start first thing in the morning?
The Doctor smiled as Cuddy led him into the Cafetria. The Doctor grabbed a tray and smiled as he saw Rose dish out a plate of food. She gave him a look that had daggers to it. “How come you get to ‘play’ Doctor and I get stuck once again serving lunch?”
Because the author couldn’t think of another menial task to give you, like housekeeping.
The Doctor grinned, “Hey don’t blame me, Capatain Jack said that there was some unusual activity going on around New Jersey. He couldn’t bother sending a Torchwood agent here. Soooo here we are sweetheart.”
GAH! Woah! Continuity Error! The Doctor knows nothing of Captain Jack being with Torchwood until after Rose is gone!
Rose rolled her eyes and the Doctor moved on.
Continuing until he was out of this fic entirely.
He took a seat around a group of other doctors
Gee, doctors in a hospital cafeteria. Amazing.
and Cuddy introduced him to each one.
Was she oblivious to the conversation he had with Rose?
“Doctor John Smith this is Doctor James Wilson, he’s in Oncology.”
Yeah, yeah.
The Doctor smiled and said, “Hello...”
We’re having the whole casting call, aren’t we?
“So I have heard you have been assigned to work with House. House is allright but just to warn you, he’s very unconventional.”
Wilson, you seem to’ve lost your ability to use contractions. You should see a doctor about that.
The Doctor smiled, “Really? Then we should get along really well.”
Oh, jolly good! *groan*
“You might think you’re unconventional but House really takes the cake for unusual and unconventional.”
Get on with the introductions, will you!
The Doctor grinned, “Oh I don’t know….I have been known to be really unconventional myself.”
That’s the understatement of the millennium.
Wilson shook his head a bit he wondered a bit about this new doctor, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
A bit.
The Doctor ate a few chips
French fries, please. He’s in New Jersey.
and Cuddy introduced him to Doctor Forman. “Doctor Eric Foreman, this is Doctor John Smith.”
Who had been impatiently waiting while the Doctor chatted with Wilson.
Forman gave the Doctor a good firm handshake, “So where did you work at John?”
Did he stand up, too?
“Well I have worked in San Fransico under Doctor Grace Holloway.”
Under. *snicker* Oh, the comments I could make.
Foreman nodded, “I have heard of her, she’s in Cardiology, right?”
Why would you have heard of her? You’re not a cardiologist?
The Doctor nodded.
She also killed me, but I got better.
Foreman then said, “Well it will be good to have a decent cardiologist under us.”
Don’t say it! Don’t say it! Don’t say it!
Cuddy then introduced the Doctor to Doctor Allison Cameron and Doctor Robert Chase as they came into the room and sat down with lunch,
Considering the number of physicians in this thing, it would be easier if you used Dr. instead of spelling it out.
“Doctor Alison Cameron and Doctor Robert Chase, this is Doctor John Smith,
You don’t have to say Doctor before their names! They have lab coats and ID and stuff!
I have hired him to work with you and Doctor House.”
Oh, finally we learn why House is all bent out of shape. This would’ve been helpful information at the beginning.
Chase spoke first, “You’re pretty young looking for a doctor.”
Look who’s talking.
The Doctor grinned, “Oh I have had lots and lots of practice being a doctor. But you look pretty young yourself.”
Chase chuckled, “Fair enough.”
Whatever.
Cameron looked at the Doctor, “Word of advice, House is….”
A real jackass.
The Doctor finished her sentence, “Unconventional.”
No, no, he’s a jackass.
“More than that, he’s irrational and borderline psycotic.”
And you like working for him because…?
“Great, then we should get along just fine.”
Yeah, you’ll get on like gangbusters.
Cameron looked at the Doctor as if he was nuts, “You say that now but, just wait till you have to work with him.”
Oh, this sparkling dialogue. ZZZZZzzzzzzz
***
A/N Okay this is a really short chapter.
Yea!
But I had to have some fun getting House and the Doctor to share some really rather heated discussion.
It would’ve been nice if you’d shared those with the rest of the class.
After all both of them seem so very similar.
Um…the Sixth Doctor, certainly. The Tenth Doctor…um, not so much.
XXXX
Chapter 2
The Doctor wandered the halls of the hospital. Something unusual in New Jersey, Jack had told him.
So out of the whole state, he settled on Plainsboro because…?
“We are not exactly sure what it is, but we believe it might cause a medical crisis. All we know is that our satellites picked up the activity and that it was headed towards New Jersey. Rose had complained as usual, saying, “Oh that’s helpful. A medical crisis and you don’t even know what it is.”
Thank you, Rose, for being the voice of reason, despite the fact that you’re not supposed to know about Jack and Torchwood.
The Doctor smiled softly
Um…
he was suppose to help out in the clinic and he began to walk over to the clinic and House came walking by on his cane,
Now, if he had been without his cane, it would’ve been noteworthy.
“Orphan….didn’t you get the page? I need you along with everyone else.”
Oh, Doctor! You get a cute nickname!
The Doctor looked a bit annoyed, everyone called him Doctor, or John Smith, this human clearly had a habit of either ignoring the blatenly obvious or he was going out to be rude.
I should point out that the Doctor does the same thing all the time.
“I never carry a pager on me. I don’t like being paged. Something about that annoying buzzing sound really gets on my nerves and I prefer to get information first hand.”
No, that’s not it. You just love ignoring the rules.
House paused for a moment looking down at his own pager for a moment and then ripped it off and chunked it into a nearby bin. “Hmm intresting idea, Orphan. I am not fond of it either.”
*eyeroll*
The Doctor grinned a bit, he didn’t understand what all these humans were all worked up about on this guy. He seemed pretty rational to him. There was only one thing that annoyed the Doctor, “House, do you mind not calling me Orphan.”
And while you’re at it, would you add a question mark?
“Oh a touchy subject. Did you have a bad life with your adopted family?”
Welcome to Tedious Dialogue Land.
The Doctor paused for a moment and thought about it, “Actually, I really don’t want to talk about it.”
He has to think about it?
House twirled his cane a bit, “That bad.”
*throws question marks at fic*
“No, I just don’t want to talk about it.”
You know that’s just going to egg him on, don’t you?
House smiled a bit,
Christ! Can’t they just smile a lot and have done with it?
“People who don’t talk about their past generally have something bad in it. What ever happened to you Oprhan, must have been a doozey.”
*groan* Weren’t you paging your team for something, House?
The Doctor had had just about enough of it and he decided to turn the tables on this guy, “I don’t hear you volunteering your past, so I suggest you stay out of mine.”
Oh, such a snappy comeback. They’ll be giving each other cooties in a minute.
The Doctor sped off
Was he in a golf cart?
and House began to walk after him. But before he managed to get two inches he heard Cuddy.
Two inches? This would’ve been more effective if it were steps.
“House, stop pestering the new doctor.
Shame on you! Get back out character!
He came very highly recommended and I don’t want you to chase away every new doctor that I manage to hire.”
He hasn’t chased away his team yet. At least, not when this drivel was written.
House looked at Cuddy, “Oooh so he’s highly recommended. He must have graduated top of his class. Teacher’s pet and all that academic nonsense you put so much faith in. Don’t worry Cuddy, I like him. And I can assure you it’s not for the same reason why you decided to hire him.”
*drums fingers on desk*
House went limping off to meet his group of doctors.
I wish I could go limping off, but my brains seem to be leaking out my ears just now.
***
A/N: Thanks for the reviews this is actually turning into something intresting.
It is?
I am still not sure where this is headed.
Oh, swell.
But being sick right now myself ceretaintly hasn’t limited my creativity.
Wanna bet?
XXXX
Chapter 3
House entered the room and scanned around looking at all the doctors that were gathered.
Then he turned around and left. The End.
Foreman, sat down waiting, Cuddy sure had made a mistake putting him in charge lately.
Did that make sense to anyone? Anyone at all?
Chase and Cameron were talking amongst themselves,
Amongst? Don’t you mean between?
smiles on both their faces and House shook his head, “Get a room….”
For smiling? Maybe they were just passing notes.
He then turned his focus on his whiteboard and frowned, in black marker was written:
A banana a day keeps Doctor House away
It would’ve had more punch if you’d used the apple joke from “Kinda.”
He frowned and then began to look for the guilty party. He turned his gaze at Forman who had a slight smile on his face.
A slight smile? Not a bit of one?
“Forman is this your idea of a joke.”
*Throws more question marks at fic.*
Forman replied calmly, “House I don’t pretend to understand you so why would I write something like that ?”
Because you’re a big a jerk as he is.
Chase and Cameron were smirking lightly to themselves and House turned to find the Doctor sitting down very calmly eating a banana and a slight grin on his face.
It seems that “a bit” has been replaced by “slight” at this point in the story.
“Orphan would you refrain from writing comments on my board.”
Only if you’ll refrain from asking questions ending in a period.
The doctor got up and placed the peel on the edge of the white board, “Why?”
Like you don’t know.
House looked at the Doctor, debating on whether to take his cane and do something violent with it or see if he could match wits with this new guy. He then wacked his cane on a table nearby. “Well for starters it’s an apple a day.”
That’s what I said.
The Doctor smirked, “Oh but apples are so boring and ordinary. Bananas, on the other hand are a good source of postassium, not to mention a wonderful conversation piece. And if you can pleae call me John Smith or Doctor, not necessarily in that order, then maybe I’ll actually consider not writing on your stark white and very ordinary board.”
I’m sure that at some point a single plot point is going to make an appearance, she said hopefully.
House cleaned the board. Meanwhile the other doctors were snickering lightly,
Gad, please tell me that was a typo.
had House actually met his match. Maybe this new doctor could actually handle House better than they could.
ANYBODY can handle House better than they could!
House paused for a moment, “Fine, Doctor Smith. But I did so much like calling you Orphan.”
Please keep your hands in the car as we continue through Tedious Dialogue Land.
“Why?”
Because he’s an abrasive jerk who likes to provoke people.
“Because everyone knows that orphans are not wanted by their parents.”
See?
Cameron finally spoke up,
OMG, something in character! Oops…Sorry, carry on.
“House, you know that’s not true. There are so many orphans out there that have either lost their parents or other parents out there through no fault of their own can not keep their children. That doesn’t mean that they are not wanted or loved by them.”
Like he cares what you think, you bleeding heart, you!
She placed a hand on the Doctor’s sholder and he smiled lightly at her,
Shit, it wasn’t a typo.
he had intended a snappy compback at this arrogant human, but she spoke up in his defense.
I want to know what the compback was, dammit!
“Cameron, always coming to the defense of the weak and little puppy dogs. Name one parent who gave up their child who actually wanted them?”
That’s it, House, go for the jugular!
Cameron could not come up with an answer and House smiled, “I rest my case.”
Is there a plot anywhere in out future? This is the THIRD Chapter!!!
He twirlled his cane and the Doctor rolled his eyes a bit.
A bit. Oh, how I’ve missed you…slightly.
This human really needed to be taken down a peg or two, maybe even three.
I would like to point out that the Doctor, as condescending as he can be, does not think of us, the Earth dwelling species, as “humans.”
House then turned towards Foreman, “Forman, what have we got?”
I don’t know about you, House, but I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
Foreman looked at the file he had pulled up and he read the case,
And FINALLY…THE PLOT. *dramatic music*
“Fifteen year old adolscent, name: Julie Williams.
Excuse this interruption. I want to draw attention to the patient’s name, because it will be changing it’s spelling throughout the fic.
She was biking with her friends on the outskirts of town by an old woods.
As opposed to a new woods?
Julie and her friends believed they heard something in the woods and they left there bikes by the edge of the road and went exploring after it. They accidently got split up but later on they found Julie with a rash on her body, passed out, and not breathing. One of the girls knew CPR and was able to keep her going till the abulance arrived. She has been put on Epinephrine but that has seemed to make the problem worse. She’s gone into a coma and has been unresponsive.”
Why would you put her on Eppy if you don’t know the problem?
Chase spoke, “It’s a classive allergic reaction. Probably from stinging nettles, Posion Ivy, Sumack or even Oak.”
Brilliant! Put her on Benydril and knock off for the rest of the day.
Cameron suddenly spoke up, “But she should be responding to Epinephrine, she should be awake and not in a Coma..”
You don’t still have her on Eppy, I hope. That could induce a heart attack. Geez, call yourself a doctor!
Forman quickly added, “But the report states that Juile was nowhere near any plants that would have caused her to have an allergic reaction.”
She was in the woods! She could be allergic to anything! Ever heard of spores?
The Doctor smiled lightly, humans were so brilliant at times, although even they could be stumped by even the smallest thing. “What about spores? They are airborn and can cause allergic reactions and cause respitory problems.”
Hey, Doctor, I got that one before you. Nah!
Cameron looked at the Doctor and then added. “But spores are generally active only during certain times of the year, usually during the spring or early to late fall. It’s summer And it doesn’t explain why her friends haven’t been affected as well.”
They didn’t go near whatever shot the spores at her, dope!
The Doctor was about to add, maybe on this planet, but he decided not to add that possibility just yet, he didn’t want to alarm the humans. Maybe just maybe, there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. The Doctor then said, “Who said they haven’t? Has anyone checked to see if they have?”
*eyeroll* These constant “humans” references are starting to grate on me!
Meanwhile House was writing on his board.
ACTION!
Allergies.- Allergic reaction
Spores??
House then turned to his group, “Okay so Julie has an allergic reaction to something in the woods that causes her to pass out and have a rash. She’s not responding to the standard treatment, in fact she’s gotten worse. So now we have to determine if it’s….”
A legitimate plot point or just a reason to slow the fic down more.
He turned and wrote on the board.
Animal
Vegtable
Mineral
The Doctor looked on at House, this guy was not bad.
Unlike this fic they’re trapped in.
Despite the fact he was an arrogant as….well he couldn’t think of what he was as arrogant as, maybe this guy thought he was so brilliant that he defied even his own idea of what arrogant could be. But at least he was wittling down the possibilities.
Come on, Doctor, you could compare him to hundreds of others in a heartsbeat. (No, that’s not a typo on my part.)
“Animal. That means anything out there in the woods, to Juile’s parents, and even her friends.”
It was the wily grey squirrel, I just know it!
“Cameron, Chase you go talk to the parents and her friends. Test them even to see if they might have something that might be causeing the problem.”
Then we might get this story moving.
“Doctor Smith, you seem like a nature lover to me. Go out in the woods
And stay there till we call.
and look for any green stuff or ground stuff that might be causing the problem, as well as any forest life.”
But, that would be under animal! I object!
“Foreman run some tests on that girl from top to bottom. Take skin samples, hair samples, blood samples. And see if we can find any foreign matter that may be causing this girl problems.”
Wow, House, why didn’t we think of that!?
House then added, “Have fun….” The doctors then got up and went off to preform their established tasks.
Except for the Doctor himself, because his name is always capitalized.
The Doctor still hung around
See!
and House frowned, “So Doctor Smith is still around to bug me. Why don’t you take your banana peel and split?”
A small attempt at humor. So why am I not laughing?
House reached into his pocket and took out a pill bottle filled with Vicodin and opened it and put a few pills into his hand and began to crunch down on them.
Wouldn’t it have been simpler to say he took out some Vicodin and popped them?
The Doctor frowned and looked breifly at his leg.
Whose leg? House’s or his own?
Clearly what ever this guy’s problem was he was clearly in a lot of pain. That might explain his acidic nature towards everyone. He then added, “House, I think we are dealing with a problem that’s more than an allergic reaction.”
So just ignore the observations and return to the plot. Doctor, I love you.
House nodded, “Really? And what would that be Sherlock?”
Oh, how droll! Especially coming from you Holmes…eh, House.
The Doctor sighed, this guy was really getting on his nerves ever time he tried to talk seriously with him, he added a sarcastic and acidic comment. “Never mind…”
Um, that was a dismissive comment.
The Doctor turned and walked off and House caught up with him, “No, wait…what do you think the problem is?”
Suddenly he’s interested?
The Doctor looked at House, he doubted that this guy would believe him and he said, “Aliens.”
Doctor, nobody ever believes you. Why would this time be any different?
House threw up his head and laughed,
I’m laughing too, but I don’t think it’s for the same reason.
“Oh that’s great. Cuddy has hired a nut case. Honestly, you’re just as bad as Chase at times. That’s all I need another doctor who believes in little green men. Go on Doctor smith, go find little green plants, maybe they’ll explain why our patient is comatose and not responding to normal treatment.”
He said aliens, not little green men!
The Doctor sighed, he figured that this arrogant pompous windbag wouldn’t believe him and he shook his head and wandered off.
Arrogant, pompous, windbag…hmmm, sounds like the Sixth Doctor to me. Having an acid flashback, Doctor?
XXXX
A/N so what do you think?
It still sucks.
And for those that don’t know Chase believes in aliens, or at least did at some point in time, so I am so going to exploit that fact in later chapters.
We sort of figured that out from the excruciating text.
A/N Thanks for all the postive reviews, except one naysayer. I have my reasons for how things are. If you can’t deal with it that way then stuff it. This is my writing not yours, if you’re not happy with it write your own piece.
I have, actually. And if I do say so myself, it’s a hell of a lot better than this crap.
And yea, that’s pretty much my attitude for every naysayer who says something about my writing. I know it’s not perfect, room for improvement, but the stories will continue.
Continue as a crapfic, or actually improve?
XXXX
Chapter 4
The stillness of the woods was broken by an unfamilar sound.
Unfamiliar to whom?
Birds stopped chirping. And a deer rose it’s head from a nearby stream as the TARDIS suddenly demateralized.
*Facepalm* No, it materialized, as in appeared.
The Doctor popped his head out to make sure it was safe and then he poped his head back in and said, “It’s okay Rose, you can come out.”
Why didn’t he just use the scanner?
“I still can’t stand that ungratefull prick.
Sorry, that is not a word I can ever hear the Doctor using. Ever.
The nerve of him calling me, ME, The Doctor an orphan and then basically advertising it infront of everyone else.
When the hell did you get so thin skinned?
I mean I don’t mind being called The Oncoming Storm, or The Lonely God, or Lonely Angel, or even Ka Faraq Gatri.
We pause while the author attempts to show how much canon they know, overlooking the fact that "Ka Faraq Gatri" means The Oncoming Storm!
But even I have limits to my patience,
So do we, cried the poor tortured reader.
Rose. To be called an orphan, why it’s insulting and degrading. If I wasn’t a peace loveing Time Lord, why I’d go back in time and break his other leg.”
Spare me the adolescent tirade.
“I know…Doctor. I know, I have been hearing it for the last half an hour now.”
There, there, Mummie make it all better.
“He’s arrogant, rude, conceited. He must think the world revolves around him.”
Gee, imagine that.
Rose smirked, “Sounds familiar actually….”
“Who?”
Exactly.
Rose looked at him for a moment and was quiet.
Give him “the look,” Rose!
“Huh?”
That would be “Sorry?” The Doctor’s more British than British!
Rose snickered lightly, “Oh God, you really are full of it.”
Ditto for this fic.
The Doctor coughed, “I beg your pardon, Rose Tyler, but the world does revolve around me and I am not arrogant or….”
True. That would be the universe revolving around you.
Rose cut him off laughing and the Doctor sighed, “Allright allright
Please excuse this interruption. As one word, it’s “alright.” As two words it’s “all right.” Please do not jam the latter together in an attempt to form the former.
you made your point Miss Rose-of-my-life Tyler. But I still think I am a lot better than he is. At least I don’t go around being Mr. Negativity nor do I try to swallow my pain away in a bottle full of pills.”
Mr. Negativity. You know, I am getting more and more convinced that this would’ve worked better as a Sixth Doctor fic. House would hate perky Mel with a passion.
Rose put a hand on the Doctor’s arm, “No, but you have to feel sorry for him just a little bit, Don’t ya? I mean think about it, he’s in constant pain with his leg.
Rose, meet Cameron. Cameron, Rose.
You’re in pain too, Doctor. You have lost your home, your family, everyone you knew and you have to live with the fact that you destr….”
No, Rose! Don’t turn on the angst factory!
The Doctor nodded a bit sadly, and quickly cut her off
At the waist.
when she was about to mention the fact that he had ended up destroying his own world and his people,
Because the fans are still arguing over that one. Time War or Book canon? Which to choose?
“I suppose you’re right, Rose. Maybe I was being a bit snotty with that whole banana thing, but….”
No, you were being yourself.
He grinned, “I did so much enjoy making that arrogant git squirm just a bit and you know what, all those other doctors enjoyed it just as much as I did. I think they are scared of him, Rose. They are afraid that if they don’t do what he tells them to that he can crush their sprits with acidic words.
But that’s what House does best!
So if I gave those other doctors the courage to survive under him, then I am not one bit sorry.”
And here I thought we’d left Tedious Dialogue Land.
Rose sighed and shook her head, at times the Doctor sounded like a spoiled brat. But she loved him, regardless of all his faults. “So Doctor, what exactly are we looking for?”
Look who’s talking, whiny ass bitch.
“Well I didn’t get a chance to get a skin or blood sample. Foreman was doing that. I may have to peek in on him and see what he’s found out later. But in the idea of what we are looking for, we are looking for non-Earth vegetation. Maybe a seed, a flower, pollen, spores, anything like that. Then again….”
OMG! Are we finally returning to the plot?
Rose rolled her eyes, “What?”
“It could be animal life too. It could be a little cute fuzzy-wuzzy non-Earth animal.”
It’s Scrat!
Rose rolled her eyes, “I really need to get you a pet. Maybe…..”
He had a cat named Wolsey and a Vortisore named Ramsey once.
She looked thoughtfull for a moment, “How about a…cat.”
How about a question mark?
”Not on your life, Rose Tyler. If you ever bring up the idea ever again, why I’ll dump you ten secounds flat back at the Powell Estates. Besides….I already have a pet.”
Great, let’s insert the British “u” in a word it doesn’t belong in.
He grinned lightly and patted Rose gently on the head, “Good Rose. Good Rose. Go fetch the Doctor some non-Earth plant life.”
Bite him, Rose. I dare you.
Rose groaned a bit at the Doctor’s really bad joke. “I am not your pet, Doctor. But…”
I would like to get this author a Thesaurus.
She sighed and then as if she couldn’t help herself she gave him a light peck on the cheak. “I still love ya just the same.”
Now who didn’t see that coming?
The Doctor smiled thoughtfully and then said, “Let me see…according to the reports I managed to get from the police and at the hospital, Julie was found here. So….do me a favor Rose. Get a sample of that water for me. There might be something in that we need to test. Meanwhile, I am going to do some looking about.” And he pointed towards the stream.
Doctor, you should have been doing all that while you were gabbing away. You can do more than one thing at a time.
The Doctor began to look around the woods for anything that might have anything that looked non-terrestrial in orgin.
I am so not touching that.
XXXX
House came into Cuddy’s office. She was busy looking over a bunch of files. “House, this is not a good time. I have a meeting with the board of directors soon.”
Like he cares.
“I am sorry I have to spoil your fun. But that new doctor you hired. I really wish you’d ship him back wherever he came from.”
I should think by his accent you would assume he’s a Brit.
Cuddy frowned, “Not now House, I am busy.”
I’m looking for everyone’s contractions.
House wacked his cane on her desk and Cuddy looked up from her paperwork. “I suppose he’s done something you don’t like?”
Did he say that or did she?
”No, I just think he’s a Grade A, moron and you should ship him back to the funny farm where he came from. He thinks that this case we are working on has aliens in it.”
It stole the contractions and question marks, that wily alien!
Cuddy chuckled lightly, “So did Chase at one time, if I remember correctly.”
House snorted, “The man is obviously a delusional wackjob.”
Sounds like you a lot of the time, House.
Cuddy sighed, “You still have Chase, you didn’t ask me to get rid of him?”
Yeah, but Chase is a suck up.
“No, but this guy’s different. Chase maybe deluded at times but this guy came right out and told me that he thought our patient was being plagued by an alien. If that isn’t cause to dismiss him…”
Cuddy smiled lightly and took a sip from a cup of coffee, “If this has something to do with bananas, House. I am not going to fire a guy because he managed to embrass you around Foreman and all the others.”
Embrass? I don’t know what that is, but it sounds dirty.
House snorted, “It has nothing to do with that.”
Yes, it does!
”Not what I heard from Cameron. And from what I heard, you were acting like an ass, like you normally do. Doctor Smith had every right to do what he did.”
But Mooooommm!!
House sighed, “I see, take Doctor Smith’s side because little moralist Cameron had to butt her way into it.”
Bingo! Canon trait! From this point on, we take a shot of something strong and alcoholic whenever a canon trait actually appears.
Cuddy sighed, “No, I just happen to believe that Cameron had a point.
Really?
Now I really need to get to my meeting and you, House...” She looked at her watch, “Shouldn’t you be in the clinic?”
No, he should be treating his patient.
House groaned, “Damn it, how many times have I told you Cuddy, that I hate going into that clinic where probably some idiot managed to hammer his finger to a board with a nail.”
As opposed to hammering his finger to a board with what else?
Cuddy said, “I just better find you there after my meeting, House or I’ll drag you there myself.”
He’ll look forward to that.
She then walked out.
Yes, run. Run like the wind! Don’t think about us, save yourself!
XXXX
“Rose I found it….I found it.”
Eureka!
Rose turned to find the Doctor crouched over a spot.
Man, Doctor, couldn’t you’ve gone before we got out of the TARDIS?
“What is it Doctor?”
And we end with the companion tag line of all time.
XXXXX
A/N: Untill next time…. Hehe
I could wait all of eternity.
I’ll just leave you pondering over what it might be.
I don’t care.
A/N: (Scowls a bit)
OMG! Even in the Author’s Notes!
I wrote part of those last chapters in a notebook while I was in bed trying to recover from really bad hayfever. It might explain some of the basic mistakes as I was transcribing from notebook to MS Word. Also I really stink at writing medical stuff and making this sound like professional medical stuff. So bear with me.
A good beta reader might help. Or an education.
Other note: Don’t hurt me if Cameron, Chase and Foreman sound kind of bland in this story. I am really, really, not too good at writing their characters.
Then why are you doing this story at all?
XXXXX
Sorry, that’s a much of this as we can take. There are 21 chapters of this wank. Jim started fading at Chapter one and has passed on, all his brains having leaked out of his ears. I’m going to join Julie in her coma.