Fandom: From Eroica With Love
His Guardian Angel, or, The Triumph Of Caesar
Chapter One is --> HERE
Chapter Two
A soft touch on his shoulder made Caesar turn around. He gasped and nearly swooned.
Well, at least he’s back in character. But for how long I wonder?
Dorian, resplendent in a pink silk shirt, pearls, black slacks and sharp black boots, stood before him.
Pink and black. Isn’t that Hilary Clinton’s signature look now?
His hair was like spun gold.
Which James was already pricing on the Black Market…
Caesar’s heart hammered as Dorian took him by the hand and his long, smooth fingers closed around his.
Around his what? Did the wimp actually grow a pair?
He could only follow dazedly as Dorian led him through galleries of pillars
Please, Dorian, smash him face first into one!
and crowds of elegant guests out into the garden.
Where the inelegant guests had been relegated.
“How many kisses do you think we’ll manage this time around?” He managed to choke out.
Who managed to choke out? Wait...Dorian are you strangling him? Yea!
Dorian tittered softly. “Oh, I imagine a good two hundred. We wouldn’t want to finish all of our thousand now though, would we?”
Man, Dorian, are you optimistic. He passed out at three last time around.
He had stopped walking, and turned to him now, his face beautiful and smiling in the moonlight.
*GAG!*
“No,” Caesar whispered. “Of course not.”
Is this supposed to be the seduction part?
Dorian’s arms circled him and drew him close. He felt the earl’s long eyelashes brush his cheek just before their lips met.
And his nose made no contact at all? I want a diagram of this!
A sweet dizziness seemed to overcome Caesar.
*deadpan* Wow, what a shock.
We grew heavier and heavier in the earl’s embrace as his knees turned to water. Dorian lowered him down onto a stone bench under a rose arbor and continued to kiss him.
No, Dorian! You can’t be that desperate!
Caesar’s fingers twined ecstatically in his hair.
I don’t think pulling Dorian’s hair will make him happy.
Kisses ran into kisses, making the reckoning impossible to keep. Caesar’s famous mind was having a hard time functioning under the circumstances in any case. Finally, he gave up count.
I gave up at chapter one.
* * * * *
Klaus surveyed the tactical situation unhappily. They had drawn up outside the home of some wealthy cow who was giving one hell of a party - certainly a black tie event.
We go from purple prose to this. Poor Klaus.
“Agent G,” he asked aloud, “Do you happen to own a black tie?”
I wouldn’t imagine him asking silently!
G nodded vigorously. “Oh, of course! It’s an absolute essential for any wardrobe.”
Like a man of the Major’s breeding wouldn’t know this.
“Good,” the Major said. “Do you have it with you?”
Oh, Major, how painful it must be for you to be so out of character.
G, puzzled, shook his head.
And wondered why this scene was even necessary.
Klaus sighed and blew out an exasperated puff of smoke.
That sounds painful.
“That leaves me with little or not alternative than to trespass on the Earl’s ‘jurisdiction,’” he said cryptically. “Wait here.”
Whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.
Klaus swung his long legs out of the car and set off at a steady trot. Without ten minutes
As opposed to within ten minutes?
he had found himself a likely-looking pair.
Of what? Shoes, trousers, scissors? Tell us?
Within another two seconds he had bludgeoned them both unconscious with the handle of his gun.
Wait…what? Major, why are you assaulting civilians?
Then he sat back on his heels. His work was laid out for him.
Yeah, like, how the hell he’s going to explain this!
“This is just great,” he muttered to himself. “Now I have to strip. . . a woman AND a man?” He shuddered, unable to tell which prospect chilled him more.
The prospect of reading more of this drivel is equally chilling.
Duty was duty. The task of stealing the clothes was accomplished with typical NATO efficiency, and within another ten minutes, he was back
Major, why aren’t you just storming in just as you are, like you always do? Ooops, sorry, forgot you were out of character.
(having allowed himself time for throwing up in some bushes).
Because he remembered he was in this fic.
“Put these on,” he said curtly to Sugar and G. His expression was so terrifying that both readily complied. G stared unhappily at the sober navy-blue suit, and looked at Sugar’s dress with envy.
I really do not want to know where this is going.
“Major?” He began. “Couldn’t I. . .”
Transfer out of this fic?
“NO!” Klaus bellowed. “Would you wanna wear a strapless gown to Alaska?”
Oh, please, Major, I know your English isn’t that bad!
“No,” G said, and climbed meekly into the back of the car to change.
So, he gets in the car and Sugar changes in front of the Major. Right.
Sugar watched Klaus with wide eyes. She knew already what he had planned.
Despite the fact that she should not be able to read his mind.
“Good,” Klaus said when the two had both switched costumes.
Costumes? No, that would be what Dorian is wearing.
“Now you’re going to go in there and pretend like you’re on a date. Find the Earl and inform me when you do. I’ll take care of him.”
I was wrong, this is WAYOutOfCharacter!Klaus.
“Half a mo,” G cried in consternation.
Half a mo!? Do Germans really say that?
“Did you say a DATE?”
You say that like you were never asked to escort a woman before.
“Yes,” Klaus said curtly. “Be sure to make it look real,” he added viciously. “If I tell you that you even have to smooch, that’s an order.”
I would like to pause at this time to ask why he doesn’t just wait for the party to break up?
The very image made him turn visibly green.
This fic is having that affect on me.
G shot Sugar a look of terror. Sugar rolled her eyes up to heaven.
Suck it up, G, you’re a trained agent! She’s just a little girl, after all.
Why do all of the guys in this manga, she wondered, have to be GAY!
Please! Don’t drop the fourth wall now. It’s much too late for that.
“Erm, um,” G said, and awkwardly took Sugar by the hand.
And it was all icky and sweaty.
He held it for about two seconds, then let it drop.
Cuz she had girl cooties!
Sugar sighed and tried to concentrate on locating Caesar. His mental signal was unusually faint.
Because he’s such a dim bulb. Thank you!
“This way,” she said finally, and pointed towards the outside.
They’re already outside!
* * * * *
It was hard pushing their way through mobs and mobs of cocktail-drinking guests, and it took a while.
Is it a party or a mob scene? Is this party at the Playboy mansion?
In the meantime, Sugar tried to see if she could find the Major. It surprised her when she could hear his thoughts loud and clear.
She’s surprised because she shouldn’t be able to at all. Did I mention that?
‘I’m making a bloody mess of this uniform-damn thorns. It’s cold out here.
No, heat and cold are a matter of discipline!
I hope I don’t run across any trysting couples
*eyeroll*
while I’m crawling through this damn bush… EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!’
Sugar, I think you’ve tapped into the mind of an adolescent, not a seasoned military officer.
Sugar giggled madly at Klaus’ horrified mental reaction.
It was a reaction to his discovery that he’s in this fic.
She tore herself away from the fascinating occupation of reading his thoughts and concentrated on finding Caesar’s again.
Yes, please, get on with finding the little wimp.
‘His hair is so beautiful. His eyes, too. Like stars. . . no, that’s not right. Too clichéd. I love you so much, Earl. Mmmm. . . do that again. . .’
We have now entered Harlequin Romance Land. Please keep your hands and feet in the car at all times.
Sugar blushed furiously and quickened her step. “Oh no,” she gasped. “We’d better hurry. . .”
God forbid Caesar should enjoy himself when the rest of us are suffering!
They came outside and into the moonlit garden, and Sugar broke into a dead run.
Shoving people out of her way as she went.
G was dragged along behind her, protesting all the while: “Ow, my arm, leggo my arm!”
Leggo my Eggo! No, wait, that’s a commercial. Sorry.
They rounded a turn and came to a dead halt, stunned by the scene before them.
They were playing Charades right there in the garden!
Sugar turned beet red and averted her eyes.
They’re only kissing, for Christ’s sake! You’re the one who likes to look at dirty pictures in the museum!
Agent G froze in shock. It was HIM! The handsome Earl he’d fallen in love with in Greece!
You’re there to find him, you moron! Or don’t you know that Lord Gloria and Eroica were the same person?
What was he doing with another man?
He’s gay! What do you think he’s doing?
The timing of the next bit was too perfect to be believed.
This whole fic is not to be believed.
The Iron Klaus entered the tableau just in time to be painfully embarrassed by the passionate gay love scene taking place before him.
Spare me.
Before he had a chance to get his gun out,
Whaaaa? Is he going to cleanse the world of homosexuality one bullet at a time?
G had launched himself at the couple to the battle cry of “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HE’S MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!”
Since when? G, did you change personalities with James?
Sugar started forward at exactly the same time Klaus did, tripping him so that they both went down and Klaus’ gun went flying.
But, you said he didn’t have the chance to get his gun out.
G knocked Dorian and Caesar off of the bench and onto the ground.
Because they had been oblivious to everyone rushing around until this point.
The final picture looked exactly like a bacchanalian orgy;
Without the wine…or the nudity…or the sex.
and somewhere in all the chaos and scrambling around and yelling at each other, Klaus somehow managed to kiss Dorian on the mouth.
You were right, I don’t believe it.
He’d never be able to explain it afterwards.
Forget it, Major, this whole fic can’t be explained.
The major had simply turned his head to yell at someone and found himself, lip to lip and unfortunately openmouthed, with a surprised and gaping Dorian.
I suspected Dorian was more than just surprised.
Klaus screamed like a girl
No, no, no!
and groped around on the ground for his gun, which he found.
That’s good. Don’t want to leave one of those just lying around.
“All right!” He yelled, and bopped Dorian on the head, hard.
Just because he kissed you! Really, Major.
The earl swooned in his arms like a classic damsel.
*eyeroll* As opposed to dropping like a stone from being hit on the head.
G finished pummeling Caesar into submission
Pummeling? Caesar? All you have to do is smack him once and he’ll pass out.
as Sugar attempted to yank out his hair in defense of her friend. “Leave him alone!” She was now yelling. “Someone will get hurt!”
No, you think? The Major just brained the Earl with his gun!
Frustrated, she punched G in the head; and watched in consternation as he went down. Her hand flew to cover her mouth. “Oh no, what have I done. . . “
You punched out a homosexual cross-dresser. Gay bashing is a no-no, young lady!
“QUIET!” Klaus yelled. “What with all the racket we’ll soon be swarmed with security!”
NOW you worry about security!
He gestured for Sugar to help him pick up the limp Dorian and carry him back to the car.
Why? He carried Dorian all by himself in the submarine. No, wait, I don’t think this fan!girl has read beyond book two.
Sugar glanced down repentantly at Agent G. “What about him?”
She asked, completely ignoring the pummeled Caesar.
Klaus waved a hand in frustration. “LEAVE HIM!
Aaa! CompletelyOutOfCharacter!Klaus. There is no way a military man is going to leave a man behind!
He’ll pick himself up eventually. What a day,” he muttered as they dragged the Earl away. “What a day.”
What a mess! What a bad!fic!
“On the bright side, that was easier than we expected,”
Surely, you are joking?
Sugar said perkily as she steered the car back to headquarters.
Headquarters? In Bonn? On the other side of the English Channel?
“Bugger easy. It was a damn messy operation,”
Seconded.
Klaus sulked. He lit up another cigarette.
Finally, something that’s actually in character.
Sugar wrinkled up her nose and barely managed not to psychically transmit ‘No wonder you stink, Mr. Chain-Smoker.’
Now, that’s a cheep shot, even if he can't hear you!
Dorian, in the back seat, came to slowly and painfully.
Poor baby.
The first thing that registered
Was that he was still in this nightmare fic!
in his tired and foggy mind was that he wanted a pillow.
Not that he had been clobbered, or that he wasn’t at the party. Just that he wanted a pillow.
Accordingly, he scooted back and laid his head on the nearest convenient soft object with a contented sigh, determined to go back to sleep.
I’m guessing the Major is in the back seat instead of the front as is his usual custom.
“Hey, get off me you degenerate!” Exclaimed an outraged voice.
See, I was right.
“Go away,” Dorian murmured. “You’re not in my dream. This is a good dream. Be a good pillow.” He snuggled back closer to the warm thing which, it was beginning to dawn on him, was probably Klaus’ leg.
*sigh* Now we have OutOfCharacter!Dorian.
Klaus pushed Dorian away with bad temper.
Wouldn’t it be easier if he used his hands?
“I can’t believe I am going to have to put up with you,” he muttered.
I thought you were looking forward to this, Major. It said so in chapter one. Is it possible to be out of charater with the out of character creation within the same fic?
“You shouldn’t have captured me then,” Dorian said sweetly.
I think you mean kidnap, Dorian.
He slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Klaus with a wide, blue stare.
*groan* Back to Harlequin Romance Land.
Klaus growled deep in his throat and leaned his head back against the car seat. “I’ve had a long day,” he stated. “Please don’t push me too far.”
Like that will actually stop Dorian.
“You know you like it,” Dorian informed him.
Informed, meaning he didn’t know.
There was no answer.
The Major isn’t the only one who’s speechless.
Eroica weighed the merits of consciousness with it’s alternative.
Going back to sleep?
Fascinating though the Major undoubtedly was, he was also terribly irritating on occasion, when he waxed violent. Right now, he was not likely to be good company. Dorian’s head hurt; and his eyes, when he opened them, swirled with sparkling black and purple stars that made it hard to see.
A dimension of sight. A dimension of sound. There's a signpost ahead! You have just entered the Twilight Zone.
Consciousness was definitely not good. He decided to go back to sleep.
Finally, somebody with some sense!
* * * * *
Caesar woke up in the garden with a headache and a handful of memories.
The end.
The few confused pictures were enough to make him go lunging to his feet and look around him frantically for the earl.
Lunging to his feet? Wasn’t he just “pummeled”?
Gone.
Yes, please! Go!
Caesar’s eyes filled up with frustrated tears.
I knew he’d slip back into his default setting of Weepy!Uke eventually.
The night wind took hold of his hair and rippled it, making it whip around his face and sting his cheeks.
Oh, God, is this a house on the moors, too? With a thunderstorm moving in?
He looked down at the prone figure of Agent G, who lay at his feet.
As opposed to where else? Hovering overhead?
That was the man who had originally ruined it all.
Oh, clever G! And here I thought it was the Major behind it all.
Why was he still here? He wondered.
I’m no expert, but I’d guess it’s because he’s unconscious!
And what had Sugar had to do with him, anyway?
Why don’t you ask her? She’s not that far away. You talked to her in Scotland once!
Whatever the answers to these questions, Caesar knew that this strange fellow might have answers. And answers, he thought grimly, is what I may need.
Give it up, Caesar, you’re not even remotely intimidating.
He took the man unsympathetically by the ankles, dragged him along the pathway, and threw him into his car.
And no one in the “mob” of people at the party noticed a thing. Right.
Then he started the motor and drove to the most obscure hotel he could find.
The Hotel California.
He didn’t want Klaus to find him.
Finally, the boy’s making some sense. Must be brain damage.
And he needed to ask his captive some questions in private.
He wants make-up tips.
Wait for me, Dorian, he thought. I’m coming to rescue you.
But first, I need to grow a pair. And a spine!
* * * * *
On to the sprokage of Chapter Three --> HERE
Chapter One is --> HERE
Chapter Two
A soft touch on his shoulder made Caesar turn around. He gasped and nearly swooned.
Well, at least he’s back in character. But for how long I wonder?
Dorian, resplendent in a pink silk shirt, pearls, black slacks and sharp black boots, stood before him.
Pink and black. Isn’t that Hilary Clinton’s signature look now?
His hair was like spun gold.
Which James was already pricing on the Black Market…
Caesar’s heart hammered as Dorian took him by the hand and his long, smooth fingers closed around his.
Around his what? Did the wimp actually grow a pair?
He could only follow dazedly as Dorian led him through galleries of pillars
Please, Dorian, smash him face first into one!
and crowds of elegant guests out into the garden.
Where the inelegant guests had been relegated.
“How many kisses do you think we’ll manage this time around?” He managed to choke out.
Who managed to choke out? Wait...Dorian are you strangling him? Yea!
Dorian tittered softly. “Oh, I imagine a good two hundred. We wouldn’t want to finish all of our thousand now though, would we?”
Man, Dorian, are you optimistic. He passed out at three last time around.
He had stopped walking, and turned to him now, his face beautiful and smiling in the moonlight.
*GAG!*
“No,” Caesar whispered. “Of course not.”
Is this supposed to be the seduction part?
Dorian’s arms circled him and drew him close. He felt the earl’s long eyelashes brush his cheek just before their lips met.
And his nose made no contact at all? I want a diagram of this!
A sweet dizziness seemed to overcome Caesar.
*deadpan* Wow, what a shock.
We grew heavier and heavier in the earl’s embrace as his knees turned to water. Dorian lowered him down onto a stone bench under a rose arbor and continued to kiss him.
No, Dorian! You can’t be that desperate!
Caesar’s fingers twined ecstatically in his hair.
I don’t think pulling Dorian’s hair will make him happy.
Kisses ran into kisses, making the reckoning impossible to keep. Caesar’s famous mind was having a hard time functioning under the circumstances in any case. Finally, he gave up count.
I gave up at chapter one.
* * * * *
Klaus surveyed the tactical situation unhappily. They had drawn up outside the home of some wealthy cow who was giving one hell of a party - certainly a black tie event.
We go from purple prose to this. Poor Klaus.
“Agent G,” he asked aloud, “Do you happen to own a black tie?”
I wouldn’t imagine him asking silently!
G nodded vigorously. “Oh, of course! It’s an absolute essential for any wardrobe.”
Like a man of the Major’s breeding wouldn’t know this.
“Good,” the Major said. “Do you have it with you?”
Oh, Major, how painful it must be for you to be so out of character.
G, puzzled, shook his head.
And wondered why this scene was even necessary.
Klaus sighed and blew out an exasperated puff of smoke.
That sounds painful.
“That leaves me with little or not alternative than to trespass on the Earl’s ‘jurisdiction,’” he said cryptically. “Wait here.”
Whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.
Klaus swung his long legs out of the car and set off at a steady trot. Without ten minutes
As opposed to within ten minutes?
he had found himself a likely-looking pair.
Of what? Shoes, trousers, scissors? Tell us?
Within another two seconds he had bludgeoned them both unconscious with the handle of his gun.
Wait…what? Major, why are you assaulting civilians?
Then he sat back on his heels. His work was laid out for him.
Yeah, like, how the hell he’s going to explain this!
“This is just great,” he muttered to himself. “Now I have to strip. . . a woman AND a man?” He shuddered, unable to tell which prospect chilled him more.
The prospect of reading more of this drivel is equally chilling.
Duty was duty. The task of stealing the clothes was accomplished with typical NATO efficiency, and within another ten minutes, he was back
Major, why aren’t you just storming in just as you are, like you always do? Ooops, sorry, forgot you were out of character.
(having allowed himself time for throwing up in some bushes).
Because he remembered he was in this fic.
“Put these on,” he said curtly to Sugar and G. His expression was so terrifying that both readily complied. G stared unhappily at the sober navy-blue suit, and looked at Sugar’s dress with envy.
I really do not want to know where this is going.
“Major?” He began. “Couldn’t I. . .”
Transfer out of this fic?
“NO!” Klaus bellowed. “Would you wanna wear a strapless gown to Alaska?”
Oh, please, Major, I know your English isn’t that bad!
“No,” G said, and climbed meekly into the back of the car to change.
So, he gets in the car and Sugar changes in front of the Major. Right.
Sugar watched Klaus with wide eyes. She knew already what he had planned.
Despite the fact that she should not be able to read his mind.
“Good,” Klaus said when the two had both switched costumes.
Costumes? No, that would be what Dorian is wearing.
“Now you’re going to go in there and pretend like you’re on a date. Find the Earl and inform me when you do. I’ll take care of him.”
I was wrong, this is WAYOutOfCharacter!Klaus.
“Half a mo,” G cried in consternation.
Half a mo!? Do Germans really say that?
“Did you say a DATE?”
You say that like you were never asked to escort a woman before.
“Yes,” Klaus said curtly. “Be sure to make it look real,” he added viciously. “If I tell you that you even have to smooch, that’s an order.”
I would like to pause at this time to ask why he doesn’t just wait for the party to break up?
The very image made him turn visibly green.
This fic is having that affect on me.
G shot Sugar a look of terror. Sugar rolled her eyes up to heaven.
Suck it up, G, you’re a trained agent! She’s just a little girl, after all.
Why do all of the guys in this manga, she wondered, have to be GAY!
Please! Don’t drop the fourth wall now. It’s much too late for that.
“Erm, um,” G said, and awkwardly took Sugar by the hand.
And it was all icky and sweaty.
He held it for about two seconds, then let it drop.
Cuz she had girl cooties!
Sugar sighed and tried to concentrate on locating Caesar. His mental signal was unusually faint.
Because he’s such a dim bulb. Thank you!
“This way,” she said finally, and pointed towards the outside.
They’re already outside!
* * * * *
It was hard pushing their way through mobs and mobs of cocktail-drinking guests, and it took a while.
Is it a party or a mob scene? Is this party at the Playboy mansion?
In the meantime, Sugar tried to see if she could find the Major. It surprised her when she could hear his thoughts loud and clear.
She’s surprised because she shouldn’t be able to at all. Did I mention that?
‘I’m making a bloody mess of this uniform-damn thorns. It’s cold out here.
No, heat and cold are a matter of discipline!
I hope I don’t run across any trysting couples
*eyeroll*
while I’m crawling through this damn bush… EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!’
Sugar, I think you’ve tapped into the mind of an adolescent, not a seasoned military officer.
Sugar giggled madly at Klaus’ horrified mental reaction.
It was a reaction to his discovery that he’s in this fic.
She tore herself away from the fascinating occupation of reading his thoughts and concentrated on finding Caesar’s again.
Yes, please, get on with finding the little wimp.
‘His hair is so beautiful. His eyes, too. Like stars. . . no, that’s not right. Too clichéd. I love you so much, Earl. Mmmm. . . do that again. . .’
We have now entered Harlequin Romance Land. Please keep your hands and feet in the car at all times.
Sugar blushed furiously and quickened her step. “Oh no,” she gasped. “We’d better hurry. . .”
God forbid Caesar should enjoy himself when the rest of us are suffering!
They came outside and into the moonlit garden, and Sugar broke into a dead run.
Shoving people out of her way as she went.
G was dragged along behind her, protesting all the while: “Ow, my arm, leggo my arm!”
Leggo my Eggo! No, wait, that’s a commercial. Sorry.
They rounded a turn and came to a dead halt, stunned by the scene before them.
They were playing Charades right there in the garden!
Sugar turned beet red and averted her eyes.
They’re only kissing, for Christ’s sake! You’re the one who likes to look at dirty pictures in the museum!
Agent G froze in shock. It was HIM! The handsome Earl he’d fallen in love with in Greece!
You’re there to find him, you moron! Or don’t you know that Lord Gloria and Eroica were the same person?
What was he doing with another man?
He’s gay! What do you think he’s doing?
The timing of the next bit was too perfect to be believed.
This whole fic is not to be believed.
The Iron Klaus entered the tableau just in time to be painfully embarrassed by the passionate gay love scene taking place before him.
Spare me.
Before he had a chance to get his gun out,
Whaaaa? Is he going to cleanse the world of homosexuality one bullet at a time?
G had launched himself at the couple to the battle cry of “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HE’S MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!”
Since when? G, did you change personalities with James?
Sugar started forward at exactly the same time Klaus did, tripping him so that they both went down and Klaus’ gun went flying.
But, you said he didn’t have the chance to get his gun out.
G knocked Dorian and Caesar off of the bench and onto the ground.
Because they had been oblivious to everyone rushing around until this point.
The final picture looked exactly like a bacchanalian orgy;
Without the wine…or the nudity…or the sex.
and somewhere in all the chaos and scrambling around and yelling at each other, Klaus somehow managed to kiss Dorian on the mouth.
You were right, I don’t believe it.
He’d never be able to explain it afterwards.
Forget it, Major, this whole fic can’t be explained.
The major had simply turned his head to yell at someone and found himself, lip to lip and unfortunately openmouthed, with a surprised and gaping Dorian.
I suspected Dorian was more than just surprised.
Klaus screamed like a girl
No, no, no!
and groped around on the ground for his gun, which he found.
That’s good. Don’t want to leave one of those just lying around.
“All right!” He yelled, and bopped Dorian on the head, hard.
Just because he kissed you! Really, Major.
The earl swooned in his arms like a classic damsel.
*eyeroll* As opposed to dropping like a stone from being hit on the head.
G finished pummeling Caesar into submission
Pummeling? Caesar? All you have to do is smack him once and he’ll pass out.
as Sugar attempted to yank out his hair in defense of her friend. “Leave him alone!” She was now yelling. “Someone will get hurt!”
No, you think? The Major just brained the Earl with his gun!
Frustrated, she punched G in the head; and watched in consternation as he went down. Her hand flew to cover her mouth. “Oh no, what have I done. . . “
You punched out a homosexual cross-dresser. Gay bashing is a no-no, young lady!
“QUIET!” Klaus yelled. “What with all the racket we’ll soon be swarmed with security!”
NOW you worry about security!
He gestured for Sugar to help him pick up the limp Dorian and carry him back to the car.
Why? He carried Dorian all by himself in the submarine. No, wait, I don’t think this fan!girl has read beyond book two.
Sugar glanced down repentantly at Agent G. “What about him?”
She asked, completely ignoring the pummeled Caesar.
Klaus waved a hand in frustration. “LEAVE HIM!
Aaa! CompletelyOutOfCharacter!Klaus. There is no way a military man is going to leave a man behind!
He’ll pick himself up eventually. What a day,” he muttered as they dragged the Earl away. “What a day.”
What a mess! What a bad!fic!
“On the bright side, that was easier than we expected,”
Surely, you are joking?
Sugar said perkily as she steered the car back to headquarters.
Headquarters? In Bonn? On the other side of the English Channel?
“Bugger easy. It was a damn messy operation,”
Seconded.
Klaus sulked. He lit up another cigarette.
Finally, something that’s actually in character.
Sugar wrinkled up her nose and barely managed not to psychically transmit ‘No wonder you stink, Mr. Chain-Smoker.’
Now, that’s a cheep shot, even if he can't hear you!
Dorian, in the back seat, came to slowly and painfully.
Poor baby.
The first thing that registered
Was that he was still in this nightmare fic!
in his tired and foggy mind was that he wanted a pillow.
Not that he had been clobbered, or that he wasn’t at the party. Just that he wanted a pillow.
Accordingly, he scooted back and laid his head on the nearest convenient soft object with a contented sigh, determined to go back to sleep.
I’m guessing the Major is in the back seat instead of the front as is his usual custom.
“Hey, get off me you degenerate!” Exclaimed an outraged voice.
See, I was right.
“Go away,” Dorian murmured. “You’re not in my dream. This is a good dream. Be a good pillow.” He snuggled back closer to the warm thing which, it was beginning to dawn on him, was probably Klaus’ leg.
*sigh* Now we have OutOfCharacter!Dorian.
Klaus pushed Dorian away with bad temper.
Wouldn’t it be easier if he used his hands?
“I can’t believe I am going to have to put up with you,” he muttered.
I thought you were looking forward to this, Major. It said so in chapter one. Is it possible to be out of charater with the out of character creation within the same fic?
“You shouldn’t have captured me then,” Dorian said sweetly.
I think you mean kidnap, Dorian.
He slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Klaus with a wide, blue stare.
*groan* Back to Harlequin Romance Land.
Klaus growled deep in his throat and leaned his head back against the car seat. “I’ve had a long day,” he stated. “Please don’t push me too far.”
Like that will actually stop Dorian.
“You know you like it,” Dorian informed him.
Informed, meaning he didn’t know.
There was no answer.
The Major isn’t the only one who’s speechless.
Eroica weighed the merits of consciousness with it’s alternative.
Going back to sleep?
Fascinating though the Major undoubtedly was, he was also terribly irritating on occasion, when he waxed violent. Right now, he was not likely to be good company. Dorian’s head hurt; and his eyes, when he opened them, swirled with sparkling black and purple stars that made it hard to see.
A dimension of sight. A dimension of sound. There's a signpost ahead! You have just entered the Twilight Zone.
Consciousness was definitely not good. He decided to go back to sleep.
Finally, somebody with some sense!
* * * * *
Caesar woke up in the garden with a headache and a handful of memories.
The end.
The few confused pictures were enough to make him go lunging to his feet and look around him frantically for the earl.
Lunging to his feet? Wasn’t he just “pummeled”?
Gone.
Yes, please! Go!
Caesar’s eyes filled up with frustrated tears.
I knew he’d slip back into his default setting of Weepy!Uke eventually.
The night wind took hold of his hair and rippled it, making it whip around his face and sting his cheeks.
Oh, God, is this a house on the moors, too? With a thunderstorm moving in?
He looked down at the prone figure of Agent G, who lay at his feet.
As opposed to where else? Hovering overhead?
That was the man who had originally ruined it all.
Oh, clever G! And here I thought it was the Major behind it all.
Why was he still here? He wondered.
I’m no expert, but I’d guess it’s because he’s unconscious!
And what had Sugar had to do with him, anyway?
Why don’t you ask her? She’s not that far away. You talked to her in Scotland once!
Whatever the answers to these questions, Caesar knew that this strange fellow might have answers. And answers, he thought grimly, is what I may need.
Give it up, Caesar, you’re not even remotely intimidating.
He took the man unsympathetically by the ankles, dragged him along the pathway, and threw him into his car.
And no one in the “mob” of people at the party noticed a thing. Right.
Then he started the motor and drove to the most obscure hotel he could find.
The Hotel California.
He didn’t want Klaus to find him.
Finally, the boy’s making some sense. Must be brain damage.
And he needed to ask his captive some questions in private.
He wants make-up tips.
Wait for me, Dorian, he thought. I’m coming to rescue you.
But first, I need to grow a pair. And a spine!
* * * * *
On to the sprokage of Chapter Three --> HERE