straight off a cliff
Last week had various cases of flu and going to bed early. And hiding out in guilt because i have an obligation not fulfilled (feeling like a heel on that one).
Weekend however was...drum roll...CLOWN WORKSHOP
It's Tuesday and i think my hands have just about stopped shaking.
So I have this idea that there are various types of gesture and in this digital age we're tending to ignore and dismiss old-time skills of communicating meaning. We get wrapped up in the hi-tech romance of millions of bits and bytes and strings of code that can trigger a simulacrum of some activity; meanwhile maybe we become a little de-skilled in say, the formalities of touching, of manners, of catching each other's eye, of understanding what we've been told and what we know already even before words are involved.
Plus there's this whole idea of embodiment (not always obvious) behind digital presence, and stuff about transhuman-ness, going beyond the body, at a time when, maybe, we are less aware of our bodily selves than we ever have been. So I have this mad idea that I'm going to explore performance a little, and see if it's possible to reconcile anything about that with working digitally. And also explore the boundary between old-fashioned traditions of movement and performance art practice, which is surprisingly rigid.
Two days of exercises and impro and emotional nakedness - or rather, an attempt to get there...maybe. And I've NEVER done this stuff before. Jesus fucking christ. It's like jumping off a cliff repeatedly, and landing badly. (Though as someone said to me, 'you thought you would die, didn't you? Hey, you're still alive.' Meanwhile you watch other people gracefully unfurl the flaps of skin under their arms and soar off.)
So I've discovered the place where 'play' comes from is an absolute knife edge, and getting there can be like facing a blank page, only every five minutes, repeatedly, in public, with body language. It's weird because you are trying to be innocent, and at the same time trying totally to manipulate the audience, and anything good that pops into your mind you have to be instantly ready to abandon. There are rules, and yet you have to let go of them, but if something didn't work it's probably because you broke the rules, or didn't break them enough. And you have to be so open and responsive to the other people, it's like you have to be completely aware and at the same time not even present as an ego - yet when something works it's because you've been totally yourself. It's the hardest thing. I understand why there's mysticism about clowns now - well i kind of knew it before through reading but it's different knowing it. Lesson 1: being in an open state of physical & emotional communication with other bodies can be extraordinarilty scary. What's the digital equivalent of that?
In retrospect I'm thinking what a good group of people they were. Rephrase: group of good people. Because, as a small but boobalicious person of the female persuasion, and a stranger in a strange land etc, I have huge vulnerability issues, which absolutely never got triggered.
Still have to wonder whether this is the silliest idea I've ever had. Planning to have a few conversations round the subject with the old peers - anyone who'll lend an ear and tell me if I'm crazy.
Weekend however was...drum roll...CLOWN WORKSHOP
It's Tuesday and i think my hands have just about stopped shaking.
So I have this idea that there are various types of gesture and in this digital age we're tending to ignore and dismiss old-time skills of communicating meaning. We get wrapped up in the hi-tech romance of millions of bits and bytes and strings of code that can trigger a simulacrum of some activity; meanwhile maybe we become a little de-skilled in say, the formalities of touching, of manners, of catching each other's eye, of understanding what we've been told and what we know already even before words are involved.
Plus there's this whole idea of embodiment (not always obvious) behind digital presence, and stuff about transhuman-ness, going beyond the body, at a time when, maybe, we are less aware of our bodily selves than we ever have been. So I have this mad idea that I'm going to explore performance a little, and see if it's possible to reconcile anything about that with working digitally. And also explore the boundary between old-fashioned traditions of movement and performance art practice, which is surprisingly rigid.
Two days of exercises and impro and emotional nakedness - or rather, an attempt to get there...maybe. And I've NEVER done this stuff before. Jesus fucking christ. It's like jumping off a cliff repeatedly, and landing badly. (Though as someone said to me, 'you thought you would die, didn't you? Hey, you're still alive.' Meanwhile you watch other people gracefully unfurl the flaps of skin under their arms and soar off.)
So I've discovered the place where 'play' comes from is an absolute knife edge, and getting there can be like facing a blank page, only every five minutes, repeatedly, in public, with body language. It's weird because you are trying to be innocent, and at the same time trying totally to manipulate the audience, and anything good that pops into your mind you have to be instantly ready to abandon. There are rules, and yet you have to let go of them, but if something didn't work it's probably because you broke the rules, or didn't break them enough. And you have to be so open and responsive to the other people, it's like you have to be completely aware and at the same time not even present as an ego - yet when something works it's because you've been totally yourself. It's the hardest thing. I understand why there's mysticism about clowns now - well i kind of knew it before through reading but it's different knowing it. Lesson 1: being in an open state of physical & emotional communication with other bodies can be extraordinarilty scary. What's the digital equivalent of that?
In retrospect I'm thinking what a good group of people they were. Rephrase: group of good people. Because, as a small but boobalicious person of the female persuasion, and a stranger in a strange land etc, I have huge vulnerability issues, which absolutely never got triggered.
Still have to wonder whether this is the silliest idea I've ever had. Planning to have a few conversations round the subject with the old peers - anyone who'll lend an ear and tell me if I'm crazy.