Dead to me/On notice update:
Hello, quick update, the following things are Dead To Me:
TV at 4 am until like 8 am:
There should be a TV station for insomniacs. I just watched "IT" with Kurt Russell. Come on. Do I deserve that? And if I see one more fucking "girls gone wild" infomercial, I'm going to slit my wrists. I wonder how many fathers have sued that fucking franchise just to see that their daughters signed contracts saying it was okay while inebriated. (Brian Fun-Fact: Two of my ex-girlfriends have been involved with that franchise, guess which two!) Four hour period of time in which I have to watch DVDs I've watched a million times before: You're dead to me.
Hey Dude:
I was waiting for that show to come back, I'm giving up now. Mr. Ernst, you and your crew of good-natured ranch hands are dead to me.
The Director of "The Quick and The Undead":
What the fucking shit? Yes, I'm talking to you Gerald Nott, you fucking moron. I've been waiting for this movie for about a year and a half, since I love Zombie Movies. But that film didn't make any fucking sense. 85 years after a biological weapons attack zombie hunters are employeed in the Western United States? Are you straight-gay, or just gay-gay? Fuck you, Mr. Nott, I'm going to see 'Slither'. You're dead to me, and to the rest of the film community.
On Notice:
Linda Ellerby/Nick News:
A. You might be the only hope for the future of America. B. Why the fuck don't you get a better time slot? 6 am? Come the fuck on. And Linda Ellerby is about the dykiest dyke I've ever seen. I challenge anyone to show me a huger lesbian than Linda fucking Ellerby. (I will not accept Rosie O'Donnell or Ellen Degeneres as correct answers, watch Nick News, Linda Ellerby is the carpet-munchingest.) Watch me give Nick News the finger, and ask yourself this question: Who's in charge here?
People who didn't get that last reference:
When I'm talking about Nick News and say "Who's in charge here?" and you don't have a brief moment of nostalgia which makes you at least chuckle, you're on serious notice. Get smarter.
Jack Black:
You're hosting the Nick Choice Awards this year? Please come back to us Jack. We lost Steve Martin to his being retarded. Don't let us lose you to the same fate. John Ritter and Chris Farley are dead, muhfuckah, we've got like one good physical comedian left. Don't make your kind go extinct. You're on notice.
Blind Horse-Riders:
Come on. Seriously. Come the fuck on. Stop it. Get a dog.
So your updated lists:
DEAD TO ME:
*TV From 4 To 8 In The Morning
*Hey Dude
*Gerald Nott
*White Wedding Dresses
*Guys Who Pierce Themselves
*Our Retro-Heroes Who Let Us Down
*The Wiggles
ON NOTICE:
*American Girl Dolls
*The Pillsbury Company
*Larisa Oleynik
*Linda Ellerby & Nick News
*People Who Don't Get My Obscure References To Un-Pop Culture
*Jack Black
*Blind People Who Ride Horses
Enjoy, America.
-Brian
TV at 4 am until like 8 am:
There should be a TV station for insomniacs. I just watched "IT" with Kurt Russell. Come on. Do I deserve that? And if I see one more fucking "girls gone wild" infomercial, I'm going to slit my wrists. I wonder how many fathers have sued that fucking franchise just to see that their daughters signed contracts saying it was okay while inebriated. (Brian Fun-Fact: Two of my ex-girlfriends have been involved with that franchise, guess which two!) Four hour period of time in which I have to watch DVDs I've watched a million times before: You're dead to me.
Hey Dude:
I was waiting for that show to come back, I'm giving up now. Mr. Ernst, you and your crew of good-natured ranch hands are dead to me.
The Director of "The Quick and The Undead":
What the fucking shit? Yes, I'm talking to you Gerald Nott, you fucking moron. I've been waiting for this movie for about a year and a half, since I love Zombie Movies. But that film didn't make any fucking sense. 85 years after a biological weapons attack zombie hunters are employeed in the Western United States? Are you straight-gay, or just gay-gay? Fuck you, Mr. Nott, I'm going to see 'Slither'. You're dead to me, and to the rest of the film community.
On Notice:
Linda Ellerby/Nick News:
A. You might be the only hope for the future of America. B. Why the fuck don't you get a better time slot? 6 am? Come the fuck on. And Linda Ellerby is about the dykiest dyke I've ever seen. I challenge anyone to show me a huger lesbian than Linda fucking Ellerby. (I will not accept Rosie O'Donnell or Ellen Degeneres as correct answers, watch Nick News, Linda Ellerby is the carpet-munchingest.) Watch me give Nick News the finger, and ask yourself this question: Who's in charge here?
People who didn't get that last reference:
When I'm talking about Nick News and say "Who's in charge here?" and you don't have a brief moment of nostalgia which makes you at least chuckle, you're on serious notice. Get smarter.
Jack Black:
You're hosting the Nick Choice Awards this year? Please come back to us Jack. We lost Steve Martin to his being retarded. Don't let us lose you to the same fate. John Ritter and Chris Farley are dead, muhfuckah, we've got like one good physical comedian left. Don't make your kind go extinct. You're on notice.
Blind Horse-Riders:
Come on. Seriously. Come the fuck on. Stop it. Get a dog.
So your updated lists:
DEAD TO ME:
*TV From 4 To 8 In The Morning
*Hey Dude
*Gerald Nott
*White Wedding Dresses
*Guys Who Pierce Themselves
*Our Retro-Heroes Who Let Us Down
*The Wiggles
ON NOTICE:
*American Girl Dolls
*The Pillsbury Company
*Larisa Oleynik
*Linda Ellerby & Nick News
*People Who Don't Get My Obscure References To Un-Pop Culture
*Jack Black
*Blind People Who Ride Horses
Enjoy, America.
-Brian