Continuous disintegration
I broke into tears for a few seconds two days ago, since my symptoms aren't getting away and now I notice how I forget something also daily. Ars tried to calm me down and said the issue wasn't my brain but with my psyche, so he suggested that I went to a shrink or psychiatrist instead. When we were chatting on Telegram I sent him extracts from the Alzheimer's article in Wikipedia and there was just too much which matched my symptoms. I am almost sure I have MCI (mild cognitive impairment) and an early stage of AD.
Never in my life I've made so many mistakes while typing. My fingers don't really follow my train of thought. I make even more mistakes when typing in Russian. In fact while I'm typing this I make mistakes in every second word. Damn!! My speech isn't much better as I keep misusing words, I keep using the wrong forms of words and sometimes I forget the right words altogether. Here are a few recent examples:
A few days ago after taking a shit and going to the bathroom to clean my asshole and then wash my hands, I forgot whether I'd actually washed my hands, so probably I did it twice. Yesterday I went to grandma, she gave me two thousand rubles and I put the money into my right jeans pocket (I've just tried to type this word twice because I made a mistake, the word jumped to a new line, I didn't notice that and started typing it again :( ) and a few minutes later on my way home I started pulling out a smartphone from the same pocket and almost dropped the money on the ground. Four days ago I went to print some documents for brother and almost forgot my gloves on my way out. Three mild incidents almost every day. Numerous times over the past several weeks when I tried switching from one activity to another I instantly forgot about the previous one.
Me and Maria quarrelled yesterday. I don't remember now how it all began but she slapped me in the face and I almost hit her shoulder, so her arm became reddish. She instantly broke into tears. It doesn't even matter that I'd told her over a hundred times that she mustn't touch my face or head ever, however every time she has nothing to say she tries to hit me over the head. In the end she dressed up and went to the streets ostensibly to go to her sister's to grab something from her. I noticed she hadn't taken her keys, so I swiftly dressed up as well and went to the streets where I found her immediatily since she'd spent too much time waiting for the elevator.
First, we walked and then I started asking her why she wasn't going to the bus stop from where she could go to her sister. She said she was headed somewhere else. We stopped six meters away from some apartment house where I kept lecturing her about her worthless life. She demanded me to stop while breaking into tears again. I almost shouted at her, "See, everyone in this house is extremely interested in our lives!! Why are you always thinking about the people who mean nothing in our lives?! Why don't you ever feel embarrassed in regard to me, your mother or your sister?!" What a stupid degenerative creature. She doesn't work. She doesn't keep our apartment clean. She rarely cooks - twice a month maybe except for cooking pasta which is not cooking at all. "Everything you're doing right now is a fucking sham. Your tears, your dropping on the grounds, everything. You don't feel any fucking remorse whatsoever!". Yeah, I picked her up from the ground twice because she felt it was necessary to lie on the snow. She tried to hide between the cars but I just didn't let her go and how could I? It was already past 9pm, almost completely dark and she was headed somewhere she didn't want to let me know. I demanded that we go home and I wouldn't say a word if she agreed to that. "Do you want to fucking get raped or what?"
On our way home she stopped in at some alcohol store to buy something. I later learned it was noddles and a bottle of beer. I waited for her outside and hid behind some random car. She went outside and couldn't find me. She headed home thinking that I wasn't following her. I was. She tried to hide again but I spoiled her plans by running and reaching her. We finally went home. I opened all the doors for her. When she got in, she first didn't let me in saying, "You promised you let me be alone at home and you'll go for a walk". Yes, I said that earlier in the streets but she never agreed to that. After staying at the landing for a few minutes I said to myself, "fuck it" and got in. It was my apartment and who the fuck she was to talk to me like that?
She switched off the freezer for no reasons other than to do harm to this apartment. She opened all the chocolate bars I'd bought in the previous days, she ate the noodles and drank all the beer. Then she spent close to 15 minutes lying on the floor and then crawled to her room. She wrote quite a lot of messages in Telegram but I didn't notice that since the phone was in silent mode. Then I decided to check on her. She was reading something off her smartphone in complete darkness. I closed the ventilation window and when I was about to leave the room she said, "Don't you check your (smartphone) messages?" I said sarcastically, "You don't know when I was last online in Telegram, so you'll never know". Yes, she hides her online status from me everywhere - Telegram, WhatsApp and recently she completely hid her VK profile, so that only her friends can see it. And her Instagram profile has been private for almost forever. "Not a single woman among my friends keeps her life completely secret from her boyfriend/husband!", I said angrily.
I returned to my room and finally read her messages: a lot of one dot ones to make notification sounds and then finally, "Warm me a sausage with cheese". I brought her that and she obviously didn't thank me. Later she asked to bring her a pomegranate and a peeled orange. I thought to myself, "I'm not a slave" and only brought her a pomegranate. She was angry that I hadn't brought the second fruit and again didn't thank me.
We didn't really talk again and went to sleep in different rooms, i.e. separately. Oh, I've just remembered what else I told her yesterday. "You're an Instagram whore and you keep envying other Instagram women but almost all of them work!!" She tried to humiliate me with Plurk, "Ars told me you always try to show off that you're the smartest" - what the fuck is this BS? but that didn't work because I don't fucking post my photos, "And I don't fucking whore for likes". Numerous times she told me to go to Turkey and I replied, "How are you even going to survive without me?? You have no work, you have nowhere to live because this time I won't let you stay in this apartment because you'll most likely fuck it up".
Never in my life I've made so many mistakes while typing. My fingers don't really follow my train of thought. I make even more mistakes when typing in Russian. In fact while I'm typing this I make mistakes in every second word. Damn!! My speech isn't much better as I keep misusing words, I keep using the wrong forms of words and sometimes I forget the right words altogether. Here are a few recent examples:
A few days ago after taking a shit and going to the bathroom to clean my asshole and then wash my hands, I forgot whether I'd actually washed my hands, so probably I did it twice. Yesterday I went to grandma, she gave me two thousand rubles and I put the money into my right jeans pocket (I've just tried to type this word twice because I made a mistake, the word jumped to a new line, I didn't notice that and started typing it again :( ) and a few minutes later on my way home I started pulling out a smartphone from the same pocket and almost dropped the money on the ground. Four days ago I went to print some documents for brother and almost forgot my gloves on my way out. Three mild incidents almost every day. Numerous times over the past several weeks when I tried switching from one activity to another I instantly forgot about the previous one.
Me and Maria quarrelled yesterday. I don't remember now how it all began but she slapped me in the face and I almost hit her shoulder, so her arm became reddish. She instantly broke into tears. It doesn't even matter that I'd told her over a hundred times that she mustn't touch my face or head ever, however every time she has nothing to say she tries to hit me over the head. In the end she dressed up and went to the streets ostensibly to go to her sister's to grab something from her. I noticed she hadn't taken her keys, so I swiftly dressed up as well and went to the streets where I found her immediatily since she'd spent too much time waiting for the elevator.
First, we walked and then I started asking her why she wasn't going to the bus stop from where she could go to her sister. She said she was headed somewhere else. We stopped six meters away from some apartment house where I kept lecturing her about her worthless life. She demanded me to stop while breaking into tears again. I almost shouted at her, "See, everyone in this house is extremely interested in our lives!! Why are you always thinking about the people who mean nothing in our lives?! Why don't you ever feel embarrassed in regard to me, your mother or your sister?!" What a stupid degenerative creature. She doesn't work. She doesn't keep our apartment clean. She rarely cooks - twice a month maybe except for cooking pasta which is not cooking at all. "Everything you're doing right now is a fucking sham. Your tears, your dropping on the grounds, everything. You don't feel any fucking remorse whatsoever!". Yeah, I picked her up from the ground twice because she felt it was necessary to lie on the snow. She tried to hide between the cars but I just didn't let her go and how could I? It was already past 9pm, almost completely dark and she was headed somewhere she didn't want to let me know. I demanded that we go home and I wouldn't say a word if she agreed to that. "Do you want to fucking get raped or what?"
On our way home she stopped in at some alcohol store to buy something. I later learned it was noddles and a bottle of beer. I waited for her outside and hid behind some random car. She went outside and couldn't find me. She headed home thinking that I wasn't following her. I was. She tried to hide again but I spoiled her plans by running and reaching her. We finally went home. I opened all the doors for her. When she got in, she first didn't let me in saying, "You promised you let me be alone at home and you'll go for a walk". Yes, I said that earlier in the streets but she never agreed to that. After staying at the landing for a few minutes I said to myself, "fuck it" and got in. It was my apartment and who the fuck she was to talk to me like that?
She switched off the freezer for no reasons other than to do harm to this apartment. She opened all the chocolate bars I'd bought in the previous days, she ate the noodles and drank all the beer. Then she spent close to 15 minutes lying on the floor and then crawled to her room. She wrote quite a lot of messages in Telegram but I didn't notice that since the phone was in silent mode. Then I decided to check on her. She was reading something off her smartphone in complete darkness. I closed the ventilation window and when I was about to leave the room she said, "Don't you check your (smartphone) messages?" I said sarcastically, "You don't know when I was last online in Telegram, so you'll never know". Yes, she hides her online status from me everywhere - Telegram, WhatsApp and recently she completely hid her VK profile, so that only her friends can see it. And her Instagram profile has been private for almost forever. "Not a single woman among my friends keeps her life completely secret from her boyfriend/husband!", I said angrily.
I returned to my room and finally read her messages: a lot of one dot ones to make notification sounds and then finally, "Warm me a sausage with cheese". I brought her that and she obviously didn't thank me. Later she asked to bring her a pomegranate and a peeled orange. I thought to myself, "I'm not a slave" and only brought her a pomegranate. She was angry that I hadn't brought the second fruit and again didn't thank me.
We didn't really talk again and went to sleep in different rooms, i.e. separately. Oh, I've just remembered what else I told her yesterday. "You're an Instagram whore and you keep envying other Instagram women but almost all of them work!!" She tried to humiliate me with Plurk, "Ars told me you always try to show off that you're the smartest" - what the fuck is this BS? but that didn't work because I don't fucking post my photos, "And I don't fucking whore for likes". Numerous times she told me to go to Turkey and I replied, "How are you even going to survive without me?? You have no work, you have nowhere to live because this time I won't let you stay in this apartment because you'll most likely fuck it up".