Fic: Leave the Light On (July: Part 3)
Fic: Leave the Light On
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Finchel (eventually), Burol/Cart (on the side)
Summary: Finn's had a crazy year. His family is exploding. His friends are imploding. When his body gives up on him too, it sets off what could be the worst summer of his life.
Finn is sitting in the passenger seat of Kurt's navigator, watching Kurt sing along with a Madonna CD. For the first time in a week, he doesn't have any tubes or wires attached to him. The IV access port in his arm is covered by the striped sleeves of his dress shirt. Finn runs his hands over his pants legs. Kurt bought him new clothes.
For as long as Finn can remember, almost all of his clothing came from the Wal-mart, or sometimes even Goodwill. When they were together and she was feeling generous, Quinn had helped him pick out nice things, but for the most part, he was stuck with Puck as a fashion consultant. Puck's advice usually consisted of anecdotes like, 'Plaid is always good. Lumberjacks wear it and they, like, never lose a fight.'
Today, Kurt bought him new clothes. Finn opens his mouth to say thank you, or wow or something, but what comes out is, "How did you know what size I wear?"
Kurt stops singing. "I was helping Carol with the laundry when I realized you probably didn't have anything decent to wear to Cleveland. So, I looked at the tags. I wasn't...being creepy or anything."
"I didn't mean it like that. I just...thank you. It's nice. It was very nice of you. You didn't have to get me new things."
"Please, Finn. I've been dying to dress you. I had to take advantage of this."
Finn blinks out the windshield. "Oh."
"That might have come out wrong." Kurt reaches over and hits a button on the dash. Madonna stops singing.
Finn thinks that maybe Kurt just wanted some quiet, so he turns to look out the window. He presses his sunglasses further up on his nose, adjusting the blue, surgical mask beneath them. It's a sunny afternoon and the highway runs through massive fields of corn, an odd farmhouse set in the middle like an island in the ocean.
"Listen, Finn," Kurt says. "I don't want things to be weird between us."
Finn jumps. "Me neither."
"It seems like we're stuck together for as long as our parents are and I don't want our problems to be an issue for them." Kurt pushes his sunglasses up into his hair and squints over at Finn. "We need to compromise."
"Compromise." Finn repeats the word.
Kurt sighs. "It's when you give in a little and the other person does too, so you can both be happy."
"I know what that means." Finn smiles.
"I can help you with your vocabulary, too. If you'd like."
"That...would be great."
"I'm convinced that there might actually be some good thoughts in that head of yours, you just need the words to express yourself better. For a while there, I thought that maybe you were foreign. But, now I know you're not, even though that kid from Malaysia that's in my math class does manage to speak better english than you."
"Musa? He's great."
Kurt grips the wheel tighter and focuses on the road. "Listen, Finn. It was...it was wrong for me to put you in the position of sharing a room with me and forcing my decor on you, though I'm still certain if I'd let you choose we'd have had cowboys and indians wallpaper."
"I...like my room."
"It's a closet, Finn. A dormer at best."
"It's-"
"That's not what we need to talk about. Anyway, I shouldn't have done that. I know I made you really uncomfortable and if it had been me, I probably would have freaked out a lot sooner. You handled it a lot better than most people would have."
"Thanks?"
"That being said, I can't forget what you said to me. Mostly because I did like you, a lot. And I did think you were different, especially after what you said when you thought I was asking you to the dance. To a degree, I blame myself, for stressing you to that point."
Finn starts shaking his head. "No..."
"Yes. I've been thinking, what if you were a girl and I was straight? How okay would that have been? Or vice versa, I don't know, Finn. Would you have said bitch or bastard or something else? Would those words have been more okay?"
"I don't...I don't know. I shouldn't have-"
"My point is that people say dumb things, especially when they're stressed or freaked out. I want to believe that you are different, Finn. Or even that you didn't realize the weight of your words, but, sometimes those dumb things hurt a lot."
"I'm sorry."
"I know." Kurt's smile is tight and he nods. "Me too."
"I'm gonna try and be better."
Kurt smiles whimsically and reaches over to flick the radio back on. "That's all any of us can do, I guess."
Finn almost laughs at this and Kurt gives him a strange look. "What was that?"
"What?"
"Why did you do that?"
"Oh," Finn says. "It's just that you reminded me a lot of your dad just now."
Kurt smiles and keeps smiling for a long time after that.
---
"That's a bad idea. Why are you doing that?"
In the middle of Cleveland, in the parking garage next to the theater, Finn is taking off his anti-germ mask. "I don't want to wear it."
"Don't want to? So, you want to get sick? Sicker? Like pneumonia sick, Finn. I'm certain you don't understand the ramifications here."
"Yes, I do." Finn tucks the mask into his pocket and smoothes the wrinkles out of his shirt.
"I'm certain you don't understand what ramifications means."
Finn doesn't say anything, busy running his hands over his hair. Kurt is staring at him, mouth just a little slack, he starts to nod. "You never told her you were sick, did you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Rachel Berry. You never told her about any of it, did you? I knew you were a little slow, Finn, but I didn't realize you were this dumb."
"She doesn't need to know. I don't...I don't want her to freak out."
"And you think she's never going to figure it out? And that the freak out when she inevitably does, isn't going to be epic? You just spent the last week in a hospital, Finn, and you look like it, too. Rachel Berry isn't stupid."
Finn chews on his lip, drums his fingers on his knee. He shoves the car door open. "C'mon."
---
In order to play Sandy, Rachel has to wear a long, blonde wig. For this reason, Finn spends the first half of the play waiting for Rachel to show up on stage. He thought she was playing the lead, after all.
Kurt elbows him halfway through 'Sandra D' and whispers, "I have to admit, for all of her flaws, the girl can sing." Finn feels a little dumb after that and spends the rest of the show with his mouth hanging half open in awe.
After the show is over, Rachel comes bounding out into the lobby with her own wavy, brown hair flying behind her and that's hard to miss. Still, Finn almost does, until she screeches his name.
"Finn!"
He has two seconds to open his arms before she's on him, arms wrapped tight around his middle. For a moment, he's so happy, he nearly thinks he could cry, but he takes a deep breath and keeps a lid on it.
Rachel steps away and smiles up at him sunnily. "I'm so glad you came. Thank you." She glances at Kurt standing off to the side behind Finn. "You too, Kurt. Thanks for coming."
"Oh, I'm only the chauffeur." Kurt laughs. "You were really wonderful, though."
"Thank you, Kurt. That means a lot coming from you." She blinks up at Finn. "What did you think?"
"It-It was awesome. You were awesome. I almost didn't recognize you up there."
Behind him, Kurt snorts. "Almost."
"Well, I watched the film no less than fifty times before rehearsals started. Olivia Newton John is probably everyone's favorite portrayer of Sandy and I wanted to get the nuances just right."
"They were great, the nuances. They were great." Finn nods.
Rachel tilts her head to the side and frowns. "Have you lost weight?"
Finn rocks back on his heels and shoves his hands in his pockets. "Hey, listen, Rach, I wanted to talk to you about...everything."
"No, really. I think you have." She reaches out to take a hold of his arm, measuring her grip around it. "Plus, you look all...peaked."
Finn pulls his arm back shyly. "Thanks, but I haven't been anywhere high lately. Listen, I wanted to talk about what I said before, about being friends and all."
"Why are you avoiding the subject?"
"I think you're avoiding my subject."
"I'm not avoiding anything," Rachel snaps. She presses her lips together and looks down at her hands. "I'm sorry. I didn't want it to be like this."
"Don't be sorry. I shouldn't have...I shouldn't..." Finn pauses and glances behind him. Kurt has wandered off to the other side of the lobby and is chatting with the boy that played Kinicky. He turns back to Rachel. "I really like you. I care about you. I meant what I said at regionals, I really, really did."
Rachel looks up at him from under her bangs. "But, you don't anymore?"
"No. Yes. I mean, what I mean is it's been a really long year and I'm just a little confused about everything. I thought that everything would get easier, but it hasn't and I just need some time to figure it out."
"We've had time."
"I know, but I don't want to jump into anything." Finn reaches out to take her hands. In the middle of the theater lobby, with about a thousand people milling around, he half expects one of them to break into a song. Rachel is looking at their hands with a half-smile on her face. Finn gives them a shake. "I love you. Okay? I do. But, I just want it to be slow. I want to take our time and I want you to be my friend, first. Please. Please, be my friend."
Rachel smiles. "No one has ever asked me to be their friend before."
"No one's ever made me feel like I could be more than a dumb jock and a Lima loser for the rest of my life."
Rachel nods coyly. "I think that's a fair trade."
Finn smiles and opens his arms. When he holds Rachel tight, he doesn't worry about any one around them or who might see, or what people might think. He doesn't think about a baby that isn't his and five-hundred lies that were told. He doesn't worry about what the next school year is going to be like and what is going on inside his blood vessels and bones and if he'll ever be normal again.
He presses his face against her hair and breathes.
---
"The finch has landed." Kurt's cellphone snaps shut and Finn jerks awake. "Good morning, sunshine. Or should I say, good midnight?"
Finn squints and rubs at his eyes. They're in the parking lot at the hospital. The clock on the dash says twelve thirty-two. He takes a deep breath and tries to wake up. "Sorry. I fell asleep."
"It's okay. It was a nice, quiet drive. It's rare that I'm able to enjoy such an uninterrupted span of time behind the wheel. Ready to check back in to the hotel?" Kurt undoes his seatbelt and climbs out of the car.
Finn tries to smile, but he can't get his eyes to stay more than half-way open. He fumbles with the door and shoves it open with his foot just as Kurt gets there.
"Let me help you." Kurt's leaning over him to undo the seatbelt, totally in his space, and for once, Finn really doesn't mind. "Ok. C'mon. Let's go."
Compliantly, Finn turns so he can slide out of the car. Kurt is right there, one hand on his arm to help. With one tiny hop, Finn's feet hit the blacktop, he fumbles at the car door, grabs for Kurt, but he's still sliding. His knees hit the pavement next and then his hands.
"Oh. Oh, no. Bad." Kurt dances around him. "You weren't supposed to do that."
Finn lets his head hang down between his shoulders and tries to breathe. He can hear Kurt on his cell phone, but the words are too fuzzy to make out. It seems like only a minute has passed when there's the pounding of a pair of boots running toward them.
"What the hell did you do?"
Finn knows that voice. It's the voice of a very pissed off Puckerman.
"I didn't do anything."
"I can see that."
There are hands under his arms and with very little effort on his part, Finn is on his feet between the two of them and shuffling toward the hospital entrance.
"Everything was fine until just now."
Finn's pretty sure he loses a minute, because the next thing he knows, they're jostling him out of the elevator.
"I should have taken him myself," Puck is saying. "Too bad I don't have a car. Too bad I don't have a rich papa around to buy me a new car."
"I'm not even going to respond to that. I know that your misplaced anger is nothing but over-abundant, yet truly admirable worry for your friend."
"Shut up and open the door," Puck says.
They're in the room, he's in his bed, and that's all Finn knows for a long time.
(Sorry for the big delay in chapters. Real life wasn't agreeing. I had a new job [keyword: had] traveled to an island [not as glamourous as it sounds] and a whole lot of other stuff in between. I'm going to try and finish this and have it posted [in eleven chapters total] before the new season starts. *fingers crossed*)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Finchel (eventually), Burol/Cart (on the side)
Summary: Finn's had a crazy year. His family is exploding. His friends are imploding. When his body gives up on him too, it sets off what could be the worst summer of his life.
Finn is sitting in the passenger seat of Kurt's navigator, watching Kurt sing along with a Madonna CD. For the first time in a week, he doesn't have any tubes or wires attached to him. The IV access port in his arm is covered by the striped sleeves of his dress shirt. Finn runs his hands over his pants legs. Kurt bought him new clothes.
For as long as Finn can remember, almost all of his clothing came from the Wal-mart, or sometimes even Goodwill. When they were together and she was feeling generous, Quinn had helped him pick out nice things, but for the most part, he was stuck with Puck as a fashion consultant. Puck's advice usually consisted of anecdotes like, 'Plaid is always good. Lumberjacks wear it and they, like, never lose a fight.'
Today, Kurt bought him new clothes. Finn opens his mouth to say thank you, or wow or something, but what comes out is, "How did you know what size I wear?"
Kurt stops singing. "I was helping Carol with the laundry when I realized you probably didn't have anything decent to wear to Cleveland. So, I looked at the tags. I wasn't...being creepy or anything."
"I didn't mean it like that. I just...thank you. It's nice. It was very nice of you. You didn't have to get me new things."
"Please, Finn. I've been dying to dress you. I had to take advantage of this."
Finn blinks out the windshield. "Oh."
"That might have come out wrong." Kurt reaches over and hits a button on the dash. Madonna stops singing.
Finn thinks that maybe Kurt just wanted some quiet, so he turns to look out the window. He presses his sunglasses further up on his nose, adjusting the blue, surgical mask beneath them. It's a sunny afternoon and the highway runs through massive fields of corn, an odd farmhouse set in the middle like an island in the ocean.
"Listen, Finn," Kurt says. "I don't want things to be weird between us."
Finn jumps. "Me neither."
"It seems like we're stuck together for as long as our parents are and I don't want our problems to be an issue for them." Kurt pushes his sunglasses up into his hair and squints over at Finn. "We need to compromise."
"Compromise." Finn repeats the word.
Kurt sighs. "It's when you give in a little and the other person does too, so you can both be happy."
"I know what that means." Finn smiles.
"I can help you with your vocabulary, too. If you'd like."
"That...would be great."
"I'm convinced that there might actually be some good thoughts in that head of yours, you just need the words to express yourself better. For a while there, I thought that maybe you were foreign. But, now I know you're not, even though that kid from Malaysia that's in my math class does manage to speak better english than you."
"Musa? He's great."
Kurt grips the wheel tighter and focuses on the road. "Listen, Finn. It was...it was wrong for me to put you in the position of sharing a room with me and forcing my decor on you, though I'm still certain if I'd let you choose we'd have had cowboys and indians wallpaper."
"I...like my room."
"It's a closet, Finn. A dormer at best."
"It's-"
"That's not what we need to talk about. Anyway, I shouldn't have done that. I know I made you really uncomfortable and if it had been me, I probably would have freaked out a lot sooner. You handled it a lot better than most people would have."
"Thanks?"
"That being said, I can't forget what you said to me. Mostly because I did like you, a lot. And I did think you were different, especially after what you said when you thought I was asking you to the dance. To a degree, I blame myself, for stressing you to that point."
Finn starts shaking his head. "No..."
"Yes. I've been thinking, what if you were a girl and I was straight? How okay would that have been? Or vice versa, I don't know, Finn. Would you have said bitch or bastard or something else? Would those words have been more okay?"
"I don't...I don't know. I shouldn't have-"
"My point is that people say dumb things, especially when they're stressed or freaked out. I want to believe that you are different, Finn. Or even that you didn't realize the weight of your words, but, sometimes those dumb things hurt a lot."
"I'm sorry."
"I know." Kurt's smile is tight and he nods. "Me too."
"I'm gonna try and be better."
Kurt smiles whimsically and reaches over to flick the radio back on. "That's all any of us can do, I guess."
Finn almost laughs at this and Kurt gives him a strange look. "What was that?"
"What?"
"Why did you do that?"
"Oh," Finn says. "It's just that you reminded me a lot of your dad just now."
Kurt smiles and keeps smiling for a long time after that.
---
"That's a bad idea. Why are you doing that?"
In the middle of Cleveland, in the parking garage next to the theater, Finn is taking off his anti-germ mask. "I don't want to wear it."
"Don't want to? So, you want to get sick? Sicker? Like pneumonia sick, Finn. I'm certain you don't understand the ramifications here."
"Yes, I do." Finn tucks the mask into his pocket and smoothes the wrinkles out of his shirt.
"I'm certain you don't understand what ramifications means."
Finn doesn't say anything, busy running his hands over his hair. Kurt is staring at him, mouth just a little slack, he starts to nod. "You never told her you were sick, did you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Rachel Berry. You never told her about any of it, did you? I knew you were a little slow, Finn, but I didn't realize you were this dumb."
"She doesn't need to know. I don't...I don't want her to freak out."
"And you think she's never going to figure it out? And that the freak out when she inevitably does, isn't going to be epic? You just spent the last week in a hospital, Finn, and you look like it, too. Rachel Berry isn't stupid."
Finn chews on his lip, drums his fingers on his knee. He shoves the car door open. "C'mon."
---
In order to play Sandy, Rachel has to wear a long, blonde wig. For this reason, Finn spends the first half of the play waiting for Rachel to show up on stage. He thought she was playing the lead, after all.
Kurt elbows him halfway through 'Sandra D' and whispers, "I have to admit, for all of her flaws, the girl can sing." Finn feels a little dumb after that and spends the rest of the show with his mouth hanging half open in awe.
After the show is over, Rachel comes bounding out into the lobby with her own wavy, brown hair flying behind her and that's hard to miss. Still, Finn almost does, until she screeches his name.
"Finn!"
He has two seconds to open his arms before she's on him, arms wrapped tight around his middle. For a moment, he's so happy, he nearly thinks he could cry, but he takes a deep breath and keeps a lid on it.
Rachel steps away and smiles up at him sunnily. "I'm so glad you came. Thank you." She glances at Kurt standing off to the side behind Finn. "You too, Kurt. Thanks for coming."
"Oh, I'm only the chauffeur." Kurt laughs. "You were really wonderful, though."
"Thank you, Kurt. That means a lot coming from you." She blinks up at Finn. "What did you think?"
"It-It was awesome. You were awesome. I almost didn't recognize you up there."
Behind him, Kurt snorts. "Almost."
"Well, I watched the film no less than fifty times before rehearsals started. Olivia Newton John is probably everyone's favorite portrayer of Sandy and I wanted to get the nuances just right."
"They were great, the nuances. They were great." Finn nods.
Rachel tilts her head to the side and frowns. "Have you lost weight?"
Finn rocks back on his heels and shoves his hands in his pockets. "Hey, listen, Rach, I wanted to talk to you about...everything."
"No, really. I think you have." She reaches out to take a hold of his arm, measuring her grip around it. "Plus, you look all...peaked."
Finn pulls his arm back shyly. "Thanks, but I haven't been anywhere high lately. Listen, I wanted to talk about what I said before, about being friends and all."
"Why are you avoiding the subject?"
"I think you're avoiding my subject."
"I'm not avoiding anything," Rachel snaps. She presses her lips together and looks down at her hands. "I'm sorry. I didn't want it to be like this."
"Don't be sorry. I shouldn't have...I shouldn't..." Finn pauses and glances behind him. Kurt has wandered off to the other side of the lobby and is chatting with the boy that played Kinicky. He turns back to Rachel. "I really like you. I care about you. I meant what I said at regionals, I really, really did."
Rachel looks up at him from under her bangs. "But, you don't anymore?"
"No. Yes. I mean, what I mean is it's been a really long year and I'm just a little confused about everything. I thought that everything would get easier, but it hasn't and I just need some time to figure it out."
"We've had time."
"I know, but I don't want to jump into anything." Finn reaches out to take her hands. In the middle of the theater lobby, with about a thousand people milling around, he half expects one of them to break into a song. Rachel is looking at their hands with a half-smile on her face. Finn gives them a shake. "I love you. Okay? I do. But, I just want it to be slow. I want to take our time and I want you to be my friend, first. Please. Please, be my friend."
Rachel smiles. "No one has ever asked me to be their friend before."
"No one's ever made me feel like I could be more than a dumb jock and a Lima loser for the rest of my life."
Rachel nods coyly. "I think that's a fair trade."
Finn smiles and opens his arms. When he holds Rachel tight, he doesn't worry about any one around them or who might see, or what people might think. He doesn't think about a baby that isn't his and five-hundred lies that were told. He doesn't worry about what the next school year is going to be like and what is going on inside his blood vessels and bones and if he'll ever be normal again.
He presses his face against her hair and breathes.
---
"The finch has landed." Kurt's cellphone snaps shut and Finn jerks awake. "Good morning, sunshine. Or should I say, good midnight?"
Finn squints and rubs at his eyes. They're in the parking lot at the hospital. The clock on the dash says twelve thirty-two. He takes a deep breath and tries to wake up. "Sorry. I fell asleep."
"It's okay. It was a nice, quiet drive. It's rare that I'm able to enjoy such an uninterrupted span of time behind the wheel. Ready to check back in to the hotel?" Kurt undoes his seatbelt and climbs out of the car.
Finn tries to smile, but he can't get his eyes to stay more than half-way open. He fumbles with the door and shoves it open with his foot just as Kurt gets there.
"Let me help you." Kurt's leaning over him to undo the seatbelt, totally in his space, and for once, Finn really doesn't mind. "Ok. C'mon. Let's go."
Compliantly, Finn turns so he can slide out of the car. Kurt is right there, one hand on his arm to help. With one tiny hop, Finn's feet hit the blacktop, he fumbles at the car door, grabs for Kurt, but he's still sliding. His knees hit the pavement next and then his hands.
"Oh. Oh, no. Bad." Kurt dances around him. "You weren't supposed to do that."
Finn lets his head hang down between his shoulders and tries to breathe. He can hear Kurt on his cell phone, but the words are too fuzzy to make out. It seems like only a minute has passed when there's the pounding of a pair of boots running toward them.
"What the hell did you do?"
Finn knows that voice. It's the voice of a very pissed off Puckerman.
"I didn't do anything."
"I can see that."
There are hands under his arms and with very little effort on his part, Finn is on his feet between the two of them and shuffling toward the hospital entrance.
"Everything was fine until just now."
Finn's pretty sure he loses a minute, because the next thing he knows, they're jostling him out of the elevator.
"I should have taken him myself," Puck is saying. "Too bad I don't have a car. Too bad I don't have a rich papa around to buy me a new car."
"I'm not even going to respond to that. I know that your misplaced anger is nothing but over-abundant, yet truly admirable worry for your friend."
"Shut up and open the door," Puck says.
They're in the room, he's in his bed, and that's all Finn knows for a long time.
(Sorry for the big delay in chapters. Real life wasn't agreeing. I had a new job [keyword: had] traveled to an island [not as glamourous as it sounds] and a whole lot of other stuff in between. I'm going to try and finish this and have it posted [in eleven chapters total] before the new season starts. *fingers crossed*)