Fic: Leave the Light On (July: Part 2)
Fic: Leave the Light On
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Finchel (eventually), Burol/Cart (on the side)
Summary: Finn's had a crazy year. His family is exploding. His friends are imploding. When his body gives up on him too, it sets off what could be the worst summer of his life.
Previous Chapters (scroll down for the first)
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you." ~A.A. Milne
---
It's Tuesday evening. Finn has no idea what's going on.
He came to the hospital this morning to start the new treatment. He'd brought the bag with clothes, and books, and music that his mom had helped him pack the night before. He'd taken every test and pill the doctors and nurses had asked him to. He'd sat and watched 2 bags of blood, 1 bag of platelets, and 1 bag of the clear liquid that is Cytoxan run down the line into his arm. He'd done everything right all day, which doesn't explain why he feels like absolute death now.
Finn tries to curl in tighter around his stomach and presses his face into the mattress of the hospital bed. There'd already been two visits to the bathroom to empty his stomach (the wrong way) and he really wishes for that to never happen again. Now, his throat burns, it feels like there's an elephant sitting on his chest, and his stomach continues to cramp. The beige room does crazy dips and turns every time he opens his eyes.
He really wants his mother.
It's almost eight o'clock. She'd left for work at three, which means at least three more hours before she'll be back. Finn has never felt like such a wimpy, mama's boy in his life.
When the door opens, Finn knows it can't be her, but he says a quick prayer before opening his eyes anyway.
Mr. Hummel is just easing down into the chair beside the bed.
Despite the fact that they are living together again and the house is generally peaceful, Finn can't remember the last time they had a conversation without the mediation of his mother. Even more so, the last time he had been alone with Mr. Hummel.
"Hey." Burt ducks a bit to see Finn's eyes. "How're you doing, kid?"
Finn doesn't even try to move. "Awesome."
"Well, at least your sense of humor is still intact."
"I don't think this-" Finn shifts his IV'd arm out. "-is working."
"Why's that?"
"Because medicine is supposed to make you feel better."
Burt smirks at this and shakes his head. "I think the goal is to make you better. Unfortunately, it doesn't always involve feeling better right away."
For the first time, Finn wonders about how Mrs. Hummel died. When he thinks of death, he can only do so in terms of his father. Death has always been quick and far away and sort of vague. It's nothing at all but a photograph and a jar of sand that came back from the desert.
For a long time as a child, Finn had thought that people had to go to the desert to die. Later, he found that this is not true.
Finn wonders if the way Kurt thinks about his mom is anything like the dreamy nothing that takes up space in his own head.
"Hey, Finn." Burt runs his hands over his knees and sticks his chin out. "Listen, I think...I think you and I are overdue for a talk."
Finn opens his eyes wide and tries to scoot up in the bed, but Burt holds out a hand to stop him. "Don't worry about moving. All you've got to do is listen, alright? And I think you know exactly what we need to talk about."
Finn nods.
"The first thing I want to tell you is that I don't regret anything I said to you that day. Kurt is my son. He is everything, everything to me and I will never sacrifice his well-being for even an ounce of my own happiness. Do you understand?"
Finn fidgets under Mr. Hummel's intense stare and fumbles with the top edge of the bed sheet. He nods.
"I talked to Kurt and he told me some things that may have changed the story a little bit. I know Kurt, so I don't think he told me everything, but I got enough. I am sorry that you felt rushed. I'm sorry that we forced you into a situation that you weren't comfortable with for a lot of reasons. And, I'm going to include your mom on this one, we're sorry that we didn't listen to what you were trying to say until it was too late. I hope that it never happens again."
Burt takes a deep breath and gazes around the room. He gestures at the machines beside the bed. "Maybe this isn't the right time to be saying all this, but I just couldn't let things settle the way they were."
"Are you doing this because I'm sick?" Finn tries to sit up. "'Cause I'm not dying or anything. I don't want an apology just because I'm like this. I know I really-"
"No. Don't think that. I'm saying this because I need to. I know...I know that between our two families we've had a lot of struggles in our lives. Finn, when I'm with your mother I feel like there's a chance for something good and happy in the world again. And, I don't want that to be just between the two of us. I want it to be for all of us. Okay?"
"Okay." Finn sinks back down onto the pillow.
"Remember that night, that first night that you got sick?"
Finn nods.
"I had something for you and it might have been a little premature then, but I think it's the right time now."
Finn frowns as Mr. Hummel digs into his jeans pocket. He pulls out a single, silver key.
"This is yours." He takes Finn's hand and presses the key into his palm and doesn't let go. "This is a key to my house given to someone that I hope will be a member of my family. Do you understand?"
Finn hardly dares a hint of a nod. He doesn't want to move.
"Between family, a lot of words are said. Good and bad, they're all just words. What-what you said that day is a word, Finn. Words are powerful, but in the end, they're still just words and your actions will over power them any day of the week. I think you've been a friend to my boy in the past and I don't think one moment should define a lifetime, whether it's good or bad. Okay?"
"Okay."
"As long as your mother and I are together, and I hope that's a long time, I want you to keep that key and use it whenever you really need to. We have two homes now and I won't ask you to leave for something as small as a word again, not unless it's truly meant." Burt lets go of Finn's hand and leans back in his chair.
"Thank you." Finn whispers, eyes on his hands.
"Don't make me regret it." Burt points at him and then stands. "I'm going to go get some coffee. You try and get some rest, alright?"
Finn watches him walk away toward the door. He curls his hand into a fist around the key, feels the bite of the ridges in his palm.
---
"Finn?"
"He's sleeping."
"Finn?"
"Not for long, I guess."
Finn struggles to open his eyes and squints against the light coming from the hospital hall. Backlit in that way, the two figures leaning over him look like dark shadowed blobs and he jerks back against the pillow.
"Hey. It's just me. Wake up, hunny."
Finn has to blink a few more times before the figures come into focus. "Mom."
Mr. Hummel stands just behind her. Without even thinking of the possible embarrassment factor, Finn tries to sit up and puts his arms out to his mother. She holds on tight and kisses the top of his head before letting go.
"How are you feeling?"
More awake, Finn takes a second to access. No more nausea. Super dizzy and sort of like the bed could drop out from under him at any second. And also, he really, really has to pee. He looks over toward the bathroom door. It drifts in his vision, left and then right.
"You gotta go?" Burt has followed his gaze.
Finn nods.
"Oh, okay." Carol starts pulling down the sheets for him and untangles the IV line from the bedrail. "We can just wait outside. Is that alright?"
No, no, no, is what Finn wants to say. Instead, he's nodding and pulling himself up using the bed rails.
Carol and Burt take a step back as he swings his legs down to the floor. "Are you sure you'll be alright?"
"Yeah, I got it," Finn says. Somehow, this is convincing and they both leave, flicking the light on and closing the door behind.
Finn sits on the edge of the bed. Never in his life has an eight foot long stroll to the bathroom taken so much preparation. The distance seems outrageous. Truly, Finn would like to just lie back down and pretend that he went, but he's pretty sure he would be asleep and wetting the bed in minutes. Now that, would be really, really uncool.
Finn stares at the bathroom door some more, willing it closer. He stares at it so long that his room door pops open and Carol pokes her head in. "Finn, are you-" She realizes he's still sitting on the bed and steps fully into the room. "Did you go? What's wrong? Should we call the nurse? Are you okay? Finn? Hey." Her hands on his face are cool against his cheeks and he closes his eyes for a moment.
Carol turns and hollers into the hallway. "Burt!"
Suddenly, Burt is right there, an arm around Finn's shoulders and a hand on Carol's arm. Finn thinks this would be a good time to say something but all he manages is to keep a hold on the mattress below him and a couple of short, funny pants that sound like an overheating dog.
Everything goes quiet.
Time is lost.
Then, the world comes back like surfacing from a deep sea dive. Finn raises his head and draws in a noisy breath. "I'm good."
"I'm never believing you when you say that again." Carol is sitting beside him now, at the head of the bed. Burt is on the other side and there's a nurse in front, messing with a blood pressure cuff on his arm. The nurse steps away without taking the cuff off, which doesn't make sense to Finn until the thing starts to inflate all on it's own. Awesome.
"We'll keep a monitor going all night." The nurse assures Mrs. Hudson. "Don't worry." She smiles at all of them, sitting there in a row and Finn realizes, distantly, that she's pretty in an odd, messy kind of way. "So, still gotta go?" She points a thumb at the bathroom.
"Yes. Please," Finn says.
They all go to the bathroom. Carol and Burt on each side and the pretty nurse close behind.
Finn decides that the embarrassment scale has been reset. Every other event in his life that he thought was bad? Now, a zero. This right here?
Twenty-five out of ten.
---
Spending time in the hospital is sort of like being at school, except a lot less pleasant. You do everything that everybody tells you to do. Every day feels like forever, sitting there feeling like you want to die, but looking back its like no time at all.
It's sunday afternoon before Finn even realizes it's the weekend.
Kurt strolls into the room with a gigantic, yet still stylish, tote bag. "Greetings, Finn Hudson. I have a change of clothes right here for you, more fashionable than anything you would choose, I'm sure. The Land Rover is tuned up with a full tank. Rachel Berry is probably warming up as we speak. So, the only question is, are you ready for the jail break?"
"Small problem," Finn says from behind his blue mask. He holds up his arm with the blood pressure cuff attached. "If I take this off they'll think I'm dead and I'm pretty sure an alarm will go off and then we're done before we even get to the elevator."
"Not a problem." Kurt smiles tightly. "I brought back-up."
The room door bursts open so quickly, it hits the wall behind it. Puck doesn't even notice. "Dude, the parking sucks here. How long is this going to take? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I already saw one of those rent-a-cops eyeing my parking job."
"Ladies and gentlemen, Noah Puckerman." Kurt sets his bag at the foot of the bed and pulls out a pair of rubber gloves. He puts them on, eyeing the IV attached to Finn's arm. "First things, first. We need to move quickly. Noah, shut the door."
"It's Puck, tweedle-dee," Puck says, even as he's moving to obey.
A voice in Finn's head shouts, bad idea! bad idea! retreat!
He quiets it with a song.
(p.s. i changed the summary. it might make even less sense than before.)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Finchel (eventually), Burol/Cart (on the side)
Summary: Finn's had a crazy year. His family is exploding. His friends are imploding. When his body gives up on him too, it sets off what could be the worst summer of his life.
Previous Chapters (scroll down for the first)
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you." ~A.A. Milne
---
It's Tuesday evening. Finn has no idea what's going on.
He came to the hospital this morning to start the new treatment. He'd brought the bag with clothes, and books, and music that his mom had helped him pack the night before. He'd taken every test and pill the doctors and nurses had asked him to. He'd sat and watched 2 bags of blood, 1 bag of platelets, and 1 bag of the clear liquid that is Cytoxan run down the line into his arm. He'd done everything right all day, which doesn't explain why he feels like absolute death now.
Finn tries to curl in tighter around his stomach and presses his face into the mattress of the hospital bed. There'd already been two visits to the bathroom to empty his stomach (the wrong way) and he really wishes for that to never happen again. Now, his throat burns, it feels like there's an elephant sitting on his chest, and his stomach continues to cramp. The beige room does crazy dips and turns every time he opens his eyes.
He really wants his mother.
It's almost eight o'clock. She'd left for work at three, which means at least three more hours before she'll be back. Finn has never felt like such a wimpy, mama's boy in his life.
When the door opens, Finn knows it can't be her, but he says a quick prayer before opening his eyes anyway.
Mr. Hummel is just easing down into the chair beside the bed.
Despite the fact that they are living together again and the house is generally peaceful, Finn can't remember the last time they had a conversation without the mediation of his mother. Even more so, the last time he had been alone with Mr. Hummel.
"Hey." Burt ducks a bit to see Finn's eyes. "How're you doing, kid?"
Finn doesn't even try to move. "Awesome."
"Well, at least your sense of humor is still intact."
"I don't think this-" Finn shifts his IV'd arm out. "-is working."
"Why's that?"
"Because medicine is supposed to make you feel better."
Burt smirks at this and shakes his head. "I think the goal is to make you better. Unfortunately, it doesn't always involve feeling better right away."
For the first time, Finn wonders about how Mrs. Hummel died. When he thinks of death, he can only do so in terms of his father. Death has always been quick and far away and sort of vague. It's nothing at all but a photograph and a jar of sand that came back from the desert.
For a long time as a child, Finn had thought that people had to go to the desert to die. Later, he found that this is not true.
Finn wonders if the way Kurt thinks about his mom is anything like the dreamy nothing that takes up space in his own head.
"Hey, Finn." Burt runs his hands over his knees and sticks his chin out. "Listen, I think...I think you and I are overdue for a talk."
Finn opens his eyes wide and tries to scoot up in the bed, but Burt holds out a hand to stop him. "Don't worry about moving. All you've got to do is listen, alright? And I think you know exactly what we need to talk about."
Finn nods.
"The first thing I want to tell you is that I don't regret anything I said to you that day. Kurt is my son. He is everything, everything to me and I will never sacrifice his well-being for even an ounce of my own happiness. Do you understand?"
Finn fidgets under Mr. Hummel's intense stare and fumbles with the top edge of the bed sheet. He nods.
"I talked to Kurt and he told me some things that may have changed the story a little bit. I know Kurt, so I don't think he told me everything, but I got enough. I am sorry that you felt rushed. I'm sorry that we forced you into a situation that you weren't comfortable with for a lot of reasons. And, I'm going to include your mom on this one, we're sorry that we didn't listen to what you were trying to say until it was too late. I hope that it never happens again."
Burt takes a deep breath and gazes around the room. He gestures at the machines beside the bed. "Maybe this isn't the right time to be saying all this, but I just couldn't let things settle the way they were."
"Are you doing this because I'm sick?" Finn tries to sit up. "'Cause I'm not dying or anything. I don't want an apology just because I'm like this. I know I really-"
"No. Don't think that. I'm saying this because I need to. I know...I know that between our two families we've had a lot of struggles in our lives. Finn, when I'm with your mother I feel like there's a chance for something good and happy in the world again. And, I don't want that to be just between the two of us. I want it to be for all of us. Okay?"
"Okay." Finn sinks back down onto the pillow.
"Remember that night, that first night that you got sick?"
Finn nods.
"I had something for you and it might have been a little premature then, but I think it's the right time now."
Finn frowns as Mr. Hummel digs into his jeans pocket. He pulls out a single, silver key.
"This is yours." He takes Finn's hand and presses the key into his palm and doesn't let go. "This is a key to my house given to someone that I hope will be a member of my family. Do you understand?"
Finn hardly dares a hint of a nod. He doesn't want to move.
"Between family, a lot of words are said. Good and bad, they're all just words. What-what you said that day is a word, Finn. Words are powerful, but in the end, they're still just words and your actions will over power them any day of the week. I think you've been a friend to my boy in the past and I don't think one moment should define a lifetime, whether it's good or bad. Okay?"
"Okay."
"As long as your mother and I are together, and I hope that's a long time, I want you to keep that key and use it whenever you really need to. We have two homes now and I won't ask you to leave for something as small as a word again, not unless it's truly meant." Burt lets go of Finn's hand and leans back in his chair.
"Thank you." Finn whispers, eyes on his hands.
"Don't make me regret it." Burt points at him and then stands. "I'm going to go get some coffee. You try and get some rest, alright?"
Finn watches him walk away toward the door. He curls his hand into a fist around the key, feels the bite of the ridges in his palm.
---
"Finn?"
"He's sleeping."
"Finn?"
"Not for long, I guess."
Finn struggles to open his eyes and squints against the light coming from the hospital hall. Backlit in that way, the two figures leaning over him look like dark shadowed blobs and he jerks back against the pillow.
"Hey. It's just me. Wake up, hunny."
Finn has to blink a few more times before the figures come into focus. "Mom."
Mr. Hummel stands just behind her. Without even thinking of the possible embarrassment factor, Finn tries to sit up and puts his arms out to his mother. She holds on tight and kisses the top of his head before letting go.
"How are you feeling?"
More awake, Finn takes a second to access. No more nausea. Super dizzy and sort of like the bed could drop out from under him at any second. And also, he really, really has to pee. He looks over toward the bathroom door. It drifts in his vision, left and then right.
"You gotta go?" Burt has followed his gaze.
Finn nods.
"Oh, okay." Carol starts pulling down the sheets for him and untangles the IV line from the bedrail. "We can just wait outside. Is that alright?"
No, no, no, is what Finn wants to say. Instead, he's nodding and pulling himself up using the bed rails.
Carol and Burt take a step back as he swings his legs down to the floor. "Are you sure you'll be alright?"
"Yeah, I got it," Finn says. Somehow, this is convincing and they both leave, flicking the light on and closing the door behind.
Finn sits on the edge of the bed. Never in his life has an eight foot long stroll to the bathroom taken so much preparation. The distance seems outrageous. Truly, Finn would like to just lie back down and pretend that he went, but he's pretty sure he would be asleep and wetting the bed in minutes. Now that, would be really, really uncool.
Finn stares at the bathroom door some more, willing it closer. He stares at it so long that his room door pops open and Carol pokes her head in. "Finn, are you-" She realizes he's still sitting on the bed and steps fully into the room. "Did you go? What's wrong? Should we call the nurse? Are you okay? Finn? Hey." Her hands on his face are cool against his cheeks and he closes his eyes for a moment.
Carol turns and hollers into the hallway. "Burt!"
Suddenly, Burt is right there, an arm around Finn's shoulders and a hand on Carol's arm. Finn thinks this would be a good time to say something but all he manages is to keep a hold on the mattress below him and a couple of short, funny pants that sound like an overheating dog.
Everything goes quiet.
Time is lost.
Then, the world comes back like surfacing from a deep sea dive. Finn raises his head and draws in a noisy breath. "I'm good."
"I'm never believing you when you say that again." Carol is sitting beside him now, at the head of the bed. Burt is on the other side and there's a nurse in front, messing with a blood pressure cuff on his arm. The nurse steps away without taking the cuff off, which doesn't make sense to Finn until the thing starts to inflate all on it's own. Awesome.
"We'll keep a monitor going all night." The nurse assures Mrs. Hudson. "Don't worry." She smiles at all of them, sitting there in a row and Finn realizes, distantly, that she's pretty in an odd, messy kind of way. "So, still gotta go?" She points a thumb at the bathroom.
"Yes. Please," Finn says.
They all go to the bathroom. Carol and Burt on each side and the pretty nurse close behind.
Finn decides that the embarrassment scale has been reset. Every other event in his life that he thought was bad? Now, a zero. This right here?
Twenty-five out of ten.
---
Spending time in the hospital is sort of like being at school, except a lot less pleasant. You do everything that everybody tells you to do. Every day feels like forever, sitting there feeling like you want to die, but looking back its like no time at all.
It's sunday afternoon before Finn even realizes it's the weekend.
Kurt strolls into the room with a gigantic, yet still stylish, tote bag. "Greetings, Finn Hudson. I have a change of clothes right here for you, more fashionable than anything you would choose, I'm sure. The Land Rover is tuned up with a full tank. Rachel Berry is probably warming up as we speak. So, the only question is, are you ready for the jail break?"
"Small problem," Finn says from behind his blue mask. He holds up his arm with the blood pressure cuff attached. "If I take this off they'll think I'm dead and I'm pretty sure an alarm will go off and then we're done before we even get to the elevator."
"Not a problem." Kurt smiles tightly. "I brought back-up."
The room door bursts open so quickly, it hits the wall behind it. Puck doesn't even notice. "Dude, the parking sucks here. How long is this going to take? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I already saw one of those rent-a-cops eyeing my parking job."
"Ladies and gentlemen, Noah Puckerman." Kurt sets his bag at the foot of the bed and pulls out a pair of rubber gloves. He puts them on, eyeing the IV attached to Finn's arm. "First things, first. We need to move quickly. Noah, shut the door."
"It's Puck, tweedle-dee," Puck says, even as he's moving to obey.
A voice in Finn's head shouts, bad idea! bad idea! retreat!
He quiets it with a song.
(p.s. i changed the summary. it might make even less sense than before.)