Sugar and Pepper (21)
TWENTY
* TWENTY-ONE *
01.
Jun nodded his head, pretending to hear what the president of Miyuki’s culinary club was saying.
While stuffing a ball of takoyaki into his mouth, her president explained munching all the while, “And then she said, ‘Wow president, I didn’t know you had a methodical side,’ because I was turning the takoyakis carefully to make sure they were round. I didn’t realize until then, but I do like my takoyakis to be shaped nicely.”
“It’s true,” Miyuki agreed and smiled. She glanced at Jun to see his reaction and Jun forced a smile in return, although he had no interest in their conversation and had barely heard a thing.
He was surrounded with people from Miyuki’s culinary club, herself included, and he wanted to do nothing better than run. He wished Satoshi had joined them and was quite envious of Ninomiya at that moment. Ninomiya had Satoshi all to himself.
Miyuki had begged Jun to join her culinary club for the festival weeks ago, when Jun had been avoiding his brother, and he had easily agreed. Now he suffered the consequences of his pettiness. Of course, all would have been well if Satoshi had just joined them. But as soon as Jun had to told him he was going with Miyuki (and her friends - he was sure he had told Satoshi about them too), Satoshi had instantly rejected the offer.
Miyuki’s club president interrupted Jun’s determination to sulk with an enthusiastic, “Ah! The fireworks will start soon! Let’s go find a good spot!”
“Alright,” Miyuki and her crew agreed.
They gathered the trash of their finished meal and searched for a trash bin.
Following, Jun reached into his pocket and took out his phone. To his disappointment, he had received no phone calls from Satoshi. He wondered if he should call his brother instead. No, Jun decided. I’ll wait for him to call me first. He took a deep breath and pocketed his phone.
“Jun-sama!” Miyuki shouted over the din of other people.
Jun looked up to see that their group had stopped by a souvenir stall to admire the pieces.
“Is there anything you like?” Miyuki asked him, her beady eyes glowing. He knew as soon as he pointed a finger, she’d buy him what he wanted.
“I’m fine,” he assured her and saw her hopeful expression fall.
But Jun saw something from the corner of his eye. He forgot Miyuki and turned to examine the object closely: a mini paint brush key chain, with the brush dangling from a tiny hole at the tip of its wooden handle. The bristles came to a fine point and were made from real, soft hair. He thought of Satoshi.
“Do you want this?” Miyuki asked eagerly.
Jun smiled to himself. He ignored her and said to the seller, “I’ll buy this.”
02.
Satoshi and Kazunari had been there for two hours, had visited only three stalls, and had currently spent the last half hour on their third trying to scoop goldfish into a bucket. With no success. Satoshi had given up ages ago, but Kazunari was still determined to catch a fish.
Although Satoshi said nothing, Kazunari turned after the next number of times his paper fish scoop broke and glared at him. “I’m getting it next time,” he resolved. He reached into his pocket for the last dregs of his money and paid the bored stall owner.
Before his last round, Kazunari stood from his crouch and stretched his cramped legs. Crouching down again, his grip tightened on the handle of his last fish scoop and he narrowed his eyes on the small pool in front of him.
“Let’s do this,” he said.
03.
Empty-handed, they seated themselves along the metal railings running alongside the boundaries of the festival. Satoshi sat on a bend and faced Kazunari’s slumped profile. They were both out of money and could do nothing more than wait for the fireworks.
“Shucks. Don’t look so glum,” Kazunari started after they had sat silently for a few minutes. “I didn’t want a goldfish. I just wanted to win. If I had brought more money, I would have won in the next round for sure.”
Satoshi shook his head. He still felt bad for his junior somehow. Kazunari’s expression had turned wistful, almost lonely, after his last lost. He had recovered once he turned around, but Satoshi could not remove that face from his mind.
He asked in a quiet murmur, “Are you having fun?”
“Fun?” Kazunari smiled at him. “Yep. I’m having lots of fun.”
Although his smile looked real enough, Satoshi saw that the warmth did not reach his eyes. He wondered why Kazunari had asked him along out of all his friends who probably knew him much better.
“You having fun, too?” Kazunari asked.
Satoshi shrugged and to his relief brought a sliver of a real smile to Kazunari’s lips.
04.
The show started.
The crowd gasped in appreciation. The boom and crackle of the fireworks drowned out any hope of conversation. One after another, the colorful lights of each firework illuminated their faces and sky.
Satoshi had always watched the fireworks from his house every summer. As a child, he would watch it with his nanny from the balcony, but when he grew older and no longer required a caretaker, he had always seen the displays alone. At close proximity, he felt they were more beautiful. He was delighted.
A blue Chrysanthemum followed by a purple one flowered in the sky. A stream of yellow Peonies streaked down. The boom of a red Crossett followed and then the sparkle of green palms. He couldn’t help the smile that played on his lips. Then the second before the next firework went off, he heard a sniffle.
His gaze lowered. He saw that across from him, Kazunari’s head tilted back to view the fireworks as he had done, but his eyes did not glow with admiration. They glittered from a dangerous pool of accumulated tears.
Kazunari noticed him staring and turned to catch his gaze. The dam over his left eye broke and a single wet strand glided down his pale cheek. His lips twitched as if he would cover his vulnerability with the usual arrogant smirk. But he couldn’t. Terror crossed his face.
Satoshi sat frozen as Kazunari jumped off the rail and ran into the crowd. The thunder of the next firework deafened all ears. He stared at the empty seat across from him, stunned.
05.
Jun had put his phone on vibrate, so he felt the call before he heard the ringtone in between the stream of fireworks. As he pulled his mobile out, he was so happy to find Satoshi calling him that he did not notice the keychain he had just bought fall to the ground. He turned and walked from the crowd, away from the fireworks, to where he might hear clearer.
Jun placed his phone to his ear. “Hello?”
“Jun! I lost Nino!” Satoshi screamed from the other end.
Jun’s happiness turned to worry. “Where are you?” he demanded. Satoshi did not hear the first time so he repeated.
“I don’t know.”
Jun’s steps quickened and he scanned the area for his brother. “Did you call Ninomiya?”
“He won’t pick up.”
“Well, he probably got lost as well. But he’s old enough now that he’ll find his way home. Don’t worry,” Jun assured, although he himself felt concern for his brother.
“No,” Satoshi declared from the other end. He couldn’t tell Jun the truth; that Kazunari wasn’t okay, that something had happened to him, that he was not the usual Kazunari that Satoshi knew.
“Okay,” Jun quickly conceded. “I’ll help you search for him.”
To his dismay, Satoshi ended the call.
06.
Satoshi found him by their appointed meeting place at the riverside under the tree. Kazunari crouched prodding the ground with a stick, waiting for someone and whispering a song under his breath. Satoshi could not hear until he neared, but he instantly recognized the love song his junior had composed and ordered him to sing during their many singing sessions in the past.
Although he ignored Satoshi at first, Kazunari looked up when the older boy stood three meters away.
“I’m sorry I left you,” he said, apologizing for the first time that Satoshi knew.
They went into silence, awkward.
Kazunari broke in quietly, returning to prodding the ground. “Sometimes, I drown on land. My feet hits rock bottom and when I look up, I realize I can’t break through the surface of the sky. I’m here and I can’t go anywhere.”
Satoshi sat down beside him and listened silently.
“I wanted to use you to get closer to the person I like,” Kazunari murmured. He glanced at the upperclassman. “Do you hate me now?”
“But I always ask you about Jun,” Satoshi said. He did not realize how much he depended on his junior until he said it.
“Because he’s your brother,” Kazunari said.
Satoshi stared at him. How long had he known? How much?
Kazunari gave him a small smile. “Do you think the both of us should just give up?”
Finally, Satoshi made the connections. “You like someone on the soccer team.” A boy.
Kazunari chuckled as if he thought Satoshi’s shock funny. “We’re the same, you and I. But he is not like us. He likes small, pretty things like girls. I’m more hopeless than you.”
“Jun…” Satoshi hesitated and then said under his breath, “Jun is my blood brother.” Halfbrother. He quickly added, “But I don’t like him in that way.”
The confession simmered between them, like burning acid. Satoshi’s gut wrenched. It didn’t sound right. What was Jun to him then? Was Jun really just his younger brother?
Kazunari sighed and sat back against the tree. “Oh-chan,” he started, “will you do me a favor?”
Satoshi waited for an explanation.
“I want to talk to him one last time,” Kazunari conceded. “I want to tell him. And if I actually hear his rejection, I can probably move on. I want to forget him.”
“I…” Satoshi looked at his hands, ashamed to confess the truth. “I don’t know if I can help you. I only know Sho-kun.”
After he said it, he understood.
Kazunari turned to him, his expression melancholy. “You know who.”
* *
TWENTY-TWO
* TWENTY-ONE *
01.
Jun nodded his head, pretending to hear what the president of Miyuki’s culinary club was saying.
While stuffing a ball of takoyaki into his mouth, her president explained munching all the while, “And then she said, ‘Wow president, I didn’t know you had a methodical side,’ because I was turning the takoyakis carefully to make sure they were round. I didn’t realize until then, but I do like my takoyakis to be shaped nicely.”
“It’s true,” Miyuki agreed and smiled. She glanced at Jun to see his reaction and Jun forced a smile in return, although he had no interest in their conversation and had barely heard a thing.
He was surrounded with people from Miyuki’s culinary club, herself included, and he wanted to do nothing better than run. He wished Satoshi had joined them and was quite envious of Ninomiya at that moment. Ninomiya had Satoshi all to himself.
Miyuki had begged Jun to join her culinary club for the festival weeks ago, when Jun had been avoiding his brother, and he had easily agreed. Now he suffered the consequences of his pettiness. Of course, all would have been well if Satoshi had just joined them. But as soon as Jun had to told him he was going with Miyuki (and her friends - he was sure he had told Satoshi about them too), Satoshi had instantly rejected the offer.
Miyuki’s club president interrupted Jun’s determination to sulk with an enthusiastic, “Ah! The fireworks will start soon! Let’s go find a good spot!”
“Alright,” Miyuki and her crew agreed.
They gathered the trash of their finished meal and searched for a trash bin.
Following, Jun reached into his pocket and took out his phone. To his disappointment, he had received no phone calls from Satoshi. He wondered if he should call his brother instead. No, Jun decided. I’ll wait for him to call me first. He took a deep breath and pocketed his phone.
“Jun-sama!” Miyuki shouted over the din of other people.
Jun looked up to see that their group had stopped by a souvenir stall to admire the pieces.
“Is there anything you like?” Miyuki asked him, her beady eyes glowing. He knew as soon as he pointed a finger, she’d buy him what he wanted.
“I’m fine,” he assured her and saw her hopeful expression fall.
But Jun saw something from the corner of his eye. He forgot Miyuki and turned to examine the object closely: a mini paint brush key chain, with the brush dangling from a tiny hole at the tip of its wooden handle. The bristles came to a fine point and were made from real, soft hair. He thought of Satoshi.
“Do you want this?” Miyuki asked eagerly.
Jun smiled to himself. He ignored her and said to the seller, “I’ll buy this.”
02.
Satoshi and Kazunari had been there for two hours, had visited only three stalls, and had currently spent the last half hour on their third trying to scoop goldfish into a bucket. With no success. Satoshi had given up ages ago, but Kazunari was still determined to catch a fish.
Although Satoshi said nothing, Kazunari turned after the next number of times his paper fish scoop broke and glared at him. “I’m getting it next time,” he resolved. He reached into his pocket for the last dregs of his money and paid the bored stall owner.
Before his last round, Kazunari stood from his crouch and stretched his cramped legs. Crouching down again, his grip tightened on the handle of his last fish scoop and he narrowed his eyes on the small pool in front of him.
“Let’s do this,” he said.
03.
Empty-handed, they seated themselves along the metal railings running alongside the boundaries of the festival. Satoshi sat on a bend and faced Kazunari’s slumped profile. They were both out of money and could do nothing more than wait for the fireworks.
“Shucks. Don’t look so glum,” Kazunari started after they had sat silently for a few minutes. “I didn’t want a goldfish. I just wanted to win. If I had brought more money, I would have won in the next round for sure.”
Satoshi shook his head. He still felt bad for his junior somehow. Kazunari’s expression had turned wistful, almost lonely, after his last lost. He had recovered once he turned around, but Satoshi could not remove that face from his mind.
He asked in a quiet murmur, “Are you having fun?”
“Fun?” Kazunari smiled at him. “Yep. I’m having lots of fun.”
Although his smile looked real enough, Satoshi saw that the warmth did not reach his eyes. He wondered why Kazunari had asked him along out of all his friends who probably knew him much better.
“You having fun, too?” Kazunari asked.
Satoshi shrugged and to his relief brought a sliver of a real smile to Kazunari’s lips.
04.
The show started.
The crowd gasped in appreciation. The boom and crackle of the fireworks drowned out any hope of conversation. One after another, the colorful lights of each firework illuminated their faces and sky.
Satoshi had always watched the fireworks from his house every summer. As a child, he would watch it with his nanny from the balcony, but when he grew older and no longer required a caretaker, he had always seen the displays alone. At close proximity, he felt they were more beautiful. He was delighted.
A blue Chrysanthemum followed by a purple one flowered in the sky. A stream of yellow Peonies streaked down. The boom of a red Crossett followed and then the sparkle of green palms. He couldn’t help the smile that played on his lips. Then the second before the next firework went off, he heard a sniffle.
His gaze lowered. He saw that across from him, Kazunari’s head tilted back to view the fireworks as he had done, but his eyes did not glow with admiration. They glittered from a dangerous pool of accumulated tears.
Kazunari noticed him staring and turned to catch his gaze. The dam over his left eye broke and a single wet strand glided down his pale cheek. His lips twitched as if he would cover his vulnerability with the usual arrogant smirk. But he couldn’t. Terror crossed his face.
Satoshi sat frozen as Kazunari jumped off the rail and ran into the crowd. The thunder of the next firework deafened all ears. He stared at the empty seat across from him, stunned.
05.
Jun had put his phone on vibrate, so he felt the call before he heard the ringtone in between the stream of fireworks. As he pulled his mobile out, he was so happy to find Satoshi calling him that he did not notice the keychain he had just bought fall to the ground. He turned and walked from the crowd, away from the fireworks, to where he might hear clearer.
Jun placed his phone to his ear. “Hello?”
“Jun! I lost Nino!” Satoshi screamed from the other end.
Jun’s happiness turned to worry. “Where are you?” he demanded. Satoshi did not hear the first time so he repeated.
“I don’t know.”
Jun’s steps quickened and he scanned the area for his brother. “Did you call Ninomiya?”
“He won’t pick up.”
“Well, he probably got lost as well. But he’s old enough now that he’ll find his way home. Don’t worry,” Jun assured, although he himself felt concern for his brother.
“No,” Satoshi declared from the other end. He couldn’t tell Jun the truth; that Kazunari wasn’t okay, that something had happened to him, that he was not the usual Kazunari that Satoshi knew.
“Okay,” Jun quickly conceded. “I’ll help you search for him.”
To his dismay, Satoshi ended the call.
06.
Satoshi found him by their appointed meeting place at the riverside under the tree. Kazunari crouched prodding the ground with a stick, waiting for someone and whispering a song under his breath. Satoshi could not hear until he neared, but he instantly recognized the love song his junior had composed and ordered him to sing during their many singing sessions in the past.
Although he ignored Satoshi at first, Kazunari looked up when the older boy stood three meters away.
“I’m sorry I left you,” he said, apologizing for the first time that Satoshi knew.
They went into silence, awkward.
Kazunari broke in quietly, returning to prodding the ground. “Sometimes, I drown on land. My feet hits rock bottom and when I look up, I realize I can’t break through the surface of the sky. I’m here and I can’t go anywhere.”
Satoshi sat down beside him and listened silently.
“I wanted to use you to get closer to the person I like,” Kazunari murmured. He glanced at the upperclassman. “Do you hate me now?”
“But I always ask you about Jun,” Satoshi said. He did not realize how much he depended on his junior until he said it.
“Because he’s your brother,” Kazunari said.
Satoshi stared at him. How long had he known? How much?
Kazunari gave him a small smile. “Do you think the both of us should just give up?”
Finally, Satoshi made the connections. “You like someone on the soccer team.” A boy.
Kazunari chuckled as if he thought Satoshi’s shock funny. “We’re the same, you and I. But he is not like us. He likes small, pretty things like girls. I’m more hopeless than you.”
“Jun…” Satoshi hesitated and then said under his breath, “Jun is my blood brother.” Halfbrother. He quickly added, “But I don’t like him in that way.”
The confession simmered between them, like burning acid. Satoshi’s gut wrenched. It didn’t sound right. What was Jun to him then? Was Jun really just his younger brother?
Kazunari sighed and sat back against the tree. “Oh-chan,” he started, “will you do me a favor?”
Satoshi waited for an explanation.
“I want to talk to him one last time,” Kazunari conceded. “I want to tell him. And if I actually hear his rejection, I can probably move on. I want to forget him.”
“I…” Satoshi looked at his hands, ashamed to confess the truth. “I don’t know if I can help you. I only know Sho-kun.”
After he said it, he understood.
Kazunari turned to him, his expression melancholy. “You know who.”
* *
TWENTY-TWO