Down and Out
So I just can't seem to shake this depressing episode. The past few days have been, for lack of a better term, shitty. I have been struggling to just get through the days. I still can't seem to get over cutting the other day. I am so disseminated for letting myself and those who count on me down. I have tried real hard recently to make sure I keep CHRIST in my daily life but I still find myself doing and saying things I should not do and forgetting that I have him there to rely on. Whenever I find myself straying I reach up and grab my cross and remember. Sometimes, even that sends me into a anxious frenzy. What does he think of the scars all over my arms? However, the next time I feel like cutting I'll forget all about how miserable I make myself feel with guilt afterward. I'll forget about how not worth it that it really is. I really have had enough with battling this sickness. Why is that things like this happen to people like me? I have so much on my plate and I'm being forced more. DAMN IT I DON'T WANT TO EAT MY PEAS! They say, hard times are a testament to your character. That GOD tests his most loyal and strongest servants. Well then all mighty, what do you have in store for me? Can I have a peak so that I may have some hope? And when? When will that big break come and all this pain fly away into your hands instead of mine? I have found the cross but I am still looking for you.