Suicidal ideation is simply thinking of suicide and planning it out (whether you're going to do it or not), so I would comfortably say that's what you're experiencing. I third the idea of talking to your therapist/psych, because there could be some med(s) that might help with how you're feeling right now.
I also wouldn't call being suicidal "normal," but it certainly is very common with bipolar and other, similar mental illnesses. I know that that's not very helpful... but I think that no matter how often you are suicidal, it should be taken seriously and not as a gimmick to get attention or whatever. And it should not just be passed off as an "oh, I feel like this a lot, so it means nothing" - because wanting to kill yourself IS abnormal (for most people, anyway) and should be addressed seriously. I hope I'm making sense!!
That said, I'm pretty much in the same place that you are right now, in regards to suicidality... so I understand where you're coming from. And don't feel bad about feeling bad, since you just went through a "breakup" to "free" your boyfriend from your mood swings/cycles. I know that my husband would be happier if he were married to someone else, someone "normal," but he refuses to even contemplate leaving. Marriage is forever for us... which is good, because if he left I think I would feel even more like dying (which is saying something).
Anyway, tangent. Sorry about that!! Hope you feel better soon... hang in there and stay strong. xx
I also wouldn't call being suicidal "normal," but it certainly is very common with bipolar and other, similar mental illnesses. I know that that's not very helpful... but I think that no matter how often you are suicidal, it should be taken seriously and not as a gimmick to get attention or whatever. And it should not just be passed off as an "oh, I feel like this a lot, so it means nothing" - because wanting to kill yourself IS abnormal (for most people, anyway) and should be addressed seriously. I hope I'm making sense!!
That said, I'm pretty much in the same place that you are right now, in regards to suicidality... so I understand where you're coming from. And don't feel bad about feeling bad, since you just went through a "breakup" to "free" your boyfriend from your mood swings/cycles. I know that my husband would be happier if he were married to someone else, someone "normal," but he refuses to even contemplate leaving. Marriage is forever for us... which is good, because if he left I think I would feel even more like dying (which is saying something).
Anyway, tangent. Sorry about that!! Hope you feel better soon... hang in there and stay strong. xx
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