Sleeping & Guilt (Zyprexa?)
I have never been the type to sleep... and sleep, and sleep, and sleep... but that seems to be what I've become, a sleeper. For the 2nd time this week I have slept 12 hours or more. I slept until nearly noon today, and got out of bed feeling like I'd been beaten with a stick. Ugh.
I take Zyprexa, but my pdoc keeps pointing out that I've been on it for months now and that these sleep episodes are only sporadic, so it can't be the Zyprexa. Maybe it's the weather... There are nights that I sleep a normal 8 hours or less and wake up feeling just fine, more often than not, but these occasionally sleep marathons suck! They suck the life out of me. I have a full spectrum lamp, but of course I refuse to use it, in the same way I refuse to give up coffee, and I've been skipping my yoga classes... I've just been avoiding doing things that are good for me, but I have given up cigarettes, given up eating really unhealthy foods, given up drugs, there's a limit to how good I can be to myself, jeez!
Maybe I don't want to feel right. I'm having a vacation day today, but even though I did my taxes and now I'm going to go have my hair cut, I still feel like I'm in a fog. Damn this Zyprexa, I miss the energy of mania, but not the paranoia and guilt.
That's another big odd issue for me... guilt! I actually feel guilty for sleeping half the day away, even though I have no plans and I'm taking a vacation day. I don't know, it's just weird, I get depressed for no apparent reason and I feel guilty for no apparent reason, and then I occasionally feel on top of the world for no reason whatsoever. The Zyprexa has left me in a medium mood for the most part, but I still have my moments, and except for the rare moments when I feel super-fantastic (too good) I feel generally either just "blah" or worse, like shit. Just rambling. I thin I'll go get my hair cut.
Getting haircuts, cooking, and doing laundry always make me feel less mentally ill! Let's hope it works. I really have no desire to leave my apartment at the moment.
I take Zyprexa, but my pdoc keeps pointing out that I've been on it for months now and that these sleep episodes are only sporadic, so it can't be the Zyprexa. Maybe it's the weather... There are nights that I sleep a normal 8 hours or less and wake up feeling just fine, more often than not, but these occasionally sleep marathons suck! They suck the life out of me. I have a full spectrum lamp, but of course I refuse to use it, in the same way I refuse to give up coffee, and I've been skipping my yoga classes... I've just been avoiding doing things that are good for me, but I have given up cigarettes, given up eating really unhealthy foods, given up drugs, there's a limit to how good I can be to myself, jeez!
Maybe I don't want to feel right. I'm having a vacation day today, but even though I did my taxes and now I'm going to go have my hair cut, I still feel like I'm in a fog. Damn this Zyprexa, I miss the energy of mania, but not the paranoia and guilt.
That's another big odd issue for me... guilt! I actually feel guilty for sleeping half the day away, even though I have no plans and I'm taking a vacation day. I don't know, it's just weird, I get depressed for no apparent reason and I feel guilty for no apparent reason, and then I occasionally feel on top of the world for no reason whatsoever. The Zyprexa has left me in a medium mood for the most part, but I still have my moments, and except for the rare moments when I feel super-fantastic (too good) I feel generally either just "blah" or worse, like shit. Just rambling. I thin I'll go get my hair cut.
Getting haircuts, cooking, and doing laundry always make me feel less mentally ill! Let's hope it works. I really have no desire to leave my apartment at the moment.