help please

Nov 16, 2007 07:55

I was diagnosed bipolar when I was 16, but started taking meds when I was 18 (almost 22 now). All throughout elementary/high school I was a 4.0 student and I graduated with college credits. After that, I went away to college and did extremely well. Then I got mono and had to drop out. I then became very depressed and the mood swings hit me with a vengeance.

Since then I have went back to college 4 times and dropped out because of my mood instability, and because of my mood instability I have gotten myself into a lot of problems with drugs and alcohol. I have had several suicide attempts, and I have been in the hospital. I have not been able to hold down any real relationships, and it hurts.

I have not been medicated in almost a year, and during that time I have been in rehab, moved across the country to go to art school, started hanging out with some bad people, dropped out because of drugs, quit doing drugs, got married to someone who is a terrible person, got separated from that person, moved about 6 times, and put myself in some situations that could have gotten me killed. I also really burned bridges with my family.

I have been wondering if going back on medication would be the right thing for me. I am just scared because I have tried almost everything there is, and some of it fucked me up, others worked but had terrible side effects. Some days are fantastic, others are like a living hell. The paranoia is setting in again also. That's the part I really fear. It's so frustrating, it's things like this that drive people to kill themselves.

I don't know what to do.

paranoia, mood swings, depression, bipolar, medication, psychosis, mania

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