Why the (bleep) bother?!?!?!
I am SOOOOO sick of always having to be the responsible one, the one in control, the one in charge....
I wish for just ONE MINUTE I could get away with claiming "it's not my fault"; like my sister, who is diagnosed bipolar and a whole slew of other things; or my ex husbands, who are alchoholics, one of whom is a two tour Viet Nam vet. But no, I am the RESPONSIBLE one, the reliable one, the one who has to make everything work for everyone.
I think I have symptoms of bipolar, but I have never been officially "diagnosed". Depression, yes, been there, done that...and worked through it, and moved on with my life. Maybe that is "all" that is wrong with me right now. I have a lot of things going on, and little stability. little support....perhaps this is perfectly "normal" based on my circumstances.
But I don't give a big, flying (^^^self edit!!!!!^^^) I am tired of it! Tired of trying to raise an arrogant, spoiled, know-it-all 15 yr old boy by myself. I would have moved closer to my family YEARS ago, but stayed here so he can be close to his brothers, his (worthless, non-working, leeching off his mother) father, and his friends. I have tried to give him the stability that I didnt have when I was growing up, same as I did for his siblings when I stayed married to their father when I should have left YEARS before. Again, apparently, the wrong choice. I guess I should have ripped him up from everything he knew, and gave him a chance to get to know MY Side of the family for a change, instead of staying in a town where I don't know a soul, trying to give him a better life.
Nothing I do is right!! If I try to make peace, mend fences, whatever, I get slapped down and shunned. If I try to call him, see what he is up to, I am invasive. If I don't call, I am neglectful, and don't care. If I ask questions, or look at papers left lying aroung, I am intrusive, nosy, "not respecting" his rights and privacy. If I ignore him, again, I am neglectful, don't care. If I give him what he asks for, I am a pushover; if I don't, I am a selfish, tightwad bitch.
Soooo...add that to my lovely personal life (a whole story in itself, believe me!) and no wonder I am a mess! Anyway...I have vented, for whatever it is worth. And, it actually seems to help. The hard part, and the part that will help the most, is letting it go into this void known as the internet.......and seeing what happens next.
End of rant. Thank you for your indulgence.
I wish for just ONE MINUTE I could get away with claiming "it's not my fault"; like my sister, who is diagnosed bipolar and a whole slew of other things; or my ex husbands, who are alchoholics, one of whom is a two tour Viet Nam vet. But no, I am the RESPONSIBLE one, the reliable one, the one who has to make everything work for everyone.
I think I have symptoms of bipolar, but I have never been officially "diagnosed". Depression, yes, been there, done that...and worked through it, and moved on with my life. Maybe that is "all" that is wrong with me right now. I have a lot of things going on, and little stability. little support....perhaps this is perfectly "normal" based on my circumstances.
But I don't give a big, flying (^^^self edit!!!!!^^^) I am tired of it! Tired of trying to raise an arrogant, spoiled, know-it-all 15 yr old boy by myself. I would have moved closer to my family YEARS ago, but stayed here so he can be close to his brothers, his (worthless, non-working, leeching off his mother) father, and his friends. I have tried to give him the stability that I didnt have when I was growing up, same as I did for his siblings when I stayed married to their father when I should have left YEARS before. Again, apparently, the wrong choice. I guess I should have ripped him up from everything he knew, and gave him a chance to get to know MY Side of the family for a change, instead of staying in a town where I don't know a soul, trying to give him a better life.
Nothing I do is right!! If I try to make peace, mend fences, whatever, I get slapped down and shunned. If I try to call him, see what he is up to, I am invasive. If I don't call, I am neglectful, and don't care. If I ask questions, or look at papers left lying aroung, I am intrusive, nosy, "not respecting" his rights and privacy. If I ignore him, again, I am neglectful, don't care. If I give him what he asks for, I am a pushover; if I don't, I am a selfish, tightwad bitch.
Soooo...add that to my lovely personal life (a whole story in itself, believe me!) and no wonder I am a mess! Anyway...I have vented, for whatever it is worth. And, it actually seems to help. The hard part, and the part that will help the most, is letting it go into this void known as the internet.......and seeing what happens next.
End of rant. Thank you for your indulgence.