(no subject)
well now... nice eventful monay after a fucked up weekend. I had one of those weekends that was fucking awesome but you really can't remember half of it. Well i was basically me and yerxa getting drunk by the fire and thats about where my memory stops, then waking up and making waffles...it was deffinately a good time. I was told a few thingas were said and what not so you know it was over all a good time.
I'm with jeff still and you know i dunno anymore. we are "dating" but we don't even act like it you know? I always have to hold his hand never him holding mine. i always kiss him never him kissing me... the shyness bothers me. i'm most deffinately the dominate one in this relationship and i dunno anymore. if i dump him this soon it will be awkward for prom and if i stay with him it'll be awkaward. i think i really need to grow up and figure out what the fuck i want. he's a sweet guy and i love him to death but i dunno if i'm really feeling him as mine bf so much. it was another thing in my life that was hyped to the point of need and now... it's like old news. i dunno how the fuck i'll ever get married...*sigh* i feel tired/ansy/ill/horny/guilt all in one ball. I really wish emotion were easier some days but you know how it is right?
besides my self loathing/self esteem i feel ok you know. moms gone so i have a break from her which is awesome. she's in minnesota getting the shit from the condo and my personal items. I'll be getting a new bedroom set here soon and what not. i've lost a lil weight (8 pounds) a lil more and i'll be happy.
you know i just have this weight on my mind... its hilarious but at the same time horrible. well i'm going to waste some more of my precious time on myspace.
I'm with jeff still and you know i dunno anymore. we are "dating" but we don't even act like it you know? I always have to hold his hand never him holding mine. i always kiss him never him kissing me... the shyness bothers me. i'm most deffinately the dominate one in this relationship and i dunno anymore. if i dump him this soon it will be awkward for prom and if i stay with him it'll be awkaward. i think i really need to grow up and figure out what the fuck i want. he's a sweet guy and i love him to death but i dunno if i'm really feeling him as mine bf so much. it was another thing in my life that was hyped to the point of need and now... it's like old news. i dunno how the fuck i'll ever get married...*sigh* i feel tired/ansy/ill/horny/guilt all in one ball. I really wish emotion were easier some days but you know how it is right?
besides my self loathing/self esteem i feel ok you know. moms gone so i have a break from her which is awesome. she's in minnesota getting the shit from the condo and my personal items. I'll be getting a new bedroom set here soon and what not. i've lost a lil weight (8 pounds) a lil more and i'll be happy.
you know i just have this weight on my mind... its hilarious but at the same time horrible. well i'm going to waste some more of my precious time on myspace.