Damn it, I guess this is life (long, bipolar entry ahead)
First off, I wanted to draw something really awesome for Lum's 22nd birthday, but I'm such a tablet-n00b that I ended up doing an oekaki-looking thing before realizing that Photoshop Elements came with the tablet. I wanted to color it but any attempts look really stupid. I need lots of practice >_< So, I hope that's okay Lummy n-n; I promise I'll color it when a) I figure out how much I can do with Elements (it's like watered-down Photoshop so I don't know if I can use my favorite effects or not), and b) when I'm done cleaning it up after reading seven tutorials in the subject x-x
It's not perfect, but...I thought it was a fun idea after our "why aren't there any Matt/Matt doujins" conversation~ And the more I thought about it I decided that bunny!Matt would have long floppy ears instead of ones that stick straight up, so I hope you like them too ♥
Oh, and I WAS going to paint in puppy!Matt's stripes, but uh...well, that didn't work out...
[insert enough room to completely switch emotions in one entry]
Now that that's said, I'll get to the reason this entry is called what it is...
We had to put my cat to sleep. The old one I posted a picture of in the last entry, Marbles. She had cancer--there was a huge tumor on one of her legs, and the vets said it wouldn't do any good to remove it with how far along it was. She had arthritis, so it often took her about five minutes just to lower herself to the floor and sit down, not to mention there was some sort of blockage that kept her from going to the bathroom properly...god, she was so old, I know it was for the best and that she isn't hurting anymore and...but we did it on Monday, and just thinking about not seeing her again, my eyes are filling with tears. I don't even know how long we had her--eight, nine years?--but she was old when we found her, so she was probably over twenty by now, and that's just ancient for a cat, but...I just can't stop remembering how affectionate she'd become in the last year, and how she would jump up on the couch to sit next to my mom or me, announcing herself with a loud "MEEEH" and settling in and then reaching up one little paw to touch my leg, making her eyes big and shiny to beg for food if I had it and then if she got it, devouring it like she hadn't eaten in ten days, and later falling asleep and snoring louder than most humans. Eating dinner just isn't the same without having to fight off an elderly cat to do it. And when I feed the other animals, it's so quiet now, since Marbles would usually be yelling for her supper and I would always be singing something, then stop for one word and she'd almost always meow right then, like she was completing the line. And I keep remembering when my mom and stepdad were fighting when they were married, it got really bad once, and I took Marbles out into the garage with a bag of orange slices candy and sat on her bed, hugging her and eating the candy and waiting for them to stop. That was when she was an outside cat, and would bring us "presents" like baby snakes, moles, lizards and even a decapitated red cardinal one time, which was impressive because she's always been de-clawed, so she only had her teeth to hunt with. But wow, when she growled she sounded like a cougar, so maybe that was enough to scare her victims, haha. She spent her last night wandering around, napping at the top of the stairs and snoring underneath my bed. I can't stand thinking about how I barely have any photos of her--she didn't like getting her picture taken--let alone any of me WITH her...and I'm so fucking upset that I didn't really get to say goodbye either because I was halfway asleep when my mom took her to the vet's to see if the blockage could be removed and thought she'd be back later that day...
I called up a bunch of people afterward--Lacey, Brett, Teia, Neko--and begged them to come over to help cheer me up, and we all made idiots out of ourselves playing Sing Star (well, except for Neko, she's played music all her life and has perfect pitch) and messed with my tablet, and later went to Waffle House. It helped, but I still ended up being a sappy dork and singing "I Miss You" by Blink 182 after they all left and crying into the microphone. Since then Artemis, the younger male cat who always had a strange attachment to Marbles, has been super-clingy and more calm than normal, and even though he never does we caught him snoring EXACTLY like Marbles on Tuesday. I think it's sort of hit him now, that Marbles isn't here anymore. It's so depressing. I miss her so much.
I'm not going to school this semester either. Combined with my new ADHD medicine and how unprepared I was for the whole college thing, Marbles dying was just...the last straw, as it were. I couldn't handle studying right now. Melodramatic, I know, but it's my mind and I know how it works. So, I'm going to have some stress-free time for the first time in...a while.
My friend on MySpace made Marbles into a lolcat to cheer me up, it captures her personality perfectly:
And, just so this entry doesn't end on an entirely sad note, here's what I doodled while Brett was singing "More Than a Feeling" by Boston on SingStar, because there's this ridiculously long note near the end of the song that goes up really high, and most of us ended up changing the "awaaaaayyyy" to "aaaaayyyyEEEEE":
Yeah, I don't think that's in-character at all. Really.
It's not perfect, but...I thought it was a fun idea after our "why aren't there any Matt/Matt doujins" conversation~ And the more I thought about it I decided that bunny!Matt would have long floppy ears instead of ones that stick straight up, so I hope you like them too ♥
Oh, and I WAS going to paint in puppy!Matt's stripes, but uh...well, that didn't work out...
[insert enough room to completely switch emotions in one entry]
Now that that's said, I'll get to the reason this entry is called what it is...
We had to put my cat to sleep. The old one I posted a picture of in the last entry, Marbles. She had cancer--there was a huge tumor on one of her legs, and the vets said it wouldn't do any good to remove it with how far along it was. She had arthritis, so it often took her about five minutes just to lower herself to the floor and sit down, not to mention there was some sort of blockage that kept her from going to the bathroom properly...god, she was so old, I know it was for the best and that she isn't hurting anymore and...but we did it on Monday, and just thinking about not seeing her again, my eyes are filling with tears. I don't even know how long we had her--eight, nine years?--but she was old when we found her, so she was probably over twenty by now, and that's just ancient for a cat, but...I just can't stop remembering how affectionate she'd become in the last year, and how she would jump up on the couch to sit next to my mom or me, announcing herself with a loud "MEEEH" and settling in and then reaching up one little paw to touch my leg, making her eyes big and shiny to beg for food if I had it and then if she got it, devouring it like she hadn't eaten in ten days, and later falling asleep and snoring louder than most humans. Eating dinner just isn't the same without having to fight off an elderly cat to do it. And when I feed the other animals, it's so quiet now, since Marbles would usually be yelling for her supper and I would always be singing something, then stop for one word and she'd almost always meow right then, like she was completing the line. And I keep remembering when my mom and stepdad were fighting when they were married, it got really bad once, and I took Marbles out into the garage with a bag of orange slices candy and sat on her bed, hugging her and eating the candy and waiting for them to stop. That was when she was an outside cat, and would bring us "presents" like baby snakes, moles, lizards and even a decapitated red cardinal one time, which was impressive because she's always been de-clawed, so she only had her teeth to hunt with. But wow, when she growled she sounded like a cougar, so maybe that was enough to scare her victims, haha. She spent her last night wandering around, napping at the top of the stairs and snoring underneath my bed. I can't stand thinking about how I barely have any photos of her--she didn't like getting her picture taken--let alone any of me WITH her...and I'm so fucking upset that I didn't really get to say goodbye either because I was halfway asleep when my mom took her to the vet's to see if the blockage could be removed and thought she'd be back later that day...
I called up a bunch of people afterward--Lacey, Brett, Teia, Neko--and begged them to come over to help cheer me up, and we all made idiots out of ourselves playing Sing Star (well, except for Neko, she's played music all her life and has perfect pitch) and messed with my tablet, and later went to Waffle House. It helped, but I still ended up being a sappy dork and singing "I Miss You" by Blink 182 after they all left and crying into the microphone. Since then Artemis, the younger male cat who always had a strange attachment to Marbles, has been super-clingy and more calm than normal, and even though he never does we caught him snoring EXACTLY like Marbles on Tuesday. I think it's sort of hit him now, that Marbles isn't here anymore. It's so depressing. I miss her so much.
I'm not going to school this semester either. Combined with my new ADHD medicine and how unprepared I was for the whole college thing, Marbles dying was just...the last straw, as it were. I couldn't handle studying right now. Melodramatic, I know, but it's my mind and I know how it works. So, I'm going to have some stress-free time for the first time in...a while.
My friend on MySpace made Marbles into a lolcat to cheer me up, it captures her personality perfectly:
And, just so this entry doesn't end on an entirely sad note, here's what I doodled while Brett was singing "More Than a Feeling" by Boston on SingStar, because there's this ridiculously long note near the end of the song that goes up really high, and most of us ended up changing the "awaaaaayyyy" to "aaaaayyyyEEEEE":
Yeah, I don't think that's in-character at all. Really.