Stupid work…
I have a shitload of work to get done and yet I’m sitting here writing a blog post. Why? Well, for one, it’s better than work. For two, I’m actually waiting for a bunch of people to get back to me about stuff so I can move on. For three, I don’t have everything I need here today. Four, I’m bored. This entry will really be a bunch of rapid fire things.
I seriously wish people would get back to me. I’m horrible at getting back to people as well so I probably shouldn’t complain too much. I’m waiting on information for my marriage preparation course (and possibly a questionnaire I’m supposed to complete beforehand), any of two people to get back to me about this goddamn horrid radiation therapy assignment (long ranting short, it’s a wicked assignment and the prof hasn’t taught it in class and he also did not give us everything we need to finish it). I’m also waiting for one of the researchers to be free to help me with my project as well as just waiting for a couple of people to get back to me with information about various things.
Wedding stuff. We’re going back to Fredericton tomorrow and as usual, it will be crazy busy. We have the aforementioned marriage prep Friday from 6-9:30 and Saturday from 9-4. We have to meet with the videographer on Friday at 10 and the potential cake lady on Friday at 1pm. I’m also having dinner (I think) with my ring bearer and his family on Saturday evening as I haven’t seen them in a while. I wouldn’t mind getting together with my friends if I could find time. And on top of that, I really need to start taking care of the makeup and hair stuff, the invitations and I should probably attempt to see my grandparents when I’m home. Argh. Planning a wedding and keeping sane is wicked hard. And someone actually told me I had it easy the other day (he didn’t mean anything by it but it still is frustrating).
My life is so fucking crazy this semester. I seem to be constantly TAing and marking, I seem to be picking up all these extra hours and I’m still not at full TA hours? Odd. Very stressful though. I’m really burnt out in general and I’m really frustrated with stuff I used to like to do (like TAing). I’m getting tired of having people look me in the face and argue that their copying is not plagiarism, it’s group work. If you have the exact same answer as your partner (and I mean WORD for WORD) than it’s plagiarism you fucktard and don’t you dare stand there and try to argue any different. My class work is taking up a ton of time as well and for only two classes I don’t seem to have time to actually study it at all. I’m just barely keeping up with what I have to do. I don’t understand my advanced MRI course and while the radiation therapy lectures are cool, the assignments are out of the fucking twilight zone (not at all like class and the prof is just not understanding that he’s not giving us all of the information we need to do the assignments). And my research is fucking going nowhere because I’m A) completely stalled, B) can’t get enough time to work on it and C) can’t get enough magnet time (although I’ve been promised that I’ll move up into high priority spot by the end of next week).
I just feel like everything is moving so God damn quickly and that I can’t keep up. I feel like I’ve been running this race forever and I just can’t keep doing it anymore. I feel like I’m going to break any minute now. I’ve already had lots of times where I really have to struggle not to burst into tears in the middle of class. And when I tell people that I’m really burnt out they just tell me that it’s common and happens to everyone and that it’s normal and that I’ll get time off later (in August). Do you know what it’s like to have to fight off extreme burn out and depression at the same time. Because I’m pretty sure it’s raring it’s ugly head again and the two are becoming so intertwined it’s not funny. And I hate being on anti-depressants and I’m tired of psychologists even though I really need to see one to prevent another anxiety attack before I go to Germany in June. I feel like I’m at the edge of a really tall cliff and people are standing around me not even seeing it (except for James and he tries to help but he can’t always, especially by himself).
And I spend all this time feeling guilty about feeling this way because although my life is ridiculously fucking crazy it doesn’t suck. I have a fiancé who I love and who loves me. We live in a nice condo in a decent part of town (although the violence in a nearby area is coming a bit close for my tastes) and I get paid a damn good salary considering I’m a grad student (although it’s all going back to the wedding). It’s better than a lot of people’s lives.
I seriously wish people would get back to me. I’m horrible at getting back to people as well so I probably shouldn’t complain too much. I’m waiting on information for my marriage preparation course (and possibly a questionnaire I’m supposed to complete beforehand), any of two people to get back to me about this goddamn horrid radiation therapy assignment (long ranting short, it’s a wicked assignment and the prof hasn’t taught it in class and he also did not give us everything we need to finish it). I’m also waiting for one of the researchers to be free to help me with my project as well as just waiting for a couple of people to get back to me with information about various things.
Wedding stuff. We’re going back to Fredericton tomorrow and as usual, it will be crazy busy. We have the aforementioned marriage prep Friday from 6-9:30 and Saturday from 9-4. We have to meet with the videographer on Friday at 10 and the potential cake lady on Friday at 1pm. I’m also having dinner (I think) with my ring bearer and his family on Saturday evening as I haven’t seen them in a while. I wouldn’t mind getting together with my friends if I could find time. And on top of that, I really need to start taking care of the makeup and hair stuff, the invitations and I should probably attempt to see my grandparents when I’m home. Argh. Planning a wedding and keeping sane is wicked hard. And someone actually told me I had it easy the other day (he didn’t mean anything by it but it still is frustrating).
My life is so fucking crazy this semester. I seem to be constantly TAing and marking, I seem to be picking up all these extra hours and I’m still not at full TA hours? Odd. Very stressful though. I’m really burnt out in general and I’m really frustrated with stuff I used to like to do (like TAing). I’m getting tired of having people look me in the face and argue that their copying is not plagiarism, it’s group work. If you have the exact same answer as your partner (and I mean WORD for WORD) than it’s plagiarism you fucktard and don’t you dare stand there and try to argue any different. My class work is taking up a ton of time as well and for only two classes I don’t seem to have time to actually study it at all. I’m just barely keeping up with what I have to do. I don’t understand my advanced MRI course and while the radiation therapy lectures are cool, the assignments are out of the fucking twilight zone (not at all like class and the prof is just not understanding that he’s not giving us all of the information we need to do the assignments). And my research is fucking going nowhere because I’m A) completely stalled, B) can’t get enough time to work on it and C) can’t get enough magnet time (although I’ve been promised that I’ll move up into high priority spot by the end of next week).
I just feel like everything is moving so God damn quickly and that I can’t keep up. I feel like I’ve been running this race forever and I just can’t keep doing it anymore. I feel like I’m going to break any minute now. I’ve already had lots of times where I really have to struggle not to burst into tears in the middle of class. And when I tell people that I’m really burnt out they just tell me that it’s common and happens to everyone and that it’s normal and that I’ll get time off later (in August). Do you know what it’s like to have to fight off extreme burn out and depression at the same time. Because I’m pretty sure it’s raring it’s ugly head again and the two are becoming so intertwined it’s not funny. And I hate being on anti-depressants and I’m tired of psychologists even though I really need to see one to prevent another anxiety attack before I go to Germany in June. I feel like I’m at the edge of a really tall cliff and people are standing around me not even seeing it (except for James and he tries to help but he can’t always, especially by himself).
And I spend all this time feeling guilty about feeling this way because although my life is ridiculously fucking crazy it doesn’t suck. I have a fiancé who I love and who loves me. We live in a nice condo in a decent part of town (although the violence in a nearby area is coming a bit close for my tastes) and I get paid a damn good salary considering I’m a grad student (although it’s all going back to the wedding). It’s better than a lot of people’s lives.