my autobiography
i have to submit my bio to my militant black studies prof that makes fun of the class for not rioting and being interesting. He marched with martin luther king and then tells us we suck. i love the class. im gonna give him this, my biography. i think he'll hate it but its true. i also think its kinda funny.
ASS 254
Tyler Wallace
Biography
I. Introduction
I’ve never done anything special in life, nor has anything of any grand importance ever happened to me. I am lazy and procrastinate about anything and everything. I never work hard and get most things handed to me with out ever deserving it. I believe in moral relativism and that the human race is fundamentally flawed in all of its understanding of the universe and communicating with one and other. But besides all of that I also have a family, an education, hobbies and interests, and future goals; let me tell you about them.
II. Family Background
I don’t have a very extended family. My parents and I stick to ourselves. I’ll see my aunt and uncle maybe twice a year at the most. I’ve only met my grandparents on my father’s side twice, my grandfather fought in world war two and likes to whittle, that’s all I know about him. My mother’s father died when she was twelve so I never knew my grandfather on my mom’s side. Her mother, my grandmother was probably a very important factor in my life, in so much that she would yell at me and I would yell back because I wanted to watch cartoons and I didn’t know how to play bridge, so finally when we were both exhausted I would draw her pictures. She died when I was thirteen, I miss her every day.
My parents were pretty much absent for the majority of my early life. I was taken care of by my neighbors for the most part. My Mom was a production manager for F&W publishing, while my dad was head chef at several restaurants in and around Cincinnati. In their college years my parents were extremely immersed in the counter culture, my mother attended Ohio University for two years before dropping out and moving to New York city where she worked for high times and went to Discos. My father went to college to avoid the draft and became very politically active, until he moved to northern California, where he lived a secluded life and read Kafka and watched Fellini films. Currently my mother is a desk jockey at Thompson Learning and my father worked his way up to middle management of the breakfast restaurant chain “First Watch.”
III. Education
My educational career began at a Baptist preschool were I was forced to eat canned Brussels’ sprouts, that’s all I remember about that hell hole. From then on out I was an apt student within the Norwood Public School system. I was also at the top of my class and participated in the Academically Talented Program in middle school, which allowed the kids at my school to know I was smart, thus making me an easy target for bullies. I’ve seen the inside of way too many lockers. Then in high school I took all honors and advanced placement classes. Culminating in being crowned the Valedictorian of Norwood High School, which I then found out a month later was the result of a computer glitch (our school switched from a semester based schedule to a year long schedule, but the grading system wasn’t updated resulting in the grades for my last year of classes not being computed before graduation, so at graduation I was valedictorian but then for actual transcripts I wasn’t… funny huh?)
For college my dream school was Oberlin College in northern Ohio. It offered everything I could have wished for in a college, sadly though I was accepted I lacked the funds to attend. My next choice was Case Western Reserve’s liberal’s arts school; yet again I was accepted but lacked any funds to attend. So instead I went to Ohio University, because it was the cheapest. I’m majoring in English, because I love reading and it seems like a really easy way for me to get my degree. I’m also minor-ing in African American Studies because I love classes where I get to stand on a soap box and spout my socialist ideas about inequality and classicism.
IV. Hobbies and Interests
The only school related extracurricular I’ve ever participated in was marching band for three years in high school. Thus far in Ohio University I have yet to join any club, organization or activity.
My greatest joy in life is reading books, listening to music and watching movies. There’s nothing better than observing another’s life from the detached comfort from the sofa in my bedroom. My favorite authors include Milton, Whitman, Eliot, Salinger, Vonnegut, Camus, and of course Shakespeare. My favorite Auteurs are David Lynch, Harmony Korine, and Stanley Kubrick. My favorite Musicians are Stephen Malkmus, Jeff Mangum, Will Oldham, Bob Dylan, Brian Wilson, and Isaac Brock.
My greatest extracurricular achievements would probably be in the realm of video games. In World of Warcraft I worked for three solid months gaining reputation with various in game factions to get all the pieces for my tier one epic armor set. My hunters DPS (damage per second) actually reached 71 without any enhancement spells. My other greatest accomplishment would be being a level 23 in Halo 2 multiplayer (before the server reset a year after the game came out). Even more astounding is that I accomplished this all before the age of 19.
Another love of mine is going to music shows at the various venues around my hometown and within Athens. I regularly attend various “indie-rock” shows where I dance around like I have epilepsy. I also love going to metal shows where I get to observe guitarist “shred” and “thrash epically.” I often end up leaving these shows covered in blood, sweat, and beer (and on at least one occasion vomit).
V. Future Goals
I don’t really have any future goals right now. I’m way too unsure of myself and my ability to stick with anything to project what I want to do in the future. I think I would really enjoy writing, poetry, short stories and comic books. I would love to be some kind of poor starving artist that dies penniless and un-honored in his lifetime, but half a century later is regarded as a genius with a troubled life and emotional problems. But more than likely ill try writing for five years and when I finally grow up and get tired of living check to check ill get an English teaching job somewhere so I can pass on my bitterness to a new generation. I’m a simple man.
ASS 254
Tyler Wallace
Biography
I. Introduction
I’ve never done anything special in life, nor has anything of any grand importance ever happened to me. I am lazy and procrastinate about anything and everything. I never work hard and get most things handed to me with out ever deserving it. I believe in moral relativism and that the human race is fundamentally flawed in all of its understanding of the universe and communicating with one and other. But besides all of that I also have a family, an education, hobbies and interests, and future goals; let me tell you about them.
II. Family Background
I don’t have a very extended family. My parents and I stick to ourselves. I’ll see my aunt and uncle maybe twice a year at the most. I’ve only met my grandparents on my father’s side twice, my grandfather fought in world war two and likes to whittle, that’s all I know about him. My mother’s father died when she was twelve so I never knew my grandfather on my mom’s side. Her mother, my grandmother was probably a very important factor in my life, in so much that she would yell at me and I would yell back because I wanted to watch cartoons and I didn’t know how to play bridge, so finally when we were both exhausted I would draw her pictures. She died when I was thirteen, I miss her every day.
My parents were pretty much absent for the majority of my early life. I was taken care of by my neighbors for the most part. My Mom was a production manager for F&W publishing, while my dad was head chef at several restaurants in and around Cincinnati. In their college years my parents were extremely immersed in the counter culture, my mother attended Ohio University for two years before dropping out and moving to New York city where she worked for high times and went to Discos. My father went to college to avoid the draft and became very politically active, until he moved to northern California, where he lived a secluded life and read Kafka and watched Fellini films. Currently my mother is a desk jockey at Thompson Learning and my father worked his way up to middle management of the breakfast restaurant chain “First Watch.”
III. Education
My educational career began at a Baptist preschool were I was forced to eat canned Brussels’ sprouts, that’s all I remember about that hell hole. From then on out I was an apt student within the Norwood Public School system. I was also at the top of my class and participated in the Academically Talented Program in middle school, which allowed the kids at my school to know I was smart, thus making me an easy target for bullies. I’ve seen the inside of way too many lockers. Then in high school I took all honors and advanced placement classes. Culminating in being crowned the Valedictorian of Norwood High School, which I then found out a month later was the result of a computer glitch (our school switched from a semester based schedule to a year long schedule, but the grading system wasn’t updated resulting in the grades for my last year of classes not being computed before graduation, so at graduation I was valedictorian but then for actual transcripts I wasn’t… funny huh?)
For college my dream school was Oberlin College in northern Ohio. It offered everything I could have wished for in a college, sadly though I was accepted I lacked the funds to attend. My next choice was Case Western Reserve’s liberal’s arts school; yet again I was accepted but lacked any funds to attend. So instead I went to Ohio University, because it was the cheapest. I’m majoring in English, because I love reading and it seems like a really easy way for me to get my degree. I’m also minor-ing in African American Studies because I love classes where I get to stand on a soap box and spout my socialist ideas about inequality and classicism.
IV. Hobbies and Interests
The only school related extracurricular I’ve ever participated in was marching band for three years in high school. Thus far in Ohio University I have yet to join any club, organization or activity.
My greatest joy in life is reading books, listening to music and watching movies. There’s nothing better than observing another’s life from the detached comfort from the sofa in my bedroom. My favorite authors include Milton, Whitman, Eliot, Salinger, Vonnegut, Camus, and of course Shakespeare. My favorite Auteurs are David Lynch, Harmony Korine, and Stanley Kubrick. My favorite Musicians are Stephen Malkmus, Jeff Mangum, Will Oldham, Bob Dylan, Brian Wilson, and Isaac Brock.
My greatest extracurricular achievements would probably be in the realm of video games. In World of Warcraft I worked for three solid months gaining reputation with various in game factions to get all the pieces for my tier one epic armor set. My hunters DPS (damage per second) actually reached 71 without any enhancement spells. My other greatest accomplishment would be being a level 23 in Halo 2 multiplayer (before the server reset a year after the game came out). Even more astounding is that I accomplished this all before the age of 19.
Another love of mine is going to music shows at the various venues around my hometown and within Athens. I regularly attend various “indie-rock” shows where I dance around like I have epilepsy. I also love going to metal shows where I get to observe guitarist “shred” and “thrash epically.” I often end up leaving these shows covered in blood, sweat, and beer (and on at least one occasion vomit).
V. Future Goals
I don’t really have any future goals right now. I’m way too unsure of myself and my ability to stick with anything to project what I want to do in the future. I think I would really enjoy writing, poetry, short stories and comic books. I would love to be some kind of poor starving artist that dies penniless and un-honored in his lifetime, but half a century later is regarded as a genius with a troubled life and emotional problems. But more than likely ill try writing for five years and when I finally grow up and get tired of living check to check ill get an English teaching job somewhere so I can pass on my bitterness to a new generation. I’m a simple man.