Finals do Beckon
Well, I have almost completed my first quarter (which is equivalent to a semester elsewhere) here as a PhD student. My grades definately are not what I would hope for... I will be lucky to scrape by with a B in two of my classes. Luckily one of my other classes was a lab intensive thing I did for two weeks before school and was an automatic A. My lab work and other odd things should help with my GPA worst case scenario.
I may have already said this here, but it bears repeating. I think one of the biggest challenges I have had to face since coming here was not the whole new climate, school, people, etc. It was the loss of security. My friend network was completely dissolved. Yes, I still have friends out there, but not ones I can easily go hang out with at a moments notice. The other big shock was for a long time I found security in the fact that I was smart. In general (to steal a quote) 'Smarter than the average bear.' Heck, at Metro I was one of the star students who pulled off not quite having a straight A average, but did well, impressed the professors, did research, held an officership in the Biology Club (yeah, screams dork... but it was something). Very soon after getting here, I quickly found myself in the slightly below average group. True, being slightly below average in a group of people working towards their PhD's in the science field isn't bad... but it was a shock. That and I was stupid enough to take the classes I thought would be a good challenge, instead of taking some easier stuff to kind of play it safe. I was in a lab where I couldn't ever seem to get in touch with the professor, who didn't have funding...
In general, for quite awhile life REALLY sucked. I wondered if I were doing the right thing, if I was smart enough to pull this off, if I should just run back to Colorado with my tail tucked between my legs and find some silly job there.
Now, if there is one thing I can not stand it is a person who just accepts failure. Someone who gives up and acts like there is nothing they can do so they shouldn't even try. The only thing I really dislike more than that is a hypocrite. Thus I worked to change things. Stopped goofing around so much, worked to make sure every minute involved something that was important. Note, hanging out with friends is VERY important, don't forsake that. Got on medication to help me focus. I was diagnosed with ADD long before, was able to work past it before... however grad school was a step further in the focus department than I was used to. Talked to the professor I didn't have the courage to try to get into his lab prior (long story, I'll tell it someday). Found some fun activities to involve myself in...
Now, have a fun hobby doing television and radio and made some cool friends from that. Got into the lab that is really involved in the stuff that I am interested in with a cool professor (bioremediation, nitrogen fixation, microbes, I did mention earlier I was a dork, right?). Hang out here and there with friends made in classes. Signed up for classes next semester that I am really interested in as opposed to ones I felt I 'should' take (plasmid biology, and biology of soil ecosystems.... the dork thing again). Heck, even have a date scheduled with a girl that I normally would not have the guts to ask out for next Friday. Likely going to turn out to be a just friends thing again... but Hope. Not giving up. Always working to make each minute of every moment memorable and counting for something important.
That is what makes life worth living.
There is a line from Dune that I am probably going to mutilate... 'Fear is the mind killer, fear is the little death.'
So long as we are afraid to move on, to face the challenges that are before us, to risk failure... we can't really live.
Wow, this was much longer than I originally intended. I will blame it on being slap happy from studying too much!
Drew
p.s. Though I am making new friends, I will never forget my old ones and how important you all are to me!
I may have already said this here, but it bears repeating. I think one of the biggest challenges I have had to face since coming here was not the whole new climate, school, people, etc. It was the loss of security. My friend network was completely dissolved. Yes, I still have friends out there, but not ones I can easily go hang out with at a moments notice. The other big shock was for a long time I found security in the fact that I was smart. In general (to steal a quote) 'Smarter than the average bear.' Heck, at Metro I was one of the star students who pulled off not quite having a straight A average, but did well, impressed the professors, did research, held an officership in the Biology Club (yeah, screams dork... but it was something). Very soon after getting here, I quickly found myself in the slightly below average group. True, being slightly below average in a group of people working towards their PhD's in the science field isn't bad... but it was a shock. That and I was stupid enough to take the classes I thought would be a good challenge, instead of taking some easier stuff to kind of play it safe. I was in a lab where I couldn't ever seem to get in touch with the professor, who didn't have funding...
In general, for quite awhile life REALLY sucked. I wondered if I were doing the right thing, if I was smart enough to pull this off, if I should just run back to Colorado with my tail tucked between my legs and find some silly job there.
Now, if there is one thing I can not stand it is a person who just accepts failure. Someone who gives up and acts like there is nothing they can do so they shouldn't even try. The only thing I really dislike more than that is a hypocrite. Thus I worked to change things. Stopped goofing around so much, worked to make sure every minute involved something that was important. Note, hanging out with friends is VERY important, don't forsake that. Got on medication to help me focus. I was diagnosed with ADD long before, was able to work past it before... however grad school was a step further in the focus department than I was used to. Talked to the professor I didn't have the courage to try to get into his lab prior (long story, I'll tell it someday). Found some fun activities to involve myself in...
Now, have a fun hobby doing television and radio and made some cool friends from that. Got into the lab that is really involved in the stuff that I am interested in with a cool professor (bioremediation, nitrogen fixation, microbes, I did mention earlier I was a dork, right?). Hang out here and there with friends made in classes. Signed up for classes next semester that I am really interested in as opposed to ones I felt I 'should' take (plasmid biology, and biology of soil ecosystems.... the dork thing again). Heck, even have a date scheduled with a girl that I normally would not have the guts to ask out for next Friday. Likely going to turn out to be a just friends thing again... but Hope. Not giving up. Always working to make each minute of every moment memorable and counting for something important.
That is what makes life worth living.
There is a line from Dune that I am probably going to mutilate... 'Fear is the mind killer, fear is the little death.'
So long as we are afraid to move on, to face the challenges that are before us, to risk failure... we can't really live.
Wow, this was much longer than I originally intended. I will blame it on being slap happy from studying too much!
Drew
p.s. Though I am making new friends, I will never forget my old ones and how important you all are to me!