(no subject)
yes, i wasted- totally "wasted" close to three days, a week before my project. dangling between flip-out, freak-out and... save-up, sleep-well 'chillout' (if i'm not DOing it anyway) mode. of course, i realy spent it in some superiorly grotesque amalgam of the two: anxious fatigue, a will not just ill, but sucked dry and hollow and terrified. like a really bad boozin, when you were already sick and tired (but insomniac) to start.
and here i am, starting over, rolling. again. not to stop this time; fro i will just reread. reread this relic here, and remember where i'm at. and i'll have my collated chatper-clump thingees by then, too. momentum.
and love. and fatigue.
(glorious fatigue. the ADHd of the nineteenth century... both its pathology- its feared and loathsome malaise to get a handle on- and its prophylaxis, its vital way of warding off the dangers inehrent in 'modern' urban living. of building railroads and making things racee against time? how else would yo uknow when you're pushing too hard and had to just sit back and take a few cold ones? (or warm ones by the fire?) however hard your industiral job might be, how would you JUSTify letting your good disciplined self go to rest, how could you permit your workers to flaunt such laxity? )
and here i am, starting over, rolling. again. not to stop this time; fro i will just reread. reread this relic here, and remember where i'm at. and i'll have my collated chatper-clump thingees by then, too. momentum.
and love. and fatigue.
(glorious fatigue. the ADHd of the nineteenth century... both its pathology- its feared and loathsome malaise to get a handle on- and its prophylaxis, its vital way of warding off the dangers inehrent in 'modern' urban living. of building railroads and making things racee against time? how else would yo uknow when you're pushing too hard and had to just sit back and take a few cold ones? (or warm ones by the fire?) however hard your industiral job might be, how would you JUSTify letting your good disciplined self go to rest, how could you permit your workers to flaunt such laxity? )