and so it goes and so it goes...
i know i haven't been on here in a decade but i rarely have internet access anymore. i'm currently at my grandma's using her computer.
don't think i've forgotten about youse guys. as a matter of fact, i think about you all the time and i miss you. zach, melissa, sally, janine, and crew... i'm sendin you love... nothin but love...
so my life has changed. i'm single again, not really by choice, but i suppose things turn out a lil differently than you might expect. i was told i was loved. i was proposed to. and then i was let go without a fight. without a struggle. but as ani would say, i have earned my disillusionment, i have been working all of my life. and i am a patriot, i am fighting the good fight...
i have earned my disillusionment. i am growing more and more everyday and i am learning that friends aren't always friends. parents aren't always parents. boyfriends aren't always boyfriends. you live and you love and you hurt and you break and you mend and you somehow realize that, despite everything you think you have, you are truly alone.
brendan, i don't know what happened between us. i don't know what was supposed to happen. a part of me is gone and will remain that way forever. what i thought was love was obviously fantasy. how you could profess a love so openly, so quickly, so intensely, just to let it all slip through your hands so easily is beyond me.... with you i thought i was a complete person, with you i thought i could grow... i miscalculated, i misjudged, i was misguided and i realize now i was wrong. i'm thankful and grateful for having you in my life for the short time we were together and i'm sad to see it go.
i'm alone right now, i'm more alone than i thought i'd ever be. i've alienated myself from everyone who claims they care about me, but then again, they've done the same thing to me. this isolation wasn't intentional; i honestly have always thought that i could do without love, without friends, without family, without anyone to guide me and help me through my struggles. i thought that was being independent. no one can be alone all the time. it just can't work. i need friends, i need support, i miss the good times that we all had together. please, someone, call me... drop me a line... let me know you think of me because i sure as fuck think of you all the time.
i'm unsure, i'm unsteady, i don't know which way to go, i don't know what is right and i don't know how to avoid what is wrong. i need to make some key decisions in my life in the near future because, for christ's sake, i'm approaching 25. it's sad. i'm saddened at my failures, i'm ashamed of where i am now because it's so far from where i thought i could be.
i love you all, i miss you.... i hope that we can re-connect.
take care of your sweet selves...
xoxo
miss bing.
don't think i've forgotten about youse guys. as a matter of fact, i think about you all the time and i miss you. zach, melissa, sally, janine, and crew... i'm sendin you love... nothin but love...
so my life has changed. i'm single again, not really by choice, but i suppose things turn out a lil differently than you might expect. i was told i was loved. i was proposed to. and then i was let go without a fight. without a struggle. but as ani would say, i have earned my disillusionment, i have been working all of my life. and i am a patriot, i am fighting the good fight...
i have earned my disillusionment. i am growing more and more everyday and i am learning that friends aren't always friends. parents aren't always parents. boyfriends aren't always boyfriends. you live and you love and you hurt and you break and you mend and you somehow realize that, despite everything you think you have, you are truly alone.
brendan, i don't know what happened between us. i don't know what was supposed to happen. a part of me is gone and will remain that way forever. what i thought was love was obviously fantasy. how you could profess a love so openly, so quickly, so intensely, just to let it all slip through your hands so easily is beyond me.... with you i thought i was a complete person, with you i thought i could grow... i miscalculated, i misjudged, i was misguided and i realize now i was wrong. i'm thankful and grateful for having you in my life for the short time we were together and i'm sad to see it go.
i'm alone right now, i'm more alone than i thought i'd ever be. i've alienated myself from everyone who claims they care about me, but then again, they've done the same thing to me. this isolation wasn't intentional; i honestly have always thought that i could do without love, without friends, without family, without anyone to guide me and help me through my struggles. i thought that was being independent. no one can be alone all the time. it just can't work. i need friends, i need support, i miss the good times that we all had together. please, someone, call me... drop me a line... let me know you think of me because i sure as fuck think of you all the time.
i'm unsure, i'm unsteady, i don't know which way to go, i don't know what is right and i don't know how to avoid what is wrong. i need to make some key decisions in my life in the near future because, for christ's sake, i'm approaching 25. it's sad. i'm saddened at my failures, i'm ashamed of where i am now because it's so far from where i thought i could be.
i love you all, i miss you.... i hope that we can re-connect.
take care of your sweet selves...
xoxo
miss bing.