One month and ten days later...
Do you know how hard it was for me to see you today? It was a little awkward for me, although I tried not to be awkward (I'm sure I was). I don't want to open up to you, I don't want to get hurt. I'm still hurting from a month ago. It's a killer for me, to know that we'll never hang out like we used to. Or even half as much or whatever. I may see you twice a year? As much as I would like to, I certainly cannot initiate hangouts, you'll feel "smothered." And I know you, you won't. That's just how it's going to be. It sucks. When I think about how everything went down, I get upset. Why don't you care? Why does none of this bother you? Why is it okay with you? All these questions and no answers. I know I have to just let it be, working on that. Working on letting things play their course. But I'm still hurt.
I'm complaining because I'm not sure how I feel. It was really nice to see you. I enjoyed dinner. But I didn't have that feeling I usually get after hanging out. Like an extremely happy feeling. It was just what it was. Although a big part of me still would like you as a constant in my life, I think I'm okay; it doesn't feel like the world is crashing down on me anymore.
I'm complaining because I'm not sure how I feel. It was really nice to see you. I enjoyed dinner. But I didn't have that feeling I usually get after hanging out. Like an extremely happy feeling. It was just what it was. Although a big part of me still would like you as a constant in my life, I think I'm okay; it doesn't feel like the world is crashing down on me anymore.