Friends, not the show
My life is in complete chaos right now. Finding a place to live so I can move out of my parents house is really stressful. And on top of that, I'm having all sorts of friends issues.
Let me start out with the most prominent. We got into another fight last Friday. That was probably the worst one for me. I actually don't remember all of our arguments. Most of them just blur together as I try to forget about them. As much as you may think this statement might be false, I don't want to argue with you...ever. I'm tired of arguing. I want to be able to go out with you for drinks or a Broadway show or whatever without the night ending in an argument. I'm sorry I make you feel awkward when I'm around. It bothers me that you think I like you. Hey, I told you before, I love you and that's true, but not in a sexual way. Just as a sister. How can you feel awkward around me? You've known me for almost 8 years now. In college we slept in the same bed for over a year; we used to hang out/talk all the time; we used to take walks in the middle of the night to help you get your mind off the boy trouble and sleep after; we used to go on vacation together when neither of us really had money, just for the hell of it; i used to scratch your back every night; and the list continues--- I could name things like this until I'm blue in the face. My point is, of course I love you, we were really close and I wouldn't trade it for the world. It means a lot to me that I could have a friend like that. But it doesn't mean I have a crush on you. As a matter of fact, before I met you, I don't think I could have even said that to anyone outside my family. I had trouble saying it to my family. Your friendship just helped me open up more to my feelings and all that junk.God knows why, but today I went back and looked at our friendship over the years through Facebook. The only thing I could do was smile. As I went back and read the old posts between or pages or what not, it just made me think of all the fun times we had together, and the reason why you are my best and closest friend. I think the past two years have been strenuous, in my opinion, for our friendship. All I ever wanted from you is to have someone I can call to hang out with on my free time or just simply talk to about the stupid things in life. I feel like we used to have that. I get it, things change. And it's juvenile to think that things will always stay the same. But it is really that juvenile to think that friendships can stay the same (as in stay close)? Isn't that what everyone wants? A person they can lean on for anything? Someone that wants to hang with them regularly also? Someone to laugh or cry with about work or boys or just life in general? As much as I want things to progress forward in a positive notion, I'm going to try to not actively try to change things between us. I know where I want things to be but it's really up to you. Ball is in your court. I'll let things run their course and see where they go. You know I don't want you to be absent in my life. But if that's what you want, I'll deal with it.
The second friend thing that is bothering me, is that this weekend a friend txted me for another friend's phone number to invite him out, but didn't invite me out. I got completely cut out out of that invite and I'm not okay with it. I want my friends to be able to hang out with each other and whatever, but not completely cut me out of it all. I like to go out and socialize too. It just hurt, I was really angry but the anger was just masking the sadness.
I don't know what to do. Livejournal, tell me what to do.
Let me start out with the most prominent. We got into another fight last Friday. That was probably the worst one for me. I actually don't remember all of our arguments. Most of them just blur together as I try to forget about them. As much as you may think this statement might be false, I don't want to argue with you...ever. I'm tired of arguing. I want to be able to go out with you for drinks or a Broadway show or whatever without the night ending in an argument. I'm sorry I make you feel awkward when I'm around. It bothers me that you think I like you. Hey, I told you before, I love you and that's true, but not in a sexual way. Just as a sister. How can you feel awkward around me? You've known me for almost 8 years now. In college we slept in the same bed for over a year; we used to hang out/talk all the time; we used to take walks in the middle of the night to help you get your mind off the boy trouble and sleep after; we used to go on vacation together when neither of us really had money, just for the hell of it; i used to scratch your back every night; and the list continues--- I could name things like this until I'm blue in the face. My point is, of course I love you, we were really close and I wouldn't trade it for the world. It means a lot to me that I could have a friend like that. But it doesn't mean I have a crush on you. As a matter of fact, before I met you, I don't think I could have even said that to anyone outside my family. I had trouble saying it to my family. Your friendship just helped me open up more to my feelings and all that junk.God knows why, but today I went back and looked at our friendship over the years through Facebook. The only thing I could do was smile. As I went back and read the old posts between or pages or what not, it just made me think of all the fun times we had together, and the reason why you are my best and closest friend. I think the past two years have been strenuous, in my opinion, for our friendship. All I ever wanted from you is to have someone I can call to hang out with on my free time or just simply talk to about the stupid things in life. I feel like we used to have that. I get it, things change. And it's juvenile to think that things will always stay the same. But it is really that juvenile to think that friendships can stay the same (as in stay close)? Isn't that what everyone wants? A person they can lean on for anything? Someone that wants to hang with them regularly also? Someone to laugh or cry with about work or boys or just life in general? As much as I want things to progress forward in a positive notion, I'm going to try to not actively try to change things between us. I know where I want things to be but it's really up to you. Ball is in your court. I'll let things run their course and see where they go. You know I don't want you to be absent in my life. But if that's what you want, I'll deal with it.
The second friend thing that is bothering me, is that this weekend a friend txted me for another friend's phone number to invite him out, but didn't invite me out. I got completely cut out out of that invite and I'm not okay with it. I want my friends to be able to hang out with each other and whatever, but not completely cut me out of it all. I like to go out and socialize too. It just hurt, I was really angry but the anger was just masking the sadness.
I don't know what to do. Livejournal, tell me what to do.