I'm losing it quickly
I have no idea what to do with myself right now. I messed up once more and I'm not sure that I can make amends. I have to go to the doctor tomorrow morning in order to see if my C-meds could be changed over to something that might hurt me a bit less. My girlfriend, out of absolute concern for me offered to drive up early to see me and to help me to feel better about this situation. As one might realize, I've been fearing that she might begin to resent me if she spent more of her time trying to take care of me than having fun with her friends while she still can. Because of that, my response was something like" I'll be fine, go have fun with your friends. I'd feel bad if you had to cancel on them again."
At the time I had thought that I was doing to the caring thing... but I fucked up, in all reality. She was trying to take care of me and I pushed her away from doing so... again. I can see why she got upset with me. I'd probably feel the same way if she were to have done something like that when I was trying to help her... how is it that I just keep fucking up one time after another? And the kicker is that I wanted her to come up and help me in the first place. I'm scared out of my skin about tomorrow. I have no idea how I'm going to do this. Eff me... I deserve every last bit of what I've got coming to me now... :(
At the time I had thought that I was doing to the caring thing... but I fucked up, in all reality. She was trying to take care of me and I pushed her away from doing so... again. I can see why she got upset with me. I'd probably feel the same way if she were to have done something like that when I was trying to help her... how is it that I just keep fucking up one time after another? And the kicker is that I wanted her to come up and help me in the first place. I'm scared out of my skin about tomorrow. I have no idea how I'm going to do this. Eff me... I deserve every last bit of what I've got coming to me now... :(