Gettin' hot in hurr.
Another Iowa story because that weekend was just so fun!
I'm driving home with Mitch and Isaac up 35. It's 95 degrees and sunny. Mitch is almost out of gas. There's no gas stations off the highway for about 20 miles. Mitch turns off the A/C to conserve gas.
ISAAC: First one to roll down his window is a pussy.
MITCH: I'm not a pussy.
ME: I'm not a pussy.
5 minutes go by. We're all sweating profusely.
ISAAC: Are you guys chilly?
ME: My nipples are hard.
MITCH: Bill, could you grab my sweater in the back seat? I don't think I'm wearing enough layers.
5 more minutes. The temperature in the car is well over 100 degrees.
MITCH: Man, we are stupid.
ME: What's the matter? (girly voice) Are you a little warm?
MITCH: What? No! I'm not a pussy.
ISAAC: It's okay if you want to roll your window down. We won't think less of you just because you're a pussy.
ME: I will.
MITCH: I said I'm not a pussy! I like this! It's good for the pores!
5 more minutes. No gas station in sight.
ME: Could you turn the heat on? I think I'm catching a cold.
ISAAC: Nice try. You probably want to roll your window down because you're a pussy.
ME: You'd like that, wouldn't you? You'd like that cool breeze on your pussy face.
We eventually find a gas station. Nobody has rolled down his window yet. We pull up next to a pump.
ISAAC: First one to open his door is a pussy.
Some more time passes.
ISAAC: So... do any of you need to use the bathroom?
ME: I'm fine. I'm actually going to lay down and take a nap because I'm so comfortable. When one of you pussies gets out of here and goes in to the gas station, could you get me a bowl of soup and a cup of hot cocoa?
MITCH: This is so stupid. Isaac, your knees are sweating.
I look down. My forearms are sweating. We all start laughing. Then we're silent for a couple of minutes. Eventually -
ISAAC: Alright. (Opens door) I have to go in to -
ME: OH MY GOD YOU'RE SUCH A PUSSY!!!
MITCH: I knew he was the pussy!
ISAAC: Shut up, guys! I just need to go to the bathroom!
There's more to this story but I passed out for several minutes and was visited by my spirit animal. It was a wolf. It told me to listen to the trees.
I'm driving home with Mitch and Isaac up 35. It's 95 degrees and sunny. Mitch is almost out of gas. There's no gas stations off the highway for about 20 miles. Mitch turns off the A/C to conserve gas.
ISAAC: First one to roll down his window is a pussy.
MITCH: I'm not a pussy.
ME: I'm not a pussy.
5 minutes go by. We're all sweating profusely.
ISAAC: Are you guys chilly?
ME: My nipples are hard.
MITCH: Bill, could you grab my sweater in the back seat? I don't think I'm wearing enough layers.
5 more minutes. The temperature in the car is well over 100 degrees.
MITCH: Man, we are stupid.
ME: What's the matter? (girly voice) Are you a little warm?
MITCH: What? No! I'm not a pussy.
ISAAC: It's okay if you want to roll your window down. We won't think less of you just because you're a pussy.
ME: I will.
MITCH: I said I'm not a pussy! I like this! It's good for the pores!
5 more minutes. No gas station in sight.
ME: Could you turn the heat on? I think I'm catching a cold.
ISAAC: Nice try. You probably want to roll your window down because you're a pussy.
ME: You'd like that, wouldn't you? You'd like that cool breeze on your pussy face.
We eventually find a gas station. Nobody has rolled down his window yet. We pull up next to a pump.
ISAAC: First one to open his door is a pussy.
Some more time passes.
ISAAC: So... do any of you need to use the bathroom?
ME: I'm fine. I'm actually going to lay down and take a nap because I'm so comfortable. When one of you pussies gets out of here and goes in to the gas station, could you get me a bowl of soup and a cup of hot cocoa?
MITCH: This is so stupid. Isaac, your knees are sweating.
I look down. My forearms are sweating. We all start laughing. Then we're silent for a couple of minutes. Eventually -
ISAAC: Alright. (Opens door) I have to go in to -
ME: OH MY GOD YOU'RE SUCH A PUSSY!!!
MITCH: I knew he was the pussy!
ISAAC: Shut up, guys! I just need to go to the bathroom!
There's more to this story but I passed out for several minutes and was visited by my spirit animal. It was a wolf. It told me to listen to the trees.