Who Pays The Ferryman?
Apollo's health had another downswing yesterday. After I was done working around 4:00 I was out in the sunroom and noticed he was laying oddly on the floor. He sometimes gets worn out and stops to rest in odd places. He did look a little distressed but this has been going on for months now and I figured he would be fine after a few minutes.
Shortly thereafter he got up and moved very quickly to his cat bed by the space heater on the other side of the room. This bed is one of those "house" ones, where the cat can go inside, and he appeared to be going to hide in there because as has happened off and on for months, when he doesn't feel well or has these spells he wants to hide and be alone. He got about halfway into the bed and proceeded to start peeing on the floor (as his back half was still out of the bed/house thing.
It was concerning, but the urine was not red or discolored and I figured this was just one of those senior cat things. He seemed distraught about what happened. And though I did not yell or anything, I think he thought he did something wrong anyway. For the remainder of the day and after the Sparrow got home he seemed rather listless, but he was still moving around somewhat.
We went to bed as normal and I was out like a light by 10:00. Around 11:00 the Sparrow woke me in a panic saying that he thought Apollo had died in bed with us. I got up and turned the lights on and pulled the sheets back because Apollo had crawled under there as some of the cats do and he was pressed against the Sparrow, not really moving. He did look dead in that moment. Just sitting there, eyes open and not really visibly breathing. I started to pet him and he moved slightly, so he was still alive.
He seemed very stressed again and likely exhausted. I suppose with him being so old, the heavy blankets of the bed may have been more than he could navigate alone. When he crawls in next to me I usually hold the sheets up so the weight of them isn't on him. His breathing has also been labored the past few days. It gets so dry in this damn house at night, and I don't know exactly how to resolve it. The humidifier on the furnace is cranked up beyond recommended levels, but because the outside temp has been fairly mild the furnace is not kicking on at night and no humidity is getting dispersed.
I myself have been waking up with a super dry throat, sometimes a dry nose. I have to drink water a few times a night because I am so dried up. This has to be affecting him and his breathing issues.
So, I brought him into the guest bathroom and cranked the hot shower for about ten minutes so he could breath some of that air in. He seemed over all dazed, and his pupils seemed especially dilated. I noticed when first looking at him in bed that his pupils were huge even when the light was turned on.
We brought him out by the space heater in the sunroom and a few minutes later he proceeded to pee again, uncontrolled of course, on the bed I placed him in. He looked annoyed with himself that it was happening. I ran to get paper towels and he turned around and laid in the pee spot because he was too tired to move, which annoyed me because the Sparrow doesn't pay attention to this kind of stuff sometimes and is too busy being panicked about the cat being sick to do certain logical things. Say, like not letting the cat lay in his own urine.
Apollo seemed even more dazed after this. I dragged the spare mattress out there and decided to sleep on the floor next to his spot. Though I already knew this was somewhat fruitless, because even when we both did this around Christmas he eventually got up and went to sleep in our bed even with us not there. He's a cat, he has his routines.
He drank a ton of water before ever laying back down. I would say he was drinking for 15 or 20 minutes. This is one of the many signs of his failing kidneys. He eventually laid down and I lifted my blanket, which prompted him to come lay next to me under it. I think he was there for an hour or so. It was probably 3 A.M. before I fell asleep. Around 4:30 I woke to see he was wandering around by the kitchen. When it was time to get up at 5:30 to feed them, I found him in our bedroom in his bed in the corner.
He seemed slightly more aware and meowed to me like he's done for years when I talk to him. He ate and drank and had some treats and then went back to his bed in our bedroom. If he's comfortable there I am not going to force him anywhere else. I showered and closed the bedroom door to the hall so the steam in the bathroom could at least potentially bring moisture into the bedroom. By the time I was done, he was not in the cat bed.
I found him heading towards the basement stairs to the litter boxes. I carried him down there, which seemed to annoy him, and he proceeded to pee in a litter box. I'd brought one up last night just outside the sunroom, but he never used it nor did any of the other cats. I suppose that is a bonus that they are so well-trained to only use them downstairs.
He is still a bit listless, but seems slightly improved from yesterday. Funny thing, before this all happened yesterday he was particularly needy all day and was constantly jumping in my lap and bothering me while I was sitting at my desk. I was annoyed by it, but generally dealt with it as I am well aware these are the final days for him. The odd part being, he acted the same way right before he got sick around Christmas time. Extra needy, wanting to be on my lap and have my attention.
It is possible he was trying to tell me something, as it is what cats do. He doesn't seem to be in pain, though I could never know that for sure. He is still eating and drinking. There doesn't appear to be any darkness to his urine. He still happily wants his treats multiple times a day. He is definitely old, getting frail. He is slowing down even more. But, his personality is still there, except for yesterday's events. He still wants to be pet and held. When I am on the couch he wants to lay on me.
The peeing is gross and inconvenient, but I am still not prepared to take him to the vet to be executed because things are getting inconvenient. If he was like Loki, where he suddenly couldn't walk, we would have to discuss it. I am not going to have him starve to death or die of dehydration. But, I am also still hoping he can pass away peacefully at home.
The Sparrow said when he thought Apollo was dead in bed last night that he felt some sense of relief that he'd passed at home and his struggles were over. I totally get that. If my friend could live forever, of course I would have that. But, he's old and the end is closing in. I just want him to pass in his sleep peacefully here. I don't care if it results in piss and shit on the sheets or carpet. I really don't give a damn. As long as he is allowed to go in peace.
I feel emotional about it, but the feelings are behind this massive wall within me. I've cried extensively already, especially around Christmas. I feel in a way I am holding onto the grieving knowing the real moment is going to happen soon. I haven't kept a good enough count, but this is the fourth or fifth time at least he's faked us out. So he has a few of his 9 lives left. I hope to God, if He's up there listening, that he lets this poor cat pass quietly. My last two were traumatic. Let this loyal companion of mine please just pass away in his sleep. He was as a good a pet as any man ever had. He deserves that much. But, I myself have no power to bring such a result.
Shortly thereafter he got up and moved very quickly to his cat bed by the space heater on the other side of the room. This bed is one of those "house" ones, where the cat can go inside, and he appeared to be going to hide in there because as has happened off and on for months, when he doesn't feel well or has these spells he wants to hide and be alone. He got about halfway into the bed and proceeded to start peeing on the floor (as his back half was still out of the bed/house thing.
It was concerning, but the urine was not red or discolored and I figured this was just one of those senior cat things. He seemed distraught about what happened. And though I did not yell or anything, I think he thought he did something wrong anyway. For the remainder of the day and after the Sparrow got home he seemed rather listless, but he was still moving around somewhat.
We went to bed as normal and I was out like a light by 10:00. Around 11:00 the Sparrow woke me in a panic saying that he thought Apollo had died in bed with us. I got up and turned the lights on and pulled the sheets back because Apollo had crawled under there as some of the cats do and he was pressed against the Sparrow, not really moving. He did look dead in that moment. Just sitting there, eyes open and not really visibly breathing. I started to pet him and he moved slightly, so he was still alive.
He seemed very stressed again and likely exhausted. I suppose with him being so old, the heavy blankets of the bed may have been more than he could navigate alone. When he crawls in next to me I usually hold the sheets up so the weight of them isn't on him. His breathing has also been labored the past few days. It gets so dry in this damn house at night, and I don't know exactly how to resolve it. The humidifier on the furnace is cranked up beyond recommended levels, but because the outside temp has been fairly mild the furnace is not kicking on at night and no humidity is getting dispersed.
I myself have been waking up with a super dry throat, sometimes a dry nose. I have to drink water a few times a night because I am so dried up. This has to be affecting him and his breathing issues.
So, I brought him into the guest bathroom and cranked the hot shower for about ten minutes so he could breath some of that air in. He seemed over all dazed, and his pupils seemed especially dilated. I noticed when first looking at him in bed that his pupils were huge even when the light was turned on.
We brought him out by the space heater in the sunroom and a few minutes later he proceeded to pee again, uncontrolled of course, on the bed I placed him in. He looked annoyed with himself that it was happening. I ran to get paper towels and he turned around and laid in the pee spot because he was too tired to move, which annoyed me because the Sparrow doesn't pay attention to this kind of stuff sometimes and is too busy being panicked about the cat being sick to do certain logical things. Say, like not letting the cat lay in his own urine.
Apollo seemed even more dazed after this. I dragged the spare mattress out there and decided to sleep on the floor next to his spot. Though I already knew this was somewhat fruitless, because even when we both did this around Christmas he eventually got up and went to sleep in our bed even with us not there. He's a cat, he has his routines.
He drank a ton of water before ever laying back down. I would say he was drinking for 15 or 20 minutes. This is one of the many signs of his failing kidneys. He eventually laid down and I lifted my blanket, which prompted him to come lay next to me under it. I think he was there for an hour or so. It was probably 3 A.M. before I fell asleep. Around 4:30 I woke to see he was wandering around by the kitchen. When it was time to get up at 5:30 to feed them, I found him in our bedroom in his bed in the corner.
He seemed slightly more aware and meowed to me like he's done for years when I talk to him. He ate and drank and had some treats and then went back to his bed in our bedroom. If he's comfortable there I am not going to force him anywhere else. I showered and closed the bedroom door to the hall so the steam in the bathroom could at least potentially bring moisture into the bedroom. By the time I was done, he was not in the cat bed.
I found him heading towards the basement stairs to the litter boxes. I carried him down there, which seemed to annoy him, and he proceeded to pee in a litter box. I'd brought one up last night just outside the sunroom, but he never used it nor did any of the other cats. I suppose that is a bonus that they are so well-trained to only use them downstairs.
He is still a bit listless, but seems slightly improved from yesterday. Funny thing, before this all happened yesterday he was particularly needy all day and was constantly jumping in my lap and bothering me while I was sitting at my desk. I was annoyed by it, but generally dealt with it as I am well aware these are the final days for him. The odd part being, he acted the same way right before he got sick around Christmas time. Extra needy, wanting to be on my lap and have my attention.
It is possible he was trying to tell me something, as it is what cats do. He doesn't seem to be in pain, though I could never know that for sure. He is still eating and drinking. There doesn't appear to be any darkness to his urine. He still happily wants his treats multiple times a day. He is definitely old, getting frail. He is slowing down even more. But, his personality is still there, except for yesterday's events. He still wants to be pet and held. When I am on the couch he wants to lay on me.
The peeing is gross and inconvenient, but I am still not prepared to take him to the vet to be executed because things are getting inconvenient. If he was like Loki, where he suddenly couldn't walk, we would have to discuss it. I am not going to have him starve to death or die of dehydration. But, I am also still hoping he can pass away peacefully at home.
The Sparrow said when he thought Apollo was dead in bed last night that he felt some sense of relief that he'd passed at home and his struggles were over. I totally get that. If my friend could live forever, of course I would have that. But, he's old and the end is closing in. I just want him to pass in his sleep peacefully here. I don't care if it results in piss and shit on the sheets or carpet. I really don't give a damn. As long as he is allowed to go in peace.
I feel emotional about it, but the feelings are behind this massive wall within me. I've cried extensively already, especially around Christmas. I feel in a way I am holding onto the grieving knowing the real moment is going to happen soon. I haven't kept a good enough count, but this is the fourth or fifth time at least he's faked us out. So he has a few of his 9 lives left. I hope to God, if He's up there listening, that he lets this poor cat pass quietly. My last two were traumatic. Let this loyal companion of mine please just pass away in his sleep. He was as a good a pet as any man ever had. He deserves that much. But, I myself have no power to bring such a result.