Adult Choices
I just made the sad epiphany that if we were going to New Orleans this year for Mardi Gras we would be leaving tomorrow night. I had thought it was still weeks away. I am relegated to watching streaming webcams from Bourbon St while everyone around here will go about their days through next week as if nothing special is happening.
We decided not to go this year because of money. Every (most every) cent I have is currently going towards debt, and even I couldn’t justify the expenditure this time around. As it was, the last two trips lingered on my credit card for months and months, accruing interest for the credit card company. It was the only decision that could be made. We are planning on going next year which will place the trip right before we presume to put the house on the market to sell/look for our house. A vacation will definitely be in order. And by then financially I will be in the best place I have been in a long time.
My goal was to pay everything off by July 1st of this year. I am not sure that is even feasible. I have a tax return coming that will cover two outstanding credit card debts I transferred on 0% deals last year. It might make better sense putting the money toward the Jeep but in the end it all has to be paid. At least this way those two final CC’s will be erased from existence.
The Jeep is only coming to its third year of a six year lease, so I am way ahead of the game as it is. But, in order to have money to do projects here and be prepared to sell I have to have everything paid off. Had I been more focused from the beginning it wouldn’t be down to crunch time as it is now. But, I have a tendency to not be smart with money. Which has brought me to months like this one, where I threw over $2600 at the Jeep and now with ten days left in the month I have $80 to live off of. Which is going to be a struggle. I had to transfer $20 of the $21 I had left in savings into my checking account as a buffer.
Poor choices were made last weekend when we went out to eat when we shouldn’t have. But it is hard to balance having our weekends when the last thing I want is to just sit around the house. I feel like the Sparrow and I might get too complacent if we did. And yet, with him on board with all of this it’s really what should be happening. I understand now that I have to suffer presently because of the benefits later. And with time seemingly moving at light speed that “later” seems to come sooner and sooner.
So next year we will enjoy New Orleans again. This year I will just have to watch from a far.
One crazy thought I had when we decided to delve into this financial endeavor together was the possibility that maybe some day we could own a condo or something in the French Quarter. A pipe dream for sure, but I feel very empowered by our future union. Like together we will be able to achieve things I would have struggled to even visualize in the past. I suppose there’s a whole journal entry that could be devoted to how me of all people am suddenly prepared to get “married” to someone and move in with them. A concept completely alien to me or anyone who knew me even just three years ago.
It is fun to think too how before going on trips was always about getting as much money together as I could to get by for those few days but soon I will be in a place where I am able to go on a vacation already having money in the bank for it. Sparrow is an inspiration too in this regard because on the trips we’ve done he’s saved money for a year to be able to comfortably afford it. He is so adept at saving. What can we achieve together with his guidance I can only guess.
I’m not sure I ever wrote about our first trip to Mardi Gras together in 2018. It was the first big test of our relationship. I was opening up to the possibilities of this being something real, he was overjoyed that I’d even considered wanting to go with him. We drove down because it was the most financially reasonable option and when we got there I was exhausted as we had left around midnight the night before in a huge snowstorm and I hadn’t been able to nap earlier in that evening. In fact, the sleeping pill I took had the opposite effect.
We went out to eat at Napoleon House, but I just could not function I was so wiped. Being it was his first time there he was full of energy and rested from sleeping in the car. So he went out to the bars without me. And because of all my past experiences I was overcome with feelings of fear, jealousy, rage… I was mad at myself for not being able to suffer through and go out. I was upset with him because I just assumed he was going to be making out with strangers and hooking up with people, even though he had never before that time ever exhibited any such tendencies. I was battling my memories of the past with my fatigue. It’s amusing to look back now and see how silly it was, but in the moment I felt destroyed. And old too, because I couldn’t find the slightest bit of energy to join him. Nor would I forgive myself for the fact I’d just made a 14 hour drive and any human would be tired from it.
We survived though. So much so we went right back again last year. The next challenge may be some future time when his brother and girl friend may join us. I am such a creature of habit I don’t know how I’d manage that. I just want to sit in the same old bars and watch the world go by down there. They being straight, no doubt they would want to be in other areas enjoying what they do. But why worry about that now.
All I can do for the moment is watch on a webcam, remember good times down there and look to the future. Sparrow has become quite enamored with the city too so he’s missing it as much. Though I feel with all the time he’s given me going to NOLA, I’ll eventually have to pay him back with visits to some location he wants to see. I suppose I owe him that much.
We decided not to go this year because of money. Every (most every) cent I have is currently going towards debt, and even I couldn’t justify the expenditure this time around. As it was, the last two trips lingered on my credit card for months and months, accruing interest for the credit card company. It was the only decision that could be made. We are planning on going next year which will place the trip right before we presume to put the house on the market to sell/look for our house. A vacation will definitely be in order. And by then financially I will be in the best place I have been in a long time.
My goal was to pay everything off by July 1st of this year. I am not sure that is even feasible. I have a tax return coming that will cover two outstanding credit card debts I transferred on 0% deals last year. It might make better sense putting the money toward the Jeep but in the end it all has to be paid. At least this way those two final CC’s will be erased from existence.
The Jeep is only coming to its third year of a six year lease, so I am way ahead of the game as it is. But, in order to have money to do projects here and be prepared to sell I have to have everything paid off. Had I been more focused from the beginning it wouldn’t be down to crunch time as it is now. But, I have a tendency to not be smart with money. Which has brought me to months like this one, where I threw over $2600 at the Jeep and now with ten days left in the month I have $80 to live off of. Which is going to be a struggle. I had to transfer $20 of the $21 I had left in savings into my checking account as a buffer.
Poor choices were made last weekend when we went out to eat when we shouldn’t have. But it is hard to balance having our weekends when the last thing I want is to just sit around the house. I feel like the Sparrow and I might get too complacent if we did. And yet, with him on board with all of this it’s really what should be happening. I understand now that I have to suffer presently because of the benefits later. And with time seemingly moving at light speed that “later” seems to come sooner and sooner.
So next year we will enjoy New Orleans again. This year I will just have to watch from a far.
One crazy thought I had when we decided to delve into this financial endeavor together was the possibility that maybe some day we could own a condo or something in the French Quarter. A pipe dream for sure, but I feel very empowered by our future union. Like together we will be able to achieve things I would have struggled to even visualize in the past. I suppose there’s a whole journal entry that could be devoted to how me of all people am suddenly prepared to get “married” to someone and move in with them. A concept completely alien to me or anyone who knew me even just three years ago.
It is fun to think too how before going on trips was always about getting as much money together as I could to get by for those few days but soon I will be in a place where I am able to go on a vacation already having money in the bank for it. Sparrow is an inspiration too in this regard because on the trips we’ve done he’s saved money for a year to be able to comfortably afford it. He is so adept at saving. What can we achieve together with his guidance I can only guess.
I’m not sure I ever wrote about our first trip to Mardi Gras together in 2018. It was the first big test of our relationship. I was opening up to the possibilities of this being something real, he was overjoyed that I’d even considered wanting to go with him. We drove down because it was the most financially reasonable option and when we got there I was exhausted as we had left around midnight the night before in a huge snowstorm and I hadn’t been able to nap earlier in that evening. In fact, the sleeping pill I took had the opposite effect.
We went out to eat at Napoleon House, but I just could not function I was so wiped. Being it was his first time there he was full of energy and rested from sleeping in the car. So he went out to the bars without me. And because of all my past experiences I was overcome with feelings of fear, jealousy, rage… I was mad at myself for not being able to suffer through and go out. I was upset with him because I just assumed he was going to be making out with strangers and hooking up with people, even though he had never before that time ever exhibited any such tendencies. I was battling my memories of the past with my fatigue. It’s amusing to look back now and see how silly it was, but in the moment I felt destroyed. And old too, because I couldn’t find the slightest bit of energy to join him. Nor would I forgive myself for the fact I’d just made a 14 hour drive and any human would be tired from it.
We survived though. So much so we went right back again last year. The next challenge may be some future time when his brother and girl friend may join us. I am such a creature of habit I don’t know how I’d manage that. I just want to sit in the same old bars and watch the world go by down there. They being straight, no doubt they would want to be in other areas enjoying what they do. But why worry about that now.
All I can do for the moment is watch on a webcam, remember good times down there and look to the future. Sparrow has become quite enamored with the city too so he’s missing it as much. Though I feel with all the time he’s given me going to NOLA, I’ll eventually have to pay him back with visits to some location he wants to see. I suppose I owe him that much.