(no subject)
Okay. I need to come clean with you.
You see, I've gone ahead on my own and changed the guidelines, the rules, of our relationship without even consulting you. That's not fair to you, and the lack of openness is not good for any relationship - our relationship. I feel like a bad lj-life-partner and I want to fix that by telling you everything.
It all began more than a year and half ago. Sure, it was simmering under the surface before then, but if I had just taken the time to think about and address what was going on, it wouldn't have come to a head. Well... maybe it would have, because I only have power over my role, not over Outside Influences. What happened was this: we were, most of us, already somewhat distracted by Facebook and Twitter. We'd talk about how we hated it and blah blah and then spend more and more time there. And less time here. Facebook was like that slutty girl in high school - easy, much less work, but also less satisfying. We couldn't stay away. At the same time, with the baby and my health getting worse (again. omg grr), I was finding it difficult to spend time online like I had in the past. In fact, I was struggling to cope at all. And then my computer broke. It died. And I had to use an old piece of crap Dell with 7 keys missing and no disk space and it would fall over in a faint with the effort f loading a web page. I couldn't take any more. I was hardly here, I stopped updating my websites. I even stopped using my camera because I couldn't download or edit photos. But I could still update Facebook - from my phone mostly.
But you know what? I missed you. I missed US. I kept trying with Facebook because it was easier to update with my broken equipment and you were mostly not here but over there. And Facebook sucks. It's like 2001 all over again. Don't get me wrong, 2001 was great... IN 2001. Do you remember 2001 - when almost everyone updated several times a day and entries were generally shorter? Some people updated like they were Twittering when there wasn't even any such thing as Twitter. But do you know why people on lj stopped don that for the most part? Because it's BORING. Because it lacks meaningful interaction. Because it was too much chatter. It was great for a while - when we couldn't stand to be away from each other for longer than a couple hours. But our relationship matured beyond that constant need for reassurance and feedback and then those constant, short updates became an annoyance.
I remember the exact moment when I had finally really had enough. It was when I was reading my friends page and one person's entry, in it's entirety was, and I quote: "*fart*". Really? This is what we had come to? I liked the playfulness, but I wanted more, too. I wanted substance; I wanted meaningful interaction. My journal began to change then, and so did my friends list. I wasn't the only one. I saw lots of complaints over the next few years about frequent, low substance updaters. The tide had changed. And so did my friends page. There were fewer and fewer one or two line updates and more and more longer posts. I got to know you better. Some people became essay writers. More of us got digital cameras and began adding photos to our posts.
But that change also brought pressure to "properly prepare" an entry. There was an unspoken rule against the one-line entry, or more than x number of entries in a day. Entries had to be detailed and forthcoming because the vague post (except maybe with acknowledgement and apologies) was also out of vogue. And then there were the days that were too full to allow time to sit and write up a 'proper' entry and we were afraid of 'cluttering' each other's friends pages with multiple entries, so we wouldn't write one, and that happened more and more often until we were out of the habit of sharing with each other, largely for fear of not following the new rules.
Recently, in the comments to one of my posts complaining about Facebook someone said that they don't have a lot of time to write longer entries and they are uncomfortable posting short updates to LJ, so send them to FB instead and I thought BINGO! We've become update snobs. We want all well-considered and carefully constructed posts on our friends pages. We want not-too-many posts because no one likes an attention whore. ... and then we're sad as the tumble weeds blow by and the crickets chirp because the place seems deserted.
So I have been rethinking what *I* want to see on my friends page and what *I* want from LJ. What I want from LJ is simple: I want you; I want us. And we can't have that if aren't making the effort to talk to each other - and if we don't feel free to do it.
- You know what? I don't actually have an objection to more frequent and shorter posts.
- I do object to continuous posting without ever revealing what the fuck you're talking about. Being cryptic is even less cool now that it was 8 years ago. If I can't figure out what you're talking about from reading the previous 3 entries in your journal, then uh.. no. More info or shush.
- I also have to admit that I'm not fond of the Twitter stuff. The formatting makes it difficult to read and so much of it is one part of a conversation between two or more people that I probably don't know on a topic I can't identify. I don't read them and I don't even register them as 'updates' any more.
- I love photos. Always have.
- I like recipes and lists and schedules and plans and timelines and summaries.
- I love travelogues, even if you only went to the dentist. ohmyhead is excellent at this. He cracks me up.
- I want to know what your kids are doing, how your mother is and why you want to strngle her this week.
- I like to hear your interpretation of things,what you think it all means.
- I want to hear about your goals, successes and failures, and when you just came out even.
- Your work, your play, your health... all of it.
And I like to hear it in 50 words or 850... whatever works best for you. So I'm doing the same. I know my posts tend to the tl;dr end of things, but I also go periods of time with no updates because of time constraints. Obviously, going with shorter updates would sometimes work for me. (Though, as a person who rarely gets to converse with other adults, I kind of tend to go all verbal diarrhea on y'all.)
So... while I'm not making actual official New Year's Resolutions,
++ I have decided to put my money where my mouth is and update more - even if that means several times in a single day (I know... *gasp*).
++ I'm going to relax the rules a little bit, and try to be okay with shorter updates too.
++ And I'm going to intentionally spend much less time on Facebook - I've stopped using the apps and I make a point of coming *here* first.
++ And, more importantly, I'm making an effort to set aside more time for commenting, because as much as I need an outlet for my diabolical and diseased mind, it is the interaction that matters most.
These are my intentions and I hope it helps brings us closer together again. I want to be a good lj-life-partner. And because Facebook sucks.
*smooch*
***ETA*** By request this entry was made public so it could be linked. So by all means, link away. Maybe we can start a Revolution ;)
You see, I've gone ahead on my own and changed the guidelines, the rules, of our relationship without even consulting you. That's not fair to you, and the lack of openness is not good for any relationship - our relationship. I feel like a bad lj-life-partner and I want to fix that by telling you everything.
It all began more than a year and half ago. Sure, it was simmering under the surface before then, but if I had just taken the time to think about and address what was going on, it wouldn't have come to a head. Well... maybe it would have, because I only have power over my role, not over Outside Influences. What happened was this: we were, most of us, already somewhat distracted by Facebook and Twitter. We'd talk about how we hated it and blah blah and then spend more and more time there. And less time here. Facebook was like that slutty girl in high school - easy, much less work, but also less satisfying. We couldn't stay away. At the same time, with the baby and my health getting worse (again. omg grr), I was finding it difficult to spend time online like I had in the past. In fact, I was struggling to cope at all. And then my computer broke. It died. And I had to use an old piece of crap Dell with 7 keys missing and no disk space and it would fall over in a faint with the effort f loading a web page. I couldn't take any more. I was hardly here, I stopped updating my websites. I even stopped using my camera because I couldn't download or edit photos. But I could still update Facebook - from my phone mostly.
But you know what? I missed you. I missed US. I kept trying with Facebook because it was easier to update with my broken equipment and you were mostly not here but over there. And Facebook sucks. It's like 2001 all over again. Don't get me wrong, 2001 was great... IN 2001. Do you remember 2001 - when almost everyone updated several times a day and entries were generally shorter? Some people updated like they were Twittering when there wasn't even any such thing as Twitter. But do you know why people on lj stopped don that for the most part? Because it's BORING. Because it lacks meaningful interaction. Because it was too much chatter. It was great for a while - when we couldn't stand to be away from each other for longer than a couple hours. But our relationship matured beyond that constant need for reassurance and feedback and then those constant, short updates became an annoyance.
I remember the exact moment when I had finally really had enough. It was when I was reading my friends page and one person's entry, in it's entirety was, and I quote: "*fart*". Really? This is what we had come to? I liked the playfulness, but I wanted more, too. I wanted substance; I wanted meaningful interaction. My journal began to change then, and so did my friends list. I wasn't the only one. I saw lots of complaints over the next few years about frequent, low substance updaters. The tide had changed. And so did my friends page. There were fewer and fewer one or two line updates and more and more longer posts. I got to know you better. Some people became essay writers. More of us got digital cameras and began adding photos to our posts.
But that change also brought pressure to "properly prepare" an entry. There was an unspoken rule against the one-line entry, or more than x number of entries in a day. Entries had to be detailed and forthcoming because the vague post (except maybe with acknowledgement and apologies) was also out of vogue. And then there were the days that were too full to allow time to sit and write up a 'proper' entry and we were afraid of 'cluttering' each other's friends pages with multiple entries, so we wouldn't write one, and that happened more and more often until we were out of the habit of sharing with each other, largely for fear of not following the new rules.
Recently, in the comments to one of my posts complaining about Facebook someone said that they don't have a lot of time to write longer entries and they are uncomfortable posting short updates to LJ, so send them to FB instead and I thought BINGO! We've become update snobs. We want all well-considered and carefully constructed posts on our friends pages. We want not-too-many posts because no one likes an attention whore. ... and then we're sad as the tumble weeds blow by and the crickets chirp because the place seems deserted.
So I have been rethinking what *I* want to see on my friends page and what *I* want from LJ. What I want from LJ is simple: I want you; I want us. And we can't have that if aren't making the effort to talk to each other - and if we don't feel free to do it.
- You know what? I don't actually have an objection to more frequent and shorter posts.
- I do object to continuous posting without ever revealing what the fuck you're talking about. Being cryptic is even less cool now that it was 8 years ago. If I can't figure out what you're talking about from reading the previous 3 entries in your journal, then uh.. no. More info or shush.
- I also have to admit that I'm not fond of the Twitter stuff. The formatting makes it difficult to read and so much of it is one part of a conversation between two or more people that I probably don't know on a topic I can't identify. I don't read them and I don't even register them as 'updates' any more.
- I love photos. Always have.
- I like recipes and lists and schedules and plans and timelines and summaries.
- I love travelogues, even if you only went to the dentist. ohmyhead is excellent at this. He cracks me up.
- I want to know what your kids are doing, how your mother is and why you want to strngle her this week.
- I like to hear your interpretation of things,what you think it all means.
- I want to hear about your goals, successes and failures, and when you just came out even.
- Your work, your play, your health... all of it.
And I like to hear it in 50 words or 850... whatever works best for you. So I'm doing the same. I know my posts tend to the tl;dr end of things, but I also go periods of time with no updates because of time constraints. Obviously, going with shorter updates would sometimes work for me. (Though, as a person who rarely gets to converse with other adults, I kind of tend to go all verbal diarrhea on y'all.)
So... while I'm not making actual official New Year's Resolutions,
++ I have decided to put my money where my mouth is and update more - even if that means several times in a single day (I know... *gasp*).
++ I'm going to relax the rules a little bit, and try to be okay with shorter updates too.
++ And I'm going to intentionally spend much less time on Facebook - I've stopped using the apps and I make a point of coming *here* first.
++ And, more importantly, I'm making an effort to set aside more time for commenting, because as much as I need an outlet for my diabolical and diseased mind, it is the interaction that matters most.
These are my intentions and I hope it helps brings us closer together again. I want to be a good lj-life-partner. And because Facebook sucks.
*smooch*
***ETA*** By request this entry was made public so it could be linked. So by all means, link away. Maybe we can start a Revolution ;)