I Spell My Name Danger.
You probably remember that two years ago, I lost my job because I indiscriminately texted cell phone pictures of my penis to women. I was told it was wrong. I had to take a long, hard look at myself. I apologized to my constituents and my wife. Then I texted some more long hard looks.
I haven't mentioned this before, but the truth is that we were having some difficulties in our marriage. It can be difficult when there's a baby around. She pays more attention to that baby than my penis! The best way I can think of to fix things in my family is to make the world my urologist.
My wife worried that it must have been her fault I was flashing my manhood all over the Interwebs. She did a whole lot of work and a whole lot of therapy, and finally found it in her heart to forgive me. I promised to never do it again, and she never noticed my crossed fingers.
But it's OK, this time I was smarter. I used an alias. Carlos Danger. No one would ever guess it was me. Have you seen my pecs? They're right here in this picture, just above my penis. But don’t recognize my face. I have a political comeback to think about.
And speaking of comebacks… What? Oh, OK, I'll put it away.
You know, it's only 49 days until the primary. I'm surprised it's taken so long for you people to catch me. I mean, isn't my penis distinctive enough? It's a truly glorious penis. Here, let me show you.
Everyone says the mayor is a dick. Elect me and I'll prove it!
I haven't mentioned this before, but the truth is that we were having some difficulties in our marriage. It can be difficult when there's a baby around. She pays more attention to that baby than my penis! The best way I can think of to fix things in my family is to make the world my urologist.
My wife worried that it must have been her fault I was flashing my manhood all over the Interwebs. She did a whole lot of work and a whole lot of therapy, and finally found it in her heart to forgive me. I promised to never do it again, and she never noticed my crossed fingers.
But it's OK, this time I was smarter. I used an alias. Carlos Danger. No one would ever guess it was me. Have you seen my pecs? They're right here in this picture, just above my penis. But don’t recognize my face. I have a political comeback to think about.
And speaking of comebacks… What? Oh, OK, I'll put it away.
You know, it's only 49 days until the primary. I'm surprised it's taken so long for you people to catch me. I mean, isn't my penis distinctive enough? It's a truly glorious penis. Here, let me show you.
Everyone says the mayor is a dick. Elect me and I'll prove it!