[YooSu] I've Been Dying Everyday Since Then
Title: I've Been Dying Everyday Since Then
Author: Kate
Pairing: Yoochun x Junsu, Jaejoong
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Violence, Psycho!Su XD;
A/N: This... came out of nowhere. XD;;; I randomly remembered watching a movie when I was little and it was kinda disturbing but interesting (at least, for me. XD) but I forgot the title. So yeah, this came out. This piece is my darkest (and longest!) to date. :) Thank you to aoireeza and yumeyana for beta-ing this for me. *huggles* ♥ Comments and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. ^_^
Summary: Junsu's tired of losing everything he loves.
Junsu is three when his father leaves his mother. He hides under the dining table as he watches his mother scream hysterically at his father who is already halfway out the door, suitcase in hand. Junsu is scared and confused because his mother is crying and broken and where is his daddy going? He hears a sniff come from behind him and he turns around, finding Junho in his own hiding place behind the counter, tears streaming down his face.
Junsu runs to his brother and hugs him, whispering encouraging words to his ear, smiling.
He has always been told that his smile could brighten up a room and even though he doesn't get what they mean by it, he does it anyway.
*
When Junsu is ten, he sits by his mother's hospital bed. His little hand grasps hers tightly, Junho with her other one. Junsu looks up to his mother - his strong, independent mom who has raised them while working three jobs and has never complained once. She has worked at odd hours but has still found the time to tuck them in and give them a good night kiss. Junsu keeps on insisting he's already a big boy but always smiles against his pillow, face buried in it as his mom closes the door, the same smile (albeit a bit watery around the edges) he gives her as she takes her last breath and squeezes Junsu's hand for the last time. He hears Junho sob at the opposite side, their grandmother consoling him from behind.
Junsu keeps on smiling, unshed tears brimming in his eyes.
*
Junsu is seventeen when Junho announces he's moving out. He and his girlfriend, Yoomi, have decided to live together after dating for a couple of years. Junsu watches as his brother stuffs the last of his boxes in Yoomi's car. He wants to help but doesn't, opting to wait by the car beside Yoomi and watch as his brother takes his things; every article of clothing, every piece of furniture he owns, everything Junho, unknowingly breaking a piece of Junsu's heart as well.
Junho hugs his younger brother after he finishes his task, reminding him to take care of himself and whispering I'll miss you in his ear. Junsu wraps his arms around Junho, assures him that he'll be just fine and whispers I'll miss you too.
He waves goodbye as they drive off, a bright smile on his face.
Junsu waits for them to take a turn around the corner before he turns around and walks back towards their -- no, his house.
*
On the eve of his twentieth birthday, he invites everyone he knows and throws a party at his house. Junsu squeals as his brother walks through the door, hand-in-hand with Yoomi. He leads them to the kitchen where all the food and booze are, leaving them there as they get in line for a turn with the keg. He goes back to the living room to turn up the volume of the music higher - Junsu likes his music loud. He doesn't worry about disturbing his neighbors since they're all there as well.
Junsu's eyes crinkle in amusement as he witnesses Jaejoong dance drunkenly on top of his coffee table, the drink in his hand splashing on everyone around him. He laughs as Jaejoong turns to him and grabs his arm from the crowd to join him. Junsu indulges his friend and climbs beside him, throwing his hands out in the air and dances the night away.
"I'm gonna go get a drink," he shouts in Jaejoong's ear after a few minutes, wanting to be heard over the catcalls, whistles and happy birthdays yelled randomly by his guests. Jaejoong nods in acknowledgement and goes on to find a new victim from the crowd.
Junsu steps down and fights his way through the crowd towards the kitchen, his throat parched from all that dancing - if you can call it that - when he hears a low, gravelly, almost sensual voice behind him.
"You have a beautiful smile."
Junsu turns around and sees warm brown eyes coupled with a warm smile. The clock chimes, almost ironically, and everyone around him creates more ruckus.
Junsu is twenty when he meets Park Yoochun.
*
He doesn't know how they get to his room, the sounds from downstairs muffled by the locked door. He doesn't know why he's on his own bed being fucked senseless by a guy he has just met.
Junsu doesn't really kiss on the first date, much less have sex on the first meeting, and he thinks he might be a bit drunk to be doing this. But there's something about Yoochun that pulls him in, makes him heady and irrational and wanting.
Yoochun thrusts inside him, making Junsu groan against Yoochun's shoulder and biting the sensitive flesh below his ear. Junsu traces circles on Yoochun's back, buries his hands on Yoochun's hair and pushes him down for a hungry kiss. Junsu writhes underneath Yoochun - urging the other to go faster, harder - and gasps as Yoochun's thrusts becomes just that.
White flashes beneath his eyelids as he comes, his nails embedding themselves on Yoochun's back. Junsu can't remember the last time he has felt like this - the last time he let himself feel like this.
The smell of sex hangs in the air as they lay panting with Yoochun still deep within Junsu. A few minutes and their breathing returns to normal, Yoochun pulls out of him and starts gathering his clothes. Junsu doesn't say a word as he pulls his pants up; instead he stares at the long, red lines marring the smooth skin of Yoochun's back until Yoochun put his shirt on and turns around.
The warm smile is back in place as he leans down and kisses Junsu softly.
"Happy birthday, babe," Yoochun whispers against his lips, his breath tinged with alcohol, making Junsu thirsty all over again.
Yoochun leaves the room, leaves Junsu on the bed with his mouth slightly open and winks, with a promise of seeing each other again with a slight quirk of his mouth.
*
A few days after his birthday, Junsu learns that Yoochun is Jaejoong's friend. He goes over to Jaejoong's house almost every afternoon, asking everything about Yoochun. Jaejoong just laughs while answering each of Junsu's questions and pats his head fondly. He thinks it’s cute that Junsu is so excited, so eager to know more about his friend since he has never seen his neighbor like this before.
*
A week later, Junsu sees Yoochun again. Or rather, the other way around.
Yoochun pokes his cheek as Junsu looks up from the book he’s reading. His eyes open wide as saucers as his mind registers who’s in front of him, perfect teeth blinding him, friendly, brown eyes returning his gaze.
Junsu remembers - the skin under his nails, the taste of alcohol in Yoochun’s tongue, the white-hot searing below his stomach as he comes - and instantly flushes pink, looking down and avoids Yoochun’s eyes.
The other man chuckles softly and suddenly grabs him by the arm, making Junsu squeak in surprise, dragging him to a nearby coffee shop. “It’s our first date,” Yoochun announces unexpectedly. Junsu just gapes behind him, tries to free his hand from Yoochun’s grip but fails, and just holds on instead.
*
This time they end up in Yoochun’s house.
Junsu cries out as Yoochun takes him from behind, bent on Yoochun’s living room couch. He feels blindly behind him, touching everywhere his hand can reach. He moans loudly, resting his forehead on his arm as Yoochun reaches out and grasps him, fucking Junsu with his hand in front and with his cock at the back.
Yoochun bends down, causing more friction and deeper contact, making Junsu groan his name out loud, his breath sending shivers down Junsu’s spine. He leaves butterfly kisses all over Junsu’s back, licking here and there and bites down on Junsu’s shoulder as they both come.
*
Junsu is twenty and a half when he falls in love.
*
He smiles excitedly as he thanks the cashier and leaves the store. Today is exactly a year since he and Yoochun got together. Junsu puts the necklace in his pocket for safekeeping and walks down the street, humming all the while.
Junsu stops in his tracks as he sees Yoochun on the other side. His eyes light up and start to call out to him when he notices the girl standing a few inches away. Yoochun’s name dies out from his lips and he just stands there, mind blank, his whole body numb. Yoochun kisses her like there’s no tomorrow and Junsu takes a step backward. He bumps an elder passerby and it snaps him out of his trance. Junsu smiles apologetically at the old man and walks away, one hand inside his pocket.
*
Junsu is twenty one when he gets his heart broken.
*
That night, he lets Yoochun in his house like nothing happened. They have a romantic dinner, playing footsie every once in a while under the table, smiling at each other across the table.
He lets Yoochun fuck him like always - moaning and writhing and begging for more; lets Yoochun take him - his body, his heart, his whole being.
As they lay, spent, on his bed, Junsu takes his spot under the crook of Yoochun’s neck and sighs, tracing circles on Yoochun’s stomach. He asks nonchalantly, “Do you love me?” and Yoochun laughs in response.
“Of course, babe,” he says, squeezing Junsu’s hand gently and slightly moves out of his touch. He climbs out of bed and heads for the bathroom. Yoochun turns around and winks invitingly at him before going inside.
Junsu waits for the sound of the shower before he smiles to himself and reaches under the bed.
*
He hears a knock on his door and upon opening it, finds Jaejoong fidgeting worriedly in front of him.
“Do you know where Yoochun is?” he asks after accepting Junsu’s invitation to come in.
Jaejoong explains they were supposed to meet a few days ago but Yoochun never showed up. He says he has left a few messages on Yoochun’s cell phone but hasn’t gotten a reply yet, which is totally uncharacteristic of Yoochun.
Junsu calmly pats Jaejoong’s arm and informs him that he knows where Yoochun is and assures his friend that Yoochun is quite alright. Jaejoong is about to ask him what happened when he hears something that sounds heavy, fall. He turns around to the direction of Junsu’s room and looks back at his friend.
Junsu just shakes his head and mouths, “It’s nothing” when another sound makes its way to the living room. Jaejoong feels something is not right and without a word, stands up and walks towards the said room. He doesn’t hear Junsu’s footsteps behind him.
Jaejoong opens the door and stares, horrified, at the sight before him. There is blood everywhere - the walls, the bed, Yoochun - and Jaejoong gags as the strong smell of iron hits his nostrils.
Yoochun turns to look at him, gagged, drenched in blood and sweat, tears streaming down his face. His hand reaches out for Jaejoong, trying desperately to move but can’t.
Jaejoong runs towards his friend, only to trip on something on the way. He looks down at the blood-stained floor and vomits. Yoochun’s legs are not supposed to be there.
Jaejoong turns around and finds Junsu standing still in the doorway, seemingly content as he takes in the scene unfold.
“WHY?!” Jaejoong screams, drowning out Yoochun’s violent sobs behind him.
“I’m tired of being left behind,” comes the answer.
And Junsu smiles.
---
23.08.08
Author: Kate
Pairing: Yoochun x Junsu, Jaejoong
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Violence, Psycho!Su XD;
A/N: This... came out of nowhere. XD;;; I randomly remembered watching a movie when I was little and it was kinda disturbing but interesting (at least, for me. XD) but I forgot the title. So yeah, this came out. This piece is my darkest (and longest!) to date. :) Thank you to aoireeza and yumeyana for beta-ing this for me. *huggles* ♥ Comments and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. ^_^
Summary: Junsu's tired of losing everything he loves.
Junsu is three when his father leaves his mother. He hides under the dining table as he watches his mother scream hysterically at his father who is already halfway out the door, suitcase in hand. Junsu is scared and confused because his mother is crying and broken and where is his daddy going? He hears a sniff come from behind him and he turns around, finding Junho in his own hiding place behind the counter, tears streaming down his face.
Junsu runs to his brother and hugs him, whispering encouraging words to his ear, smiling.
He has always been told that his smile could brighten up a room and even though he doesn't get what they mean by it, he does it anyway.
*
When Junsu is ten, he sits by his mother's hospital bed. His little hand grasps hers tightly, Junho with her other one. Junsu looks up to his mother - his strong, independent mom who has raised them while working three jobs and has never complained once. She has worked at odd hours but has still found the time to tuck them in and give them a good night kiss. Junsu keeps on insisting he's already a big boy but always smiles against his pillow, face buried in it as his mom closes the door, the same smile (albeit a bit watery around the edges) he gives her as she takes her last breath and squeezes Junsu's hand for the last time. He hears Junho sob at the opposite side, their grandmother consoling him from behind.
Junsu keeps on smiling, unshed tears brimming in his eyes.
*
Junsu is seventeen when Junho announces he's moving out. He and his girlfriend, Yoomi, have decided to live together after dating for a couple of years. Junsu watches as his brother stuffs the last of his boxes in Yoomi's car. He wants to help but doesn't, opting to wait by the car beside Yoomi and watch as his brother takes his things; every article of clothing, every piece of furniture he owns, everything Junho, unknowingly breaking a piece of Junsu's heart as well.
Junho hugs his younger brother after he finishes his task, reminding him to take care of himself and whispering I'll miss you in his ear. Junsu wraps his arms around Junho, assures him that he'll be just fine and whispers I'll miss you too.
He waves goodbye as they drive off, a bright smile on his face.
Junsu waits for them to take a turn around the corner before he turns around and walks back towards their -- no, his house.
*
On the eve of his twentieth birthday, he invites everyone he knows and throws a party at his house. Junsu squeals as his brother walks through the door, hand-in-hand with Yoomi. He leads them to the kitchen where all the food and booze are, leaving them there as they get in line for a turn with the keg. He goes back to the living room to turn up the volume of the music higher - Junsu likes his music loud. He doesn't worry about disturbing his neighbors since they're all there as well.
Junsu's eyes crinkle in amusement as he witnesses Jaejoong dance drunkenly on top of his coffee table, the drink in his hand splashing on everyone around him. He laughs as Jaejoong turns to him and grabs his arm from the crowd to join him. Junsu indulges his friend and climbs beside him, throwing his hands out in the air and dances the night away.
"I'm gonna go get a drink," he shouts in Jaejoong's ear after a few minutes, wanting to be heard over the catcalls, whistles and happy birthdays yelled randomly by his guests. Jaejoong nods in acknowledgement and goes on to find a new victim from the crowd.
Junsu steps down and fights his way through the crowd towards the kitchen, his throat parched from all that dancing - if you can call it that - when he hears a low, gravelly, almost sensual voice behind him.
"You have a beautiful smile."
Junsu turns around and sees warm brown eyes coupled with a warm smile. The clock chimes, almost ironically, and everyone around him creates more ruckus.
Junsu is twenty when he meets Park Yoochun.
*
He doesn't know how they get to his room, the sounds from downstairs muffled by the locked door. He doesn't know why he's on his own bed being fucked senseless by a guy he has just met.
Junsu doesn't really kiss on the first date, much less have sex on the first meeting, and he thinks he might be a bit drunk to be doing this. But there's something about Yoochun that pulls him in, makes him heady and irrational and wanting.
Yoochun thrusts inside him, making Junsu groan against Yoochun's shoulder and biting the sensitive flesh below his ear. Junsu traces circles on Yoochun's back, buries his hands on Yoochun's hair and pushes him down for a hungry kiss. Junsu writhes underneath Yoochun - urging the other to go faster, harder - and gasps as Yoochun's thrusts becomes just that.
White flashes beneath his eyelids as he comes, his nails embedding themselves on Yoochun's back. Junsu can't remember the last time he has felt like this - the last time he let himself feel like this.
The smell of sex hangs in the air as they lay panting with Yoochun still deep within Junsu. A few minutes and their breathing returns to normal, Yoochun pulls out of him and starts gathering his clothes. Junsu doesn't say a word as he pulls his pants up; instead he stares at the long, red lines marring the smooth skin of Yoochun's back until Yoochun put his shirt on and turns around.
The warm smile is back in place as he leans down and kisses Junsu softly.
"Happy birthday, babe," Yoochun whispers against his lips, his breath tinged with alcohol, making Junsu thirsty all over again.
Yoochun leaves the room, leaves Junsu on the bed with his mouth slightly open and winks, with a promise of seeing each other again with a slight quirk of his mouth.
*
A few days after his birthday, Junsu learns that Yoochun is Jaejoong's friend. He goes over to Jaejoong's house almost every afternoon, asking everything about Yoochun. Jaejoong just laughs while answering each of Junsu's questions and pats his head fondly. He thinks it’s cute that Junsu is so excited, so eager to know more about his friend since he has never seen his neighbor like this before.
*
A week later, Junsu sees Yoochun again. Or rather, the other way around.
Yoochun pokes his cheek as Junsu looks up from the book he’s reading. His eyes open wide as saucers as his mind registers who’s in front of him, perfect teeth blinding him, friendly, brown eyes returning his gaze.
Junsu remembers - the skin under his nails, the taste of alcohol in Yoochun’s tongue, the white-hot searing below his stomach as he comes - and instantly flushes pink, looking down and avoids Yoochun’s eyes.
The other man chuckles softly and suddenly grabs him by the arm, making Junsu squeak in surprise, dragging him to a nearby coffee shop. “It’s our first date,” Yoochun announces unexpectedly. Junsu just gapes behind him, tries to free his hand from Yoochun’s grip but fails, and just holds on instead.
*
This time they end up in Yoochun’s house.
Junsu cries out as Yoochun takes him from behind, bent on Yoochun’s living room couch. He feels blindly behind him, touching everywhere his hand can reach. He moans loudly, resting his forehead on his arm as Yoochun reaches out and grasps him, fucking Junsu with his hand in front and with his cock at the back.
Yoochun bends down, causing more friction and deeper contact, making Junsu groan his name out loud, his breath sending shivers down Junsu’s spine. He leaves butterfly kisses all over Junsu’s back, licking here and there and bites down on Junsu’s shoulder as they both come.
*
Junsu is twenty and a half when he falls in love.
*
He smiles excitedly as he thanks the cashier and leaves the store. Today is exactly a year since he and Yoochun got together. Junsu puts the necklace in his pocket for safekeeping and walks down the street, humming all the while.
Junsu stops in his tracks as he sees Yoochun on the other side. His eyes light up and start to call out to him when he notices the girl standing a few inches away. Yoochun’s name dies out from his lips and he just stands there, mind blank, his whole body numb. Yoochun kisses her like there’s no tomorrow and Junsu takes a step backward. He bumps an elder passerby and it snaps him out of his trance. Junsu smiles apologetically at the old man and walks away, one hand inside his pocket.
*
Junsu is twenty one when he gets his heart broken.
*
That night, he lets Yoochun in his house like nothing happened. They have a romantic dinner, playing footsie every once in a while under the table, smiling at each other across the table.
He lets Yoochun fuck him like always - moaning and writhing and begging for more; lets Yoochun take him - his body, his heart, his whole being.
As they lay, spent, on his bed, Junsu takes his spot under the crook of Yoochun’s neck and sighs, tracing circles on Yoochun’s stomach. He asks nonchalantly, “Do you love me?” and Yoochun laughs in response.
“Of course, babe,” he says, squeezing Junsu’s hand gently and slightly moves out of his touch. He climbs out of bed and heads for the bathroom. Yoochun turns around and winks invitingly at him before going inside.
Junsu waits for the sound of the shower before he smiles to himself and reaches under the bed.
*
He hears a knock on his door and upon opening it, finds Jaejoong fidgeting worriedly in front of him.
“Do you know where Yoochun is?” he asks after accepting Junsu’s invitation to come in.
Jaejoong explains they were supposed to meet a few days ago but Yoochun never showed up. He says he has left a few messages on Yoochun’s cell phone but hasn’t gotten a reply yet, which is totally uncharacteristic of Yoochun.
Junsu calmly pats Jaejoong’s arm and informs him that he knows where Yoochun is and assures his friend that Yoochun is quite alright. Jaejoong is about to ask him what happened when he hears something that sounds heavy, fall. He turns around to the direction of Junsu’s room and looks back at his friend.
Junsu just shakes his head and mouths, “It’s nothing” when another sound makes its way to the living room. Jaejoong feels something is not right and without a word, stands up and walks towards the said room. He doesn’t hear Junsu’s footsteps behind him.
Jaejoong opens the door and stares, horrified, at the sight before him. There is blood everywhere - the walls, the bed, Yoochun - and Jaejoong gags as the strong smell of iron hits his nostrils.
Yoochun turns to look at him, gagged, drenched in blood and sweat, tears streaming down his face. His hand reaches out for Jaejoong, trying desperately to move but can’t.
Jaejoong runs towards his friend, only to trip on something on the way. He looks down at the blood-stained floor and vomits. Yoochun’s legs are not supposed to be there.
Jaejoong turns around and finds Junsu standing still in the doorway, seemingly content as he takes in the scene unfold.
“WHY?!” Jaejoong screams, drowning out Yoochun’s violent sobs behind him.
“I’m tired of being left behind,” comes the answer.
And Junsu smiles.
---
23.08.08