(no subject)

[bikinikill45]

I cannot believe that I've ended up like this. My only weakness is being alone, and it's the only bad thing that's happening to me. I've lost all of my best friends. Andreas has his girlfriend and other friends. He can't spend one day with me at home. I barely ever talk to him. I don't even know who he is anymore. Brendan is busy being Brendan. I don't hate him for it. I hate myself for needing him so much. Chelsea and I see each other once a month. We don't even have things to talk about. She's getting new friends and having fun with her boyfriend. Why can't I do the fucking same? I can't make new friends if I don't trust anyone. I can't feel comfortable around anyone and I don't know why. I don't fucking have a best friend. I don't even want new friends. I just miss how everything used to be.

Now I'm too choked up to breathe.

I started a new painting. Half way done.