Re: Carousel, 9x16 tag. spell!whammied, depression/emotional flatline, abandonment issues 2/2
anonymous
April 30 2014, 02:01:15 UTC
"All of that, just evaporated. Empty. We are men of action, Dean; those vacancies do not become us," Magnus waxes, with the removed intrigue of the collector that he is.
So maybe Dean does get Magnus, sort of.
"You've probably never felt this way before." Magnus arches his eyebrows and bites his lip, alive with the prospect of emotional novelty. Which means, Dean figures, the guy really doesn't know him at all.
"I'm gonna kill you, Magnus." Perfect deadpan, zero degree affect.
"You wouldn't dream of it," Magnus says, with equally perfect confidence. "Or really, couldn't."
"Then you don't know me at all."
"You can't beat this, Dean." Magnus strokes Dean's chin, and guides him back to his chains.
Yeah, but I don't need to.
It's to save Sam. It is. He wrenches free, and he grabs the blade, and he keeps Magnus from fucking up Sam's shit, so to speak. It's to save Sam. But at the back of his mind, in that eternal contingency scenario, it's just fallback. Plan A, kill the bastard. Plan B, kill the bastard.
It's easy, it's simple. And yeah, he figures, it's probably just as easy to know that person as it is to be him. And if Dean doesn't look back, it's really not that hard to be him. When you start operating in a perpetual state of fallback, everything goes flat and it feels a little, just a little, less like you're about to be swallowed up. You don't need willpower, and you don't need courage, and you don't need a thousand other slippery, fleeting things. It's life, simplified, and God's probably the only one who doesn't know how much the world needs that.
But when Dean looks at Sam. Well, Sam doesn't seem to think it's simple. Because when Dean looks away from the blade and up at his brother, Sam looks into his eyes and he doesn't recognize anything at all.
Dean hears, far away, long ago, something's high-pitched keening.
First of all, I'm really sorry I was late to commenting on this! I've been behind on stuff with the semester ending and everything, but I'm going to catch up on commenting tonight.
But this is sooo perfect. I love how you write Dean's internal monologue. This line especially was simple but packed such a punch and says a lot about Dean's headspace at this point in canon too: "There's a sword growing human hair stashed in a display case in the hall. Or it's a body growing a sword, it's hard to say. Either way, Dean knows the feeling." Also I really loved the ending with Sam, because I've had such a hard time reading Sam this half of the season and especially in that scene I couldn't really tell what he's thinking. So the way you've written Dean interprets it it makes the scene feel so much more complete for me.
Re: Carousel, 9x16 tag. spell!whammied, depression/emotional flatline, abandonment issues 2/2
anonymous
May 4 2014, 01:09:28 UTC
No, don't apologize for anything! I'm just thrilled someone wanted to read it. :D
Thanks so much for such a great comment; I was proud of how that line turned out, too, so I'm glad that it worked for you. I've been having such a hard time getting a read on Sam or really figuring out what to do with him this season, so I'm also glad the small moment he had here worked, as well.
I LOVED THIS SO MUCH I REALLY WANTED CODA FIC OR MORE DEALING WITH DEAN AND MAGNUS AND DEAN'S POV, THE THEME OF PEOPLE WANTING TO OWN DEAN AND HAVE DEAN BE PASSIVE TO THEM AND DEAN'S QUIET RESISTANCE. IDK LOVE. 'It's to save Sam. It is. He wrenches free, and he grabs the blade, and he keeps Magnus from fucking up Sam's shit, so to speak. It's to save Sam. But at the back of his mind, in that eternal contingency scenario, it's just fallback. Plan A, kill the bastard. Plan B, kill the bastard.' -everything in this fic was so perfect, loved this so much <333!
Re: Carousel, 9x16 tag. spell!whammied, depression/emotional flatline, abandonment issues 2/2
anonymous
May 5 2014, 00:03:11 UTC
This is such a great comment; I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this so much. I SHARE YOUR NEEDS, AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED. I really sort of wish Magnus had been a bigger part of that episode, because think of all that creepy potential. @_@ Thank you so much for reading. <33333
"All of that, just evaporated. Empty. We are men of action, Dean; those vacancies do not become us," Magnus waxes, with the removed intrigue of the collector that he is.
So maybe Dean does get Magnus, sort of.
"You've probably never felt this way before." Magnus arches his eyebrows and bites his lip, alive with the prospect of emotional novelty. Which means, Dean figures, the guy really doesn't know him at all.
"I'm gonna kill you, Magnus." Perfect deadpan, zero degree affect.
"You wouldn't dream of it," Magnus says, with equally perfect confidence. "Or really, couldn't."
"Then you don't know me at all."
"You can't beat this, Dean." Magnus strokes Dean's chin, and guides him back to his chains.
Yeah, but I don't need to.
It's to save Sam. It is. He wrenches free, and he grabs the blade, and he keeps Magnus from fucking up Sam's shit, so to speak. It's to save Sam. But at the back of his mind, in that eternal contingency scenario, it's just fallback. Plan A, kill the bastard. Plan B, kill the bastard.
It's easy, it's simple. And yeah, he figures, it's probably just as easy to know that person as it is to be him. And if Dean doesn't look back, it's really not that hard to be him. When you start operating in a perpetual state of fallback, everything goes flat and it feels a little, just a little, less like you're about to be swallowed up. You don't need willpower, and you don't need courage, and you don't need a thousand other slippery, fleeting things. It's life, simplified, and God's probably the only one who doesn't know how much the world needs that.
But when Dean looks at Sam. Well, Sam doesn't seem to think it's simple. Because when Dean looks away from the blade and up at his brother, Sam looks into his eyes and he doesn't recognize anything at all.
Dean hears, far away, long ago, something's high-pitched keening.
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But this is sooo perfect. I love how you write Dean's internal monologue. This line especially was simple but packed such a punch and says a lot about Dean's headspace at this point in canon too: "There's a sword growing human hair stashed in a display case in the hall. Or it's a body growing a sword, it's hard to say. Either way, Dean knows the feeling." Also I really loved the ending with Sam, because I've had such a hard time reading Sam this half of the season and especially in that scene I couldn't really tell what he's thinking. So the way you've written Dean interprets it it makes the scene feel so much more complete for me.
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Thanks so much for such a great comment; I was proud of how that line turned out, too, so I'm glad that it worked for you. I've been having such a hard time getting a read on Sam or really figuring out what to do with him this season, so I'm also glad the small moment he had here worked, as well.
Again, thank you for reading. Glad you enjoyed!
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