its been 20 days
the reasons that life is how it is i can not explain i cannot explain why i hurt some many people that i loved i cannot explain why i do what i do every day or what helps me get by maybe its that thought that one day i will see her again in my life maybe before shes goes to new jersey or to austrilia. i dunno what it is that gets me by. i am sorry to the one girl i never thought would leave till i pushed it to far. abbie i am sory for everything and i hope that before u move away u will remeber me and give me a chance to see say good bye. in 10 months i wil be moving to calafronia to go after something i have wanted since the day i truned the key on the frist car i drove in my yard. i am going there to go to school for automotive engeneering and i will live out there. i hope that one day u will see my love for u is still there. everynight i wish u would call i wish u would somehow know my new cell phone number and call it to say hi. i have missed us for so much time. i can never sleep at night i always lay there thinking about what ur doing now.i dream of our dates the time we spent at ur house playing monopoly during the hurricanes. the day i got a cell phone that i was at exspense for. i miss u abbie and i still love u even though i know u will probaly not call me or think of me, but there is still that said of me who knows u will. i know i did alot of things wrong but it takes time love to correct al wrong doings in this world. i am sorry for all the harassing i did after we brokle up i am sorry for ur cell phone bills and the money i still owe u for my civic. when i get the money i will repay u one day. i am not running from my life anymore i am doing everything possible to fix my mistakes and to get to where i might be able to see u again. i know u wouldnt want that but i know my love for u will never die. it hasnt in 4 months and i still feel the same way about u as i did the day i asked u to b my girlfriend at the park when i was i holding u and we were leaning aganst my car. i am sorry abie i really am i just hope that one day u'll see that i never ment to break ur heart and to make u feel how u do about this world. some days i wake up wishing i never did because i know i wont see u in the day. other days i just try to make it thru the day with out crying and being depressed. but it never fails, at some time in the day i cry over u at some time in the day i get really depressed and try to find a reason not to disapear. i think the only thing that has kept me alive is that i know u wouldnt want that for me. i dont know what dean said and i dont know what my sister said to u but all i can do is say im sorry. i love u abbie u will always be my little lugnut.