Turning Point(s)
chulo_los asked, "Do you have a point in your life where you feel it was a major turning point? What was the outcome? What would have been the outcome if you made a different decision? Would you change it if you could?"
So many turning points, so little time.
Here's just a few, behind the cut for those who are uninterested.
1) At 18, going to SDSU and not getting my driver's license. I basically had a choice to either put myself through school at SDSU, or go to junior college. The latter choice would have been much cheaper, would likely have allowed me to get myself a car and a license (I didn't get the license because I had no car to drive, or money to afford one), and I would have probably chosen a different job, one that didn't pay as much, but then I wouldn't have needed as much money since I was putting myself through a cheaper school. There's at least a dozen different ways my life could have gone in that respect. A different career, a license which would have opened different opportunities, I might have met new people that put me on different paths, everything about that decision to get away from high school as quickly as possible (the particular junior college was a block away from my old high school, and my fear was if I didn't go to SDSU, my life wouldn't really change the way I wanted it to) has shaped the paths my life has taken ever since, some for the better, some, well maybe not as much.
2) At age 21, coming out of the closet. It's not as easy as you think, and it was a decision I had to come to, after a year and a half of struggling to do so. I say a year and a half, but I knew long before that; I just couldn't bring myself to believe it was okay before then. I hate hearing about people saying that sexuality is a choice, it really pisses me off, and I like to say the only choice I ever made in this regard was the one to live my life openly, without regret. I could have had a much more unhappy and dissatisfied existence today if I had continued to deny this part of myself.
3) At age 24, taking the job in Los Angeles. I wanted to be with my ex, we had dated for over a year long-distance, and it was clear something was going to give. Either we were going to break up (he had a good job there), or keep doing the long distance thing, which I'm not sure would have lasted much longer at that point, and then a job offer fell in my lap, at the same time I was graduating from college and making my next move. I was considering grad school in San Diego at the time, and when the job offer came in, I did what I thought was the responsible thing at the time. Grad school definitely would have put me on an entirely different path, and I might still be living in San Diego today.
4) At age 26, taking the job in San Francisco and moving in with the ex in San Francisco. Again, moving for an ex, although this one I think was less of a turning point, and more of a natural decision that was going to happen anyway, at some point. I had always wanted to live in San Francisco, much more than Los Angeles, so that was going to be a given, but the decision to move in with my ex was probably the hastiest decision I have ever made in my life. I have mixed emotions about it, as far as regrets go. I regret it because it was too hasty, and we were not a good match, to say the least. I worked harder on that relationship than I ever should have, and it ended up badly, to put it lightly. On the other hand, moving here was one of the best things I've ever done, and it led me, ultimately, into meeting Fred.
In the end, that's really what it's all about. I can't say whole-heartedly that I would change any of the decisions if I could, because I learned something from each one, and in the end, the change of any one of those would likely be the end of me meeting, knowing, and loving Fred. And meeting, knowing, and loving Fred, well, that has to be one of the best strokes of luck/fate/whatever I've ever had in my life.
Oh, and as a side-note to chulo_los's other question, which I will not repeat here: the answer is an unqualified Yes. And I think Fred does too!
March is Question Month Feel free to ask any questions here. (Responses will be screened, and let me know if you do not want to be identified.)
So many turning points, so little time.
Here's just a few, behind the cut for those who are uninterested.
1) At 18, going to SDSU and not getting my driver's license. I basically had a choice to either put myself through school at SDSU, or go to junior college. The latter choice would have been much cheaper, would likely have allowed me to get myself a car and a license (I didn't get the license because I had no car to drive, or money to afford one), and I would have probably chosen a different job, one that didn't pay as much, but then I wouldn't have needed as much money since I was putting myself through a cheaper school. There's at least a dozen different ways my life could have gone in that respect. A different career, a license which would have opened different opportunities, I might have met new people that put me on different paths, everything about that decision to get away from high school as quickly as possible (the particular junior college was a block away from my old high school, and my fear was if I didn't go to SDSU, my life wouldn't really change the way I wanted it to) has shaped the paths my life has taken ever since, some for the better, some, well maybe not as much.
2) At age 21, coming out of the closet. It's not as easy as you think, and it was a decision I had to come to, after a year and a half of struggling to do so. I say a year and a half, but I knew long before that; I just couldn't bring myself to believe it was okay before then. I hate hearing about people saying that sexuality is a choice, it really pisses me off, and I like to say the only choice I ever made in this regard was the one to live my life openly, without regret. I could have had a much more unhappy and dissatisfied existence today if I had continued to deny this part of myself.
3) At age 24, taking the job in Los Angeles. I wanted to be with my ex, we had dated for over a year long-distance, and it was clear something was going to give. Either we were going to break up (he had a good job there), or keep doing the long distance thing, which I'm not sure would have lasted much longer at that point, and then a job offer fell in my lap, at the same time I was graduating from college and making my next move. I was considering grad school in San Diego at the time, and when the job offer came in, I did what I thought was the responsible thing at the time. Grad school definitely would have put me on an entirely different path, and I might still be living in San Diego today.
4) At age 26, taking the job in San Francisco and moving in with the ex in San Francisco. Again, moving for an ex, although this one I think was less of a turning point, and more of a natural decision that was going to happen anyway, at some point. I had always wanted to live in San Francisco, much more than Los Angeles, so that was going to be a given, but the decision to move in with my ex was probably the hastiest decision I have ever made in my life. I have mixed emotions about it, as far as regrets go. I regret it because it was too hasty, and we were not a good match, to say the least. I worked harder on that relationship than I ever should have, and it ended up badly, to put it lightly. On the other hand, moving here was one of the best things I've ever done, and it led me, ultimately, into meeting Fred.
In the end, that's really what it's all about. I can't say whole-heartedly that I would change any of the decisions if I could, because I learned something from each one, and in the end, the change of any one of those would likely be the end of me meeting, knowing, and loving Fred. And meeting, knowing, and loving Fred, well, that has to be one of the best strokes of luck/fate/whatever I've ever had in my life.
Oh, and as a side-note to chulo_los's other question, which I will not repeat here: the answer is an unqualified Yes. And I think Fred does too!
March is Question Month Feel free to ask any questions here. (Responses will be screened, and let me know if you do not want to be identified.)