(no subject)

[bigred10]

looking back and reading everything that ive written in the past makes me realize how happy i truly wasnt with angelos... staying home all the time just so i could see him for 5 mins. i was talking to jb the other day and i told her how much i missed how it was last year and she told me she didnt miss it that much... she siad that was when she was depressed... the more i thought about it the more i realised i was just blind to my pain i was blind to what was happening. myself worth was being degrated slowly till i thought i couldnt go on with him by my side. i know that wasnt what he had planned in the beginning i know he didnt intend to make me hate myself and think i wasnt worth much but thats what happened. im so happy these days its amazing to think that i ever wasnt happy. everybody i seem to meet keeps telling me how happy i always am and how they cant imagine me sad. for some reason that just makes me happy... i find myself faking my happiness more and more these days. i go home and im actually happy about what happened al my laughs were real they werent just the moment to later be forgettin, they are true laughs they make me laugh when im laying in my bed remembering. iam so happy to be single... i enjoy being about to have friends i enjoy being able to hang out with the girls and not get text messages telling me not to forget that i have a b/f. i enjoy not having to worrie about trust not having to worrie about being cheated on. ah life is good iam truly happy right now! i mean theres a lot of shit going on and a lot of depressing things have been brought up from my past but i feel as if now iam ready to greeve my loses and count my blessings and truly appericate them. i have a great mom who puts up with my shit... i have great friends who just laugh when i need to be weird or head bang to my favorite linkin park song in their car(thanx leia) i have true friends friends who are there friends who give me hugs when i need them friends to go and get goldenspoon with. friends to listen to me bitch about stupid little boys who i liked. friends to just let me be me and just laugh not hold my faults against me. ive always believed that if u treat people how u want to be treated then they will treat u the same... ive finally found friends who treat and respect me as much as i do for them.

<3 ErYhN

p.s. i cant spell for shit so sorry