Fuck editing
Why am i here? This question has been on my mind for a while now. And I dont mean it like why are we existing, what is real and what is not? None of that philosophy shit I listen to every Monday Wednesday and Friday at 12:30. I mean Why am I here, because I thought God wanted us to be happy... I have been anything but that for the past 4 years. In order to be happy it has to last an extended period of time (i.e. if you have a great weekend, but monday sucks, then you're not happy). Also, I don't mean the superficial happiness neither, like when you find 20 bucks on the ground or hook up with some girl that was way too hot but it happened anyways. That type of shit is over rated. When will it be my turn to have someone who loves me. Not an unrequited love, because if that were the case, id be full of love. At this point in my life, I am not that sure if I have much love left to give to someone. I cant tell anymore.
I used to think it was an everlasting and infinite thing. Not anymore though. I am scared of dying with only a handful of good friends and a family being the only people who love me. I want to have kids and raise a family. I want to go on vacations to Destin beach, disney world, skiing, and new york city. I hope one day I can do that, but as of right now it doesn't look hopeful.
And girls are so fucking superficial. I dont give a fuck if a girl says she isn't. That just means she's superficial and a liar. You try and put urself out there to hang out with a girl, AS FRIENDS, but no, they automatically think you want to fuck them. And because i'm a guy, fucking is the only thing on my mind. I'll be honest, guys like to have sex but it doesn't mean that is there goal with a girl if they try and talk to them. I know i dont look like Brad Pitt or anything, but im not chopped liver. I am a 6'2" college offensive lineman. I have to be big as hell. When are girls not gunna judge me on that? When are girls gunna stop coming up with excuses to hang out too?
Here's a prime example of this happening in my life.
There's this girl who wants to audition for a play I will also be auditioning for. We decided to help each other out with our audition pieces and read from the script. After that we thought we could just hang out and watch a movie and have a couple drinks. This sounded like the exact kind of night I have been waiting to have. Unfortunately, she calls it off cause her roommates dont want me over there. First off, I know that her roommates dont give a damn if I am there or not and secondly, it is just a poor excuse I saw coming from a mile away.
I will continue this soon. Stay tuned. If anyone reads these things anymore.
I used to think it was an everlasting and infinite thing. Not anymore though. I am scared of dying with only a handful of good friends and a family being the only people who love me. I want to have kids and raise a family. I want to go on vacations to Destin beach, disney world, skiing, and new york city. I hope one day I can do that, but as of right now it doesn't look hopeful.
And girls are so fucking superficial. I dont give a fuck if a girl says she isn't. That just means she's superficial and a liar. You try and put urself out there to hang out with a girl, AS FRIENDS, but no, they automatically think you want to fuck them. And because i'm a guy, fucking is the only thing on my mind. I'll be honest, guys like to have sex but it doesn't mean that is there goal with a girl if they try and talk to them. I know i dont look like Brad Pitt or anything, but im not chopped liver. I am a 6'2" college offensive lineman. I have to be big as hell. When are girls not gunna judge me on that? When are girls gunna stop coming up with excuses to hang out too?
Here's a prime example of this happening in my life.
There's this girl who wants to audition for a play I will also be auditioning for. We decided to help each other out with our audition pieces and read from the script. After that we thought we could just hang out and watch a movie and have a couple drinks. This sounded like the exact kind of night I have been waiting to have. Unfortunately, she calls it off cause her roommates dont want me over there. First off, I know that her roommates dont give a damn if I am there or not and secondly, it is just a poor excuse I saw coming from a mile away.
I will continue this soon. Stay tuned. If anyone reads these things anymore.