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I feel so left out. omg.
by everyone. and everything.
good news though. new computer arrived today. which means, that if internet goes up tomorrow, at least I'll have my fandom back.
I know like nothing of what has happened. I am srsly depressed. when there's no fandom to keep me occupied I'll have to think about stuff actually going on in my life, ( Read more... )
I thought about you so much today. your present has been so tricky fitting into a package. which is so stupid, because it's a beautiful ... yeah, present and I want to give it to you. But dad got me a box from his job today, so I'm fixing it tomorrow. I really hope you will like it.
I hope you know I'm always here for you too. even though I'm so off recently and take ages to answer and is being a rather sucky friend who doesn't talk to you enough.
you know. friends are not going so good these days. not school either. I still get the same grades and all, but everyone is being rather mean, and I count the hours every day, because I so badly want to go home. I wonder when they stopped saying goodbye to me when we all leave. I think it must've been some time before christmas holidays. because no one even bothered to say goodbye to me on the cermony that ended that semester. no one even noticed I had a 40 degree fever and couldn't sit straight.
The only one who still thinks I'm nice is stalker. The rest just humiliate me when they have the chance.
so lately, friends are not really good. The only friends I have all live far away, and it's hard when all you can communicate with is a computer. Especially when the one I want to talk to the most is being very absent and I don't know what to do. I love her to death, but I don't know. I wish my words have any effect, but I don't think they do.
Family is the same as usual, except for the fact that dad's girlfriend is mocking me every now and then and that hurts a bit. Mom still doesn't call.
I managed to wash my mp3-player in the washing machine so it was about time to get myself a new one. I bought an ipod nano. an orange one.
I have no music in it though, because all my music is on the computer that died.
Dad said he's helping me get it back. I love him. But I worry, because lately, his heart races a lot and he gets out of breath. he has medicines for that kind of stuff but they've not been helping so good these past few weeks. So sometimes I can see him hold a hand on his chest and he is all quiet. it's so scary.
if something happens to my dad, what will I do.
and I never really dared to write or say that stuff about dad before. I've been denying it.
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I'm planning to go to london with Freja. In september this year. but she is only thinking about how it needs to be super cheap. I want to go because it's fun.
so if it doesn't happen I'm going to use that money and go see you. I want to see your neighbour with the binoculars. HAHA. but mostly you.
Some stuff that didn't make it with last comment; haha
I like my hair. But recently I feel like cutting it in some cool hair style and then just buying wierd clothes with exessive prints and colours that I like and get myself a style. I don't know though, it will be a slow transformation. haha.
I'm skipping school tomorrow. Dad knows so it's okay. he put food in the fridge for me so I have something to eat. Mostly because the marketing council is stressing me out. and there's an open house tomorrow. but also because I need a small break from my class after today.
things are probably going well for them. ugp has got a girlfriend. she seems to hate him, because she always turns around when she sees him. but that's only when we're there, so maybe we're the ones she hates. he is still making life miserable for the rest of us though. Today he kept hitting the table when I tried to work and it made like at least 5 people irritated, yet he wouldn't stop. then he said he'd pee on someone's mother. charming.
PenguinAdrian still tries to talk to me sometimes but he doesn't really get much chance to do so these days. I just go straight home.
j/y and I barely talk anymore. only when we have to. it feels strange, but we've gotten to a point where it's like.. I don't know her enough to feel like I'm missing out on something. never thought that would happen.
and yes. HAHA. I even put the mp3-player in the dryer without noticing. it worked afterwards, but the volume was on like max. and I couldn't change it because the button had died. HAHA. still amazing it worked though. XD
dad has irregular heartbeats. I think it might be caused by stress and too high blood pressure. So he has meds for the blood pressure and most days it helps, but lately, I feel scared. He supports me so much and he makes my life happier, so he should never be sick.
Do you know il divo?
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HAHA. then together we will be the chick-woman unite. HAHAH.
And I soo think koki's hair would fit me. especially the make u wet haircut. it's like.. made just for me.
and wow, you know how to cook/bake? I'm getting jealous now. all my tries still turn out disastrous. HAHA. I tried baking cookies this holiday, but both dad and I agreed we should never make them again. XD
and yes. I hope how dad is feeling is just something temporary. I really want him to feel better.
HAHAHAH. I thought of venice. and then I was thinking of stuff italy reminded me of. and all I could think of was you, il divo and pizza.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yay4W9hkJJM
so hard metal core it can get. >D
<33
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