(no subject)
there are to many things going around in my head right
now...Thinking about moving about how things are going to end
up...where things are going to be left and how things are going to be
said... my father is leaving and i dont know when i will see him
again...thinking about that makes me cry yet he still doesnt ask me if
i want to do something with him....i know he's sad we all are but in
the end hes leaving in 20 days GET OVER IT!! well my mother i dont know
what to say...my mother and father will be apart a hard thing to think
about....for how long dont know really its up to me.....i know sad
thing...i keep thinking about the fact ill eb 18 in less then 9
months....come on 18 i dont know what im going to do i dont know
where im going to be...and i hope its with zach somewhere in
there...but i dont even know that!! im freaking out of my mind...i dont
know what to do i dont know weather to cry or to just sleep...sleeping
sounds good...we have to be out of our house in 20 days...i have to
move in with my aunt...OMG!!!!
but i get to see my old friend dezzy about the only good thing i can see that this point.....i dont know if i can do this...i dont know i keep thinking about everything and my head is about to BLOW UP!!! big time......i want a hug and only one person can give it to me and i dont know if i will see him this week end or not.....thats makes me even more sad....i miss my b/f so much and i miss him holding me and telling me its ok to be ok...you can only tell someone its ok over the phone and mena it so many times....you get what i mean...school sucks..EVERYTHING ABOUT IT!!! i dont know things with my sister and my mother i guess are ok i dont really know dont really care that much about it other then i want to see my fucking BABYS!!!!! im sick of sleeping away the pain...im sick of wondering if things are going to be ok...Im sick of not being in one house long then a year or two...i want to live one place and stay there...WITH ZACH!!! i want to be with him and i know that now and i know that he is the one i am ment to be with....no matter what....I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOU!!!! i luv you so much!!! and i want to be with you the rest of my life.......thats the only thing i know....anything else just feels like shit....looks like it smells like it not really but i didnt know what to say.....Im so sorry that i am crazy zach im sorry i yell at you and take things out on you...that you have to take all of this...that i hurt you ......that i hurt you when i hurt...that who i am isnt who you were dating when we started dating......that things arnt the same....that im not the same...im sorry about everything...just know i will try to stop yelling that i will try to be myself again....try to be whole...try to make life ok again.....try to be the perosn you want me to be...I LOVE YOU WITH ALL HEART!!!!
ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!!
but i get to see my old friend dezzy about the only good thing i can see that this point.....i dont know if i can do this...i dont know i keep thinking about everything and my head is about to BLOW UP!!! big time......i want a hug and only one person can give it to me and i dont know if i will see him this week end or not.....thats makes me even more sad....i miss my b/f so much and i miss him holding me and telling me its ok to be ok...you can only tell someone its ok over the phone and mena it so many times....you get what i mean...school sucks..EVERYTHING ABOUT IT!!! i dont know things with my sister and my mother i guess are ok i dont really know dont really care that much about it other then i want to see my fucking BABYS!!!!! im sick of sleeping away the pain...im sick of wondering if things are going to be ok...Im sick of not being in one house long then a year or two...i want to live one place and stay there...WITH ZACH!!! i want to be with him and i know that now and i know that he is the one i am ment to be with....no matter what....I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOU!!!! i luv you so much!!! and i want to be with you the rest of my life.......thats the only thing i know....anything else just feels like shit....looks like it smells like it not really but i didnt know what to say.....Im so sorry that i am crazy zach im sorry i yell at you and take things out on you...that you have to take all of this...that i hurt you ......that i hurt you when i hurt...that who i am isnt who you were dating when we started dating......that things arnt the same....that im not the same...im sorry about everything...just know i will try to stop yelling that i will try to be myself again....try to be whole...try to make life ok again.....try to be the perosn you want me to be...I LOVE YOU WITH ALL HEART!!!!
ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!!