Falcor Must Be Circling Over Me
Well, I'm half way through Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and so far the movie is fairly close to how the book unfolds. Considering how small this book is compared to the other's it's probably easier to do. Most of the differences are pretty minor.
As I laid in the bathtub this evening a thought came to my mind: What did I do to deserve what I have? I haven't done anything extraordinary in my life. I haven't done anything incredibly virtuous either. I pretty much attribute it to luck. When I left home in 2005 and moved to San Diego I was taking a HUGE risk. At the time I wasn't aware of how big it was but as I look back I think it was a really stupid thing to do. I couldn't afford it by any means. I was making 11.75 at the time at Home Depot. Not even 12 dollars and I was trying to survive on my own in the 3rd most expensive city in the state! I used private loans to keep me afloat that first year but I quit almost a complete year after coming down here.
I started working for an online media company that was a bit more than that. It still wasn't enough but I got private loans again to carry me through the year. Because of the loans and the increase in pay I replaced my aging truck with a new Camry. It wouldn't have been so bad if that same month the tech school I was attending didn't close. All at the same time I had that car payment, the loans to start paying for the tech school, and since I took a semester off at college to do the tech I had to start paying those loans too! I should have given the car back to make things easier but I didn't. I lucked out by some company coming in and paying 3/4 of the principal on my tech school loan. It took care of my payments for a long time. Shortly over a year later the state took care of the rest of it and I was clean of those loans. I still pay on the college ones (private), though, and I will be for quite a long time.
A year after working for the online media company I moved up to a QA position with them. It was nice to get out of customer service and start learning something "real" that could be a career. The methodologies and work involved is kind of interesting. The work can be tedious and boring too. The bump in pay was quite helpful and for the first time I was at a place where I could stand on my own. I was breaking even. But, breaking even doesn't allow you to do things for yourself often so every time I did, it came out of my savings.
Then 13 months after that I get laid off! In my stupidity I was looking forward to it and had anticipated it coming. The last few months at the job were so slow I literally surfed the internet all day. Not because I was slacking, either. There really was nothing for me to do. I kept asking for things but they had nothing to give me. I was miserably bored and having to drive 35 miles one way every day was really starting to annoy since I had nothing to look forward to. Getting paid to do nothing is highly over-rated! It really means to do nothing so you don't get to go have fun or do what you want!
6 months of unemployment was horrible. The first month was nice and I at the time I didn't have much weight on my shoulders (and my body was thankful for that). But, I was on limited funds since my savings had been slowly eaten away from having been in a relationship. If it wasn't for my PTO payout and the severance I got I wouldn't have made it the 6 months. Still, the 6 months cut it so close I had already put in my 30 day notice on my apartment and was 2 weeks away from having to move back home. Luck shone down on me again at that two week mark.
I got a job. It's with the company I work for now and in the same department. Not only did it save me from having to move back in with the 'rents, but it paid more money than the job I got laid off from!
So there I was, two job promotions later, laying in the bathtub thinking about it all. A nice condo, lots of "stuff," and the ability to go somewhere when I want. I really want to think I've earned everything I have but I just don't feel that way. I can look back on it all and see that the only help I asked for was my parent's co-signing my loans. I can see how events unfolded and see why. I can even understand why I've grown with my current company. But, I just don't feel like I've earned what I have. Maybe I think what I have is more glamorous than it is. Maybe I just don't think I need all of this and would prefer other treasures in life. I don't know what it is. It just feels like luck but not sure how deserving I am of it. Although, I don't think I don't deserve it either.
As I laid in the bathtub this evening a thought came to my mind: What did I do to deserve what I have? I haven't done anything extraordinary in my life. I haven't done anything incredibly virtuous either. I pretty much attribute it to luck. When I left home in 2005 and moved to San Diego I was taking a HUGE risk. At the time I wasn't aware of how big it was but as I look back I think it was a really stupid thing to do. I couldn't afford it by any means. I was making 11.75 at the time at Home Depot. Not even 12 dollars and I was trying to survive on my own in the 3rd most expensive city in the state! I used private loans to keep me afloat that first year but I quit almost a complete year after coming down here.
I started working for an online media company that was a bit more than that. It still wasn't enough but I got private loans again to carry me through the year. Because of the loans and the increase in pay I replaced my aging truck with a new Camry. It wouldn't have been so bad if that same month the tech school I was attending didn't close. All at the same time I had that car payment, the loans to start paying for the tech school, and since I took a semester off at college to do the tech I had to start paying those loans too! I should have given the car back to make things easier but I didn't. I lucked out by some company coming in and paying 3/4 of the principal on my tech school loan. It took care of my payments for a long time. Shortly over a year later the state took care of the rest of it and I was clean of those loans. I still pay on the college ones (private), though, and I will be for quite a long time.
A year after working for the online media company I moved up to a QA position with them. It was nice to get out of customer service and start learning something "real" that could be a career. The methodologies and work involved is kind of interesting. The work can be tedious and boring too. The bump in pay was quite helpful and for the first time I was at a place where I could stand on my own. I was breaking even. But, breaking even doesn't allow you to do things for yourself often so every time I did, it came out of my savings.
Then 13 months after that I get laid off! In my stupidity I was looking forward to it and had anticipated it coming. The last few months at the job were so slow I literally surfed the internet all day. Not because I was slacking, either. There really was nothing for me to do. I kept asking for things but they had nothing to give me. I was miserably bored and having to drive 35 miles one way every day was really starting to annoy since I had nothing to look forward to. Getting paid to do nothing is highly over-rated! It really means to do nothing so you don't get to go have fun or do what you want!
6 months of unemployment was horrible. The first month was nice and I at the time I didn't have much weight on my shoulders (and my body was thankful for that). But, I was on limited funds since my savings had been slowly eaten away from having been in a relationship. If it wasn't for my PTO payout and the severance I got I wouldn't have made it the 6 months. Still, the 6 months cut it so close I had already put in my 30 day notice on my apartment and was 2 weeks away from having to move back home. Luck shone down on me again at that two week mark.
I got a job. It's with the company I work for now and in the same department. Not only did it save me from having to move back in with the 'rents, but it paid more money than the job I got laid off from!
So there I was, two job promotions later, laying in the bathtub thinking about it all. A nice condo, lots of "stuff," and the ability to go somewhere when I want. I really want to think I've earned everything I have but I just don't feel that way. I can look back on it all and see that the only help I asked for was my parent's co-signing my loans. I can see how events unfolded and see why. I can even understand why I've grown with my current company. But, I just don't feel like I've earned what I have. Maybe I think what I have is more glamorous than it is. Maybe I just don't think I need all of this and would prefer other treasures in life. I don't know what it is. It just feels like luck but not sure how deserving I am of it. Although, I don't think I don't deserve it either.