I Suppose It's Time
So I believe that now is a time that I must enter a phase that I hoped I would have have to enter. I feel as if i've been forced into a postion where I cannot care any longer or I will just be hurt again. This hurt would be entirely different and thank god my friends respect me more than she ever has. It's painful to learn on a car ride home from the bar that your ex-girlfriend/ex-mother of your child would be willing to sleep with your best friend and not tell me about it. I'm in complete distraught. How can I love and care so much for a person that would do such a thing. For the record, "You did tell me about it the last time." I just don't get it, what did I ever do to you that you would put much through so much. As much as you say you truly care by being willing to do such things tells me you don't. You don't give a shit what you do to me or how you effect me. You never really have. I've tried so hard for you even when you broke my heart and walked away from me, and all i've gotten in return is a comprehensive list of guys you've screwed in the last year. Thanks for nothing. How hollow does it look and sound now everytime you tell me that you care and that your still going to want to be with me one day? Honestly, what am I supposed to think of you? You'd be willing on some other night to go home with him but you didn't want to tonight because you didn't feel like getting crazy. I can't believe i've loved you, how can I love someone that would do such a thing? I don't think i've ever said this but after tonight a large part of me regrets everything we've ever had. It doesn't seem worth it now. We had a child together, and now i'm finding out you'd probably screw my best friend and not say anything to me about it. What did I do to you? Please fill me in, let me know what I did to you so I understand why you'd do such a thing. You accuse me of so many things and sleeping with so many people when the truth is you've slept with four of five time more people than I have since we've been apart. I just in udder disbelief, but I guess I know everything I need to know about you now. You've looked me dead in the eyes and told me that you loved me and wanted a family with me one day. Do you have any idea how much I hurts to remember something like after hearing what I did on that car ride home. From your own mouth none the less. I drove him home and to hear you say that you were tired and wouldn't come home with him because you didn't feel like getting "crazy" tonight just kills me. You have guns, you have knives, just kill me already because you've tortured me enough. I understand your going through a hard time with your home life right now, but what about me, you've never considered what you've done to me nor do I believe you really care. As long as your getting what you want fuck everyone else right? You got played and you got caught, and now I know who you really are and what your really willing to do. You've managed to hurt me in ways I never thought possible, mostly because I gave you the keys to my heart and opened up to you for you to only not just run me into a tree, but soak me with gas and set me ablaze laughing your ass off the whole way to whatever guys house your seeing at the time. I might not have been the best person for you but goddamnit I tried. I lived my life for you for quite some time and this is what I see in return. Amazing, abousolutly fucking amazing.