Envious

[bigjadakiss]

If I could describe some of my most appaulling traits in a few words, this is what I would say: selfish, immature, overly-competitive, self-indulging, fragile, instigator, and attention-seeker. I'm not proud of my flaws. I'm devestated. I'm disturbed by how these traits become a toxin, slowly poisoning no one but myself. All these negative traits arise from one disgusting characteristic I've had all my life: ENVY. Eating me from the inside, envy runs through my veins. Never have I been comfortable and happy in my own skin. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be someone other than myself. I wanted to be like that girl with the stylish clothing. I wanted to be like that boy with the perfect grades and honorable recognition. I wanted to be like that woman with the perfect, flawless hair. It doesn't matter to me what I have achieved or accomplished...I know that I want to be someone bigger or better. But isn't that what we all want? Where do we draw the line between an over-achiever and an over-competitive person? Where is the line between admiration and envy? I'm ashamed to even write this because it's nothing to be proud of...it's quite embarrassing. But as you can tell, I love writing. Writing helps me channel my frustrations and becomes somewhat of a theraputic method of releasing my stress.

I always want more and I want to be more. Beuatiful, flirty, admirable, fun, free, and spontaneous. A friend once told me "Stop being so jealous of everyone else's lives and make it your own!"

....but how??