If Columbus was wrong I'd drive straight off the edge.

[biggere]

If the world has a face, I fear I've fallen off it. People don't contact me, and I don't contact people, my current social interaction level has reached sub zero proportions. I guess it's good... never hearing from people got me started on going to partys, wild ones, nearly every weekend. Things tend to happen at wild partys that I'm quite firmly against.. and even aside from the partys, this feeling has driven me to seek what does not exist in all the places I should not be looking. I never really thought I'd fall that far from myself, just because of this feeling. I hate it, feeling like the outsider, the unwanted person who says all the things that no one wants to believe in anymore. Consumed for what I'm worth and then excreted and abandoned. I guess I just wanted to be heard for a change, so I talked to people who listened, in their drunken stupper as it were. Anyway... as I was saying, I suppose it's a good thing, sitting here, alone every day and every night. Silently repenting, accepting the defening roar of my inner demons. As the one person who seems remotely interested in so much as acknowloging my existance put it, I am in purgatory. You have no idea how right you really are. My thoughts are a cloud in termoil, spliting lightning across my eyes and trailing thunder in my ears. A thunder that haunts my dreams, though I rarely sleep. I just want this summer to be over, for all these things to cease to trumpet in my mind. I want to feel productive again, to attend school, to chase my dream... and above all else, to feel wanted. To know... what it really means, to love and be loved in return. But I fear, I am destined to dream and dream alone.

-g'night