The best thing you ever read! hah
dav [1:08 PM]: just remember when u dig urself into a hole that u can't dig ur way out, u have to stop digging and start climbing
me [1:08 PM]: yeah i know.. i try.. but you cant climb straight up so easily
dav [1:09 PM]: indeed, but as someone once said " nothing worth doing is easy"
me [1:09 PM]: yeah who was that anyways
me [1:09 PM]: hehe
dav [1:10 PM]: some guy, jesus maybe?
me [1:10 PM]: that bastard is always running off at the mouth
dav [1:11 PM]: but u try to tell him to shut up a minute and he gets all " hey i'm the son of god, u can't tell me to shut up!" i swear u can't bring him anywhere.
me [1:12 PM]: pisses me off
me [1:12 PM]: says he dont believe in it
me [1:12 PM]: bullshit i say
dav [1:12 PM]: then again the water into wine trick is great at parties
me [1:13 PM]: yeah but he never makes a good wine.. i ask for a savurginon 79 and i get some cheap walmart crap. he does it just to piss me off
dav [1:14 PM]: yeah i think he holds back, he was in a good mood and made me a nice chianti, then he's feelin shitty and i get boons farm
me [1:16 PM]: i remember when we were kids.. we used to throw dirt in his eyes when he would walk on water.. made him lose concentration and he would fall in.. he was all like "my dad is gonna smite thee".. asshole.. always running to daddy. i think he still has issues over that
me [1:16 PM]: i mean i did 3 hail marys.. what else does he want
dav [1:17 PM]: well come on, talk about a "not living up to ur father" complex.
me [1:17 PM]: yeah really.. oedipus anyone?
me [1:19 PM]: funny thing is whenever he gives me shit i just remind him of the romans and he goes off ranting and leaves me alone for awhile
dav [1:20 PM]: yeah once he gets started on the romans u can pretty much walk out of the room and he'll just keep going till he gets tired and falls asleep
me [1:20 PM]: yeah i was gonna record it once to send into funniest home videos.. but i ran out of tape.. figures
dav [1:21 PM]: isn't that always the way, u catch jesus being funny and run out of tape
me [1:21 PM]: i tell you one thing about him tho.. he is a damn fine carpenter.. and real cheap too. he fixed my front door right up.. hardly cost me a sixpence
dav [1:22 PM]: and great to fish with too
me [1:23 PM]: yeah.. but he keeps throwing mine back
me [1:23 PM]: all that regard for life shit
me [1:23 PM]: im like "fucker that was dinner, you better make ALOT of wine tonite"
dav [1:24 PM]: then he tries to pass off those little communion wafers, and doesn't even bring any dip or anything.
me [1:25 PM]: yeah.. its a bunch of crap.. everyone knows his dad is loaded. why doesnt he drive a benz. he could get so many chicks
me [1:26 PM]: haha crystal wants to conference on yahoo
me [1:26 PM]: me you nicci and her
dav [1:27 PM]: hmmm, whatever i'm easy
me [1:27 PM]: haha
dav [1:28 PM]: and don't go lookin into that the wrong way
me [1:28 PM]: haha
me [1:28 PM]: there is a right way?
dav [1:28 PM]: yeah i suppose not
me [1:28 PM]: haha
me [1:28 PM]: im loggin this shit.. i told nicci she would wanna see our stupidity
me [1:29 PM]: hehe
dav [1:29 PM]: oh christ, evidence of my insanity
me [1:30 PM]: hehe. and dont use his name in vain.. he will show up and spoil everything
dav [1:30 PM]: walk in and be like "hey did somebody call?"
dav [1:30 PM]: no for fucks sake, don't u have shit to do!
me [1:32 PM]: actually he usually knocks on my door and says "i know you guys are talking about me.. im like omniscient and stuff" and im like "no you arent fuckballs.. that is your dad.. no go away.. ill call you when the leg falls off my chair" and slam the door in his face
dav [1:32 PM]: go carve me an archway or something
me [1:33 PM]: really.. i could use a new new axe handle.. go work on that
dav [1:33 PM]: no u have to give him complex shit, so it take him awhile to get done
me [1:33 PM]: i got blaspheming to do here
me [1:34 PM]: its all complex to him.. he is kind of... well i dont know how to say it.. simple
me [1:34 PM]: he is a savant when it comes to woodworking tho.. he works that lathe like a pro
dav [1:38 PM]: u would think he was amish
me [1:39 PM]: no.. he doesnt like cows.. he freaked on me once cuz a cow touched him.. i wonder about him sometimes.. i think he acts the way he does sometimes cuz of parental neglect
me [1:39 PM]: he just wants attention
dav [1:39 PM]: i can think of no other good reason for healin lepers and hangin out with hookers
me [1:40 PM]: well ok i can think of reasons to hang out with hookers.. but lepers are nasty
dav [1:41 PM]: well sure, but u ask him about the hookers and he's like, no no we are just freinds
me [1:41 PM]: sure.. and his mom is a virgin
dav [1:42 PM]: let's face it, the guy has some serious issues
me [1:43 PM]: yeah he does.. he told me he is gonna be on Dr. Phil next week on a show entitled, Deities and their neglected children. so we will see
me [1:45 PM]: haha look.. nicci 's status is now "jesus is a bastard. he also lives in california. thats where all the bastards go...". (3/22/2005 1:44 PM)
me [1:45 PM]: i think they tape dr phil in california
dav [1:47 PM]: i always thought jesus lived in the south, they talk about him enough down there
me [1:47 PM]: so cal maybe
me [1:47 PM]: haah
dav [1:48 PM]: i wonder if he speaks spanish
dav [1:48 PM]: livin in so cali and all
me [1:49 PM]: im sure he does
me [1:49 PM]: but ill bet he still cant understand them mexicans when they get to flappin the jaws
me [1:49 PM]: hehe
dav [1:51 PM]: i hate when he is in the middle of a conversation and starts speaking aramaic
me [1:51 PM]: OMG he does that to you too.. i usually "accidently" spill a drink on him or say COCK really loud and tell him its my tourettes
me [1:52 PM]: that throws him off enough to get him back to plain old english
dav [1:52 PM]: i will have to try that
dav [1:53 PM]: i usually just walk away and he switches back to english to yell at me to come back
me [1:53 PM]: that could work too.. but its funnier to see his face when i say cock out of nowhere
me [1:53 PM]: he really should get better friends
dav [1:55 PM]: don't let his preachy-ness fool ya, he always laughs at a dirty joke
me [1:55 PM]: yeah i know.. but we are such assholes to him.. maybe he should go back to hanging out with moses.. and methuslah.. now that man can tell a dirty joke.. the old ones always can
dav [1:57 PM]: did Moses ever show u his tattoo of the chick in the bondage gear whipping Pharoe with a ball gag in his mouth?
me [1:57 PM]: shit who you think hooked him up.. its was an old friend of mine that did it
me [1:58 PM]: he only charged him 2 pigs and an old goat for it too
me [1:58 PM]: that is damn cheap when you see all that detail
dav [1:58 PM]: gotta love the barter system
me [1:58 PM]: yep
me [1:59 PM]: i told them to make the pharoah's headgear smaller tho. they didnt listen.. it looks lopsided and shit now
me [1:59 PM]: oh well
me [1:59 PM]: noone listens to moses anyways
me [1:59 PM]: talkin about burning bushes and pillars of fire.. he is a bit loony if you ask me
dav [2:00 PM]: well have u seen how much acid the guy eats?
me [2:01 PM]: no.. but ive always suspected.. i dont hang around with him much.. but i guess being friends with jesus that long will drive you too that
dav [2:02 PM]: let's just say u would be kinda crazy too if u ate half as much
me [2:03 PM]: nah i pass on the stuff.. im fucked up enough as it is
me [2:03 PM]: besides if i was on acid i wouldnt remember all the stupid shit jesus does to tell these great stories
dav [2:03 PM]: indeed
me [2:04 PM]: did i ever tell you about the one time i ever saw jesus get pissed?
dav [2:04 PM]: what the hell happened that he got pissed?
me [2:07 PM]: well.. it was this big block party.. and of course towards the end of the night we were running out of alcohol.. so like a trooper jesus decided to do the water into wine thing.. no biggie. well this idiot from up the street that i didnt even invite decided to come down, already drunk.. but i said wtf its a party right.. well he thought it would be funny so he took his shirt off wrapped it around his hand and smacked jesus right in his crown of thorns
me [2:08 PM]: man jesus face turned blood red *literally* and he looked at ol Pete. and mumbled some shit in aramaic... i dont know man.. but i have seen pete in a while.
me [2:08 PM]: hevent*
me [2:08 PM]: havent* grr
dav [2:09 PM]: yeah i think pete is kinda done with the whole thing
dav [2:09 PM]: he just isn't into it anymore
me [2:10 PM]: i dont know.. someone told me they saw him the other day.. but he doesnt come near my house anymore.. so i dont know
me [2:12 PM]: im sure jesus forgave him.. thats what he does.. but ol pete just isnt the same
me [2:13 PM]: maybe i should send him a fruit basket or something
yeah i dont wanna hear about how im going to hell either.. fuck satan.. bastard owes me 50 bucks anyways.
me [1:08 PM]: yeah i know.. i try.. but you cant climb straight up so easily
dav [1:09 PM]: indeed, but as someone once said " nothing worth doing is easy"
me [1:09 PM]: yeah who was that anyways
me [1:09 PM]: hehe
dav [1:10 PM]: some guy, jesus maybe?
me [1:10 PM]: that bastard is always running off at the mouth
dav [1:11 PM]: but u try to tell him to shut up a minute and he gets all " hey i'm the son of god, u can't tell me to shut up!" i swear u can't bring him anywhere.
me [1:12 PM]: pisses me off
me [1:12 PM]: says he dont believe in it
me [1:12 PM]: bullshit i say
dav [1:12 PM]: then again the water into wine trick is great at parties
me [1:13 PM]: yeah but he never makes a good wine.. i ask for a savurginon 79 and i get some cheap walmart crap. he does it just to piss me off
dav [1:14 PM]: yeah i think he holds back, he was in a good mood and made me a nice chianti, then he's feelin shitty and i get boons farm
me [1:16 PM]: i remember when we were kids.. we used to throw dirt in his eyes when he would walk on water.. made him lose concentration and he would fall in.. he was all like "my dad is gonna smite thee".. asshole.. always running to daddy. i think he still has issues over that
me [1:16 PM]: i mean i did 3 hail marys.. what else does he want
dav [1:17 PM]: well come on, talk about a "not living up to ur father" complex.
me [1:17 PM]: yeah really.. oedipus anyone?
me [1:19 PM]: funny thing is whenever he gives me shit i just remind him of the romans and he goes off ranting and leaves me alone for awhile
dav [1:20 PM]: yeah once he gets started on the romans u can pretty much walk out of the room and he'll just keep going till he gets tired and falls asleep
me [1:20 PM]: yeah i was gonna record it once to send into funniest home videos.. but i ran out of tape.. figures
dav [1:21 PM]: isn't that always the way, u catch jesus being funny and run out of tape
me [1:21 PM]: i tell you one thing about him tho.. he is a damn fine carpenter.. and real cheap too. he fixed my front door right up.. hardly cost me a sixpence
dav [1:22 PM]: and great to fish with too
me [1:23 PM]: yeah.. but he keeps throwing mine back
me [1:23 PM]: all that regard for life shit
me [1:23 PM]: im like "fucker that was dinner, you better make ALOT of wine tonite"
dav [1:24 PM]: then he tries to pass off those little communion wafers, and doesn't even bring any dip or anything.
me [1:25 PM]: yeah.. its a bunch of crap.. everyone knows his dad is loaded. why doesnt he drive a benz. he could get so many chicks
me [1:26 PM]: haha crystal wants to conference on yahoo
me [1:26 PM]: me you nicci and her
dav [1:27 PM]: hmmm, whatever i'm easy
me [1:27 PM]: haha
dav [1:28 PM]: and don't go lookin into that the wrong way
me [1:28 PM]: haha
me [1:28 PM]: there is a right way?
dav [1:28 PM]: yeah i suppose not
me [1:28 PM]: haha
me [1:28 PM]: im loggin this shit.. i told nicci she would wanna see our stupidity
me [1:29 PM]: hehe
dav [1:29 PM]: oh christ, evidence of my insanity
me [1:30 PM]: hehe. and dont use his name in vain.. he will show up and spoil everything
dav [1:30 PM]: walk in and be like "hey did somebody call?"
dav [1:30 PM]: no for fucks sake, don't u have shit to do!
me [1:32 PM]: actually he usually knocks on my door and says "i know you guys are talking about me.. im like omniscient and stuff" and im like "no you arent fuckballs.. that is your dad.. no go away.. ill call you when the leg falls off my chair" and slam the door in his face
dav [1:32 PM]: go carve me an archway or something
me [1:33 PM]: really.. i could use a new new axe handle.. go work on that
dav [1:33 PM]: no u have to give him complex shit, so it take him awhile to get done
me [1:33 PM]: i got blaspheming to do here
me [1:34 PM]: its all complex to him.. he is kind of... well i dont know how to say it.. simple
me [1:34 PM]: he is a savant when it comes to woodworking tho.. he works that lathe like a pro
dav [1:38 PM]: u would think he was amish
me [1:39 PM]: no.. he doesnt like cows.. he freaked on me once cuz a cow touched him.. i wonder about him sometimes.. i think he acts the way he does sometimes cuz of parental neglect
me [1:39 PM]: he just wants attention
dav [1:39 PM]: i can think of no other good reason for healin lepers and hangin out with hookers
me [1:40 PM]: well ok i can think of reasons to hang out with hookers.. but lepers are nasty
dav [1:41 PM]: well sure, but u ask him about the hookers and he's like, no no we are just freinds
me [1:41 PM]: sure.. and his mom is a virgin
dav [1:42 PM]: let's face it, the guy has some serious issues
me [1:43 PM]: yeah he does.. he told me he is gonna be on Dr. Phil next week on a show entitled, Deities and their neglected children. so we will see
me [1:45 PM]: haha look.. nicci 's status is now "jesus is a bastard. he also lives in california. thats where all the bastards go...". (3/22/2005 1:44 PM)
me [1:45 PM]: i think they tape dr phil in california
dav [1:47 PM]: i always thought jesus lived in the south, they talk about him enough down there
me [1:47 PM]: so cal maybe
me [1:47 PM]: haah
dav [1:48 PM]: i wonder if he speaks spanish
dav [1:48 PM]: livin in so cali and all
me [1:49 PM]: im sure he does
me [1:49 PM]: but ill bet he still cant understand them mexicans when they get to flappin the jaws
me [1:49 PM]: hehe
dav [1:51 PM]: i hate when he is in the middle of a conversation and starts speaking aramaic
me [1:51 PM]: OMG he does that to you too.. i usually "accidently" spill a drink on him or say COCK really loud and tell him its my tourettes
me [1:52 PM]: that throws him off enough to get him back to plain old english
dav [1:52 PM]: i will have to try that
dav [1:53 PM]: i usually just walk away and he switches back to english to yell at me to come back
me [1:53 PM]: that could work too.. but its funnier to see his face when i say cock out of nowhere
me [1:53 PM]: he really should get better friends
dav [1:55 PM]: don't let his preachy-ness fool ya, he always laughs at a dirty joke
me [1:55 PM]: yeah i know.. but we are such assholes to him.. maybe he should go back to hanging out with moses.. and methuslah.. now that man can tell a dirty joke.. the old ones always can
dav [1:57 PM]: did Moses ever show u his tattoo of the chick in the bondage gear whipping Pharoe with a ball gag in his mouth?
me [1:57 PM]: shit who you think hooked him up.. its was an old friend of mine that did it
me [1:58 PM]: he only charged him 2 pigs and an old goat for it too
me [1:58 PM]: that is damn cheap when you see all that detail
dav [1:58 PM]: gotta love the barter system
me [1:58 PM]: yep
me [1:59 PM]: i told them to make the pharoah's headgear smaller tho. they didnt listen.. it looks lopsided and shit now
me [1:59 PM]: oh well
me [1:59 PM]: noone listens to moses anyways
me [1:59 PM]: talkin about burning bushes and pillars of fire.. he is a bit loony if you ask me
dav [2:00 PM]: well have u seen how much acid the guy eats?
me [2:01 PM]: no.. but ive always suspected.. i dont hang around with him much.. but i guess being friends with jesus that long will drive you too that
dav [2:02 PM]: let's just say u would be kinda crazy too if u ate half as much
me [2:03 PM]: nah i pass on the stuff.. im fucked up enough as it is
me [2:03 PM]: besides if i was on acid i wouldnt remember all the stupid shit jesus does to tell these great stories
dav [2:03 PM]: indeed
me [2:04 PM]: did i ever tell you about the one time i ever saw jesus get pissed?
dav [2:04 PM]: what the hell happened that he got pissed?
me [2:07 PM]: well.. it was this big block party.. and of course towards the end of the night we were running out of alcohol.. so like a trooper jesus decided to do the water into wine thing.. no biggie. well this idiot from up the street that i didnt even invite decided to come down, already drunk.. but i said wtf its a party right.. well he thought it would be funny so he took his shirt off wrapped it around his hand and smacked jesus right in his crown of thorns
me [2:08 PM]: man jesus face turned blood red *literally* and he looked at ol Pete. and mumbled some shit in aramaic... i dont know man.. but i have seen pete in a while.
me [2:08 PM]: hevent*
me [2:08 PM]: havent* grr
dav [2:09 PM]: yeah i think pete is kinda done with the whole thing
dav [2:09 PM]: he just isn't into it anymore
me [2:10 PM]: i dont know.. someone told me they saw him the other day.. but he doesnt come near my house anymore.. so i dont know
me [2:12 PM]: im sure jesus forgave him.. thats what he does.. but ol pete just isnt the same
me [2:13 PM]: maybe i should send him a fruit basket or something
yeah i dont wanna hear about how im going to hell either.. fuck satan.. bastard owes me 50 bucks anyways.