Is it really my time? I hope so.
I am once again plagued by the restlessness that has permeated my life as of late. I think i may have been placed on the path of the greatest and most rewarding journey of my life. I can feel that i will not be able to reach any level of peace or stability until i either completely succeed in my task, or utterly fail. I also cant help but feel that every mistake, every thing i have learned, and everything i have wanted will be used in this that I must do. I tried to shy away from it, I tried to ignore it, but nothing helped. I have felt this ache inside of me, and emptiness that nothing was ever able to fulfill for some time. I also denied and ignored it for so long. I now can see ahead of me, and can see that void in my life being filled. I may yet someday be whole. With just a bit of luck, and fate on my side, i may yet be the man i was always meant to be. And i may just accomplish all that I am destined to. Someday.. today is unfortunately not that day. I am however on that path..
It still amazes me how some people can have the answers dangled in front of them, or handed to them and yet they still deny them. I have been searching in one form or another for answers all my life. Whether i knew it or not, i was always looking for what was missing. I always wanted to know what it is that made me different, why I could never be as happy as other people i saw around me. And now i know why. It wasnt my time. I had to pay my dues. I had to be the worst I could be, and then choose to change, to prove how much i deserved to be the man I could be. Well i have been to the dark side, and i returned far from unscathed, but wiser. I AM ready for that next step, i am ready for the next test, i am ready to show that i can be what everyone has hoped i would be. I am ready to be the best I can be, and more.... and i still cant sleep.
It still amazes me how some people can have the answers dangled in front of them, or handed to them and yet they still deny them. I have been searching in one form or another for answers all my life. Whether i knew it or not, i was always looking for what was missing. I always wanted to know what it is that made me different, why I could never be as happy as other people i saw around me. And now i know why. It wasnt my time. I had to pay my dues. I had to be the worst I could be, and then choose to change, to prove how much i deserved to be the man I could be. Well i have been to the dark side, and i returned far from unscathed, but wiser. I AM ready for that next step, i am ready for the next test, i am ready to show that i can be what everyone has hoped i would be. I am ready to be the best I can be, and more.... and i still cant sleep.